Here just read this text

[quark]

I just don't even know

 

 

Him: Love you

Me: I love you too, but I don't know why you keep making jokes about my fidelity when I've told you so many times that I don't find it amusing.

Him: Ok I'll stop

Him: I'll never joke about it again, but, if you ever do cheat I get to punch you in the face. Deal?

Me: What the f kinda statement is that ??

Him: You're being too sensitive lately. I'm only saying that out of love, not to piss you off. I know that you don't like when I joke like that but I feel your reactions are a little more than normal. Almost like you want to fight.

Me: You're saying what out of love? That if I cheat you get to punch me? Thats a ridiculous statement and if you don't think i'm a faithful person thenI don't know why you started dating me.

Me: You know that I don't like when you joke .. but you do it anyway .. why?

Him: I was only trying to be cute right now, kinda like one last joke before I stop. I love you and we have a lot of time coming up that we should be all lovey and happy, so i'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. Can we drop it? Please?

Him: No, i'm letting you know that your reactions are over the top out of love.

Him: You say to me "you're dressed up, where are you going" or "who are you getting all dressed up for" when I leave for work but I don't get upset.

Me: It's been the constant joking by you that makes me that way. At first, I started to dish it back in hopes you would feel what I feel and "get it". But then I really started to wonder a little, since a lot of times the person pointing the finger is usually the guilty one.

Him: You read too much into it. It was a joke. But you were all in your phone and kinda hiding the screen so I made a joke. Sorry, it was a bad one, that's all.a

[mhowe]

Stop texting and make a phone call.

 

What a complete waste of time.

[quark]

Stop texting and make a phone call.

 

What a complete waste of time.

 

 

He's at work, so .. I can't really do that.

[mhowe]

Then stop texting. It is easy for a "joke" or a comment to be taken out of context.

 

And if he's at work...stop texting.

[quark]

Why do I feel like I'm arguing with my mom?

 

a) The joke was told last night, in person, so no confusion as to context.

 

b) He initiated the text from work. Sure, I didn't have to start a discussion about last night, but he's an adult and could say "talk later, I'm at work" any time.

[chr8st8na]

he sounds immature and you sound easily bothered.

 

and yes anything heavy like that should not be over text.

[t1lersm0m1]

Have you cheated? Before this guy?

 

I ask because there are times my Mom will make comments to ttry and make me feel like a bad mom. And it works, because deep down I feel like a bad mom. So if him joking about cheating bothers you, it makes me feel like maybe you've cheated before, and you're afraid you'll cheat again.

 

Anyway, if you've asked him to stop, and he hasn't, maybe his humor isn't a good fit for you.

[ParisPaulette]

Why does this sound to me like an abusive individual grooming you to accept physical and emotional abuse over things you "cause" him to do. No it's not normal to threaten someone with physical violence, I don't care what the cause is. And the fact that he's already convinced you'll cheat on him is just more indicators of this: link removed

 

Note he's already hitting the "jealousy" and "threats of violence" points listed in the article as well as a whole host of other points like "blaming others" and "controlling behavior." You know it's not normal, you've asked him to stop, he's escalating. Are you really going to wait around until he makes his threats a reality?

[spandora]

BINGO, Paris Paulette.

 

I was thinking the exact same thing.

 

He reminds me of my most recent ex, who expected me to put up with all kinds of hurtful comments, under the guise of "it's all a JOKE." Even when I asked him to stop, he wouldn't. Then again, he pretty much disregarded anything I asked...

 

And the whole thing about you being "too sensitive." What a jerk! If something bothers you, IT BOTHERS YOU. You shouldn't have to explain yourself. If he cared about you, he'd stop doing the stupid stuff that bothers you.

 

Enuf said.

 

Why does this sound to me like an abusive individual grooming you to accept physical and emotional abuse over things you "cause" him to do. No it's not normal to threaten someone with physical violence, I don't care what the cause is. And the fact that he's already convinced you'll cheat on him is just more indicators of this: link removed

 

Note he's already hitting the "jealousy" and "threats of violence" points listed in the article as well as a whole host of other points like "blaming others" and "controlling behavior." You know it's not normal, you've asked him to stop, he's escalating. Are you really going to wait around until he makes his threats a reality?

