greta96 Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Thank you for your response, I had posted other forums about this same man and at one point in our relationship I thought he was playing games with him and broke up with him. Everything turned around since the. And he seemed to gain more respect for me afterword. He's done a ton of wonderful things I never anticipated since then, and he's been working so hard to give me the security I need to trust him. It's like these past few days he's only been texting enough to keep me from being angry with him. I just don't understand what happened, this dude has been chasing after me for like 7 years. Could it be that he's sick? Or found out that a close relative is sick? I'm talking about a more serious illness, not a cold or flu. It is strange for a guy to have put all this effort into securing a relationship, only to bail after you do a nice thing for him. Keep us posted, hopefully it's not what you fear. Link to comment
LadyBug1988 Posted January 9, 2015 Author Share Posted January 9, 2015 Could it be that he's sick? Or found out that a close relative is sick? I'm talking about a more serious illness, not a cold or flu. It is strange for a guy to have put all this effort into securing a relationship, only to bail after you do a nice thing for him. Keep us posted, hopefully it's not what you fear. The thought came to mind that maybe he found out he has an STD. I got tested before we did a thing and showed him but he never showed me and desire got the best of us. I asked when the last time he was tested had meet and he said something along the lines of a year and a half ago. Idk, just thinking worst case scenerio... The man just brought me a $700 diamond necklace and everyone I meet of his friends and family know all about me and tell me how serious he is. Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Then between the necklace and the ILU at New Years...I would chill out. Who knows...but at this point I don't think he is wanting to break up. Link to comment
greta96 Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 The thought came to mind that maybe he found out he has an STD. I got tested before we did a thing and showed him but he never showed me and desire got the best of us. I asked when the last time he was tested had meet and he said something along the lines of a year and a half ago. Idk, just thinking worst case scenerio... The man just brought me a $700 diamond necklace and everyone I meet of his friends and family know all about me and tell me how serious he is. Hmm....I highly doubt he lost interest or reconsidered things...I have a feeling it's something else. Link to comment
SoulTaker Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 The thought came to mind that maybe he found out he has an STD. I got tested before we did a thing and showed him but he never showed me and desire got the best of us. I asked when the last time he was tested had meet and he said something along the lines of a year and a half ago. Idk, just thinking worst case scenerio... The man just brought me a $700 diamond necklace and everyone I meet of his friends and family know all about me and tell me how serious he is. We're all playing a guessing game here, but if it's based on what happened that night, then I'm in agreement that it had to do with what happened (or didn't happen) in bed. You initiated things, but you didn't say what happened afterwards. If he didn't follow through, then it's probably in this area, and could be a number of things in addition to your "worst case scenario". Link to comment
LadyBug1988 Posted January 9, 2015 Author Share Posted January 9, 2015 We're all playing a guessing game here, but if it's based on what happened that night, then I'm in agreement that it had to do with what happened (or didn't happen) in bed. You initiated things, but you didn't say what happened afterwards. If he didn't follow through, then it's probably in this area, and could be a number of things in addition to your "worst case scenario". Well when I initiated I "pleased" him and he verbalized during and after (it was physically obvious as well) that he loved it. But he couldn't return the favor, he said he's no good early in the morning, he went limp after if you know what I mean. Could that be it? He said/says I'm amazing though. Link to comment
zebragirl Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 Contact him and ask when a good time to talk would be. Get it over with and quit speculating. Every time I worry when I hear "we need to talk" its rarely as bad as I imagined. It could be anything from breakup to he got fired to let's move in together Link to comment
notalady Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 I agree with muddygrl, I suggest askig him since he said you needed to talk, when's a good time to talk? He can't just keep you hanging like that. Link to comment
LadyBug1988 Posted January 10, 2015 Author Share Posted January 10, 2015 Contact him and ask when a good time to talk would be. Get it over with and quit speculating. Every time I worry when I hear "we need to talk" its rarely as bad as I imagined. It could be anything from breakup to he got fired to let's move in together Believe me, I'm dying to. I just don't want to push him further. I guess I'll just have a glass of wine and try to fall asleep since he texted me at 8:00am. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 Anyone who says "we need to talk" but leaves you waiting, is cruel. It's manipulation and game playing 101. For this reason alone you should consider moving on regardless of what he wants to talk about. Link to comment
LadyBug1988 Posted January 10, 2015 Author Share Posted January 10, 2015 I'm just trying to not be manipulated because I've been through that before. Link to comment
LadyBug1988 Posted January 10, 2015 Author Share Posted January 10, 2015 Anyone who says "we need to talk" but leaves you waiting, is cruel. It's manipulation and game playing 101. For this reason alone you should consider moving on regardless of what he wants to talk about. I've been obsessing over my phone, do you think its best to shut it off and make myself unavailable to him? Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 Yeah definitely turn off the phone. Link to comment
