missmarple Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 sort of accidently made out for a couple of minutes. LOL that made me laugh! How do you make out with someone accidentally? About this guy, it seems you're not into him that much but, sometimes, chemistry builds up in a second/third date. He sounds decent enough. Link to comment
WithLove Posted February 3, 2015 Author Share Posted February 3, 2015 I'm afraid I went too fast in my other relationships and now, when there's no spark at the beginning, I'm afraid it means we're not compatible. I'm so confused over this. I'm afraid that I'm comparing how I feel right now about William to how I felt about C, my ex, when things were good. I don't want to start off a new relationship that way. I need to find a balance of feeling that physical chemistry with someone else, that I had with C, along with the intellectual compatibility that's good for me. I don't feel hung up over my ex, as a person. Just hung up on that feeling of mutual passion that we had. I want to find that again. Link to comment
happpybear Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I find the day after a date and the space in between dates is when i determine how I really feel about someone. Usually if I am curious the next day, and that curiosity builds over a few days, I know that there is something there even if I felt nothing much during a first date. If it's out of sight-out of mind the next day, then I move on. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I'm afraid I went too fast in my other relationships and now, when there's no spark at the beginning, I'm afraid it means we're not compatible. I'm so confused over this. I'm afraid that I'm comparing how I feel right now about William to how I felt about C, my ex, when things were good. I don't want to start off a new relationship that way. I need to find a balance of feeling that physical chemistry with someone else, that I had with C, along with the intellectual compatibility that's good for me. I don't feel hung up over my ex, as a person. Just hung up on that feeling of mutual passion that we had. I want to find that again. I am with you on this one and something I have struggled with this time around the dating scene. I've said it before here on this forum that those who I have had those instant sparks with ultimately were bad choices for me and I struggle to hang in there with a potentially good guy I didn't have that immediate attraction to. who doesn't want that `weak in the knees' feeling?! I just think those are few and far between so giving someone or something a chance to grow can be worth it. Sounds like you had a good date. .Besides. .it is dating afterall. . you don't need to marry him Link to comment
WithLove Posted February 4, 2015 Author Share Posted February 4, 2015 I talked it over with some friends, all of whom also were "for" continuing to see him for a little bit to see what happens. Ultimately I think I should not discount him yet, so I'm going on the second date he asked for. Dinner this Friday and mini golf afterwards. He's hinting at something else too, a surprise, but if involves anything overnight, he'll be sorely disappointed. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 I talked it over with some friends, all of whom also were "for" continuing to see him for a little bit to see what happens. Ultimately I think I should not discount him yet, so I'm going on the second date he asked for. Dinner this Friday and mini golf afterwards. He's hinting at something else too, a surprise, but if involves anything overnight, he'll be sorely disappointed. hmmm. . .most men will test you. . does it make them a bad guy? I prefer them not to test so early on . .turn off for the most part. . but I don't know for sure that it makes them all bad. You'll know what to do in the moment. . check him and carry on or kick him to the curb. Or maybe he's just going suggest ice cream afterwards :snowman: Link to comment
WithLove Posted February 4, 2015 Author Share Posted February 4, 2015 He's very sweet and follows through on what he says. His message before bed: "I really did have a good time tonight. You're lovely, and I can't wait till we can get together again." Then he said he's going out of town at the end of this month, but hopes to see me a few times before that. Then texted me good morning, and later asked if I'd like to go out to dinner and play mini golf with him this Friday. It's rather nice not having to make all the decisions, for once. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 He's very sweet and follows through on what he says. His message before bed: "I really did have a good time tonight. You're lovely, and I can't wait till we can get together again." Then he said he's going out of town at the end of this month, but hopes to see me a few times before that. Then texted me good morning, and later asked if I'd like to go out to dinner and play mini golf with him this Friday. It's rather nice not having to make all the decisions, for once. sounds promising Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 He's very sweet and follows through on what he says. His message before bed: "I really did have a good time tonight. You're lovely, and I can't wait till we can get together again." Then he said he's going out of town at the end of this month, but hopes to see me a few times before that. Then texted me good morning, and later asked if I'd like to go out to dinner and play mini golf with him this Friday. It's rather nice not having to make all the decisions, for once. This is a very promising text. Link to comment
WithLove Posted February 4, 2015 Author Share Posted February 4, 2015 William surprised me and took me to lunch today. It was a nice break from the norm. We kissed after and I had the vague notion of following him back for more kisses. That's got to mean something, right? Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 wow. . funny how life changes in a moment. Think back to where you were only days ago. . Now you're smoochin' on some nice guy!! Link to comment
