The mother and her family say I could have killed my daughter. It's not true.

[jay278]

Ok where to begin. I need to vent. This will be a long one. This will be therapeutic for me.

 

My daughter She is beautiful. The center of my heart. The mother of my child is 29. Her name is A.

 

she also grew up in a dysfunctional household. Her mother had schizophrenia and her father was emotionally unavailable. Her older brothers would bully her aswell as her mother. She developed into a very fiery woman with an extremely short fuse. Beautiful and passionate though. Cruel at times but underneath it a very kind warm heart.

 

I won't go into detail or else I'll be writing for days. I grew up in an abusive household. My father left when I was very young but remained in contact. My mother is an angry woman and she attracted an angry man. My stepfather was very abusive to me and my mother. My mother was abusive also but not as bad. I lived in fear for a very long time. I developed a video gaming/cannabis addiction in my early teens. I experienced a large amount of favoritism directed at my half-sister. I developed anxiety and depression for many years. I am sensitive, kind, loving and laid back in my soul.

 

I met A. when I was flatting with my best friend and her. They were a couple at the time when we moved in. They broke up about 6 months into our moving in there. My best friend was heartless in the breakup. Refused to communicate with her at all. I was there to console her and I did and fell in love with her in the process. This was another 6 months or so after they had broken up. My best mate was already dating another girl at this point. His current wife I might add. I was 22, a virgin and had never had a GF. I fell head over heels for her. This ruined completely ruined my friendship with my best mate.

 

So we had a cool trip to a snowy village planned. Me and all my friends including A but not including my best mate. During this trip we were at a concert. I pulled the mother of my child into the front of the crowd and we danced in the mud. She repeatedly got knocked over but I caught her and pulled her to her feet before she hit the mud everytime. Then it happened and we were making out. It was one of the most magical moments of my life. My first real passionate kiss. Later that night back at the house she came into my room and challenged me saying that I wouldn't kiss her. I jumped up and kissed her without even a conscious thought. We did not have sex. She was well aware of my virginity.

 

The trip ended and we went back to our home. My best mate still living there with us. We told him what happened and he took it surprisingly well. He told us he had thought before we would make a good couple and gave us his blessing.

Then all hell broke loose. Myself and Her started to get intimate (not sex) in the house trying to be respectful at my mate but it was so exciting and passionate and my friend started to rage about it. Remember he was already dating his current wife at the time.

So anyway one night when I had gone to hang out with friends up the road they had sex. This really hurt me. Bad. I thought that me and she had a thing going. We were not in a relationship yet so it was not cheating. She told my mate to lie to me about it and act like nothing had happnded. Of course my mate told me straight up what happened and she couldn't even look me in the eye. I took it pretty well but I had already fallen for her and decided to forgive her and move on. However I never really got over this and pressured her about aspects of this for the rest of our relationship. Should've got counseling.. Damnit.

 

So the relationship began and I gave her my virginity about 3 months into it. I performed surprisingly well and she told me to "cum in me" during the intercourse. During my first lay. I didn't.

Then about 2 months after that we were driving home from another friends house up the road. We were both a bit drunk. She randomly said "jared I think we should breakup". !!!!!!????. I was so hurt by this comment. I didn't know why we she said that. I had just given her my virginity. I was in love with her. I lost my respect for her about this comment for the rest of the relationship. I never got over when she said that to me. We didn't break-up and she apologized for saying it but didn't explain why she said it. I never trusted her again through the entire relationship after that comment. She then said she didn't remember saying it.

 

Then we moved to Australia for better work prospects. We were living with my estranged father. The child was conceived in this time. She was planned and it was a beautiful conception. For me anyway..

The lovey dubey phase of our relationship had ended by this point and we both started to realize the negative things we didn't like about eachother. My video-gaming/cannabis addiction. her temper tantrums and nastyness. I started to neglect her intentionally. I was working my butt off. I would come home sit down at the computer, smoke weed and play games until it was time to go to sleep for work.

She would lose her patience with my behavior and would hit/throw things at me quite a bit and we would verbally abuse eachother quite a lot also. When she goes into her rages she doesn't remember what she's done/said a lot of the time. I started to really hate her guts through this time and started falling out of love almost as soon as the luvey dubey phase ended.

