Has anyone here ever "known" someone was "the one"?

[Notagoodninja]

So some of you know my story I was in an abusive long long relationship

Well I got out of it a couple years ago and met this FWB who I fell for (believe me I tried not to I get the whole FWB thing ends with someone falling blah blah yadda lol)

Anyway so here's the scoop, I fell in love with my FWB I don't even know why, and I felt like he was "the one"

I am a girl with many options it's not like I am desperate, I was turning down guys like crazy because I felt like this guy was the one for me

Well earlier this year I found out he had a girlfriend

It didn't really hurt me or anything because I totally understand and get the whole "FWB" thing, he was not committed etc-

So anyway I started dating a guy and now I have a boyfriend (that's another story for a rainy day) and get this, my current boyfriend is fit, gorgeous- every girl wants him...but me.

 

I am still totally unable to get over my FWB and I don't know why

I have had other FWB and NEVER felt anything for them at all

 

But at the end of the day my head goes to my FWB. I feel sad, and don't worry I am honorable- I have not spoken to him once we started dating other people. I am loyal. I just can't get him out of my head and we never even dated. Nothing was particularly great about my time with him either there was just some mad connection I never had felt with any other guy in my entire life (and I am divorced, have dated a thousand dudes)

 

When I was with him I wanted to hold him forever, to take care of him to love him to stand my his side and even settle down, and I never was good at the whole settling down thing (thus why I am divorced)

 

ANYWAY advice please....again please don't put me down because I have done NOTHING WRONG I have been 100%%%%%%%% faithful and loyal to my boyfriend and never spoken again to my FWB so dont worry!

I am just so confused because every single day I can't get this guy out of my head. I think about him constantly. Songs remind me of him. I wonder how he is.

I also get down because I feel like I am not good enough that he didnt ask me to date him. The guy I am with now gets asked out 24/7 because he's so gorgeous, but I couldn't get the man that I loved- he didn't want me

 

Is there something wrong with me where I need to just cut him out of my heart somehow????????? Or is it something legit that I still want to be with this guy? I want to MARRY him. It's the weirdest, saddest thing.

[mhowe]

You put the sentence in your post....because you fell in love with him and he considered you fine for a FWB...but not relationship material. It is your bruised ego that won't let it go.

 

You can have any man....but him. Tough pill to swallow.

[quirky]

How have your relationships been throughout your life, can you identify any pattern undelining them?

[Batya33]

It's very easy to feel someone is the one when you don't have to put in the effort in a committed relationship. It's also easy to tell yourself that you can't be with other guys because you're pining away for someone who is not available - that way you can live in a fantasy world and not have to make an effort to get to know other people.

[ParisPaulette]

I do not believe in the concept of "the one", because it just isn't true. We love all manner of people and will do so for a lifetime. Each person, good or bad, will bring something to the table. I do believe one can have crushes, infatuations, fantasy relationships, something really good that just didn't work out, a relationship where you just feel things more intently and/or some combination of one or more of the. And then decide that person is "the one" but that's sort of like saying you drove the perfect car once, had it for a short time, and then it got wrecked/stolen/couldn't afford the payments and so it got taken away. And now you forever pine for the perfect car that you once had and lost. Which is silly, because there are millions of cars in the world just as there are millions of people.

 

I do not believe love is a finite thing and that we are created to be complete with only one person out there. It may take time, but you will find another to love and quite possibly another and another after that. You will encounter friends, family members, maybe have children and yes meet potential partners and you will love each of them for who they are. There isn't so much a "the one" as there is "this person right now in my life who I love." If you pine for some long gone relationship or one that never was in the first place that is a fantasy and that's a very different thing. But it doesn't mean you will stay forever with no one, because that one person and you are not in a relationship.

 

You see these things more clearly with time and experience too. I've fallen in love several times throughout my life and was convinced with each that I would never get over them and what I had lost. And then eventually yes, I did. The capacity to love again, and in spite of all, to never have a cap or limit on that love, is one of the things that I think is native to the very core of being a human being.

[annie24]

[h=2]Has anyone here ever "known" someone was "the one"?[/h]

 

no, haha. or maybe I thought i did, but they weren't putting in that same effort. hence, not "the one." "The One" by definition, would be someone who is on the same page as you and is actively working on building a life together, no?

[BrianH46]

This is how you can test if is "love" or your ego longing for him. When you are with your boyfriend, do you think about him? Do you only think about him when you are alone?

[Notagoodninja]

This is how you can test if is "love" or your ego longing for him. When you are with your boyfriend, do you think about him? Do you only think about him when you are alone?

 

I think about him 24/7 even if my boyfriend and I are having an awesome time.

[Notagoodninja]

Thank you all SO SOOOO much for giving me pointers and I appreciate any and all advice, I have to say I never thought that I could be living a "fantasy relationship" in my head that requires no effort, that makes a ton of sense and maybe I need to take a good hard long look at myself.

[Notagoodninja]

Great analogy about the cars

[SooSad33]

Sometimes one will get caught up, emotionally over a FWB, which is why it isn't for everyone...

I do suggest though, you don't consider getting overly involved with anyone, until you know you are emotionally over the FWB.

If your mind is stuck on him, how are you going to manage to give whole heartedly to anyone else?

 

Simple way to see & accept this? The fact that even though he slept with you.. he is actually involved.

So put your heart & mind on hold for this one. ( it wouldn't work for you).

[jul-els]

I think there's lots of "the ones" out there. It's a game of chance as to whether you actually find one of them or not. If you feel as though you're settling, then you're not with "the one". If you feel as though you're not settling, then you're with "the one".

[Notagoodninja]

Thanks everyone for your input.

[hadrada]

No, but I know when I'm in love and it's very different to any other feeling.

 

But at no point have I ever been convinced that this feeling was going to last for the rest of my life. In fact I tend to fall in love at roughly five year intervals. Something just seems to leap out of me and attach itself to someone almost at random and I just can't work out any pattern or logic to it. The women I have fallen in love with have been pretty diverse physically and psychologically.

 

Then there have been attractive women I have been great friends with, lots in common, same sense of humour, easy conversations and yet I have not fallen in love with them or really had any desire for a relationship with them.

 

While I have fallen in love with women less obviously suited to me and I have gone absolutely out-of-my-mind over them - can't eat, can't sleep etc etc.

[uniqueme]

Hope you find "the one" for you...

[treesandbees]

I think about him 24/7 even if my boyfriend and I are having an awesome time.

 

I can relate to this, I felt we were soul mates, but as time passed I realized soul mates don't always have to be romantic lovers. It still hurts.