almost 10 years now,but i cant forget her.

[devdas]

Hi,

I don't know what to say about my problem. But to keep it in simple words, I loved a girl in my school days. Its been 10 years in a row since I finished my school. She too knew that I love her, she loved me too as she did tell me once. After that certain things happened in which I was not involved. Some real bad things. She got the news that I was a part of that happening. I tried to tell her that I was not wrong or that I had nothing to do with what all had happened. She refused to hear a single word from me. I tried to convey my message through all possible means but every effort of mine annoyed her. She blocked me from each and every possible communication mode. I could not find her anywhere. None of our common friends had any news about her. Last year I came to know that she got married in 2012 and she also has a baby child. I can't express What I felt that time. I was very happy and very sad at the same time. I cried very hard for days. Used to get drunk like hell. After some time I got back to normal. Forgetting about her completely. Suddenly when 1 day I saw her in my dreams. And this kept me awake for days. I searched her old email and congratulated her about her marriage and son. Hoping against the hope that she would even reply. Suddenly after 3 days she replied to.my email. I was like mad with mixed feelings. Feeling happy and sad at the same time. I could not help myself from not thinking about her from that day on wards.

Guys, I don't know what is it. Why do I get her dreams time and again.

Please help as I'm getting depressed now a days.

[jjkk]

What was it that happened? In what way did she think you were involved?

[devdas]

It was like, one friend of mine asked for her friends no.stating that he knew her and wanted to ask something urgent. Ibelieving in good faith that he won't misuse the number, gave him. He started using abusive and filthy language upon her. I tried to stop him but it was all over. Matter reached my girl. I still believe that she thought it was me who used such absurd language and behaved in v.bad manner. This is the only regret I'm living with. I could not explain her that it was not me.

I could not clarify her. She in fact did not allow me to clear the things.

 

That's all.

[lerenard]

You feel bad about something you haven't even done, and you are obsessing with a girl that you never even dated, and knew 10 years ago. She is probably a totally different person now, she moved on and she has a life. I think you maybe need some counselling to get you through this and get a life for yourself as well?

I understand that it is something really important for you, but a big part of your life passed, and you haven't even shared it with her to be so sad/obsessed or else. All your thoughts about her are just in your head, since she never really was in your life since 10 years.

[devdas]

But dear, why is it so that I still get her dreams..???

Whenever I have 1 the whole day I'm depressed ... Whenever I become busy with my life, at the backdrop of my mind I remember her.. Even a single word she ever said, I remember that..

[jjkk]

I think the regret or the fact that you haven't been able to make amends is what's keeping your mind on this girl. Since she replied to your email, you could always send her an email explaining your side of things and apologizing and letting her know you've always wanted to clear the air. Then let it go.. completely!! No more worrying about it, no more emailing her (she's married), just say what you want to say in the email and then move on. Best of luck!!

[lerenard]

Nobody can really tell you why you dream about certain people at certain times. But I can tell you this - when you let your mind run around any subject - most definitely it will also do so in your sleep.

[devdas]

Thank you jjkk.. That might help.. But to be very frank with you, i m afraid to send her any email now. As she's married. Her husband might not understand this thing.

He might not accept that. I can't play with her life, just because of my stupid feelings. Im from India and not everybody here is open minded. That's again my problem. Her mother knows me well. Should I go to her for confession.??

[jjkk]

Her mother knows me well. Should I go to her for confession.??

 

If you know her mother well and truly believe that explaining what happened 10 years ago w/ her friend and the phone number, etc. will help you be able to let all of this go, then yes, I don't see the harm in it. I wouldn't recommend talking about the love and dream stuff, just get the phone number incident off your chest, clear the air w/ her mother and then let it go! In all reality she probably never even thinks about it anymore. I seriously doubt it's had much of an impact on her life.

[Capricorn3]

i m afraid to send her any email now. As she's married. Her husband might not understand this thing.

He might not accept that. I can't play with her life, just because of my stupid feelings. Im from India and not everybody here is open minded. That's again my problem.

I totally agree with the above. It's been 10 years. She has moved on, got married, has a child and a whole new life. I don't think it is your place to start sending her emails in the current circumstances. Time for you to let it go and move on too.

[catfeeder]

But dear, why is it so that I still get her dreams..???

Whenever I have 1 the whole day I'm depressed ... Whenever I become busy with my life, at the backdrop of my mind I remember her.. Even a single word she ever said, I remember that..

 

This combined with the fact that she's married and living her own life are prime reasons to seek therapy with a professional who's trained to help people who've gotten 'stuck' in time.

 

You don't need to fully commit to any treatment right now, just go for an assessment and find out what kind of work a therapist could help you with. Decide from there.

 

You've been beating a dead horse for 10 years, and you're letting it wreck your life. That's a decision. Make a new one.