[spandora]

I've noticed that mhowe often comes accross as parental.

 

But she does often give good advice.

 

Why do I feel like I'm arguing with my mom?

 

a) The joke was told last night, in person, so no confusion as to context.

 

b) He initiated the text from work. Sure, I didn't have to start a discussion about last night, but he's an adult and could say "talk later, I'm at work" any time.

[mhowe]

Mostly because many of the questions asked come from youngsters.....

[CeeLambrini]

If something bothers you, and you get called too sensitive for it then you're dealing with a person who doesn't take you seriously or really respect your views. When you're also dealing with a person who thinks violence against women is hilarious, I would also avoid that too. I'm sure he was just being 'cute' but rape, incest, child abuse, and wife beating are all subjects that I do not find funny in jokes at all - I know it's how people 'deal' with things in a lighter way but if a guy was joking about punching me I would see that as a red flag and get out of there. Even if he never hit me, the fact alone that he found the thought amusing would bother me, big time

[spandora]

YUP. That was my relationship for 2 years. I hope the OP doesn't waste as much time as I did.

 

If something bothers you, and you get called too sensitive for it then you're dealing with a person who doesn't take you seriously or really respect your views.

[LC8328]

If he believes that punching you in the face is a "cute" way to joke around with you, I would think twice about this relationship.

 

And if you truly aren't sure if he's faithful or not, or perhaps have your own issues about infidelity...even better reason to call it quits and be by yourself for a while. Definitely don't get together with guys who think that violence toward women is funny. Ugh.

 

Edit: I realize he didn't *actually* punch you and only joked about it, but what kind of tasteless humor is that?!

[spandora]

Wow. I went back and re-read your text exchange, and he sounds JUST LIKE MY EX. Freaky. Thinking it would be cute to make "one last joke", after you've already told him it bugged you. Joking about getting violent. Asking you to "please drop it". Trying to make YOU sound like you're "not normal" because you have a problem with his inconsiderate behavior.

 

I mean, do they make abusive guys in a factory or something? The similarities are creepy.

[oitnb]

I kinda cyber stalked your old threads because I figured there was more to the story, and wow.

 

This relationship was over before it began. Seriously. Serious compatibility issues and this guy is on the verge of being abusive, emotionally. Time to pull the plug.

[quark]

I told him that he was acting "borderline abusive" and he completely flipped out like it was a completely ludicrous thought and basically how dare I.

 

Thanks again everyone for all your input. Even those whose decisions I don't agree with as much. I have a lot to think about and it pains me to think that I have been wasting my time all along. I need to put up or shut up as far as counseling for the two of us is concerned. Again, as much as I value what you all have to say..you have to admit it is a little one sided when it comes to these forums. No one ever gets to hear the significant other's point of view.

 

I would really like to have a sit down with someone, a professional, who can help facilitate a conversation between us because we have such a tangled web of issues that it is easy to get off track and not resolve something.

 

And I know there are probably some heads exploding as they read that sentence..but what can you do. I just couldn't let go of the "what if that would have worked for us?" thought if I were to break up without atleast trying

[ParisPaulette]

Actually I hope sitting down with a therapist does help you. And that the therapist can take one look at the guy then pull you to the side and explain to you as a professional what you don't really seem to want to accept from people on this forum, even though many of us have been in abusive relationships including myself so we're giving you advice from hard experience. FYI I probably qualify as "professional" to the degree I worked in a women's shelter helping people who were in abusive relationships. When someone even "jokes" about being physically violent with you, it's a loud red flag you should pay attention to. Because normal people just don't do that, they just don't. Ever.

 

Anyways I hope you get the answers you're looking for.

[Ms Darcy]

I kinda cyber stalked your old threads because I figured there was more to the story, and wow.

 

This relationship was over before it began. Seriously. Serious compatibility issues and this guy is on the verge of being abusive, emotionally. Time to pull the plug.

 

Past time to pull the plug.