Boss, lover - shut out - need advice

[DDLama]

Today is Valentine’s Day and I am alone. This is how I got here and I need advice – badly.

What started out as a platonic work relationship turned into an amazing love affair, then into a disaster.

I took a job with a small company where I work from my home remotely (3,000 miles away) from the head office where he lives and works. He has an executive position with this company and is the boss of everyone and I’m a manager. At first I would see him from time to time at company related business meetings/events and then he turned his charm on me. He was very forward (asking for my room number) and I was reluctant to get romantically involved with him because of our positions – he was my bosses boss. I never gave him my room number, but I did break down and go to dinner with him one night – exactly one year ago tomorrow. My boss and co-workers did not like him and talked behind his back.

He started to arrange business trips were we would both be at and we eventually got together. The attention and sex was amazing. I thought I met the man of my dreams. He is 53 and I’m 48 – perfect. It felt amazing to be so loved.

I should have known better when I saw the first red flag about 2 months in. We were in Denver and we were having the most amazing sex I have ever had in my life and we decided to stay an extra day to spend together before going our separate ways home. He invited me to go to an exclusive French restaurant that evening and during the course of the night I made the smallest joke about him being emotional about wine tasting - he did not like that. That night he withheld his affection and would not make love to me. The next morning he told me that I was fat and he left. My birthday came and went and he never so much as even acknowledged it. His birthday was exactly the following month and I sent him anonymous flowers to the office. We kept our relationship a secret at work and we were very discrete.

He stared to arrange business on my side of the country and decided when he would come to visit me. We had a great sex and a wonderful love affair. On one of his visits he confirmed that we were together as partners and he would tell his 2 adult children about us finally. He invited his children and me to meet him in Montreal for Thanksgiving and then I would travel with him to where he lived to spend time at his cottage.

When I met his children in Montreal for the first time he became hypercritical of me that I wasn’t doing the right thing, saying the right words with his children. After each day he criticized me for being too quiet, and that I said the wrong thing to the point where it made me cry every evening and I became too terrified to see the kids or say a word to them. I was ready to cut the trip short and go home. He cried and we went to his home. I found out that he didn’t have a wine cellar that holds 3,000 bottles of wine that he bragged about during business meetings. He had no wine cellar at all. I asked him about the wine cellar and he said that it’s in strange in another city and that he has instructed them to give the wine to charity. I didn’t believe him, but did not say anything.

That week he began to further degrade me by saying that I was a nymphomaniac and he gave me a bad nickname. He began to withhold affection while at the same time teasing me to get me sexually aroused and then walk away. He condemned me for sending him sexually playful texts/emails because it made me look cheap. That I was not fit enough to be with him and how his ex’s had amazing fit bodies – asked if I wanted to see pictures of them. I had just lost 35 pounds in the short time I was with him, because of that fat comment in Denver. He basically stripped me away. He controlled what we did, what we ate, when we ate, where we ate, when we saw each other – everything. I really had no say – it was his way or the highway.

Work however was going very well for me. We worked closely on projects and he valued my opinion and said I was really smart. He included me in high level decisions. He presented my boss written notice that his employment will end in 6 months (end of Feb) and ostracised my boss from the projects we were working on. The stress at work was overwhelming and hard on everybody – especially him because he felt that he needed to save the company. People were quitting and the company was going bankrupt.

Christmas was coming and we decided that I would travel to him to be with him and his kids. He started to place demands on me like – you will jump into the cold frozen lake on New Year’s Day because it’s a tradition, and you will do this and that. I felt overwhelmed by the demands and expectations, so we had an argument on the telephone 2 days before I was to travel to him – he was drunk. He told me not to come. We didn’t talk for 3 days, and then the day after I was supposed to travel to him, he called and apologized and bought me a new plane ticket.

He texted me and said that it’s the distance causing this and that we need to find our own place together. When I arrived, he withdrew again – no sex, no intimacy (because the kids were in the house excuse) – we made love once during our visit. I found out that he really didn’t own a condo in the city where one of his children lives – another lie. I did not confront him on it.