 

We took a break and she moved back to New Zealand to get better support for her pregnancy and I stayed in Australia to work and save for the child . I sent her the money back so she could by a cheap car for 2k. I was still heavily involved in my addictions and was finding it hard to save. I was also having huge issues with my father who is a gambling/drug addict and was having to carry him financially when went through two different job changes.

 

So when she was about 8 months into her pregnancy I moved back to New Zealand. She actually did move back to Australia for a brief period inbetween this time. It was basically a repeat of the previous time she moved to Aussie. So she moved back again. I know she lost a lot of respect/trust for me in this time.

So yea, moved back to New Zealand and started working as a Milk Merchandiser for Fonterra. Hated the job. Greedy corporate types. Yuck. I would come home very stressed and continue to with my compulsive behaviors.

she was doing really well in this time. She got into pregnancy yoga and was studying to become a yoga teacher. She was really glowing and I was going downhill.

 

The child was born. Just beautiful. She was born on the bathroom floor of our flat with only our doula and midwife present. No problems. 45 minute labor. I had gotten stoned before her contractions started. But I did a great job with massaging and supporting her. Her strength was amazing and inspirational. She had no drugs and it was completely natural. I fell strongly back in love with her during this time.

The child came out and there she was. Eyes open, dark bluey brown eyes. Didn't cry. Little bit of hair on head. Her energy and spirit was gentle, sensitive and loving right from the start. We got her on the boob and BAM we were parents. Amazing. Just amazing. She later developed my super big dark dark brown eyes. Her hair grows in crowns like mine. She has her mother's mouth, chin, and long limbs. Her personality is a 50/50 mix of mine and hers.

 

The month's after Izzy was born I was trying my best to support my family but my addictions were getting the better of me. I hated my job and my relationship with her was really suffering. So at her request I moved away to go through several failed rehab attempts and stay with my mother to heal my addictions which also failed. I wasn't ready at that point.

 

I moved back in with A and the child still an addict. Of course everything got worse and worse. I quit my job on the spot and got on the unemployment benefit. During this time me and she were in bed and she had been getting at me about everything for hours. I was really tired and needed to sleep. I lost my cool after a while and rolled over and punched her in the hip. It did end the argument though and we went to sleep. In the morning she apologized for getting at me for hours and I apologized for hitting her. That was the only time I have ever hit a woman. She had a big bruise on her hip. I felt terrible.

Also during this time I cheated on her with a hooker in a brothel. Our relationship was pretty much on the rocks but we were still together. We were not having sex at the time. I cheated on her. I have vomited since at the thought of my action here. Disgusted. I am a disgusting person. When I told her she took it surprisingly well. She told me my best friend (her ex) had a bigger penis then me which I know for a fact is not true. We have identical penis size erect (I'm not gay or anything). So she must have been hurting a lot more then she let on.

 

Anyway all that stuff and many other altercations over time and we broke up. I moved back to Australia to make more money but this time I had real trouble finding a job. I got heavily depressed living with my father and wanting to reconcile with A. signed a parenting order that clearly states "she has day to day care" and that "contact with The child can only happen through pre-arrangement". Signing that parenting order has been one of the worst mistakes of my life. I signed it because I was trying to reconcile with her and make her happy.

 

Over in Australia my father, she and family in New Zealand saw how depressed I was getting. They paid for me to fly back over and I stayed with my mother to recover. She couldn't handle my suicidal thoughts and I was institutionalized. In the psych ward I met a girl called Sonya. We hit it off right away. Me and A. agreed we would tell the other if we met someone else so that's what I did. Suddenly A. was ringing me back wanting me back for the first time since our breakup. I knew she was just jealous and didn't really love me so I rejected her advance.

Sonya turned out to be a promiscuous, alcoholic, chain-smoking person who my attraction for quickly and steadily declined. I called A. telling her this and she quickly ended the conversation.

 

I got depressed badly again. My family intervened and I started work as an apprentice engineer for my uncle. I started boxing and playing soccer. I was going well for awhile until my work got postponed for 3 months and I had to move back to my mothers. A. allowed me to come stay at her place for a weekend to visit Izzy which I did. She was talking about some guy she had met on a dating site who had been in jail. Anyway she went on a date with this guy on the weekend while I babysat Izzy. This was difficult but I was strong. This guy stayed over on the first date and A. told me that he only went down on her and they slept in different beds. I then tricked her and asked how big his penis was and she answered so I knew they had had sex and I know A... They definitely had sex. I had to drop my daughter back to her that night because she breastfeeds through the night. My daughter would have been laying there in the cot next to the bed while they got it on. Infuriating. This was on the Friday.

