Knew it was coming, but I'm still hurt by it.

[GenoGeno]

Sign on to Facebook today to see "Your ex and so and so are now in a relationship"

 

Kind of knew it was coming since she jumped interest from me to this other guy while reconnecting, but it still hurt to see it confirmed. I'm so mad that I allowed myself to get led on. I'm still in no-contact, have been since a month ago. Haven't responded to anything she's texted or messaged me.

 

I feel bitter... and I don't want to be. I can't believe i fell for her talking to me again, and thinking she was interested. I absolutely hate how she tried to pull the whole, but I enjoy being friends speech, after trying to hook up with me a week prior when we were hanging out.

 

I honestly kind of feel like I hate her. It bugs me how I came off so nonchalant in the last message i sent her... saying it's cool, I understand if she's not interested. She's going to some event I'm going to in a weeks time, and i really really don't want to run into her... Absolutely dreading it. I don't even think I can act nice to her like nothing happened, even thought I came off nice in my last message. I wish in my last message I let her know I was pretty pissed about everything because I know she'll come up and try to speak with me like we're friends... ugh. How do you guys deal with a situation like this? I've never been this disappointed with someone, that i feel so incredibly bitter towards them.

[SooSad33]

This is when you might consider removing her from your FB. So you don't see any more of her life... as it keeps the pains going, doesn't it?

 

Yes, i understand.. it does hurt.. a lot! Major kick in the teeth. Dealing with loss, etc.

 

So- No more contact. No messages, no following, nothing. Basically the only way to work on accepting & healing, properly.

 

It'll take a few months to start feeling any positive with your life. But, it'll happen.

Soon enough, you will start to feel more and more inner strength to keep from wanting to reach out and being curious.

Eventually you won't care anymore.

 

But.. all takes time.

 

One day at a time. First things first, remove her from your life now.

[GenoGeno]

Well i started no contact with her as soon as i saw her taking interest in this other guy about a month and a half ago. I was pretty hurt and let down by it but I acted like it was fine. She probably doesn't know I'm as crushed as I am about everything since I came off like oh whatever. If i remove her from facebook she'll know it got to me... I don't even want to give her that satisfaction.

 

I feel like running into her is going to be incredibly awkward, like I have to try and come off nice and completely unaffected by her choice to lead me on, and throw on some fake smile.

[BigKK]

people, facebook, and breakups I Just don't get it.

 

it's like you love pushing your finger into a wound.

 

First off your thinking about "I don't want to give her th at satisfaction" she obviously won't really care, she's moved on, as should you

 

a great way would be by deleting your ex

 

 

if you can't delete your ex since you don't want to send her subliminal messages and raise your white flag, you can block her completely from your newsfeed and any of her mutual friends and this won't be an issue.

 

 

I don't understand anyone that is hurting over their breakup while still keeping their ex on facebook and just suffering in silence on the sidelines as you watch them move on.

 

who cares!!!! focus on your life, once you start doing that you'll be in much etter shape

[SooSad33]

I'm sure she KNEW it'd hurt you. Unless she has NO feelings, yes, i think she'd realize this.

But, whatever she choses to do, has nothing to do with you now, right? We all have our own life.

Whether you 'like' what she's doing.. or not. She's going to do as she chooses.

 

 

As for removing her from your FB... WHY keep her on there? For what reason?

Don't do all of this for HER. Remove her for YOU.

This is to do now with YOU. NOT what she has to say OR think. She chose to move on to someone else? Fine, let her go do that.

WHY would you want to keep an ex, whom has hurt you on there?

 

When/ if you two do run into each other. Respectfully avoid her. If you can't, nothing more than a hello is needed then carry on.

Do your best during that time and maybe duck out of there, as soon as you can.

[butterflyburn]

Facebook during a break up is just a bad idea. I went to my ex's facebook page so many times until I had enough and just let it be only then did I start to move forward.

[YouCanDeleteThisAccount]

I get where you are in your emotions right now. Your situation is similar to my last breakup. Right now you feel like you took the high road and she stomped on you like a bad grape and walked away with a free conscience. You are still in love while she is happily enjoying a new life with a new guy. Feel good that you took the high road and left nothing behind for her to further justify her decision. Although you got nothing out of it, the positive in this is that it will eventually introduce disgust of the situation in you and will help you move on sooner than later. For her, it leaves a respectful memory of the past, which is better in the long run. Your kindness and silence is exactly what is needed to make a point that you are not a door mat to walk on. If you showed her how much she hurt you, you simply would have given her an even higher upper hand and helped her justify this further by making yourself look needy.

 

Right now you are not on her mind in the least, but just like your relationship, her new one will eventually find its life difficulties and you will be remembered. You will slowly go through the process of not wanting to deal with her again and she will slowly start to remember the good times and forget the bad parts of the past. It’s that later point in time where you want to be emotionally ready to not let her affect you when she gets to the point where she would like to hear from you again because you once meant something special. This will make you look stronger. May take a few months, may take a few years; but she will think of you.