We had fun on New Year’s Eve at the cottage with his kids. We played board games and laughed – he said that was the first time he saw me laughing all night. I bought him a very expensive Christmas present (idiot) and he bought me absolutely nothing – not even a card. He said that he would buy me something another time. I thought that he wanted to talk about closing the distance gap of this long distance relationship and how that might play out. In that moment he changed – he said that something was wrong with us and he wanted to take things slowly. On our last evening of our visit the kids were going out and he and I were to go to a restaurant that evening. That evening he said that he was in a bad mood and wanted to say home. He watched TV and I made dinner and we barely spoke. Something was very wrong. The following morning he dropped me at the airport.

He continued to call me every day as usual. He asked if I would work through a relationship exercise to bring us closer together, and I said yes! We agreed that it would be difficult to work through, but it would bring us closer together. Then out of the blue a few days later he texted me and said that he was pulling away – that he was not connected to me and wanted to run. I started to panic and asked that we arrange a business trip to meet and spend Valentine’s Day together. He texted me and told me that he wanted a real relationship and that he could not stand my deadness – and that he couldn’t tell if I was happy/sad/mad. He called me and started yelling at me on the phone. He told me it was the stress at work and for me to be patient, and then he said it was because he was afraid of commitment and that he had been hurt before and a few other excuses. Then it was because I had no emotion and was indifferent with him – deadness. He called me a few more times to complain about his work, told me he loved me and that was the last call I was to receive. No texts and no more phone calls – vanished.

I needed to travel to one of our projects, so I made travel arrangements and unbeknownst to me he had made travel arrangements as well and we would be in the same place at the same time. We always stay at the same hotel, same rooms – adjoining. I felt panic that I needed to do something to save this relationship. How could things go from amazing love to zero so fast? I started reading about relationships and why we were having problems and I reached out to him, and then it occurred to me that perhaps I had become this poker-faced, rigid, demanding, distant person – essentially dead – whipped into submission. I wrote him a letter 3 days before we were to meet admitting my lack of love, fun, playfulness, supportiveness, etc. and that I understood why he pulled away and maybe our relationship was over, but I would change. I received no response. I pleaded with him to respond to my letter – nothing.

The day came to travel to the project and I arrived at the hotel 3 hours before him. I heard him arrive and shuffle around, then I received a text from him – “you nailed it”. I assumed that he was referring to the letter. I asked if he wanted to visit and he said that he was tired and thanks for understanding. The next morning we met at the continental breakfast at the same time and we decided to drive to the project together. During the drive he quizzed me about what I’m going to change, and that he was happy I realized this. I asked if there was someone else and he said definitely not the case.

The work day went well and that evening he invited me to a dinner party with consultants and we all had a great time laughing that evening. After dinner we snuggled on my bed and I essentially professed my love for him and for our relationship to work. He held me and said that he loves me and that he helps people. I asked him to stay the night with me and he said no and left the room. I thought everything was fine – it didn’t shock me that he didn’t want to make love – I guess I’m used to it.

The next morning at breakfast he told me jokingly how he would spend Valentine’s Day with two male coworkers and laughed – then he asked what day was Valentine’s. I had my back to him because I was getting food at the buffet, and so I pretended not to hear him. That day at work he shunned me, was overly gregarious with the other workers laughing hysterically, making jokes usually about the co-worker (makes fun of them), but as soon as he would see me the smile disappeared and he couldn’t get away fast enough.

A colleague drove back with us to the hotel that evening. He made arrangements with the colleague to pick him up really early the next morning knowing that I would not be available. Then he dropped me at the hotel and said that he was going to the city to get groceries. I asked him if he wanted company and he said no, and that we would see each other later. He came up with some lame excuse as to why I couldn’t go with him – he said he needed to process things and make telephone calls. I knew he had a very stressful day, so I didn’t think much of it.

