7 Days of No Contact... Losing Hope...

[AngryRedTurtle]

I'm so devastated and heartbroken. The love of my life left me about 3 weeks ago because he felt we argued too much, and he didn't want to argue anymore. We didn't really even argue that much... just, the past few months have been a bit stressful and emotional because I'm 8 months pregnant, and we're teenagers. I'm 18, he's 17.

We were together for 2 years, and everything was going smoothly until about a month ago. He started sleeping for 15 hours a day, and working for the rest of the time, so we never saw each other. I figured he was depressed or something, and tried to help him. Because, it is a stressful time and I understand if he's depressed. Anyway, I think he got way too stressed out and ended it, claiming that we argue too much. He turned into a real a**.

Anyway, when he left, I begged and begged for 2 weeks straight, just trying to get him to change his mind and want us again. But it was all to no avail.. he wouldn't have any of it He would say things like, "Please don't" and "I tried".

Just 2 months ago, he was telling me that I was the love of his life and he was excited to spend forever with me and our baby. And now, he's gone. I stopped bothering him a week ago, telling him that I love him and I'm here for him, but I'll stop bugging him and text him about the baby only. And he didn't reply...

It's now been a week, and he hasn't said anything. Why would he do this to me? I'm so hurt. I'm having trouble eating and sleeping, and he's always on my mind.

And it's not like I can just never talk to him again and move on, because I'm having his baby in a month or two.

I don't know what to do.. I don't think he'll ever come around

[mhowe]

You are having his baby in "month or two"?

 

Sounds like he doesn't have much interest in being a dad.

[AngryRedTurtle]

He honestly did a few months ago. I don't know what happened.

 

He went to all of the appointments, all the ultrasounds, he even cried.

[mhowe]

I would assume that the looming responsibility and commitment has finally hit home. This isn't "playing house"....this is real life.

[jjkk]

Get support from your friends and family, you'll need it in the coming months. Talk to them about your feelings, ask for support. You need to focus on you and the baby right now, meaning getting a good strong support system in place to be with you during labor, the birth and helping you w/ the baby afterwards.

 

As far as with him, you don't have to do anything or make any decisions right now. He's fully aware when your due date is. Also, him being involved in the baby's life doesn't mean he has to stay as your bf. Pregnancy and newborns are extremely stressful in even the most mature, stable relationships. Young parents breaking up right before or soon after a baby is born is very common. There are many different ways things could play out and some of it isn't in your control, some of it is up to him and what he does.

 

Talk about it w/ your mom. She knows you and I'm assuming she knows him, too. She could have some insight on whether to reach out and let him know he can still be in the baby's life if he chooses even though you two have broken up, to just leave things as they are and see if he contacts you, or perhaps writing him off altogether (meaning not putting him on the birth certificate). Maybe even see a counselor for awhile. I suggest not doing anything in anger or haste or as an act of revenge. This is a huge, life changing experience and you have a baby to think about so however you decide to proceed needs to be done w/ the baby's best interest at heart and in a thoughtful way from a place that has clarity and good intentions behind it.

[SooSad33]

Give him some cooling down time. Sounds like he may be confused, frustrated, etc.

 

See if he comes around a bit in another week or 2. He may actually appear when the baby is due. (start talking to you).

 

Sometimes, we just need some of that needed 'down time' to think & deal with stuff.

 

Meanwhile YOU take care of yourself & baby. No matter what, you're going to be a mom.

 

Congrats & good luck.

[AngryRedTurtle]

Yeah, it's been 9 days now and STILL no word.. I think mhowe is right. This isn't the typical breakup that you see everywhere on this site.

There was no lying or cheating or really any problems of any kind. No "falling out of love". He claims he still loves me, but... actions speak louder than words.

And I guess when he realized that this is real life and that he has to actually grow up, he hid away and tried to get rid of his "problems" through sleeping all the time and dumping me.

I just hope this comes back and bites him in the ass one day. I don't think I'll be taking him back if he ever does decide to come back, because abandoning an 8 month pregnant girl is kind of inexcusable.

