Is being modern unattractive to women?

[Synerjist]

I've kind of noticed this of late, and it's sort of depressing. I tend to get into conversations (online mostly) with women about common interests in order to try and build some rapport and hopefully ask for a date, and when we get to talking about the details and particular taste in things (let's say music, for instance), women always seem to be into older stuff whereas I'm into newer offerings. It'd be okay if they appreciated my viewpoint, but they always stop responding when I put out there what I'm into.

 

Sometimes I think my marginal amount of nostalgia makes me unattractive to women. Especially if we talk cars, or music, or design, or architecture, or fashion, or or tech. Ladies seem to all love old cars, old music, old houses, vintage clothes, and so on.

 

Is being mod-minded really repulsive to women? Why does this seem to be such a big deal, or am I just reading too much into convos going dead?

[WithLove]

Can you give an example of your interests?

[DancingFool]

Are you doing this on dating sites or somewhere else?

[misssmithviii]

I think you just happen to be talking to a specific type of woman.

 

I know plenty of women that love new cars, modern buildings, new gadgets and new and old music altogether.

[jjkk]

I've never been turned off by a guy that's into modern things. I like 90's music but I like new stuff, too (I'm 40). It makes me wonder what your interests are? What are you into? What types of things do you want to talk about w/ women? I would imagine it has more to do w/ that than being more modern.

[agent1607307371]

Sounds like you're approaching the wrong women.

[Synerjist]

I think you just happen to be talking to a specific type of woman.

 

I know plenty of women that love new cars, modern buildings, new gadgets and new and old music altogether.

 

I talk to all sorts of women. How am I supposed to identify this "specific type" you are talking about?

[BigKK]

I think you're looking for exterior reasons for your recent shortcomings with women. I don't think it's what you're into...

 

you say these conversations die out... are you asking them questions? Or are you just talking about cars/gadgets/etc you're into ?

 

Also what medium are you using? it sounds like online dating...if so, welcome to the game. If you don't have thick skin and are prepared to be dropped at a moments notice, don't bother playing

 

 

Otherwise just deal to your strengths and see what you need to improve yourself on (if anything)

[Synerjist]

I've never been turned off by a guy that's into modern things. I like 90's music but I like new stuff, too (I'm 40). It makes me wonder what your interests are? What are you into? What types of things do you want to talk about w/ women? I would imagine it has more to do w/ that than being more modern.

 

 

I'm into cars, industrial design (it's what I do for a living), music, tech, art & photography, architecture... mostly in the contemporary vein of things... though I appreciate the breakthroughs of the past and the noteworthy classics. I like Scotch, though, I suppose that's old... LOL!

[DancingFool]

I can't imagine being turned off by someone with modern tastes. However, most of the time it's not about what you are saying but how you are saying it.

 

In that respect, something is off. Either you are losing your audience by carrying on for too long, something is not coming accross right, you might come accross as very closed minded or rigid, something you try to joke about might read as offensive, ect. Personally, I think trying to chat with strangers you don't quite know online is extremely difficult because there is just too much room for things to get misinterpreted. Might be a good idea to limit the online chit chat and either get faster to asking for a date (if you are on dating sites) or maybe chat more with people out in real life where you can read their body language and there is less room for misunderstandings.

[Synerjist]

I think you're looking for exterior reasons for your recent shortcomings with women. I don't think it's what you're into...

 

you say these conversations die out... are you asking them questions? Or are you just talking about cars/gadgets/etc you're into ?

 

Also what medium are you using? it sounds like online dating...if so, welcome to the game. If you don't have thick skin and are prepared to be dropped at a moments notice, don't bother playing

 

 

Otherwise just deal to your strengths and see what you need to improve yourself on (if anything)

 

 

Yeah, online dating, mostly... and of course, I ask questions. I'm a pretty good conversationalist I'd like to think.

 

It's not all I talk about, but I just noticed talking about such things kills the chat dead. Weird. A lot of haters I guess.

[BigKK]

I'm no online dating expert, but I never talked about cars, gadgets, architecture, or even music when chatting online...

 

I'd joke around here and there, and try to setup a date asap... no date, then I'd move on. No time for pen pals. I know not everyone does it like that, but it worked for me!

 

I find talking about those kind of interests works much better in person.

[jjkk]

I don't think it's haters, it's not something most people in the general population can have lengthy discussions on. I appreciate art and photography but can't have a conversation about it for long, mostly because I'm not an artist and I haven't studied them. This is especially true about things like architecture and design. I know what I like and don't like but unless it's an area they work in or have studied at length, they're not going to have a conversation about it. Same thing w/ cars. Imo these are topics most people don't know enough about to have an in-depth conversation about. Unless you find a women really into cars or is an architect, artist, or something w/ fashion, or is really into tech stuff this is probably why conversations seem to die out.

[jjkk]

I'm no online dating expert, but I never talked about cars, gadgets, architecture, or even music when chatting online...

 

I'd joke around here and there, and try to setup a date asap... no date, then I'd move on. No time for pen pals. I know not everyone does it like that, but it worked for me!

 

I find talking about those kind of interests works much better in person.

 

yes, with my online dating experience, the guys who message back and forth w/ me short fun joking around type stuff and ask for a date fairly soon are the ones who keep my interest. The back and forth long, drawn out type emails become old really fast.