Two hours later I heard him arrive back to his room and shuffle around. I waited 45 minutes and he did not contact me, so I knocked on his door and asked if he was planning to come and see me. He said no and I asked if he wanted company and he said ok. I cuddled up to him and consoled him about how hard his day was and how stressed he must be. He didn’t put his arm around me – he was rigid and I could hear his breathing was stressed – I chalked it up to his stressful day. He talked a little about work and then I went to kiss him and he turned away. I asked him for a kiss and he said no. That’s when he got angry and rude and told me that his heart is closed, that he doesn’t feel a connection with me, we have different taste in furniture and my taste is appalling, that I’m not here for him, he feels pressured to move to where I live, that I have no emotion, that he doesn’t think we are a fit, that I won’t change (none of the other women that he has had relationships had changed) and he doesn’t trust me, and that he needs to protect himself. He raged and I saw a side of him that I did not like. I cried and he had no emotion other than anger, I started refuting these accusations and asked that he give us another chance. He said that he has not made up his mind about that yet – he wasn’t sure. I asked him if he wanted me to leave and he said no. I was confused and hurt. I told him that I needed to protect myself as well, and I started to leave the room and he said – that’s how you deal with things – you run. I stopped and came back, tried to talk with him, asked him what I should do. Then after I had enough of his insults and I got up, told him to take care and I left. I never put him down and I never said anything nasty. That night I went to the bar and got back at 2:30 am, and made just enough noise to let him know that I just got back to the hotel.

The following morning I checked out of the hotel a day early and drove to the project myself and it was very uncomfortable. He called me into his office and said that things were going to get really nasty. I said why should they, thinking that he was talking about our situation. He said it was the business and that certain things are going to happen and people at work were in difficult positions, etc. I sat down and listened, and then I left his office.

I left the project site and stayed in the city for two nights before my scheduled flight home, which was yesterday. In this time, I erased our texting program off my phone, and I have not contacted him about anything personal. In the last 3 days I have not received a single work email from him, where typically I receive several throughout the day. He has completely shut me out of work emails, whereas before he included me in everything – even things that were not part of my job. Now nothing.

Should I be worried about my job? I love my job and I need the money because I recently purchased a new house.

I pine for him, but I don’t know what to do – he doesn’t want me? Could he be a Cerebral Narcissist? Has he tossed me away?

Help! What do I do? I want to save my job and career from this outfall. Should I email him and ask him if my job is in jeopardy? Should I just carry on like nothing happened? What is going on? Does anyone have any insight?

I am doubting myself so much right now and I’m not thinking straight. My heart is broken.

Confused and alone on Valentine’s Day.

[mhowe]

I think you would be wise to look for another job. The company doesn't sound very stable and neither does he.

[boltnrun]

I guess your definition of "amazing love" is different than mine.

 

I can't imagine how low your self esteem must be to think this horribly emotionally abusive man is worthy of your "love". And that you want to continue to be abused.

 

Please, please end all forms of contact (including letters) and seek therapy to repair your battered and broken emotional self.

[Monkey ai]

I agree with Mhowe, he sounds like bad movie to me, something is not healthy, his emotion not stable(bpd… , try to distant yourself from him, so you can see the picture clear.

start looking for job, so you are in control your life, he is not worth your time and energy. you are much smarter than him.

[chickadeedee]

Why did he go from hot to cold like this? Because he's a lying sociopathic nutjob! Really, he sounds totally screwed up and could well be a sociopath. They do not know how to bond or really connect with people and it's all a control game with them.

 

And yes, you should be worried about your job. If he has the power to fire you, and he sees you as no longer 'useful' to him because you are no longer together, he might well get rid of you because you no longer gratify him AND he might be afraid you'll talk to others he works with and give them negative information about him.

 

Emailing him to ask about the job is pointless because you already know he lies, and a lot! I suggest you start looking for a new job and change jobs as soon as possible rather than waiting to be let go. The only thing that might stop him from firing you outright might be fear of a harassment lawsuit, BUT he could easily wait for a downsizing of other people or departments and just put you on the list and unload you easily and legally.