WithLove Posted February 4, 2015 Author Share Posted February 4, 2015 I know! I still am unsure of him, but a friend told me to let my guard down, relax and have fun with him, so I am! It's only having fun - not marriage! Link to comment
WithLove Posted February 5, 2015 Author Share Posted February 5, 2015 I asked William to come over tomorrow evening to watch a movie with me. We have a short list of ones we agreed we'd like to see together, so he's bringing 2 over. I have popcorn and snacks here for us. I'm determined to feel this thing out properly and want him to come over. It'll be the first time we've been together alone, not in public. I've set my boundaries with him, and he is very careful to take his cues from me, so I'm very comfortable with the thought of letting him into my home. Link to comment
WithLove Posted February 6, 2015 Author Share Posted February 6, 2015 William came over to watch a movie last night. We got Chinese and brought it back to eat. We watched Iron Man and cuddled on the couch. There was lots of kissing. I'm just not feeling it. I really want to be more attracted to him, but I'm just don't feel anything. I'm humbled that he finds me so interesting and pretty, and is very considerate and kind; but I don't have anything more than lukewarm feelings and tonight will be our 4th date. Normally I'm much more invested by now. I would normally want to jump his bones by now. But I'm actually not even wanting to do anything sexual with him. I'm going to have to let him down gently. He really is a very nice man; he just isn't what I'm looking for. We're supposed to have another date tonight, but I don't want to lead him on. I'm not gonna make him pay for a date only to tell him it's not going to work. How do I do this? I've never done this before. Link to comment
missmarple Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 I'm going to have to let him down gently. He really is a very nice man; he just isn't what I'm looking for. We're supposed to have another date tonight, but I don't want to lead him on. I'm not gonna make him pay for a date only to tell him it's not going to work. How do I do this? I've never done this before. Tell him before the date that while he's a great guy etc, you don't think there's enough chemistry for you to continue dating and let him decide if he wants to go on with the date or not...that is, if you're happy to see him as a friend..it's up to you. Link to comment
WithLove Posted February 6, 2015 Author Share Posted February 6, 2015 Do you think I should text this to him, or physically go to the meet up? I'm fairly certain that he won't want to be friends - he seems to like me a lot more than I like him. I feel like it would spare us both any discomfort by texting him, but I also feel like it's a cowardly thing to do by not telling him to his face. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 To his face...never in a text. Link to comment
missmarple Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 I suggest you call him and tell him. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 I just gave a guy friend similar advise. He had a date with someone (#2) and in the meantime had developed feelings for someone (#1) he had met previously. He was planning on keeping his date with #2 and telling her that same evening he couldn't see her anymore. My friend and I agreed that we,personally might rather not have had gone through getting dressed up and the anticipation of a date, only be dumped. We would rather skip the whole exercise and advised him to call her and tell her instead. He could do so in an honest and respectful way, timing etc, 'it's not her'. . blah, blah blah and if she's a level headed person she would appreciate his honesty. If handled the other way I would be thinking. `Seriously, I got all dressed up for this?" Something to think about. . . Link to comment
WithLove Posted February 6, 2015 Author Share Posted February 6, 2015 That's how I feel, too, to be honest. Yes, I feel it's cowardly - but honestly, I don't really want to go through all of the preening associated with going on a date, just to tell him that I don't see him in a romantic way. Knowing him as I do, I feel like he'd appreciate a call more than us taking the time to get through rush hour traffic to get to a parking lot only for me to tell him it's over. I'm still undecided. Does any male have a quick perspective? Link to comment
missmarple Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 I would think it's cowardly if you had been in a long-term relationship with him. But you've only gone out a few times. Also, you don't know how the other person will react if you tell them during a date. I had done it once at a restaurant and the guy ended up crying (I'm talking tears running down his face) and everyone around us was looking at me and I felt like the worst person on earth! Link to comment
WithLove Posted February 6, 2015 Author Share Posted February 6, 2015 Should I do it on my break (3:30) or when I get out of work (at 5)? We're supposed to meet at 6. Is more advance notice better? Link to comment
testcase Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Ummmm. 4 dates? I'd probably prefer a text or call. Probably easier for you to text. I mean there's not that much invested. I don't feel like you owe it to him to tell him in person. I'd only go on the date if you... well wanted to date him. The earlier the better I'd say. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Call him on your break. That way he has a free night. Link to comment
WithLove Posted February 6, 2015 Author Share Posted February 6, 2015 I will call him on my break. Thank you, everyone, for all your advice. This is a totally new realm for me, so I'm still learning about what's acceptable and what's not. Link to comment
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