Next day A. came over and we talked. It was nice to hang with her and Izzy again but she was buzzing over her date. Anyways they had had curry and A. got some bad digestive distress. I went up to her place dragged the mattress into the loungeroom, got the fire started and proceeded to care for A. and the child while she was sick. We had sex that night. She initiated it. I was sleeping on the couch and she came out and invited me into bed. She told me what she did with her date on the Sunday morning after. She also said her date was kind and laidback so I didn't feel the need to pressure her about him being a convict.

 

So later on while at my mothers and unemployed I was again severely depressed. A. was unwilling to communicate with me about anything. Even though when she was really sad I sat there for hours on Skype trying to console her. I txted her one day and asked what that guy was in jail for. She replied with one word "pedafile". I knew she was probably kidding but it didn't help. How would she feel if I day to day care of Izzy and said that to her? I know for a fact she would lost her mind as did I. My thinking got severely extreme and erratic. I drove up to where she lives in my sisters car (she lives about 3 and half hours drive from my mothers). I tried to act like everything was fine but I knew I was going to make one last attempt with A. and if she rejected me I was going to kill myself.

I babysat The child the previous night while she got a break. I was still smoking cannabis at this time quite heavily. It was helping me to calm down. Izzy got a bit grizzly later on and wanted Mummy and her breastmilk so I called her and she invited me over. I came in and the place was a pig sty. I stayed for about an hour and did her dishes to help. I played with Izzy until she went to sleep then I left.

Went back to her parents as that was where I was staying and didn't sleep at all. She called at 8 or so in the morning and said "hey, you wanna come get her?" .. Sure.. So I hopped in the car and knew what I was going to do. Had been laying in bed thinking about it for past 8 hours.

I remember it all specifically and vividly. I came over to her house and A. was making some snacks for Izzy to eat while I babysat her. I said "so with all you're boundries and stuff what can we actually talk about. Just her?" she said "yea just izzy". Hurt. I looked out the window and said "theres only one way I can be in Izzy's life everyday and that's if im with you". She replied "that's not going to happen". I felt broken. So broken. Lump in my throat was huge and was trying not to cry in front of A. but I was failing. Legs shaking. Heart beating so fast. I turned and said "I can't". A. just looked at me. I said "ive gotta go" knowing full well what I was about to do and walked out the door also knowing that IZZY WAS NOT WITH ME OR IN THE CAR. She came out holding Iz and said "arnt you taking her with you?" I said "I cant". Then said "how would you feel if I died?". She replied "you're to much drama for me mate" and closed the door. Oh man. I'm so pathetic. I'm such a weak mess. I hoped into my sisters car, drove around the corner to pickup some speed and slammed myself intentionally into a power pole at 120km's without my seatbelt. Knocked the power pole over. Took out the power to the block. I survived without a scratch. Airbags saved my life. Damnit, I wanted to die. GODAMIT. YOU GOD.

 

My reasons for wanting to die were many. Abandonment of my father and watching the person he is. Dealing with the abuse from my Mother and Step-father. The favoritism of my sister. The vast amounts of regret looking back at the relationship with A.. Wishing I was still a virgin. Feeling I was being replaced as the father of the kid. Feeling I was a terrible father. Cannabis and video gaming addiction. The surgery's I've gone through which I won't mention here. Last but not least sick to death of my anxiety and being so nervous and sensitive in every situation.

 

The police took me to the psych ward again. This was the tipping point in my life from dark to light. The folks and nurses there was so helpful and patient with me. They reminded me about Yoga and Meditation. They encouraged me to continue my boxing and soccer. Even one of the nurses bringing a boxing bag and soccerball from home (she had a crush on me) they even encouraged me to continue my singing and made me sing in front of everyone a few times. It was so flattering and I helped me realize how much I have to offer the world and my daughter. The nurse who admitted she had a crush (maybe trying to prop me up) said she would totally date me if she was single. She kissed my cheek which was electric.

 

So anyways. This brings me to present times. I am working again with my uncle in engineering. I'm staying with my nana and saving up for a car/place of my own. I'm doing meditation daily and Yoga/Soccer/Boxing training a few times a week. I feel great and am getting hits on my dating sight. This is all great but not the problem.