[HeartGoesOn]

Should I be worried about my job? I love my job and I need the money because I recently purchased a new house.

I pine for him, but I don’t know what to do – he doesn’t want me?

 

Your job was in jeopardy starting from the day you accepted the role of being the boss's lover. I think it's just about a given that sooner rather than later you'll lose out on this job.

 

I would start looking for another job, take the lesson with me, and come to the conclusion that nothing good ever comes from getting involved with your superior's.

[DDLama]

thank you for taking the time to read what I wrote. I really appreciate the feedback. It sounds you all have the same advice.

 

Yes my self worth is low right now. Rejection and abandonment are difficult emotions to deal with but I will move past this.

 

I am affraid that he is going to lash out and get rid of my job. He knows I won't slap a harassment charge. I'm just not like that.

 

He's an . I'm not sure what you guys mean by sociopathic? Can you elaborate?

 

No more letters and I wish I could take back the one I wrote. I didn't realize what this was until he raged at me. No more texts. I will distance myself and look for another job.

 

Any and all advice is really appreciated. Just need someone to talk to about this.

[mhowe]

Google sociopath. His picture is there.

[DDLama]

Yes, I see it. Definitely fits that bill too. The Cerebral Narcisist really hit home.

[boltnrun]

 

Yes my self worth is low right now.

 

I think your self worth has been low for a long time. If it was healthy, you wouldn't have accepted even a small fraction of what he dished out, not to mention going back for more abuse.

 

That's great that you Googled narcissism and sociopath, now I advise it's time to Google therapists in your area to get to work on your self esteem. Also I recommend you Google jobs in your area, polish up your resume and start sending it out asap.

[notalady]

I think your self worth has been low for a long time. If it was healthy, you wouldn't have accepted even a small fraction of what he dished out, not to mention going back for more abuse.

 

That's great that you Googled narcissism and sociopath, now I advise it's time to Google therapists in your area to get to work on your self esteem. Also I recommend you Google jobs in your area, polish up your resume and start sending it out asap.

 

Sounds like you got yourself a Christian Grey there, and that is not a compliment. He's a highly unstable, dysfunctional man. I agree with boltnrun that you would have to had low self esteem before all this, otherwise you wouldn't have put up with any of his crap right from the get go.

 

Red flag number 1 was actually when he propositioned you by asking your room number. That is rude and disrespectful. More disrespect and manipulation when you apparently said something wrong (not true) and he withheld affection and called you fat. I don't know how you didn't walk away right after that. then you started finding about the lies and everything else turns to sh*ts.

 

This was never an amazing love, the only thing that worked was the sex, when it happened. Don't mistaken sex, control and manipulation for love.

[Willywagtail]

I couldn't read all of what you wrote, but I read enough.

 

Yes, he's a narcissist. Sociopath, psychopath. It's just a matter of definition. They are all malignant, belittling creatures that build you up, then smash you down.

 

There is only one thing to do with people like him - escape them. Cut off contact and get as far away from them as possible. I'm so sorry, but this will mean leaving the work that you love. If you stay he will be relentless in making your life hell.

 

What I would suggest is a plan. You will have to be as dispassionate about this as possible. No tears, no late night phone calls to tell him how much you still love him. He will try and tempt you when he senses you've pulled back. He will be Mr Charming again.

 

Don't leave your job now. Look for another one whilst you are currently working. Take advantage of the fact that you're skilled and have a good work record to seek something else. When you've got a new job, give notice and disappear.

 

Do not under any circumstances confide in him. He has the potential to wreck the rest of your working life. You're in survival mode now.

[catfeeder]

Poetic justice would be that he's the one who loses his job, but I wouldn't count on that.

 

I'd cease all contact while I search for another position.