 

Although everyone will tell you to just forget her, block her, and move on; it just doesn’t work that way. Everyone who is hurt still looks. Right now you are still trying to understand the puzzle and trying to put the pieces together. Unfortunately, the end result is not a picture you want to see and checking on her is actually prolonging the pain. I immediately went NC, unfriended her, and recently blocked her from Facebook. The blocking sent me back into a tail spin because it finalized everything for me, which emotionally I didn’t want. However, since I have, I have started to see how little respect I have for her for treating me the way she did, and I’m glad I’m not around her anymore. You are going to get there as well, but you need to get yourself to the point you can emotionally handle telling yourself it’s over. Blocking her out is very hard on you, but when you do it will speak volumes to her that you are not going to be treated this way.

[t1lersm0m1]

If you are facebook friends, then you are not truly no contact. You are truly no contact when you block them on facebook, you block their email address and their phone number. You must block anywhere. This way you can't see anything that has to do with her.

 

Only then will you truly be no contact.

[GenoGeno]

I appreciate the serious insight. I don't know if this makes a difference but I've been broken up with this girl for four years now. Broke up in 2010 because i was really young back then and didn't handle a relationship very well. Really hurt her in the process, I was kind of a jerk back then and was kind of mean to her. That's why she broke-up with me and She hated me after the break-up - we didn't talk for years. In February of 2013 she added me back to facebook and said she was sorry for the way she acted, and she'd like to be friends these days if I was up for it. (Had a boyfriend at the time) So we didn't talk much after that, but everything was settled. Fast forward to January of this year, her and her boyfriend broke-up and she started talking to me a lot.

 

Here's where things get iffy for me... I knew she was talking to me a lot because she was probably hurting about her current break-up. I went with it anyways, and over February, March, April, May, June contact between us really started to up. More texts, started calling each other and we hung out for the first time in May. That first hangout seemed to go well because she was all over me. Hung out a second time in June at a festival and that's when things went sour. She ditched me the whole festival to hangout with some other guy. Right after the festival i didn't say a word to her because i was really hurt by it.

 

She sent me a message asking if I was angry or something because she hasn't heard from me in a few days... and i basically came out with it saying I thought we were slowly reconnecting. Where she just gave me the speech "Sorry, so far I was just catching up and hanging out". Which really made me angry because she'd call me at 2AM all the time to chat, and because she shouldn't have been flirty with me the first time if she had no intention of following through... I told her it was fine, she can do what she wants and i read things wrong, but I'm walking away if she has zero interest in me, but doors open if she changes her mind. She sent another message saying I was awesome, and sorry that she wasn't fair... OH THANKS! So i walked away, a got a text from her a couple weeks later asking if I was in her town? Which i ignored. Then two weeks later I see her and that guy she ditched me the whole weekend for are in a relationship now.

 

So It's not like our break-up was fresh, I just started getting feelings for her again over the last few months I was talking to her. I honestly didn't think she'd do that to me, she seemed so sincere in wanting to talk to me and hangout. I haven't broken NC and I won't. I just feel really bummed out. Is it even valid to be angry at her? She never once said she was interested again, but her actions in the months we talked gave me that impression. Acting flirty when we hung out, late night calls, drunk texts. I guess I'm trying to look for a reason to hate her, and validate that I was right, and that I should feel angry with her for what she did.

 

I'm on the fence with deleting because I'm still in the process of trying to figure out if she really even did wrong me. I know I'm just angry right now because things didn't work out how I wanted them to when I did a full 180 and was so incredibly nice to her. She still wants to be friends. She never once got cold towards me about anything. So i feel like deleting her will hurt her, and is that the right thing to do if she didn't hurt me intentionally? I'm really trying to be a better person with things, and see every angle before jumping to conclusions.

[YouCanDeleteThisAccount]

Well, you handled yourself correctly. But as you can see, she's using you when there are no other options. Even after all of these years. The only thing she is good for, for you, is a friend if that's all you want (which I don't think you do), or a possible FWB, which I don't advocate with her.

 

She knows you still have feelings and she thinks she can come to you anytime she has no where else to go. You probably should focus on finding someone new and leaving her in the past. If she comes around here and there, keep it at friends. If that hurts, then dump her all together. She's going to continually repeat this pattern.

 

Google "Corey Wayne Understanding Relationships". His YouTube videos will help you a lot in understanding this and your future relationships.

[Aeropro]

Geno,

 

I believe I am going through a similar phase. Unfortunately, she is stringing you along for the attention. She probably enjoys being contacted by lots of guys and the fact that a lot of guys are "chasing her" makes her feel better about herself. This boosts her ego and gives her a false sense of security because she is a very insecure person.

 

Think of it like this - you are not the only "other guy" she is contacting. If she had a boyfriend, she should not have been contacting you at all anyway. She was already preparing to jump ship and didn't want to be alone once she broke it off. She is nothing more than a leech that feeds off of the life of poor guys such as yourself. Hold your head high, take a stand, and move on. It may never seem like it, but there are other people out there. Just as you found her the first time, you will find someone else and not even expect it.

