FuryLost Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I can't believe it. It just feels so surreal. I forget for a moment, then I remember that it really has happened and she's really gone. I'm in pain and feel so alone in the world now. I don't have anyone else who knew me as well as her..... Link to comment
chitown9 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 OMG....I am so sorry. I lost my mother too. chi Link to comment
sadchick83 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I am so sorry this has happened to you. I lost my Dad a few years back to a very quick and cruel bout of cancer. I am feeling for you tonight. Very tough when it happens so quickly. Link to comment
FuryLost Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 It was so, so unexpected.....hurts more than words can describe. She was in so much pain before it happened. I just hope that she knows that I will always love her and I'll never forget her. My wish is to see her again one day the way I want to remember her: whole and happy and laughing. Link to comment
petite Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I am sure she knows you love her. I know losing someone you love is difficult. I still grieve my grandmother's death, but I try and remember how much she was suffering and that at least now she is not suffering and that she will always know I loved her. Just like your mum knows you loved her. Hugs Link to comment
FuryLost Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 I mean, I'm an orphan now. My dad died before I was born. How am I supposed to live without her? I just can't....I'm not strong enough. Why did this have to happen? Why? I can't go on without her.... Link to comment
petite Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 You are strong enough, you will get through it. It's just super painful right now. But you can make it. Think of your mum and know she would want you to go on and that she believed you can go on. It would make her proud and happy to know you're living. Just take it an hour at a time and then a day at a time and week at a time. Take a deep breath, and remember your mother loves you, she will always love you, and the way you can continue to show your love is by living your life and remembering her fondly. It will be ok. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 So sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how painful that must be. Sometimes grief counseling will help you cope. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 oh fury , I am so so sorry ...you will be in shock right now darling , and you are in for a bumpy road ..no point in me dressing it up ... just keep talking on here ..you feel like an orphan don't you , with no one to turn to , nowhere to run ..its just horrible .... I so feel for you and we (lots of us on here ) know what you are going through xxxx Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I'm so sorry for your loss, Fury. We're here for you....*Hugs* Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I am so sorry for your loss. Is there anyone you can go to for support at this hard time? It is no time to be alone if you have friends or family you can be with? If not please try and get into a grief counselling programme or group if you can... Again I am so so sorry. Link to comment
FuryLost Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 Yesterday I was just in shock. I couldn't believe it had happened. Today, I got a bunch of calls from the hospital asking about organ donation and mortuary spots, and it all sort of finalized that she wouldn't be coming back. I have her email and I've been sending her emails in the hopes that she's reading them somewhere, somehow. It feels like a genuine nightmare. I'm staying with my cousins/ uncle-in-law right now. Everyone's being telling me how I shouldn't be alone....just feel like I'll always be alone for as long as I live. Not sure I can recover from this. Just want to fall in her arms and never let her go. Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart hurts for you. Keep writing to her, honey. You do whatever you need to do to process this. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 My heart goes out to you, Fury. Holding you in my thoughts. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 I can't go on without her.... You will go on because you must. Also, it is what your mom would wish for you to do. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 I am so very sorry for your loss. Hugs. Link to comment
FuryLost Posted March 6, 2015 Author Share Posted March 6, 2015 I went to bed feeling strangely better. Then I woke feeling absolutely terrible. Just terrible. Unbelievable amount of pain. I can also feel that anger creeping up beneath the sadness, slowly but surely....Even right now I feel the urge to break this laptop into pieces and stomp it and destroy and crush it and pulverize it so much. I know life isn't supposed to be fair....but I just ******* hate all of this. I just want to wake up and see her again and be with her. When the social workers asked if I were suicidal about an hour afterward, I didn't have an answer. But that, too, is becoming more and more.... Link to comment
FuryLost Posted March 7, 2015 Author Share Posted March 7, 2015 I think I'm in denial right now. No pain, no sadness. WHY? I haven't cried since yesterday and that scares me so much. Why don't I feel as ******** sad as I should be feeling? Link to comment
Tanzi Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 Yesterday I was just in shock. I couldn't believe it had happened. Today, I got a bunch of calls from the hospital asking about organ donation and mortuary spots, and it all sort of finalized that she wouldn't be coming back. I have her email and I've been sending her emails in the hopes that she's reading them somewhere, somehow. It feels like a genuine nightmare. I'm staying with my cousins/ uncle-in-law right now. Everyone's being telling me how I shouldn't be alone....just feel like I'll always be alone for as long as I live. Not sure I can recover from this. Just want to fall in her arms and never let her go. Oh FuryLost, I'm so, so sorry for your loss. My heart aches for you. I wish I could give you a big cuddle. There will come a point when your tears will stop and be replaced with loving and happy memories of your mum that will bring a smile to your face. It sounds as though you had an amazing relationship. Blue xxx Link to comment
FuryLost Posted March 8, 2015 Author Share Posted March 8, 2015 What hurts so badly and haunts me is that I'll never be able to talk to her again. I'll never hear her voice or her laugh or feel her hugs ever again. All of that is gone, no matter how many memories I have of her. It just feels....inconceivable that she could have died, that she's not here anymore. I can only describe it as an awful, awful nightmare. Not to mention I'm alone now....I just want her back. I would give anything to have her back. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 What hurts so badly and haunts me is that I'll never be able to talk to her again. I'll never hear her voice or her laugh or feel her hugs ever again. All of that is gone, no matter how many memories I have of her. It just feels....inconceivable that she could have died, that she's not here anymore. I can only describe it as an awful, awful nightmare. Not to mention I'm alone now....I just want her back. I would give anything to have her back. I know, sweetie. It is tough, really tough. You are really vulnerable now...so please be really careful. Take good are of yourself. We are here.....:subdued: chi Link to comment
FuryLost Posted March 8, 2015 Author Share Posted March 8, 2015 Now I'm getting this painful, itchy red rash accross my face. Hives. Been happening since Thursday.... Always developed hives during times of anxiety... Link to comment
FuryLost Posted March 8, 2015 Author Share Posted March 8, 2015 We did, Blue, have an amazing relationship. We went to sleep at the same time, woke up around the same time, ate breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert, snacks together, watched television, movies, basketball together, cooked together... Link to comment
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