 

It's concerning that you'd have put up with any of this. The cruel streak in calling you fat was not a red flag--it was a giant neon sign. This guy is sick, and it may be a good idea to hire a therapist to help you reconcile why you'd tolerate ANY degree of mistreatment--from anyone.

 

I think you've also discovered why it's never a good idea to mess with anyone on a job, but the fact that you're learning this now rather than when you were in your 20's sounds as though you've kept an otherwise level head about your career. So now it's just a matter of recognizing that any boss who'd cross a professional boundary--especially in these days of harassment 'awareness'--is automatically using poor judgment and likely to have a few screws loose.

 

Head high, and no doubt you'll come out of this stronger and wiser.

[Lonewing]

Had he turned out to be a reasonable guy, I don't think there would have been anything wrong with his proposition or the sex or even the relationship.

 

But it turns out he's not that guy. No, he's a big meanie, which is likely why he was single in the first place. Once upon a time, sure, he could have had these tantrums and the woman would have stayed, but nowadays, that just does not fly! Because believe it or not, nowadays women put men like him on notice and get out.

 

You MUST get your hose in order. You MAY have to sell the house you just bought. And you WILL need a new job if he has even an inch of mean streak in him. Which, oh, he does...

 

You know now what your team and your boss have known all along - you know, those mean things they say about him behind his back. You obviously shouldn't get involved with this, it's just more drama you DON'T NEED! But now you know the grain of salt is not as large as perhaps you thought it was.

 

Your partner is your rock. He is not a rock.

[chickadeedee]

The reason I would lean towards sociopath is the pathological lying when there is no need to lie (i.e., about the wine cellar etc.) and the way in which his emotions seem to turn on a dime and seem to be revolving mainly around anger etc. Sociopaths do not have brains like normal people and they only feel 'proto-emotions' like anger and don't form attachments like normal people because of it. People are more 'things' that they use and manipulate to meet their needs than anything they need to treat with care. They are extraordinarliy manipulative because they have learned what works with other people, but there is no real bond with you other than as far as whatever it is you provide them with that they may want at the moment. So they may want sex or attention, but they want the commodity, not the person attached to providing that and see you as interchangeable as a pair of shoes. They may have a favorite pair of shoes for a while, but it is still just a pair of shoes and they easily toss them out or get new ones if they lose interest in them.

 

that is the reason I am cautioning you to immediately look for another job. When a sociopath is done with you, they see you like an old worn out pair of shoes they don't want/need anymore, and they can throw you out of their lives just as easily as one throws away some object you no longer want or need. He's already given you hints that he is setting such a plan in motion, so you need to take heed that it is time for you to move on and find another job before he finds a way to unload you. And do NOT try to appeal to him or his mercy or common sense or anything else, because a sociopath has no mercy and his only motivation is 'what's in it for me'... they just don't have the ability to see another person as anything but an object and an object is either useful to them or it is not. And if you are perceived as a danger to them in any way, that is when they will pull out all stops to get rid of your ability to do damage to them.

 

the professional advice on sociopaths is to get as far away from them as fast as you can before they do you too much damage (emotional or otherwise). So since he is your boss's boss, there is a good chance that he can and will find a way to 'downsize' you or 're-org' you out of your job since he has that power. And it would be extremely easy for him to do considering you live at great distance from the company. He could just say that they've decided that a remote worker is not as efficient as having someone local, so they'll let you go and hire someone locally, and you're done. So time to move on before he damages your finances by firing you.

 

And I agree that you might want to consider counseling to understand why you put up with a lying abusive guy for as long as you did. His behavior is clearly horrible and showed the depth of his unconcern for you, yet you tolerated it. You might want to educate yourself on sociopaths so you'll recognize them and not get involved with another one like him.