[onelifeonelove]

He seems a bit immature, but then again you both are really young still. I mean I'm only about 3 years older, but still, it's a big difference. I doubt this is GIGS, I'm leaning this more on the fear of being a dad. I guess the stress accumulated too much and he just couldn't take it anymore and just decided to fade away from you. I'm sorry this happened to you I really am. Even though I'm going through my own problems with my ex dumping me, it wasn't an unreasonable break up. She wanted to remain friends but I decided to start nc to help myself and maybe even is to be together again. But your story is a lot worse I wish you the best and I wish he opens his eyes soon.. If not, karma will hit him hard one day. He practically just chickened out, what a young man he is on that.

[MonWedFri]

Hi AngryRedTurtle,

 

In my very humble opinion, the most important thing is for you to worry about is caring for your baby. You don't need added stress or strife, but it would be ideal to gather your support network and allow yourself and your newborn a healthy next couple of months.

 

I'm not certain what others think of this, but perhaps you getting in touch with him is a good idea. This is his child as well, and he needs to be there for it. This NC game isn't necessarily a game of getting him back or him getting you back at this point, it's about this child. The relationship prospect side of NC isn't as relevant here. He needs to be there to support you and show you love, even if it's not romantic love at this point. You need support and some decency for this child.

 

 

Please excuse any "preachy" diction, as what I say "you need" is, as always, just my opinion on the matter. Best of luck.

[AngryRedTurtle]

I kind of had no choice to do NC. He would just ignore everything. At one point, I begged him (very pathetically) to just give me some emotional support. I told him I was really struggling and I needed his support. He just ignored it, pretty much.

I'm doing NC to give him some space, and I'll contact him when news about the baby comes up. I do hope he'll come around and completely change his act, but it's not looking too great right now.

 

But thankfully, I've got a loving family I'm staying with who is being extremely supportive. It would just be nice to not have to deal with heartbreak while going through what's supposed to be an amazing time. It's not very fair that he can just check out whenever decent to him.

[brokenlove]

And it's not like I can just never talk to him again and move on, because I'm having his baby in a month or two.

I don't know what to do.. I don't think he'll ever come around

 

You need to do exactly that. Never talk to him again and move on. Think of it as just your baby. Show him you can do this on your own. He'll come around once he sees that. Find some local moms groups, join la leche league and go to meetings, find all the support you can in the meantime. Make new mom friends and if you're done with high school sign up for community college and take one easy class at a time (maybe start with english or psychology). Join a local church. Do things that will help you feel supported and slowly bring you back to happiness.

[AngryRedTurtle]

Feeling really hopeless and alone tonight. I try to concentrate on all of the good things, like my daughter, and I've been doing pretty well. But today marks the 12th day that he hasn't spoken to me and vice versa.

I just don't understand how one can go from loving me so much, telling me I was the only woman for him and how he wanted to die with me, to genuinely not giving a damn.

I just don't know how to keep busy anymore. All I do is lie around and be depressed, it seems. Everything is set up for my baby, my support system is in place, I can't work out as I am 31 weeks pregnant and not in good condition to do so, and I don't start schoolwork for a few more weeks. Everything reminds me of him, so TV shows, video games, movies, books, they just upset me. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm tired of always thinking about him and what should have been.

[brokenlove]

You can do yoga, look on youtube for pregnancy yoga videos. Also, guided meditations. Those have been really helpful for me. You can take walks, write poetry, journal to get your feelings out there. Write letters to him that get your frustrations out that you can tear up afterwards. Get some parenting books and start reading them. I love The Whole Brain Child, Playful Parenting, Attached at the Heart...many of them are available at the library. You could also read a new fantasy series or something of the sort. Try to stay away from love stories.

 

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[ThatwasThen]

Call a lawyer as well as social services and get child support payments scheduled and in place for when the baby comes. He's likely not working full time just yet but he will have to one day and just because he doesn't want to be your boyfriend/husband it doesn't mean that he can chuck his responsibility to his child.

[Sedrick]

Don't let him off the hook.

 

Not sure if this pregnancy was planned but either way it was a big mistake.

 

Don't make it worse by relieving him of his parental obligation.