Stressed about what to do now because she is very rude to me after having baby.

[ynguns251]

I don't know what I am to her i can tell you this much i don't kiss her i don't spend the night I don't do anything but go to see the kid and before that I was only going to dr. appts.

 

I really tried everything asked her to go to therapy with me and she said she is perfectly fine and needs nobody to tell her otherwise. I disagree with her "being fine" when she got pregnant she was ok but then she got paranoid even filling her rx pre natal vitamins in IN so nobody would know she was pregnant. I also found it odd that she wore scarfs all the time to hide her belly ( even in May ) I never had felt love with her I only felt controlling behaviors and self pity.

[Cheetarah]

Well, I kind of see the self pity thing going on with you.

 

But more importantly, most really - I see your focus is still on her. You truly need to shift it. Don't make this a power struggle or a fight, you'll regret it. For the love of all things holy, please stop calling your child 'the kid'.

[ynguns251]

Yout right the power struggle is over for me. I was supposed to see the baby with my mom yesterday but she refused last minute saying that she does not want my mom there and or sny gifts from her or my family.

 

I called my attorney was upset because how long does it take to get a pat test done right? He says they are backed up in the courts because there are many cases such as mine.

 

I am cutting communication off despite what he tells me to do because I hate to see my mom get hurt and like I told her if child is mine she will see her a lot and not to worry because its in the courts hands now.

[Cheetarah]

It's not about your mom! It's about seeing your daughter, and you mean to tell me...You really mean to tell us, here...That you are going to forgo the opportunity to see her because you don't like how your ex acted towards your mother, until paternity is established?

 

You're not married to your mother, stop this foolishness. That is assumed to be your daughter, and you are not going to turn your back on her for 4 weeks or 4 months, however long it takes for your case to move forward.

[Cheetarah]

And yes, it does take some time to get the ball rolling.

 

You're acting impulsively, and I suggest that you stop it.

[journeynow]

It's not about your mom! It's about seeing your daughter, and you mean to tell me...You really mean to tell us, here...That you are going to forgo the opportunity to see her because you don't like how your ex acted towards your mother, until paternity is established?

 

You're not married to your mother, stop this foolishness. That is assumed to be your daughter, and you are not going to turn your back on her for 4 weeks or 4 months, however long it takes for your case to move forward.

 

I agree, agree, agree! Listen to Cheetarah, Mr. ynguns251. Break up with your girlfriend, but work on being civil, stop being reactionary, and decide to be a good father to your child, then do it.

[Cheetarah]

There are court admissible paternity tests that you can get, but she needs to be willing to take it. They are not the home samples, rather a center that you visit and provide IDs(like the ones they'd order you to do in court). And they would stand up in court. So, have you asked her about that? Does she know that you've filed a paternity action? Has he drawn up the paperwork and she been served yet?

[ynguns251]

Cheetarah, My attorney said do not say anything to her about me meeting with him or filing in court. I know she will be madder than heck when she sees i did but i have to protect myself and also my child. I can't stand being mean to others but I am left with no choice as the way it stands.

 

She is 37 y/o and she listens to what her mother and her friends say. She has portrayed me in a negative way ever since I refused to buy her a ring after 2 months of dating and also a new house. I don't know if it was her hormones or what? but she got mad all the darn time and accused me of cheating with people on my Facebook to not fixing her water heater which i have no clue how to do.

[Cheetarah]

I don't care about the ring story and neither should you, because this relationship is presumably OVER and you have a daughter to worry about. Instead you worry about Facebook drama.

 

And you're 36 years old and choosing not to see your daughter because your ex hurt your mother's feelings. I fail to see how you are behaving any better than she is.

[Cheetarah]

And you're right she'll be boiling pissed. You haven't even officially broken things off yet, I've finally gathered, and for months you've been going on and on about how you have your doubts about paternity. So here you are pretending to have some sort of a commitment to the relationship but you're too much of a chicken to actually break up with her and/or express your doubts.

 

Balls, grow some. Don't do this half assed. You have one solid footing with your legal actions and that's good. Now do it the right way.

[ynguns251]

Its over for sure and she is happy with that idea also. The problem I have is if child is mine she will be a nightmare to deal with especially on visitation. I am hoping she abides by the courts decision and if she does not I will call the sheriff and or court for further review. I dont want to be in and out of court every year fighting to see my daughter. I would rather put money into a college/ savings fund.