 

btw, it is well known that the upper echelons of corporations are filled with sociopaths because they are so good at manipulating and using other people and are ruthless in their pursuit of self interest so climb the corporate ladder quite skillfully while stepping on the backs of those around them to make that climb. Just because someone is in power doesn't mean they are someone to be admired, and in fact, the higher one climbs that ladder, the more careful you need to be personally in terms of evaluating them because most of them do not rise to the top by being 'nice guys' but instead by being ruthless in their self interest and desire to obtain more power, more greed etc.

 

Being with a sociopath can be very seductive for a while (i.e., your 'amazing love affair') because they are so manipulative and are experts at stroking people and saying what you want to hear in order to get what they want from you. They read other people and play them to their own advantage, and because they are sociopaths they are quite impulsive and tend to lead exciting lives because they need lots of stimulation to keep themselves going because they are basically hollow people emotionally. You were just a fun toy for him to play with for a while in his own mind, so they trade excitement and drama for connection and stability. If you go back and read your own post you'll see that he did nothing that showed he really cared about you (no birthday present, no concern for your feelings, all about him grooming you to be the object he wanted and would find as useful to himself at that point in time, torturing you emotionally to watch you squirm and feel his sense own power and control to feed his ego and sense of grandisoity). So they have lots of whirlwind romances and affairs that are all very exciting because you get caught up in their whirlwind lives and they are a roller coaster ride, until you catch onto the down side of being with a sociopath and experience the negatives sides of it, and until they lose interest in you and toss you out as easily as ridding themselves of an old pair of shoes they need to clean out of their closet.

 

So you have to be careful not to excuse all that drama and jetting around and excitement and luxury hotels etc. for what love and a great love affair is about. You just had a whirlwind tour thru the land of sociopathy, and have realized (as everyone does) that the price you pay for the excitement is not worth the damage they do you emotionally and otherwise. Just be glad he had his own money or he would have stripped you of yours before he departed. But he will most likely do it in a round about way by stripping you of your job. Sociopaths blaze thru life burning up any resource around them (money, people, etc.) and leave wreckage of all kinds behind them.

 

And you actually have a chance of surviving much longer in your job if you go totally dark and do not contact him at all (which he will see as a nuisance since he is done with you and no longer interested), do not talk about him others, do nothing that would make you a target where he sees it is really necessary to unload you quickly. there is a small chance he will do nothing about your job IF you do not irritate him anymore and IF he sees you as no threat to himself and no reason to ax you. But if he does see you as inconvenient, annoying or any reason at all to ax you, he will, and without a second thought.

[weathergirl]

^^^chickadeedee....wow...what a tremendous post!!! Definitely a keeper for sure...I just printed it out for future reference!

 

Hopefully I will never have a need to utilize the great advice given...but I have been interested in learning about this type of pathology... and I have to say your post is the best I have read!

[DDLama]

Wow! I'm overwhelmed by all the great advice. I get it now. He's is one messed up character and now I realize why I felt beaten into submission to the point where I had no feelings - I lost touch with myself - he stripped and controlled me. It all started when we were in Denver and he called me fat and then Montreal put the finishing touches on me. After Montreal I went into a deep melancholy and I started to take antidepressants because I thought that it would help my feeling so ty. I'm a strong independent woman and he slowly crushed me. The antidepressants didn't help and I thought that if I towed the line with him it would be a better life. He promised me luxury holidays and how he would spoil me because he loves to spoil himself. That he would buy me diamonds etc. Guess what? He never took me on a single spoil - never bought me a single thing. In fact he's a workaholic and only took one week off in 2014 (Montreal). He's full of false promises. I feel so blessed and lucky right now to have gotten out of this, albeit with not much dignity left.

I tried to look for a new job last night but there is nothing right now. I'm going to see how next week unfolds and I will try to save my job but at the same time work on my self esteem. It may be a saving grace that I work remotely. I will remain professional and he knows my job with the company is important. I won't be a threat to him and maybe he will see that I won't diss him to coworkers. I bet they would love to hear my story - he knows people at work don't like him. I bet he is ting his pants right now. That's not good - I will try to reassure him in a round about way that i still have his back.