 

A. is saying I'm a danger to my daughter which is absurd. She is saying "what if Izzy was in the car?". She is refusing to communicate and because of the parenting order and the trespass order (she trespassed me from her rental property when I was released from the psych ward. I understand why she might be frightened but she knows I am a harmless fella and I respect her boundries). I have no way to get contact with Izzy. It's so hurtful and is really affecting my recovery. I am going through the legal process now of getting contact again. I have filed my affadavit's and everything last week. A. will be getting served this week sometime.

One thing though I'm worried about. My original affidavit was full of all the past transgressions A. did to me. Her physical, mental and psychological abuse toward me. Her control issues around the kid and not letting my family see her I mean her family is just as dysfunctional as mine. The way she drops her period all over the floor that Izzy crawls/walks on that I have had to clean up. Izzy's teeth which are badly stained while I've been away, the sores on her body and face. I could go on and on. Thing is, I removed all that. I made my affidavit as kind as possible to her and her family. I wanted to rise above the nastiness. I went against my lawyers and familys advice and filed it trying to be kind. I even went as far as saying "A. is a brilliant mother" which is just not true. She's a good mother and tried hard but not brilliant. I'm trying to avoid a massive nasty court battle.

However if she replies with nastiness as she may well do then my replies from myself, my family and even her ex (my best friend) who has also dealt with her abusive ways also will get me contact with Izzy anyway.

 

She has contacted one thing to me since my suicide attempt. "I am happy for jared to have supervised contact at a supervised contact center". I do not need to be supervised with my daughter. It's not going to happen. I'm no harm to her and never have been. I love her dearly. I have made some minor mistakes sure. But going to supervised contact is extremely expensive and a lot of travel/accomidation costs. I'm refusing this outright. She is well aware I'm safe to be with Izzy. She's playing her same old control games.

 

Thanks for reading. Be thoughtful and gentle with you're replies.

 

Love and Light to all.

[Capricorn3]

To be brutally honest, when reading your history, I (as a mother) can totally understand why she insists on supervised contact at a supervised contact center. I don't it as playing control games. She is concerned for her daughter's welfare and rightly so (imo).

[jay278]

But did you read what happened that day? I have told you the stone cold truth. I was well aware she was not present in the vehicle and declined to take her with me. She has been more harmful to Izzy then me by a long shot with her yelling at her and not brushing her teeth etc etc.

[Capricorn3]

But did you read what happened that day?.

Speaking for myself only, it would not have anything to do with just one day. I take into consideration the ENTIRE picture, the ENTIRE background history and when I put it all together, I would also insist on supervised visits only.

[jay278]

So then you're refusing to acknowledge she is abusive behaviors that have put myself, best friend and her little sister in deep depressive states. Not to mention effecting my daughters health. You can insist on you're supervised contacts but the full picture would come out like you say and you would lose in court.

 

There is another thing here I forgot to mention. She is refusing to let me phone call or skype with Isabell also. Even if I was a danger to my daughter WHICH IM NOT there is no reason to deny me contact through phone or skype as there is no possible way I can hurt her on there. Besides. I just want to see her and tell her I love her. Apparently she is talking now and I'm missing all of it. You can't tell me this isnt some sort of control game.

[jay278]

And the one day you are talking about is the one day where i was in the most negative mind state of my life and wanted to kill myself. The court will see that even in that terrible mindstate I was I still refused to take the child with me. They will see if Adelle showed me an ounce of compassion things might have been different.

 

You can see it however you want. Her own family and friends disagree with her. I have over 50 affadavits in support of my own. She is going to get steamrolled if she replies with nastiness.

[Capricorn3]

The truth of the matter is that this entire "relationship" is completely toxic and dysfunctional - on BOTH sides. The only one suffering here is the child and it is the CHILD's welfare ONLY which should be taken into consideration by the courts right now. Hopefully they do a good job and do what's right for the CHILD and if that takes supervised visits, then so be it.

 

She is going to get steamrolled if she replies with nastiness.

Not any more than you would if you push your luck. Just read your own threads about your own past history - there's enough there to make any lawyer grant the supervised visits instantly.

