julietteromeo Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 I went on three dates with my new boyfriend. He is a male nurse so he lives in an alternate universe where (a) women have the power and (b) women pay excessive attention to any guy who has a descent personality and is cute. He invited me to a work party, which was in a really nice venue. So he picked me up. And everything was going fine. He is a pretty good looking guy and I guess a good dancer and dresses well. So we are dancing and this 40 year old Asian nurse jumps in between us and starts dancing with him (a woman he works with, who has f-ed multiple doctors). So after she jumped away he jumped towards her and began dancing with her. Leaving me there by myself. He danced with her for like thirty seconds. Luckily, I am not emotionally invested in him at all so I did not become upset. However, I am the jealous type so I don't think this relationship is going to work if he is flirtatious in that way and living in this alternate universe where 40 year old nurses are on his junk. Do you think this is f-ed up? I can't handle that kind of thing. I didn't show my emotion on the dance floor (Obviously I could have started grinding on another guy). Instead, I went to the bathroom and called m ex-boyfriend. Funnily enough, this old nurse came into the bathroom and saw me talking to my exbf. She then went and told my date. Who was kind of disappointed in me. I would not have called my ex had he not turned his back to me to dance with the old nurse. Then the next day I asked if he wanted to be "just friends" and he said I was still in love with my ex or my ex was still in love with me. Then I asked if he wanted to be in a relationship and he said yes. Then he told me the next day he wanted me to promise not to speak to my ex again. And I promised. But, honestly if I become attached to him and go out dancing with him again and someone starts dancing with him I will not take it well. If I cared more about my date/boyfriend I would have been fuming and seething at the work party. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 If you guys are game playing on the third date, it's done. Move along. Link to comment
Alittlelost Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 I think your behaviOur was worse. It's never okay to call an ex on a date. Infact it's generally a bad idea but to call your ex because your unhappy with something is unbelievably immature. It's also destructive behaviour. Now the dancing. Was it inappropriate dancing? You said it was 30 seconds. Sounds more polite with a work colleague than anything else. I have male nurse friends and they do live in a weird world were 95% of their friends are female. I think leaving you danicing for 30 seconds at a party isn't somethig to mention three dates in. It's nice he invited you and is already showing works people he's dating. Assuming his behaviour was otherwise good let it go. If it happens again then talk to him. See what he says. If you are still hung up on your ex then work on that first. Link to comment
julietteromeo Posted January 6, 2015 Author Share Posted January 6, 2015 Honestly, its him not me. Being a cute male nurse has spoiled him. Link to comment
julietteromeo Posted January 6, 2015 Author Share Posted January 6, 2015 Actually, my ex is clingy and our relationship was unhealthy. So I guess when I got to the work party I got nervous and texted my ex to pick me up and that I was in trouble and made a mistake. Because my date wasn't sure which hall the party was in and I was scared he would ignore me or something (I don't know) (I know I'm an idiot). Then my ex freaked out and called and texted me like 50 times worried about where I was. So, when I went to the bathroom it was actually to pee, but when I saw my ex's frantic texts (he said he would call my parents and sister) I had to call him. Then he started cursing me out for being at a party with another guy. I know I'm unbelievable. Link to comment
notalady Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Dancing with a colleague isn't a crime, unless it was in an inappropriate or sexually suggestive way. You sound immature and possessive. Your response by calling your ex is also immature, I would think you're not over your ex too if I was your date, except I wouldn't have given you a second chance if it was me. If you are uncomfortable with the dancing then simply tell him you're not comfortable with it, while it is not that you don't trust him, you would prefer not to go dancing with him again (so you won't be in the same situation again). Your ex also sound possessive and controlling. How old are you guys? It is not some "alternate universe". Cute guys with decent personality will naturally attract more female attention. Hell, even cute guys with s**t personalities will attract more female attention. You didn't give any example of how he is acting spoilt. Nothing you said here indicated that he is. Link to comment
julietteromeo Posted January 6, 2015 Author Share Posted January 6, 2015 Honestly this all happened in new york where women are super aggressive to begin with. I'm not from NY and I never date cute guys who dress nice (my ex was a nice jewish boy). I don't date cute guys for this reason I am ridiculously insecure and jealous. I am also extremely immature for my age. I was talking to the bathroom attendant and she asked if I was "22 or 23" lol I wish. Link to comment