[Synerjist]

I'm no online dating expert, but I never talked about cars, gadgets, architecture, or even music when chatting online...

 

I'd joke around here and there, and try to setup a date asap... no date, then I'd move on. No time for pen pals. I know not everyone does it like that, but it worked for me!

 

I find talking about those kind of interests works much better in person.

 

Same here. I just use them as conversation starters. Maybe she plays guitar, so I might ask about what kind of guitar she has. Then she'll ask back. I'll reply, generally compliment, mabe ask another related or unrelated question, and that's usually when I hit dead air.

 

I'm not trying to drag anything out, just make conversation.

[DancingFool]

I'm no online dating expert, but I never talked about cars, gadgets, architecture, or even music when chatting online...

 

I'd joke around here and there, and try to setup a date asap... no date, then I'd move on. No time for pen pals. I know not everyone does it like that, but it worked for me!

 

I find talking about those kind of interests works much better in person.

 

^This. I also had zero patience for endless yapping. Either ask for a date or be cut off. We are on a dating site, I know you are not there to pick grapes and I know that you reached out to me because you would like a date and ditto for why I responded to you. No interest in pen pals or deep conversations about architecture online. Although I'd totally spend ours on the topic in person.

[Synerjist]

Again, I try to keep it concise. I'm as much into getting offline and in-person as possible. Three or four exchanges max.

[DancingFool]

Again, I try to keep it concise. I'm as much into getting offline and in-person as possible. Three or four exchanges max.

 

In that case, have a brutally honest female friend peruse your profile for any red flags or off putting things. You might not think you have any, but you might get surprised how other people interpret what you write.

 

If the above is all good, then it's probably nothing. Meaning that it's just par for the course for online dating. Some people are actively looking, some are just looking for pen pals, some are damaged goods and their recent ex just texted them, etc.

 

As I said to someone else, every single contact you make and date you go is a rejection until the one where you both truly click and just keep going forward together. That might be your 5th date or the 105th date. Usually it's a marathon where you keep slogging until you get what you want.

[Ms Darcy]

If I remember correctly, you have long hair correct? I think I remember some feedback advising you to cut off the hair and you would have better luck with dating.

[Rosti87]

Modern/progressive people can be just as boxed in as provincial people. If you come off as too locked into your own interests you may be just as 'square' as the ladies that you mentioned.

[Synerjist]

In that case, have a brutally honest female friend peruse your profile for any red flags or off putting things. You might not think you have any, but you might get surprised how other people interpret what you write.

 

If the above is all good, then it's probably nothing. Meaning that it's just par for the course for online dating. Some people are actively looking, some are just looking for pen pals, some are damaged goods and their recent ex just texted them, etc.

 

As I said to someone else, every single contact you make and date you go is a rejection until the one where you both truly click and just keep going forward together. That might be your 5th date or the 105th date. Usually it's a marathon where you keep slogging until you get what you want.

 

 

I've had some people look at my profile and say it's rather good. It's concise, covers my personality, hobbies, interests, achievements, &, goals, as well as what I'm looking for, all with a bit of humor sprinkled in.

 

Besides, if they didn't like my profile, why would they be carrying on a conversion to begin with?

 

And I hope it's not my 105th date! ;8-O I'm averaging about one or two a year at the moment. I ain't got that kind of time!

[Synerjist]

If I remember correctly, you have long hair correct? I think I remember some feedback advising you to cut off the hair and you would have better luck with dating.

 

My hair has been cut for some time now... not to mention I never got any increase in attention when I quite often wore it under a beenie. I've actually lost the girls that would engage me based on it... not that I want women that are just into me for my hairstyle. Longhairs need love too, guys with beards, bald guys, etc.

 

Again, why is someone talking to me if that's their respective hang up?

[Ms Darcy]

My hair has been cut for some time now... not to mention I never got any increase in attention when I quite often wore it under a beenie. I've actually lost the girls that would engage me based on it... not that I want women that are just into me for my hairstyle. Longhairs need love too, guys with beards, bald guys, etc.

 

Again, why is someone talking to me if that's their respective hang up?

 

I hear you. I was trying to remember if you were who I was thinking of.

[SophieGrace]

I kind of agree with BigKK with a bit of extrapolation - it has nothing do with modern versus traditional taste in craftsmanship or music; it is just the on-line dating world. One can be having what seems like a decent exchange of back-and-forth a couple of times (without waiting too long to suggest meeting) - with insightful questions/interest and witty "not too much" divulging of your own person and knowledge - but in the end this isn't an organic way of meeting people. There is no "real person" impetus to keep it going like you might have when you develop a crush at the office or meet someone at a party. I have been guilty of dropping the online dating ball simply because my actual life, which is filled with people I know, fulfilling work and good friends, took precedence. I have also experienced people drop what I thought was a good conversation who I had hoped to meet. Just the way it is.

Hang in there Synerjist - it only takes one.

[missmarple]

Why would you talk about music, cars or design with women you meet on a dating site? That's conversation for online buddies (I have some of those), not for people you want to date. With people you want to date, keep it short, simple and to the point..and keep those conversations for when you meet in person. Online, just introduce yourself, ask for her name and then ask for her phone number