[jay278]

I'm not pushing my luck at all. I'm to intelligent for that. Yes lawyer for child has been granted and they will see my improvement. They will also see that how abusive Adelle is. They will also see that there is no reason to deny me skype / phone calls. They will also see there is no reason for her to be messing with my head about the pedafile thing and saying "there will always be a chance for us, then calling me a stalker in the next minute when im questioning why she would say that to me. (which i have recorded)

 

I have no criminal history other then my attempt. I have never really hurt anyone other then puching adelle's hip which she not call the cops or anyone. I told her to do so if she is frightned but she knew she had once again pushed me beyong the limit so she did'nt and we both apologized.

 

I will not be having supervised contact. Period. Even if the court orders it. It's wrong. I want her to pass a drug test and a phychiatric evaluation if they want to go down this road. I will do the same.

 

Did you not read the part where my daughter's teeth are a stained mess at 1 year 10 months old? Did you not read the part where my daughter has sores all over her face and body? Am I having a conversation with a biased feminist????

[Capricorn3]

Did YOU not read where I said: "The truth of the matter is that this entire "relationship" is completely toxic and dysfunctional - on BOTH sides."?

[jay278]

Agreed. But then you say I should be having supervised contact when all evidence points to my grandmother should have day to day care. Also. The only suffering Isabell is going through is from her sores and teeth from her mothers neglect. She is 2 young to be aware of anything else.

[abitbroken]

I agree that you are a danger to your daughter. Aside from the suicidal tendencies, you have abused drugs and have seen your daughter when you were under the influence or soon after/before. You also have threatened your ex with violence. Because she told you that you were not getting back together, you told her that you were going to go kill yourself. And you did not think once about how your absence would shatter your daughter forever. I think that you need further counseling, you need to quit it with the cannabis or whatever else because it is contributing to your depression and it also doesn't look good on record. I would get all the professional help I can. At this point you have to stop blaming issues or explaining issues because of your parents and you have to from this moment going forward on owning your choices.

[abitbroken]

 

Did you not read the part where my daughter's teeth are a stained mess at 1 year 10 months old? Did you not read the part where my daughter has sores all over her face and body? Am I having a conversation with a biased feminist????

 

Then you need to call child services. OR you need to see if one of her relatives or your relatives would step in to babysit and monitor the situation. Honestly, though, if you are also abusing drugs and have been in psychiatric custody, NEITHER of you looks more credible than the other. You have to get yourself straigtened out if you want to be a credible voice for your daughter. Its out of the frying pan and into the fire.

[abitbroken]

 

I will not be having supervised contact. Period. Even if the court orders it. It's wrong. I want Adelle to pass a drug test and a phychiatric evaluation if they want to go down this road. I will do the same.

 

Then you won't see your daughter. You have to PROVE that you don't need supervised contact by behaving in an even, sane, and sober manner when you do see your daughter. And while in recovery you really should not see either of them. You need to focus on your recovery only until you are able to see your daughter.

[chitown9]

You took a very violent action when you attempted to kill yourself. That action shows a troubled mind. This is the reason your visits need to be supervised. I do believe that you should be able to talk with your daughter on the phone and skype, but the supervised visits are understandable. You also punched your wife in the hip when angry. which was another violent action to cause bodily harm to another. Not good! chi

[jay278]

1) I've been sober since my accident on July 19th 2014.

 

2)I've never threatened Adelle with violence ever. All I said was "how would you feel if I died". Adelle has hit me and made me bleed countless times. I love how you all are forgetting this fact. Once she stood up on top of the bed when I was asleep and started stomping on my head and face. That's just one example. I punched her once in the hip because she had been provoking me for hours. I would like to see anyone in this thread take the abuse I have from Adelle and not hit back like I have.

 

3)I thought very much about my absence from Isabell. But my thinking was disturbed at the time. I thought I had been replaced as the father and thought that I was a terrible father anyway. I thought it would be better if I was gone.

 

4)Yes I did in a different way say I was going to kill myself. She shut the door in my face and left me to it. Heartless.

 

5)I get counseling twice a week at manalive and I do boxing, soccer, yoga and meditation training.

 

6)Adelle has been in psych wards also and attemped to kill herself before I met her via slit wrist. She has a tattoo on her wrist to cover it up. You would think she would show me compassion considering she has been in my state of mind more then once. But nobody talks about that because she's the mother and I'm the messed up father.

 

7)While Adelle is blocking me from my daughter I will blame and go to war with her. Enough said.

 

8)I have called child services two months ago and they are compiling evidence for me in court. They are on my side. They want my grandmother to have day to day care.