[sophie274]

Why are you so sure she'll be a nightmare with visitation? She hasn't stopped you from seeing your child so far. A lot of the stuff you've complained about so far (only an hour visit, specific time, her not driving to you) is pretty normal and not at all vindictive of you. I think you are creating a lot of this drama and future court fights in your head because of how you feel about your relationship - do you really expect the mother of a newborn to drive her child to you?

 

I think she is upset about the relationship, and not your biggest fan, but she does not seem vindictive in the sense of trying to punish you by restricting your access to her child. And in the first post you said you didn't sign the paternity order because you were pissed she didn't give the child your last name (again, does not seem unreasonable if you two are not even in a relationship). Of course if you really think there's a chance you're not the dad, that was the right call. But it seems to me, from what you wrote, you really did it out of spite -- and that's a delay in getting the established visitation you want.

[Cheetarah]

I agree with Soph. She hasn't stopped you from seeing your daughter. She really does have the right to say she doesn't want your mother in her home. However, once you get visitation established, you can do whatever you like on your time with her, keeping mom around 24/7 if you like.

 

I also agree that you're instigating drama where there doesn't need to be any, as well. Judging from your past threads and past relationships, you always seem to wind up with supposed "crazy" women, chock full of drama relationships.

[ynguns251]

Well she actually has and she said on friday that I and my mom are not welcome to see the baby and I totally will abide by her terms for now until I get pat test. I have girl on insurance and at least that will be taken care of if child is mine.

 

Drama ? Well considering she had never came to my house in over 4 months and complained about me not being there for her but I was there 2-3 times a week and being a furefighter and working 24 on 48 off I would say that is very good plus I have a painting business.

 

I do not want the drama I want peace but she has painted me black and her family is totally wrong about me especially giving the circumstances.

[Cheetarah]

It's interesting that it went from you saying you weren't going to see your daughter because she offended your mother, to saying that she actually told you that you aren't welcome to see your daughter. And you'll 'totally abide' by it, after saying you would have had your attorney file an emergency motion.

 

I don't know, it seems like when someone doesn't side with your story, you come up with new stuff to make her look bad out of nowhere. I don't really believe you anymore, but it really doesn't matter what I think.

[ynguns251]

Cheeterah I have been dealt bad hands with these two women no doubt in my mind.

 

I am not perfect but at the same time not all at fault. My last girlfriend was on two different antidepressants and her constant breaking up and making up caused me to see a therapist.

 

I dont know your situation but I am sure if you could see my point of view and concern I would say I am not intigating any drama.

 

I have done all I can as of now and I cannot leave the state or I will lose my job and I have way too much time vested and at my age I cannot even transfer to another Dept she has more options then me and if she truly wanted a family she could have recipricated a little more than coming to see me snd at least try to meet my family as I did hers dont you agree?

[ynguns251]

She told me on wed that my mom and I were not needed and she also said that she does not want me around because her mom is there and she feels uncomfortable with us both there. I asked her if I could stay the night and sleep on couch and her mom could take a break she said " nope " I said ok well I tried.

 

She later called and said just dont bother coming here because she does not need anything from me or my family and I have not heard from her since despite numerous texts sent by me about the childs health as advised by my attorney.

 

I dont expect with everyone to agree with me but she is the one being spiteful and I believe it stems down from not doing exactly as she wanted.

 

I can ot afford a new home as of now and she said " well you better get used to driving here because I am not living in your house and or driving the child to your house Ever "

[ynguns251]

Your right you cN think what you want I dont know you and you dont know me but your forming negative opinions on me as if I chose for her to become so hateful towards me.

 

I disagree with the child not having my last name she would have no problem cashing a check with my last name on it right? There are tons of deadbeat dads whose kids have their last names so the way I see it If child is mine I will pay and be involved why dont I get the right to the name and ir at least the middle name heck any name.

[Cheetarah]

That isn't what you said. You said nothing about her preventing you from visiting/contact. Just that she didn't want your mother there. I'll quote it to remind you.

 

Yout right the power struggle is over for me. I was supposed to see the baby with my mom yesterday but she refused last minute saying that she does not want my mom there and or sny gifts from her or my family.

 

I called my attorney was upset because how long does it take to get a pat test done right? He says they are backed up in the courts because there are many cases such as mine.