zebragirl Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 No that's just playing games. Leave it on or contact him but don't play games. I agree it's not fair to leave people hanging like he's doing. But is he busy with work? Would he usually call or text by now? I used to have a boss that pulled the "we need to talk" card all the time on me. She wait till the end of the day to talk to me so I was left worrying all day that I'd done something wrong. 9 out of 10 times it was something not so bad at all. I finally told her that it made me worry when she did that and asked her to not do that but just wait til she was actually ready to talk then tell me. She didn't realize it was a big deal and thought she was just giving me a heads up so we both wouldn't forget. So.. I guess i think it should better to get right to it, better to know what's going on. And if it's something simple and not serious tell him, next time don't do that to you!!! Link to comment
weathergirl Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 Hmm....I highly doubt he lost interest or reconsidered things...I have a feeling it's something else. I think he had sex with the ex and feels terrible guilt about and is trying to figure out how to tell you without totally destroying your entire relationship! Link to comment
LadyBug1988 Posted January 10, 2015 Author Share Posted January 10, 2015 He usually calls and texts a million times a day and gets mad when I don't respond. This is really upsetting me and he knows me well enough to know what he's doing. If I don't hear from him for more than 6 hours he usually updates and apologizes. He never goes to sleep without calling me and he's done it every night since Sunday. This is really turning me off but other posters say this is a natural "male withdrawal episode". Idk... Link to comment
LadyBug1988 Posted January 10, 2015 Author Share Posted January 10, 2015 I think he had sex with the ex and feels terrible guilt about and is trying to figure out how to tell you without totally destroying your entire relationship! He better not have! Her sister was harassing him earlier on in our relationship and he promised and swore that she was nothing to worry about. Link to comment
notalady Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 I think he had sex with the ex and feels terrible guilt about and is trying to figure out how to tell you without totally destroying your entire relationship! What's the basis for your suspicion? It's pure speculation and paranoia, and doesn't do anyone any good. Op, just call him and get it over with if it bothers you so much to wait till he contact you. No point turning the phone off, you're still left wondering about it, and as muddygrl correctly pointed out, it's game playing. Link to comment
weathergirl Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 What's the basis for your suspicion? It's pure speculation and paranoia, and doesn't do anyone any good. Op, just call him and get it over with if it bothers you so much to wait till he contact you. No point turning the phone off, you're still left wondering about it, and as muddygrl correctly pointed out, it's game playing. Just a gut feeling since the OP said he and the ex recently spent some time together..... I can' remember why though. Now suddenly he goes off the radar? Link to comment
notalady Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 Just a gut feeling since the OP said he and the ex recently spent some time together..... I can' remember why though. Now suddenly he goes off the radar? I must have missed that. Either way it's all speculation at this point. Only way to find out is talk to him. Link to comment
weathergirl Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 I must have missed that. Either way it's all speculation at this point. Only way to find out is talk to him. Of course I agree....they need to talk. If it were me, I would call him and ask to meet. His silence can't last forever. Link to comment
Heather Dawn Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 Call him. In this case, it's not a sign of weakness to do so - you're taking control of a situation that is impacting you. If your relationship has been as good as you describe for the last two months since you decided not to end it, then he owes you an explanation for his sudden withdrawal. Link to comment
LadyBug1988 Posted January 10, 2015 Author Share Posted January 10, 2015 Call him. In this case, it's not a sign of weakness to do so - you're taking control of a situation that is impacting you. If your relationship has been as good as you describe for the last two months since you decided not to end it, then he owes you an explanation for his sudden withdrawal. I've decided to give it a few days. If I dont hear from him by the end of next week I'll just silently block his number Facebook and Insta and never speak to him again. I'm comfortable with that, I'll let him have his space but I know my boundary as he still hasn't contacted me again yet and he texted me at 8am. Link to comment
weathergirl Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 Deleted...wong thread Link to comment
LadyBug1988 Posted January 10, 2015 Author Share Posted January 10, 2015 So I shut off my phone at 1am and woke up this morning to a "???" text. He always sends that when I don't respond to him as quickly as he'd like me to and he wants an explanation as of where I am and what I'm doing and why he hasn't heard from me AS IF I'M THE ONE WHO HAS BEEN IGNORING HIM!!! So I just responded as minimally as possible as has been recommended by some of you as to not pressure him by sending "lmk when" and turned my phone back off. This is making me feel really bad inside, and I don't like it. I'm trying to give him some space but if he wants to break up idk why he's dragging it out and making it seem like I'm doing something to him. Link to comment
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