[GenoGeno]

Yeah for some reason I don't believe she actually meant to hurt me... cause she ran into this guy randomly one night, and i guess they just had super good chemistry. I figure she thought well we didn't work in the past, and I live a ferry ride away. So I might as well give this new guy a chance, and tell my ex (ME!) that I would still like to be friends.

 

It just hurts. I try to see the best in people, but I can't get over the bitterness of her ditching me the whole weekend for that guy, when i asked her on three separate occasions to come hang with me. That's what I'm using as fuel to propel myself as far away from her as possible. I wish she just stayed mad at me from the past, and we never talked again. It would have made everything so much easier than going through this whirlwind again.

[Live-N-Learn]

I get where you are coming from Geno. I know for me, my ex and I can never be just friends or just FWB's. We broke up 4 1/2 years ago as well and tried all that for about 2 years. It was a nightmare for me. It was nothing less than pure torture for me. I finally deactivated my fb, changed my phone number and have been NC with her for over 2 years. I have come to realize I will always have feelings for her and she will never care about me in a way that I want her too. So for her it was easy to stay in touch and to blow me off when something better came along. I was the backup plan. Try to let her go bro. She is not worth it. She will never be what you need or deserve.

[GenoGeno]

I get where you are coming from Geno. I know for me, my ex and I can never be just friends or just FWB's. We broke up 4 1/2 years ago as well and tried all that for about 2 years. It was a nightmare for me. It was nothing less than pure torture for me. I finally deactivated my fb, changed my phone number and have been NC with her for over 2 years. I have come to realize I will always have feelings for her and she will never care about me in a way that I want her too. So for her it was easy to stay in touch and to blow me off when something better came along. I was the backup plan. Try to let her go bro. She is not worth it. She will never be what you need or deserve.

 

I doubt I'll talk to her again, I gave her a chance and she completely blew me off. Can't beat myself up for at least trying once. Had to know for sure if anything could have come out of it. And if this guy she quickly dumped me for doesn't pan out, I bet she'll be back with her apologies and I won't give her the time of day. It's weird how I hate her more now than I did when she broke up with me back in the day.

 

Trust has been completely smashed.

[Ms Darcy]

Facebook during a break up is just a bad idea. I went to my ex's facebook page so many times until I had enough and just let it be only then did I start to move forward.

 

This wasn't a break up. This was an ex from 3 years ago who came sniffing around and he misread her talking to him and perhaps being flirty as wanting a relationship. And when he brought his feelings up she said let's be friends.

 

I agree that you should remove her from Facebook. You are not friends.

[okiedokiestomp]

Never agree to be just friends after a breakup. Respectfully decline it stating it doesn't work for you. Its not what you truly want is it? and by so agreeing to it would serve to kill any respect you or she will have for yourself by not standing up for yourself and what you want.

 

Of course she knew what she was doing with you. Maybe she was looking for an ego boost after her recent breakup, maybe she was interested and then decided she isn't anymore maybe she decided to get a little payback for the way you said you treated her before...who knows, but her. Point is she is acting unilaterally, don't give her the satisfaction of friendzoning you while she dates other guys.

 

If she continues to reach out to you I would tell her its been great catching up (her words), but you're just not interested in friendship. If you are interested in keeping the door open for the future, then I would tell her to give you a call if she changes her mind, but don't ever contact her. It would be construed as chasing her and your words and actions won't be aligned when it is imperative that they are.

 

Personally, I wouldn't give her that 3rd chance..she blew it.

[GenoGeno]

Yeah she actually sent me a second message now the other night.. saying "I get nothing anymore? No chats?

I feel so bad, but I guess i just have to tell her again I'm not interested in being friends, if she wants to give us a chance, I'm all ears.

 

I don't get why she's still trying to keep me as a friend when she's dating this guy now..

[okiedokiestomp]

Yeah she actually sent me a second message now the other night.. saying "I get nothing anymore? No chats?

I feel so bad, but I guess i just have to tell her again I'm not interested in being friends, if she wants to give us a chance, I'm all ears.

 

I don't get why she's still trying to keep me as a friend when she's dating this guy now..

 

Because she believes you will let her and so she will continue to test your resolve in this decision until she knows that you mean what you say. You should have the attitude that it's truly her loss. if she doesn't want to be with you then oh well, too bad, because you know what a great catch you are & it's just a matter of time before you find someone else that sees and appreciates those qualities.

[GenoGeno]

Yeah I am having that attitude. I think she's having doubts about jumping into this relationship with this guy so quickly. a month and a half after meeting him. I could be wrong, but it seems that way since she's been trying to get my attention since she entered this relationship a week ago.

 

I am kind of pissed at her, but i feel like being calm about it is actually helping me not care as much, rather than getting worked up about it. Just tell her what the deal is and back into not talking to her. Probably comes accross better that way anyways. Women are a mind trip, i swear haha.

[Ms Darcy]

Women aren't a mind trip. Just stop talking to her.