notalady Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 It seems that insecurity is something you need to deal with first and foremost. It's good that you realise that about yourself and that would help you learn and grow. You need to realise that this is not your bf's fault, it is your own issue that you have to deal with. Confidence and security comes from within oneself, not from controlling others or affirmation from others. If you can't handle dating your current bf then better off let him go and work on your own issues. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 OP, some suggestions. 1. Let women give your man attention. He is not a possession or a sex object. He is a human being whom other people enjoy. Learn to take pleasure in watching others enjoy him. 2. Practice dealing with relationship setbacks without calling your ex, and without calling any other guy. It will force to deal with it. 3. Do not ever call one man while on a date with another. Just dont. 4. Invest in your friendships with women. It will help you build strength and character. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 I'm so cofused. Is he a Boyfriend? Or just someone you have gone on three dates with? Based on what have said her it sounds like none of the adult here have the sense god gave a goat. You admit to being immature and claim not be upset by him dancing with her...yet you are thinking of braking it off and are on the internet to ask for advice. The guy here should have (if you are his GF, still confused by that one) polietly move the other woman away. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 How is some dude you went on three dates your bf? Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 living in this alternate universe where 40 year old nurses are on his junk. just a NB kind of thing ....we are not dead when we get to our 40's you know . reading your OP was was like reading a jealous teenagers playground strop ...so you went into to the toilet and called your ex ....you moan about him .. your attitude and actions stink . Link to comment
Clio Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Honestly, its him not me. Being a cute male nurse has spoiled him. Actually, having read the way you think and act, I would say that YOU are the one who is spoilt. As you admit yourself, you are ridiculously insecure and jealous. You are also extremely immature. If you don't fix these issues, you are going to emotionally abuse, hurt and drive away any decent guy that comes your way. Based on what you described, this guy didn't do anything other than accidentally setting off your insecurities. You know what your issues are. You need to find a way to resolve them if you ever want to have a healthy relationship. Link to comment
Lucha Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Is it me or does someone else find dancing with someone other than your date inappropriate? I mean wow, I really think it is rude. Not meant in a possessive way, but if you asked the girl out to that party, at least give her your attention, no? Other than that the calling your ex part is really not done and way too much drama over nothing. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Is it me or does someone else find dancing with someone other than your date inappropriate? I mean wow, I really think it is rude. Not meant in a possessive way, but if you asked the girl out to that party, at least give her your attention, no? Other than that the calling your ex part is really not done and way too much drama over nothing. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk At a raucous party full of friends, which is what this sounds like, dancing with friends is often part of the dynamic. What her sexual history has been is irrelevant. It means for 30 seconds you have to do something else, talk to whomever is next to you, dance with someone else, get a drink. Whatever. You indulge that because it's part of his group dynamic. Would this have happened with my bf? No. But I've definitely seen group dynamics where this is the norm. The OP needs to take responsibility for her insecurities. His behavior is not the issue. If she doesn't like it, then she can choose not to be with him, which is the decision she projected by going to call someone else at that time. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 At a raucous party full of friends, which is what this sounds like, dancing with friends is often part of the dynamic. What her sexual history has been is irrelevant. It means for 30 seconds you have to do something else, talk to whomever is next to you, dance with someone else, get a drink. Whatever. You indulge that because it's part of his group dynamic. Would this have happened with my bf? No. But I've definitely seen group dynamics where this is the norm. The OP needs to take responsibility for her insecurities. His behavior is not the issue. If she doesn't like it, then she can choose not to be with him, which is the decision she projected by going to call someone else at that time. I agree ...this was a work party .... the dynamics of any work group are going to be like this ..it's christmas , they all work together ...and god knows the angels of health and care need to let their hair down . I think the way the op presented this story has a lot to do with the responses as well .. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Gee...the last time I went out dancing, everyone got in there and danced with whomever. he danced with her 30 seconds. he did not dance 3 slow dances with her. I bet it was all fast dancing and hardly any touching if there was. I think that you are too possessive if he danced with her that short of a time. if he went to her table and said "can i have this dance?" that's one thing - but everyone bopping around out on the floor --- partners change frequently. Also, this guy thinks highly of you if he already invited you to a party with his coworkers rather than hiding you and not having you around people he knows. Link to comment