 

9)NOTHING WILL STOP ME FROM SEEING MY DAUGHTER! You people have the short end of the story and me trying to show integrity by talking about my mistakes really doesn't give the full story. People don't just kill themselves. There is usually an external problem stopping them from moving forward. Nothing will stop me from seeing my daughter. Nothing. If they order me into supervised contact I will go to jail because I went to Adelle's house to play with my daughter. I don't want to hurt anyone but if the law forces this upon me then I have no respect for the law. I will see my daughter and will not hurt anyone.

 

10)I always kept my Cannabis use outside of the house and at the end of the night after Isabell went to sleep. I'm off of it now anyway and am not depressed anymore.

 

11)No they do not need to be supervised and they won't be. Regardless of the law. Promise. I won't hurt anyone or do anything other then play with my daughter. As usual. How is it ok for a woman to hit a man make them bleed REPEATADLY but if I don't do it once it's all you people want to talk about??? HYPOCRISY

 

12) I came here for reassurance that I'm on the right path. Not to be scolded by a group of biased woman who refuse to acknowledge my ex partners abusive ways.

[jay278]

Another thing. Adelle's brothers grow and sell cannabis since I have known them. Adelle goes over there and her brother pays her to help him prune and harvest. She would then scold me when I would smoke it. But it was ok for her to drink.

This is why it was so hard for me to giveup. It was everywhere. I have removed those guys from my life now.

[bulletproof]

1)

 

12) I came here for reassurance that I'm on the right path. Not to be scolded by a group of biased woman who refuse to acknowledge my ex partners abusive ways.

 

But why would people reassure you you're on the right path if they don't think that you are? How would lying to you help?

 

Nobody here is biased- they're anonymous posters on the internet. They have the least bias they can possibly have.

 

From what you've written, I agree with those saying both you and your ex are toxic for each other. Both of you, equally. And that your child is suffering greatly from both of your actions and inactions.

 

If you chose not to see your child at supervised visits, then you are choosing not to see your child, period. It simply sounds like pride and stubbornness that would be keeping you from doing whatever the court asks of you.

[chitown9]

 

If you chose not to see your child at supervised visits, then you are choosing not to see your child, period. It simply sounds like pride and stubbornness that would be keeping you from doing whatever the court asks of you.

 

OP, read this loud and clear. Only you can control what YOU DO. You certainly cannot control what the mother of your child does. No one here suggests that she is without faults here. You are the one on this site asking for assistance, so we can only address our replies to you. It sounds like you have made major improvements in your life, so that is really good news. Please continue with that and work with the system to do the best for your daughter, and that means complying with supervised visits with her as long as it is required. chi

[lerenard]

You need to go through with at least one rehab and therapy to be clean and clear, take a big look at your life after being sober for at least a year and then take actions. Because everything you do now is just making it worse. I was with a guy like that, an I am happy as hell we never had children together. I know you think this is not how it is, but I was with a pot head, and to people like that pot is the most important thing in life. To prove that - you smoked when your wife was giving birth and in many other occasions where it would be best to stay sober, but you did not because you love to smoke weed. That came to bite you back, sorry. Too late to blame your wife on not letting you see your child.

 

Stay clean and solve YOUR issues, you know exactly what they are.

[jay278]

I do not need to go through rehab/therapy for a year. That is absurd. I'm already on the right path and I feel positive and happy.

Are you suggesting that I do not see my daughter for a year? Are you insane? I've already taken a big look at my life and making the changes required.

EVERYTHING IM DOING NOW IS MAKING IT WORSE??? The reality is the opposite!! GO AWAY!!

Did you have siblings that grew the stuff and gave it too you're boyfriend for free? Did you help them prune and harvest it? Of course not because you're probably not a hypocrite.

Pot is NOT by FAR the most important thing in my life. It is my daughter. I have been off of it for 3 months now. It was easy. Ciggy's were way harder to give up then pot.

I DID NOT SMOKE WHILE SHE WAS GIVING BIRTH!! I was watching batman the dark knight rises on TV. I had gotten stoned before the movie and she started having contractions. There is a difference there.

How did pot come to bite me back? This is ridiculous. I do not love to smoke weed.

I can blame my wife for not letting me contact my daughter on Skype and phone after I've been sober for 3 months and counting.

