Stressed about what to do now because she is very rude to me after having baby.

[Cheetarah]

I've kept quiet with your posts 22 but when you said you are in the exact same situation...No, you're not. You told your ex you want to be a family unit, all 3 of you or nothing at all. Also, you have not gone through the legal system. Jim is not trying to be with his ex, and he is making things happen by taking the proper route. He's never said here, or to me privately that he has ever considered walking away from his daughter. Ever. Never. Not one time. Whereas that's been your focus since day 1.

 

So don't compare yourself. It's not even remotely on the same plane.

[22n32]

I've kept quiet with your posts 22 but when you said you are in the exact same situation...No, you're not. You told your ex you want to be a family unit, all 3 of you or nothing at all. Also, you have not gone through the legal system. Jim is not trying to be with his ex, and he is making things happen by taking the proper route. He's never said here, or to me privately that he has ever considered walking away from his daughter. Ever. Never. Not one time. Whereas that's been your focus since day 1.

 

So don't compare yourself. It's not even remotely on the same plane.

 

 

 

easy there tiger, ur post always has so much anger and bitterness its crazy, this thread was about seeing his baby ? right? not his ex!!!! so if its about not seeing his baby then yes i am in the same situation, wanting to be a family is and was always second over wanting to get proper time with my daughter.. all i said was i refuse to pay 48% of

my income to see my daughter for few hrs a week, it is not a proper rel and will never be. this thread is about seeing the baby, so please get ur bitterness and judgemental attuide in check...

[MisUnderstood9]

hell on heels thats a pretty crappy thing to say that he enjoy the pain and hes self inflicting, i think he just wants to see his daughter and be a role in her life..

 

ynguns i know what u mean about child support, they wanna take 48% of my gross income here, that is thousands of dollars every month which is absurd.. no kid needs 4k a month, i dont even live on that much..

 

courts and women have turned family and wanted kids into a scary adventure, women can take your kid and your money and leave u broke and heartbroken, its afwull

 

No all women are like this... some just want the father to have a relationship with their child. Money hungry women, hurt women, vindictive and grudge holding women do the things you are describing. These are the women that will use the fact that you hurt them one way or another in your personal relationship and used the courts and child support as way of punishment towards whatever hurt you may of caused them. These are women I cannot stand!

 

I really feel for both you and for the OP, what you're exes are doing is down right cruel and not helping your children in any fashion. They should be happy that the two of you are trying to be fathers instead of used the legal system as some sort of revenge tatic... which in OPs case, thats exactly what she is doing...

 

She views this by HIM getting her pregnant and not proposing and buying her a big ring that HE has some how shattered her reputation so as revenge she is doing what she is doing. The courts are not blind and if you document everything properly they will see that she is trying to use the system to serve her own personal vendeta. The only thing OP should be considered about right now is continuing to do the right thing... keep asking how she is, when you can see her, if she needs anything, offer to bring by diapers and other necessities she might need... dont worry about the small things like the SNN# and last name, your lawyer will get those things for you. Do not feed her furry with slander... she keeps bringing up sole custody, ignore the comment or reply with, we'll see what the judge decides. With you reacting poorly to things she says you are only fueling the fire and it could make your case worse.

 

Just try and be as calm as possible, if the texts and phone calls are not about your childs well being, if she needs anything or if you are allowed to her see her, ignore them.

[Cheetarah]

easy there tiger, ur post always has so much anger and bitterness its crazy, this thread was about seeing his baby ? right? not his ex!!!! so if its about not seeing his baby then yes i am in the same situation, wanting to be a family is and was always second over wanting to get proper time with my daughter.. all i said was i refuse to pay 48% of

my income to see my daughter for few hrs a week, it is not a proper rel and will never be. this thread is about seeing the baby, so please get ur bitterness and judgemental attuide in check...

 

Give it a rest. Not everyone on here knows your full background, it took place over a good year and a half and hard to catch up with, so it should be known what place you speak from.