julietteromeo Posted January 6, 2015 Author Share Posted January 6, 2015 Yeah he danced with her for thirty seconds, thirty seconds too long, imho. Not to mention the fact the reason he likes me (and he has said this) is because I am intense and possessive. He likes being the object of my smoldering attention. He has said this, it makes him giddy. Therefore, one should not date someone based upon their jealous and possessive nature, their intensity, and then expect to dance with a 40 year old asian coworker at a party. Honestly, that is probably why he only danced with her for thirty seconds. Oh and btw when we hooked up later it was amazing. That's the only reason why I asked if he wanted to be bf/gf. I am glad he thinks highly enough of me to bring me to a work party. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 You are all very immature. You and this guy, you sound like your 15-16 years old. My recommendation is that you seek out some therapy to work on your issues of possessiveness and immaturity. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Yeah he danced with her for thirty seconds, thirty seconds too long, imho. Not to mention the fact the reason he likes me (and he has said this) is because I am intense and possessive. He likes being the object of my smoldering attention. He has said this, it makes him giddy. Therefore, one should not date someone based upon their jealous and possessive nature, their intensity, and then expect to dance with a 40 year old asian coworker at a party. Honestly, that is probably why he only danced with her for thirty seconds. Oh and btw when we hooked up later it was amazing. That's the only reason why I asked if he wanted to be bf/gf. I am glad he thinks highly enough of me to bring me to a work party. this sounds like disaster waiting to happen ...if it was so fine and dandy afterwards why did you post your concerns . and is there a point in why you keep mentioning her age and the fact that she is asian ..would it have been better if he danced with a 20 yr old german . Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 If you guys are that intense now, you guys will be a trainwreck in 6 months to a year. You are either going to become controlling in an abusive way to him and he will leave or come to blows with you, or the "possessiveness" will turn into nagging, or will fizzle. Or turn into stalking other women in his life. You should be building other women up rather than deciding which one is the floozy and deciding who your rivals are. So go ahead and have your sexual fantasy of having a possessed and a possessor, but it just cannot last unless it turns into something healthy. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 "when you hooked up after it was amazing"? Do you desire drama? I don't, and that colors my responses. If you enjoy the emotional roller coaster of finding rejection and attraction in someone's every move, then you have found your perfect match. Me? I would bail. If I were him, I would bail because what was carefree fun turned into drama. If I were you, because he had sex with me and then said, So, you want to just be friends? Your dynamic as a couple has co-dependent drama written all over it. He likes your possessiveness but doesn't want to be under your control, and you like how hot he is but feel like every other woman is a threat, like he is meat for the taking. You each are thrill seeking by pushing each other's buttons. You two are well-matched and will play out this scenario again and again. Instead, you could be responsible for your insecurities, and he for his. You would play with his friends and dance with the group, laughing at him being taken by another woman and maybe even flirting with them both by putting him in the middle. What joy in seeing your man celebrated in this way! For his part, he would be secure in who he is, and wouldn't need your jealousy to prove his value. In fact, he would be grateful that you are not the jealous type, since he works with women all day. He would dance with them, but mostly he dances with you, because their attention isn't that important to his self-esteem. As you each are today, you are mirror images of one another (see Law of Attraction - this makes sense). You will attract until you burn up in a giant ball of flames. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Until you deal with your jealousy you will never have a satisfying adult relationship. Your problems are all yours, no one else's. Link to comment
Gymgirlxx Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Yeah he danced with her for thirty seconds, thirty seconds too long, imho. Not to mention the fact the reason he likes me (and he has said this) is because I am intense and possessive. He likes being the object of my smoldering attention. He has said this, it makes him giddy. Therefore, one should not date someone based upon their jealous and possessive nature, their intensity, and then expect to dance with a 40 year old asian coworker at a party. Honestly, that is probably why he only danced with her for thirty seconds. Oh and btw when we hooked up later it was amazing. That's the only reason why I asked if he wanted to be bf/gf. I am glad he thinks highly enough of me to bring me to a work party. He's not really your boyfriend. For someone that is an adult, you are incredibly immature. You need to grow up if you want a future relationship to last. Link to comment
BigKK Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 I hope this is a fake thread because she wins crazy of the year with the ex calling to get back at him. Until you deal with your issues you're in for a rocky life Link to comment
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