MacTavish Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 I recently lost my girlfriend of two years to another guy. She seemed really confused. They had met online a couple of week prior to this and he confessed he loved her a week later. She told me she started to like him, but said she'd try to focus on our relationship. The next week everything seemed fine. Then I moved to be closer to her and she broke up with me the same day. She said she didn't know what she wanted and would take time to herself to figure it out. I found out they made it official that they were dating the same night! I want her back. She really is the love of my life and I feel like she was manipulated into this decision. Is she filling a void? Or is she really in love with him that fast....She told me and him that she didn't want to lose me but he wouldn't stop until he got what he wanted...it's confusing. Now she won't talk to me at all under strict orders from him. I need advice. She says she doesn't know why she left and some things can't be explained... Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 She was not manipulated into the decision. She just didn't have the grace or maturity to break it off with you when she was no longer feeling it and seeking male attention elsewhere. Link to comment
MacTavish Posted September 10, 2014 Author Share Posted September 10, 2014 Why do I want her back? I love her....I care for her so much....I just want one more chance for some reason...I feel like I shouldn't want anything to do with her, but I love her....this hurts Link to comment
Clinton Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 You don't want her back after this, trust me She left you for someone else. She cheated on you by hooking up with a guy online. This is not someone who can be trusted. Go NC and heal. Then when you are ready, start to date. This relationship is over. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 The other guy doesn't matter. What you need to understand is that she doesn't want to be with you and that has been on her mind for a long long time. She chose to open the door and let that guy into her life because she had already checked out of the relationship with you. The whole "confused" thing is just empty words trying to both let you down easy and to leave herself a safety net to use you to get over you. The love of your life is not going to leave you for another guy. So I'm sorry you are hurting and I'm sorry for the break up, they are never easy. However, best bet for you is to focus on getting over her so you can actually find the real love of your life. Link to comment
MacTavish Posted September 10, 2014 Author Share Posted September 10, 2014 If she didn't want to be with me then why did she tell me she didn't want to lose me ? Why did she jump on me and have sex with me when I found out about her liking someone else and tried to break up with her? Why did she let me move far away from home while telling me "I love you and things will get better" if she didn't want to continue? I don't trust this guy...I don't think he loves her....He has emotional issues and told her she's the only good thing in his life and if she didn't remain his friend he'd kill himself.... Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 If she didn't want to be with me then why did she tell me she didn't want to lose me ? Why did she jump on me and have sex with me when I found out about her liking someone else and tried to break up with her? Why did she let me move far away from home while telling me "I love you and things will get better" if she didn't want to continue? I don't trust this guy...I don't think he loves her....He has emotional issues and told her she's the only good thing in his life and if she didn't remain his friend he'd kill himself.... Because she is cruel Link to comment
Clinton Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 It's not your problem any more. Let it go. Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 Because she is young and immature and, what if ---- she keeps you on the waiting list in case things don't work out with her #1 choice!!!! Then she can come back to you. She had sex with you so you wouldn't break up with her! And you fell for it. She let you move away because she was done and looking for your replacement. You need to stop worrying about her and her choices and start focusing on you. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 Why do I want her back? I love her....I care for her so much.... Because not only are you in denial, you're living in the moment rather than thinking long term. She wants to keep you as a spare, while she searches for a better offer. Are you willing to accept the role of sloppy seconds? Link to comment
Doug73 Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 You'll likely be miserable and unable to ever trust her again. Don't put yourself through that! It's not nice! Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 ""I recently lost my girlfriend of two years to another guy. She seemed really confused. They had met online a couple of week prior to this and he confessed he loved her a week later"" If she was your girlfriend then why was she online shopping? Was this a dating site? It appears something was up long before you found out. She's being manipulative and you don't want anyone who is with someone else. And as far as him not loving her or having issues? Who says? Her? Where are you getting your information? She is saying just enough to keep you on the shelf so she has something to run back to. You need to know you deserve better and if you don't you need to find out why. Link to comment
redswim30 Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 I'm sorry to tell you it's over. People who get dumped have a hard time accepting the reality that a person breaking up with you has thought about it for a long time. They are already out of the relationship mentally. And most people don't leave for "no reason". It's very common to blame the other person they left you for, but remember they are not the one in the committed relationship with you. The other person isn't an evil manipulator and your gf has a brain and willpower, she did not "have to" do anything- She WANTED this. She CHOSE it. There are a few reasons people say they want to "work it out" even when they don't- Here are the most common reasons: 1. It looks good socially to say that you "tried to work it out" - Even if it's a total lie or half-hearted attempt. 2. They don't want to be the "bad guy" 3. They lack courage to just tell the truth and deal with the fall out. 4. They genuinely don't want to hurt you and use this a time staller while they figure out how to actually break up with you doing the least amount of damage. 5. They are stalling for time to make sure everything else lines up and in case it doesn't- then they still "have you" None of these reasons are good, but they happen all the time. Link to comment
JME Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 I have to chime in. MacTavish you can read all my posts as you will see what I've been dealing with for nearly 9 mths. Everyone here is telling us the truth, however it is all so hard for us to want to accept it. Nothing will get better until we want it too. It's the samething as seeking a therapist for help. If you don't accept the help the help cannot be affective. Love is a hard thing to let go of when it's you or I that have been dumped on. It's easy for the person in the relationship that has broken it off to move on. They may think about us on numerous occassions and even drop us a line. But the mere fact is, we do not own anyone. We cannot force a relationship to stay together. We must somehow find ourselves and know that we can make it on our own even if it means be single for awhile. although I am deathly afraid to be alone for the rest of my life. It wasn't a choice of mine. I always said that my life is fullfilled being in a relationship. I guess this is why it is so hard to let go and move on. I still haven't done this and my position is very strange. Although I would like to say everyone is right here, and you should just let go and move on. However only you can make that decision. I myself can't seem to turn off the feelings I have. I never fell out of love with my gf. If she were to tell me today it is totally over then I'd have no choice. But for me to ask her last night if she really is serious about staying together and she says yes and when asking her if she would marry me and she says yes, but then continues to stay a bit distant because of her resentment she has towards me, is hard to wallow in. I either have to be patient with her or move on by being the one who steps up to the plate and makes the mature decision. I feel for you!!! But if you are stronger than me. I would say let go and go NC like all the other's say. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 Okay, if meeting someone online and having them say they love you after one week is all it takes for your ex to jump ship then you need to face the facts: she was never in love with you to begin with no matter what she says. Someone genuinely in love with you wouldn't even have been online looking for that guy in the first place and if she's not smart enough to file a one-week "i love you" under the heading of trash then she's got some serious issues herself. I know it hurts now, but you need to go NC and realize she's not being manipulated--you are--by thinking she was ever with you in the first place. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 " It's easy for the person in the relationship that has broken it off to move on" Not always so. . More often then not the dumper wrestles with guilt and second guessing themselves. Unless you were a monster they will also mourn the loss of the relationship and the things the liked about you. I was the dumper last time. . broke my heart and I'm still not 100% yet. I also didn't run to someone else. That tends to postpone the messy stuff you deal with on the other side. But it's there waiting for you non-the-less, especially if the relationship was a significant one. Link to comment
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