 

You had my support. I even did the dirty work for you and spent an hour researching local legal resources for you because you were concerned about your finances in hiring an attorney. You think I did that because I was bored? I did it because I thought you wanted help.

 

You lost it when you repeatedly said you wanted to walk away and start a new family, and you didn't even try to do it the proper way.

 

Interestingly enough, you find me so bitter yet you repeatedly turn to me for advice.

[22n32]

Give it a rest. Not everyone on here knows your full background, it took place over a good year and a half and hard to catch up with, so it should be known what place you speak from.

 

You had my support. I even did the dirty work for you and spent an hour researching local legal resources for you because you were concerned about your finances in hiring an attorney. You think I did that because I was bored? I did it because I thought you wanted help.

 

You lost it when you repeatedly said you wanted to walk away and start a new family, and you didn't even try to do it the proper way.

 

Interestingly enough, you find me so bitter yet you repeatedly turn to me for advice.

 

ur just bitter ur ex wants nothing to do with u or ur son... and that sucks but u shouldnt reflect that onto other people.

 

i will have no choice but to walk away.. im sorry but for 2 yrs i tried every possible fair way with my ex, but nothing there comes a point were you have to start over..

 

my ex taking 48% of my income and me getting few hrs a week is a no no.. i will be broke i will never be able to date or even start a family.. i will be a broken man with nothing even a rel i would have with my daughter would be a mirage of anything good. a new man will come and i will be the stranger who comes on weekends.

 

for the record again, i dont wanna walk away from my daughter never have and if i ever fully do it will weigh on me for the rest of my life.. but sometimes you have no choice. the norm is to go to court pay an ex crazy amount of money to ur ex and lose ur child and be a part time dad.. this is not good.. i cant tell you how many misreable guys i know that are stuck in marriage with women they dont wanna be with, just because if they take the other option and leave, the ex will get the house, child, and money.. and there left broke and heartbroken living in there parents basement.. its sad what our socitey has become

 

and again i love my daughter and i wanna have a full time rel with her, but if my ex is doing everything in her power to not help with that, i have no choice. i have to live my life too..

 

so please stop with ur bitterness and maybe u should go back and read our transcripts because u clearly dont understand what really went on or what i was talking about, all that jumped out at u is i wanna leave my daughter, because ur linking it to ur situation..

 

and btw ive sent and bought $8K woth of money and clothes over the last 12 months and i have seen my daughter few times..

[Cheetarah]

Whatever helps you sleep at night.

[22n32]

yeah the facts do, and i know i tried for two yrs and still trying.. i can leave with that i tried didnt just walk away..

[MisUnderstood9]

When it comes to children, walking away isnt a option. Fighting for your child, the right to see your child will show your child that you never gave up and when they are old enough they will realize it..

 

Most men dont get that 99% of being a dad is just showing up...

 

You "walking away to live your own life" is not doing that. Yes you deserve your life, most definitely... but I'd like to hear the explanation you'll have for your daughter at 16 asking why you gave up on her... because "wanting to live your own life" wont be a good enough excuse.

 

But, I also dont think Cheetah is personally being vindictive towards and comparing it to her situation... she probably viewing this more as you are giving up because you feel defeated when in the eyes of a mother, who would never give up in a million years on their child, it is giving up for selfish purposes

[22n32]

my explantion would be telling and showing her the 2 yrs of letters and calls and texts i sent, so we can work out even if im not with her mother if i could be still have a proper rel with our daughter.

 

but clearly theres no compromising or dealing with a vindicative women..

 

btw in 2 yrs ex has never once talked to me or has taken my call.. not once!!!!

[MisUnderstood9]

my explantion would be telling and showing her the 2 yrs of letters and calls and texts i sent, so we can work out even if im not with her mother if i could be still have a proper rel with our daughter.

 

but clearly theres no compromising or dealing with a vindicative women..

 

btw in 2 yrs ex has never once talked to me or has taken my call.. not once!!!!