Take you're personal vendetta against Cannabis elsewhere please. It actually cures cancer. It's not my fault you're ex loved pot more then you.

 

I have read the other posts and agree wholeheartedly. I am on the right path despite what ^^ person says.

Maybe I am being stubborn and proud when not wanting the supervised visits. But let me ask you. If you help raise a child from birth. Love her dearly. Give everything and change you're life for her. Then they tell you you're dangerous to her because you had been suicidal in the past so you need to be supervised with the baby you changed her nappies thousands of times!!?? It's INFURIATING.

[lavenderdove]

It's only been a few months since you rammed yourself into a pole and almost killed yourself and were suicidal. And you are a drug addict.

 

The court will probably insist on only supervised visitations until you have shown yourself to be clean for a long time (via court orderred and random drug tests) and also until you have been in treatment for a long time and shown yourself to be gainfully employed, drug free, and mentally stable.

 

So you will have to show the court you are a responsible, sober, and mentally stable parent to gain unsupervised visitation. That will have to be earned, and over time, given the history here. No judge on this planet is going to give unsupervised visitation to a drug addict who recently wrapped their car around a pole in a suicidal frenzy. They will let you see her unsupervised again only when you've proven over a long time that you are in a fit state to take care of her alone.

 

You judging yourself fit unfortunately will not be up to the court's standard of care when an infant child is concerned. So behave reasonably and rationally and show the court you have changed, and eventually you will get unsupervised visitation, but not until enough time has passed and you've shown yourself over time to be drug free, mentally stable, and not a danger to yourself or anyone else. I wouldn't count on that sooner than at least a couple years from now.

 

And please do not defy the court no matter what they order, or they can permanently deny you visitation and terminate your parental rights if you behave badly enough in front of them. You are going to have to earn their respect and trust, and that will take time based on the events that have happened very recently to do with drug use and a recent attempted suicide.

[Iggy5129]

Neither of you should have custody of this child imo.

[abitbroken]

July 2014 is not long enough to be sober for a court to consider your sober. If you have been sober 10, 20 years, then that is saying something and that would help your case. If you were a model decision, they may grant you her daughter, but when both parents are a mess, they err on the side of the mother with infants and toddlers. You are not a good plan B at all for your daughter right now. You would not provide a stable home better than what she has. So keep working on yourself. that is all you can do.

[bulletproof]

Maybe I am being stubborn and proud when not wanting the supervised visits. But let me ask you. If you help raise a child from birth. Love her dearly. Give everything and change you're life for her. Then they tell you you're dangerous to her because you had been suicidal in the past so you need to be supervised with the baby you changed her nappies thousands of times!!?? It's INFURIATING.

 

If I had a child, I would do everything I can to get on the good side of the court and be able to see her, supervised or not.

It may be infuriating, but the difference between an adult and a child is that an adult realizes things are infuriating but does what he/she needs to do regardless.

 

You grew up in an abusive home. You know what that feels like, and how limited a child's understanding of these situations is. To your daughter, it's just going to seem like you didn't want to see her. She is the one suffering from your pride. Right now you are creating an emotional/psychologically abusive situation for your daughter, whether you intend to or not.

[jay278]

wish I had never made this thread. You people make me feel very bad about my situation. The system is horrible. You people are horrible. I am not a drug addict. Giving up pot was easy. Being away from Isabell for 3 months has been horrendous and has seriously affected my recovery. I did not come close to relapse once. I however find myself crying and missing my babygirl like crazy everyday.

 

This system is ridiculously broken. How can they deny me access to my daughter for a year and expect me not to get depressed? You people are heartless!

 

Thanks for making me feel horrible about the future. Go to hell. All of you. Politically correct, heartless people. If Isabell could speak I know she would be wondering where her daddy is and you people want to deny me and her that and seriously damage us even more. System is broken and I have no respect for it.

 

I'll say it again. I'm no harm to my daughter. I never was. Never will be. Only myself but I'm fixing it now and on the right path. I'll show up at Adelle's doorstep and sit down with her and read her a book if they take my rights as a father. Then Adelle will call the police and I will be arrested. This is not right. Screw the law. I have no respect for it. What you people are suggesting is just straight up wrong and puts a huge emotional strain on myself and Isabell.

 

I have no respect for the law if it's going to impose this immoral crap on me. You apathetic people disgust me. Wish I hadn't made this thread. How do I delete it.