What were relationships in your 30s like?

[hidden_kitten]

I know age doesn't equal maturity, but with the recent end of a serious relationship I'm wondering what the next stage of life holds in store. The big 30 is still a few years off, but considering the time it'll take to heal from this one and reboot my life again, I'll probably have passed that mark by then.

 

I haven't dated a lot of men but one thing was for certain, communication sucked in all my relationships. I've never been able to have arguments in a healthy way. One of us, or both, would sulk or give the silent treatment until we decided to make up so things weren't really resolved. That's first on the list to work on.

 

What have you learned from your 'mistakes' in your twenties that you applied to successful relationships when you got older?

[Seraphim]

I would say in our 20's and our 30's my husband and I were ironing out our personal and combined demons. We are in our late 40's now. We still have a few bugs to work out but by our 50's we might be close to perfect as we can get.

[reinventmyself]

I agree with Victoria in the sense that I really didn't `get it' until I was well into my 40's.

I don't think much thought went into it before then . .no wonder it turned out a mess.

"if only I knew what I knew then"

 

What have I learned?:

 

I learned to use my voice.

I learned when to leave and still learning when to stay.

I no longer lose or compromise myself in a relationship.

To understand not everyone sees things the way I do and their way is 'their' right way to see it as well.

That trusting myself is as important (or more) as trusting my partner

And, actions matter more than words ever will.

[BigKK]

What a refreshing thread, you mean that sometimes when I don't make sense...it's okay because sometimes others don't make sense to themselves or each other, therefore my making sense or not making sense with my partner and I doesn't necessarily mean something is inherently wrong. Makes sense

 

 

in all seriousness though, I am breaking into my 30's and sometimes feel like I should know more

[reinventmyself]

What a refreshing thread, you mean that sometimes when I don't make sense...it's okay because sometimes others don't make sense to themselves or each other. Makes sense

 

exactly!. . .I think

[Seraphim]

What a refreshing thread, you mean that sometimes when I don't make sense...it's okay because sometimes others don't make sense to themselves or each other, therefore my making sense or not making sense with my partner and I doesn't necessarily mean something is inherently wrong. Makes sense

 

 

in all seriousness though, I am breaking into my 30's and sometimes feel like I should know more

I would say 30s is just the beginning of figuring life out you don't really get there until 40s or 50s.

[mhowe]

I can say with a degree of certainty... By the time you hit 50, it all becomes clear!

 

(Hope you can hear me laughing).

[Zuri]

Was pretty sweet until he dumped me.

I was 33-37. Worse break up of my life - bar none. Allowed him to jerk me around for a year after the initial breakup.

I felt very happy and grounded and sure in the rs after that. I was 39-40. But found out he had a drug addiction so...

I'm in a great place now in my 40s despite it all.

[Batya33]

I think in my 20s I prioritized looks more and put people on pedestals far more with all the unrealistic expectations that go with that. I also was far more anxious about and focused on getting married which is surprising given the timing of the bio clock -in my 30s I still had marriage and family as my ultimate goal but had more self-confidence and better social skills and better hair products. I did not start dating my husband till we were in our late 30s. I think I've mellowed more in my 40s and become a more mature and better partner.

[IAmFCA]

I was married. It was awful.