 

believe me, showing her only 2 years of evidence to try and back up your reasoning will not be enough... I have several friends of mine whose fathers gave up after years of fighting because they "just needed to move on and live their lives".. Even with proof that their fathers tried for so long doesnt matter, you might see it as 2 years you've tried and failed but, your daughter will only view it that for 2 years she was worth fighting for but, not for the last 14? ... kinda see what I am getting at?

 

She will view it that she wasnt worth your time after 2 years and that money and a lifestyle was more important than her.

[22n32]

and that might be the case, but theres also many cases were she will end up restenting my ex for what she did... either way for 2 yrs i have been stressed to the max and it has effected all aspect of my life, and its taken a toll i cant contuine like this i will either be dead or a very broken man and i wouldnt want my daughter too see anyway... this is all on the ex she is the one witholding rel and she will have to pay the consquences of her actions as i will have to live with mine...

[sophie274]

22n32, have you been to court to seek custody and visitation time with your daughter? I'm sure if you had been to court, you would have seen your daughter a lot more than a couple times in the past year.

[ynguns251]

Please all do not fight on here especially when we come here for advice. I am a grown adult and have to bite the bullet as hard as it may be. I appreciate you all and trust me I listen to everyones advice " I agree to disagree " and what may sound bad now to me may be the plain truth. I will definitely not give her sole custody for my last name as others have said on here it is just a name and when little Avery gets older let her mother tell her why she does not have her fathers name. I don't like drama but I hear what was said and it seems I meet woman who are in need of rescuing and given my nature and my career as a firefighter I think I attract drama and am so used to it I know no other. I know for a fact that I am capable of having a great relationship as I have had but we had to break up due to her career and she had two besutiful children who loved her as she basically raised them on her own. I am upset that Kel is really so against me with the whole engagement argument. She told me yesterday that if I pay her lawyer fees she would think about getting back together I said " No thank you " and said I will always be here for her and Avery but not going to be a relationship as we are total opposites.

[Hell_On_Heels]

hell on heels thats a pretty crappy thing to say that he enjoy the pain and hes self inflicting, i think he just wants to see his daughter and be a role in her life

 

I'm sorry you see it that way. What I see is a person who keeps getting extremely upset over things that haven't happened, probably can't happen...in essence, threats with little teeth. He's doing everything he can legally. What about the emotions? He's going crazy. When we are the ones making ourselves crazy, we are the ones who can make it stop. It's called empowerment. All it requires is some honesty and to practice better choices.

[22n32]

ynguns, thats good you u stood ur ground, it sounds as if she is dangling a carrot in front of you trying to manipulate u into getting what she wants.

[ynguns251]

Hi well get this. I went today to visit my Daughter and when we got there we were greeted nicely but as soon as my mom gave Kelly the gift for Aver which was a cute little Christmas onesee she tells my Mom " sorry but I already got her a Christmas outfit " and then my mom said ok but when she sees her for Christmas with our family can she please put this on for her because it is so cute and had little owls ( our family crest ) She says " I am not sure if she will be coming there this Christmas because roads are too busy and it may be hard to drive. My mom was nice and said well we can pick you up even and you can sit in back with the baby and we can drive to my house and soend a few hours and Kelly looked madder than heck. Kelly then tells my mom that she does not like the perfume she had on and does not want the baby exposed to irritants my mom said " ok " and took jacket off and then Kelly got smart again saying that it was her fault we are not together and that she shoukd be ashaned of this. My mom started to have tears in eyes and then I stepped in saying " we are at fault not our families " and then told her my mom is a great woman who everyone adores except her and " why " is this? Her mom started saying that we are a toxic family and filled with anger and resentment and then I said " look lady get over it ok " I am a great guy who is doing the best he can possibly do and most guys out there could be fsr worst than me especially in my circumstance. I now have my mother in tears and said " calm down " and said lets have peace already and stayed for an hour then left. Kelly actually said she was happy to see me handle this civilly.

[22n32]

sorry to hear that man, i found the same problem with my ex and her family it was always something that bothered them or they werent happy with, can u imagine when they get new bf or husbands how much more hostility there will be, its these things why i think it will never be right and a constant struggle till there 18

[kamurj]

The thread has run its course.