Charlotte12 Posted August 2, 2014 Share Posted August 2, 2014 I won't deliver this letter to the person I am writing to but still, I thought of sharing it. Hello to you, now stranger. I haven't talked to you in a long time. I don't know how'd you been, or what you'd done all this time. Most of the time, I manage not to think of you or what happened with us. But also, I have moments like this, where I can only think of all the things I would like to say to you. In spite of all the pain you had put me through, I still have a hard time accepting you were not the person I thought you were. I mean, the person I knew loved me. He was a great partner, a friend. Someone who would never lie to me and...He used to care, too. And this new person...this stranger...well...he doesn't resemble that person at all. I really wished I could tell you all this, without having to write something you will never read. But, that's not possible. The past events have left me feeling humilliated and broken. I really can't afford the price of exposing myself again to that amount of pain. I know what would happen if I contacted you. And Something new I learnt, something I wish you could see: now I know, that I love myself more than anything in the world, and that I am stronger than I thought. So...no contacting you is the healthiest decision I have made in my life. I understood after some very painful lessons, that you don't need to be where someone clearly, doesn't want you to. While I write all this, I think of this amazing quote I found today: "Years of love have been forgotten in the hatred of a minute" by Edgar Alan Poe. Well, this happened to me. You loved me, I loved you, I was blinded by the love I had for you. Suddenly, our love was destroyed and forgotten by you, just like that, in an instant. And I still wonder...how did you manage to do it? How could you destroy your feelings in a moment? I wish I could do it the same way you did. Just like that, no turning back, no second thoughts. Apparently, it will take a lot longer to me because I am still sad about how it all turned out. I know, i know. You must be pretty happy with your new love interest (the one you persued right after leaving me to be "single", the one you introduced to your family just a month and a half after leaving me). I don't mean to sound bitter, but .. come on! Couldn't you wait a little longer? Luckily, I was not the only one to think it was so soon, so unexpected. Luckily, your closest family members didn't understand what you did too. Luckily, they still care about me, unlike you. My heart is so broken, that it doesn't remember the love we shared. My heart is full of sadness. I still laugh, you know me...or used to do. I was always a happy and positive person, and believe "This too shall pass". But I can't help but feel sad when I think of you. When I think that I gave a lot to you (emotionally) and it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough for you to respect me, it wasn't enough for you to apologise, it wasn't enough for you to care about my well being all this time. Well, in case you ever ask yourself about me...I am doing good. I have came a long way since you left. I learnt how to stand up for myself again. I learnt that I am very strong. I learnt that I need to face my problems so that they will not haunt me forever. But the most amazing thing I learnt, is that after all I will always be OK. Why did i felt the need to write you this? Because a part of me still wonders about you and misses you. And it's OK. I have accepted this. Link to comment
healingishard Posted August 2, 2014 Share Posted August 2, 2014 they've managed to lose the love we loved the most. stay strong...its a pain we learn to live with and yes, accept. believe that there's someone even better for you out there. Link to comment
notalady Posted August 2, 2014 Share Posted August 2, 2014 I'm glad you decided to post the letter here rather than sending it to the ex. Stay strong OP! Hugs for you Link to comment
star554 Posted August 2, 2014 Share Posted August 2, 2014 I read this and realized how much I can relate. Stay strong hun You're doing great. Link to comment
HurtGirl15 Posted August 2, 2014 Share Posted August 2, 2014 I read this last night but just couldn't respond. It got to me as I can so relate. Hang in there. We're all doing the best that we can. It does hurt, but once you realize they were not who you thought they were it does help to move on. Just have to keep that thought in your head! Link to comment
ChilliRed2013 Posted August 10, 2014 Share Posted August 10, 2014 Charlotte.. you have an uncanny ability for typing my thoughts. I hope you do not ever question your decision to not contact the ex... You are absolutely correct. It was the healthiest and most mature thing to do IMO. It really does help the mind to just get these thoughts flowing from brain to paper.. or screen in this case. 6 years with someone cannot be shrugged off and discarded. It is a process. There is an adjustment phase where you still think about the past... but at the same time you are trying to acclimatise to the present. It is a big freaken change, and it was a sudden change! So... it does take time to get used to. I think you know this, but I say it as a reminder... "Time heals all wounds". It really does. Even if you are left with a scar to remind you... the wound is still healed. You will heal, and you WILL find someone that will never scar you like this. Don't think for a single moment you should be more like the ex... please do not do that. Do not wish that you could be more like him, do not wish that you simply re-direct your feelings from one person to another. Charlotte, as a person... is STRONGER! More giving, more loving, more committed, more mature, more flexible, more focused, more trusting, more faithful... should I go on??? YOU are more of EVERYTHING that your ex is at his current stage of life. Don't hate him forever. Pity his lack of understanding of what is important in a relationship. Accept that he still has a ways to go before he is ready to deal with the challenges that a life partnership throws at him. Wish him well, and know for certain that you understand yourself better than he understands himself. Self awareness is a fantastic thing to have... Link to comment
miss_sunshine Posted August 10, 2014 Share Posted August 10, 2014 Charlotte i so relate to your letter as it is exactly how I feel too. It is very hard to accept that we did not really know them even though we spent so long with them. And missing who you thought they were is so very painful. Everyone around me has someone and I feel like no-one understands this pain I am going through and everyone else just gets to be happy and keep going on with their life. I hope you are doing better! And ChilliRed your post was so great, I really found it very helpful. Link to comment
nigirl Posted August 10, 2014 Share Posted August 10, 2014 Your letter just touched my heart, as instead of contacting my ex I posted here... I admire your strength, courage in such pain.... Best wishes for the future and hopefuly you will heal and smile again spoon..xx Link to comment
mulligan Posted August 17, 2014 Share Posted August 17, 2014 Sometimes is isn't that someone changes but that their mask just falls off. Link to comment
byson Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 There is always a reason behind something that happened. I am trying to find that reason why my ex can just feel nothing for me over night when she told me how much she missed me n loved me just 24 hours apart. Maybe your ex was 2 timing you? Maybe my ex was not into me at all? We will never know the truth coz no one tells the truth anyways. I guess we will have to be strong and love ourselves more. I am deeply wounded and i don't think i can bring myself to trust anyone anymore.... Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.