I'm not looking forward to this, because now I'm playing a game. I hate lies.

Thinking about it - when I was in his office the day after I cried and he raged, he was trying to get info out of me to solve a work problem and I was being a real . He said - this is going to get nasty. I said - why? He said - his boss was going to get fired and his boss is blaming him for the demise of the company. I said - what is the point of blaming anyone? He lied and switched over to his boss because of my reaction. He was actually putting me on notice not to make his life hell at work. My focus right now is to salvage my job. It's tough times on the job front, but I always land on my feet.

Thanks everyone. Great advice. Keep it coming. I feel like somebody turned on a light.

[Lonewing]

I think you need to look out for a new job. Not because of anything that happened between you and him, but because...well, to be honest, will the company even exist --- in three months?

 

Do not ignore the signs. You have to get working on that self confidence and rebuild yourself, because I have that bad hunch you're going to need your A-Game and soon, but only because I've been through a couple episodes like this - companies being in trouble, that is.

 

The first time, the boss was talking about having difficulties getting the money as it had been promised. The second time, the company was talking about having troubles raising money to continue with the project, whereas despite our results, fundraising was still stiff -- and then when that crash of 2008 happened, that kind of was the icing on the cake - and I KNEW it three days before either of my bosses above me did. I had been looking at a used truck that very weekend prior, looking to buy, but I had this hunch that screamed, "RECESSION IS HERE!"

 

If things are cracking up at the top, be very, very careful and keep your eyes WIDE open. Do not be blindsided by a pink-slip Tuesday or a pink-slip Friday - head into it KNOWING it's coming! If it Doesn't come, GREAT! If it does, though, it's not going to be a shock.

 

Very, very best of luck!

[DDLama]

Brilliant!! I Googled Christian Grey - the similarities are amazing. Wow

[mhowe]

Brilliant!! I Googled Christian Grey - the similarities are amazing. Wow

 

Life mirrors fiction.

[DDLama]

Good advice all. I am expecting something will happen. Reading my story again I see that he might be annoyed with me.

 

He has confided in me with so many confidential company secrets. Right now he is trying to prove to the board of directors how incompetent the founder and President / CEO is so as the man gets fired and guess who becomes the ceo? This is the kind of man I sipposedly loved. I am such a fool. Because I know a lot of confidential info, does it make the target on my back that much bigger. Or does it make it smaller thinking that if he axed me I would rat?

 

His goal is obviously to be King and he may very well achieve this - soon. If he becomes king of the world my job will be over. I could rat now and hope that he gets fired. A dear friend of mine is on the board of directors. Or I could shut up and hope it all works out.

 

How do you win with these nut jobs? How does one outsmart them?

[mhowe]

Too late for that. Your word will be suspect because of your relationship.

[Lonewing]

You don't.

 

You never know what he'll do if he becomes head CEO. Or if he will. Who knows.

 

I would say that the less public you are about these finer details, though, the better your future will be. Even though you could indeed pull a lynch pin under him [and potentially have it backfire on you] you could then find yourself blackballed accross the industry because Everybody on that level will know what you did with your fling. Look at how Monica Lewinsky was treated, for example - did Bill's reputation suffer?

 

Be a mouse or be a rat; either way, you're not a cat. In these trying times, with his focus being on business, that may leave him with very little time to even think about you. Legitimate focus on the business, without any mention of the fling, may even be a strong suit to play, I don't know...Mutual ends are always the best, but they only work if both sides accept them. If he's at all unable to let go, it could be bad no matter what you do. Measure your potential collateral damage with care.

[DDLama]

Makes sense.

I love - you can be a rat or a mouse, but you are not the cat. Big cat in this case. Omg that's a good one!

[Willywagtail]

How do you win with these nut jobs? How does one outsmart them?

 

You can't. Don't even try. He has been doing this all his life, and he has a Doctorate in it. You're only in primary school, you ain't got a chance.

 

I speak from personal experience - they are lethal when they're vindictive. Be the mouse.