 

I am cutting communication off despite what he tells me to do because I hate to see my mom get hurt and like I told her if child is mine she will see her a lot and not to worry because its in the courts hands now.

 

We told you that it was ridiculous for you to do that and that she wasn't preventing you from seeing your daughter, and you came back and decided to say that yes, yes she was. That is not something that you would forget to say. It's a pretty big gdamn deal if the other parent prevents one from seeing their children. You just don't, you know, fail to mention that they said you can't see them anymore.

 

If you want to do something about the last name issue, then talk to your attorney about filing a motion for name change/hyphenation once paternity is established.

[ynguns251]

I read some of your other threads on here Cheeterah and I see you have a problem with your ex. I am not a jerk to Kelly by any means but now I see that you may be a little biased in your thinking.

 

Fathers get screwed over by women just as much ad mothers get screwed over. You bring up my ex and call me a drama creator but you would understand if you were in my last two relationships and it is not always the mans fault. Thankfully I have a good job and lawyers in my family so if I am a father I can see my child and there is not one thing that she can do about it

[ynguns251]

I wish I could show you the texts she had sent on thursday and that was last time I heard from her. I know I have no rights due to me not signing birth cert but child is on my insurance as we speak and if I need to get emergency adjunction I will have to do so but I hope she cools down and her mom is going home next week so we shall see if her smart remarks subside.

[Cheetarah]

I have a good nose for bs when it comes to this kind of stuff. I was extremely supportive of a father here, finding him resources and lending emotional support until he made the decision to drop out of his daughter's life. I'm not anti father, I am anti using children as pawns and anti deadbeat.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read about me. Gave me the warm fuzzies.

 

Sent from my SGH-T989 using Tapatalk

[Cheetarah]

Also, I brought up your ex for a reason. We don't just stumble into toxic relationships with unbalanced people more than once. "Crazy" people don't flock to us like a herd of sheep; Rather we flock to them. Both of these exes are allegedly vicious, crazy and demanded giant expensive rocks for their fingers. Coincidence? No.

 

We are just as toxic as the toxic company we keep. I'm not singling you out like you're the only one who has ever done it, I have as well. You need to figure out what's going on inside of you to attract you to these women and these situations and stop adhering to a victim mentality, because you are doing it here too with the situation with your daughter. The only real victim here is your daughter. She is and will be a victim to any games you play with your ex in regards to her. She is then no longer a person but a weapon used to hurt one another. People choose children as their most powerful pieces because it will bring any decent parent to their knees. It is the most despicable thing to do. So don't do it. Your daughter is not a prize to be won. Your rights ARE to be fought for, make no mistake about that. You are supposedly her dad and you have rights, and rights to enforce the rights and you should do it 100%. If your ex decided to play your daughter like a chess piece, you don't play the game back but simply keep fighting the good fight...As a very wise person on here told me numerous times when I was going through stuff with my ex.

[ynguns251]

I agree it seems I kept finding women who were just not my type. I dated a wonderful woman about 5 years ago and we had dated for 5 years straight till she had a great job offer and she had kids which took her to TX and I tried to get on the FD there but no dice and to this day I still talk to her every once in awhile and she tells me " I am not picky enough " maybe she is right but a part of me is attracted to people who for some reason are on rebounds or have major trust/control issues.

 

I hope whatever the outcome is that I can have either a peaceful relationship and or have a clean break. I will provide for the child but do not want to keep going to court

[ynguns251]

Hi all just wanted to give you an update on my current situation and get some input. I had court yesterday concerning paternity of the child and it is ridiculous.

 

My lawyer and her lawyer started off very nice and this was just a stat hearing but then all of a sudden I was portrayed as a villain and her lawyer even said that I should just walk away and that I am not needed.

 

My lawyer then asked the court to have a dna test done and the judge denied my request stating that I am the father because of my actions such as going to birthing classes and being present at the time of birth.

 

I was told by my ex that if I did not go to classes I would be denied to be in delivery room and that did not sit well with me. I dont know what her deal is on this situation is she upset because she feels she actually made a mistake or is this because I did not get engaged and like she had said before that her reputation as a teacher will be tarnished and she could not ever get past this.

 

I dont see how being supportive is an automatic proof of paternity? I can appeal this but it is a joke either way.

 

My lawyer said I can swab the childs mouth and do my own test then go to court if child is not mine and sue her.

 

I am lost for words, on this whole situation.