reborn Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 Somewhere in the back of my mind I expected the ex to send me a Xmas wish or email. But I got nothing. I guess is the normal thing during the breakup, but still it makes me feel sad. I have thought about him a lot during this time. I thought about last Xmas, I spent it with him and his family and I/we had such a great time. I miss him and wish he was near. Though he broke up with me around 4 months ago, and we agreed to no contact, I said that since he didn't love me or wanted to be with me, that I needed no contact for a while in order to forget him, I was just sort of hoping that he would think of me too during this time and drop me a little Xmas line. We live in different countries now. Before I left he said for me to know that if he felt he loved me he would come to where I am to visit. I'm not stopping my life waiting, I hardly ever think about that even. But having not even a little email is a reminder that he is so totally over us. IT HURTS. Do you feel the same? Did you also expect deep down or wished for a greeting for the ex that never came? Is this your first Xmas without the ex? How does it feel? Merry Xmas to you all. Link to comment
MrLonely Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 First xmas without her...and i am very alone. Got the family around, but doesn't cut it. She called last night, I ignored it. She has been calling somwhat infrequently lately. It's only been 6 weeks. Merry Christmas Link to comment
fantasia2004 Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 yes so I definitely got over the bum and moved on Link to comment
fantasia2004 Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 I know you miss them but trust me the last thing they are thinking about is you . cheer up Link to comment
MrLonely Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 That actually makes me feel worse. Link to comment
fantasia2004 Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 please and even if you feel this way what makes you really think they are happy too? that is what I meant. Link to comment
MrLonely Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 Ok - i dont understand.... too much 'nog i think... You said "the last thing they are thinking about is us" then "what makes you think they are happy"... Why would they be unhappy? confused... Link to comment
rich46 Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 That actually makes me feel worse. And I don't believe it to be true. Provided that you treated your ex well and the relationship lasted a fair amount of time, then it is almost certain that he/she will be thinking about you. I didn't get a message/card/email either, but that doesn't necessarily mean that my ex is having the time of her life. I used to think like that until she called me after 4 weeks of NC back in October...she was in such a state and sounded utterly miserable. She had rebounded and he hadn't been treating her so well. She told me that she was scared she was letting go of a good thing (me), she missed me, etc. My point is, for the 4 weeks of NC I imagined her to be going out, living without a care in the world, and not thinking about me. Well now I know that this isn't true, and after spending 3.5 years together/being first loves, I wouldn't expect anything less. BUT this doesn't mean she wants me back. I do think that your ex will be thinking about you. But you should try and concentrate on how you are feeling from now on, not your ex. I know it is hard. But the grass isn't always greener on the other side, and not all exes are on top of the world. If it makes you feel better, then I'm pretty sure you're ex will be thinking about you. That is unless they are made of stone, in which case you are better off without them anyway. It has come to the point for me when I am actually pleased that my ex hasn't contacted me, as it prevents me from being set back and/or being given false hope for a reunion. I just want to concentrate on myself from now on, and my only aim is to make 2005 a lot better than 2004. Take care, Rich Link to comment
MrLonely Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 Ok - i guess i misunderstood? When you said "The last thing they will be thinking about it you"....I thought is that all i deserve after 1.5 years?? And Rich, she did contact me after 3 weeks to tell me she missed me, blah blah....And we hung twice. She was not having the time of her life, as you said. She called last night - i ignored it. But, I did send her a disney e-card, reminiscent of our trip to Disney World this past July. She hasn't read it yet. Link to comment
ocean9 Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 I'm curious, why did you ignore her phone call? Link to comment
MrLonely Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 This was the third time she called since she told me she missed me about a month ago. The first two times, she talked of weird stuff - and it seemed like just a reason to call. I dunno why, I didn't really want to hear her voice - It hurts. Link to comment
Tryingtobestrong Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 Hallo everyone, I also expected/hoped for a message/call from my ex for Christmas, but nothing. I am trying to rationalise it, thinking that he is busy, at his aunt's place there is no internet, he does not think I would care for one as I am jewish,... but I still feel bad about it. I guess I really hoped for one after all. Hope the next year will bring lots of happiness and love to all of us. Love, Danielle Link to comment
ocean9 Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 I dunno why, I didn't really want to hear her voice - It hurts If you are not ready to talk with her, why did you send an e-card? She might think you are ready to talk because you did this. Link to comment
a.d.c. Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 No call from her yesterday and I don't know if she'll call today. But it's A OK with me. Matter of fact when I initiated NC a few weeks back I told her not to call me for Christmas or New Years. She said it would be hard not to call me for Christmas. Well that sucks for her cuz I'm feeling fine. Think about it, why would you want your ex to call for the holidays?? To hear their voice and have them wish you happy holidays?? That's just asking to feel hurt all over again unless you're totally over that person. I only want my ex to call if it's about working things out. And if she calls for that then she can do it any other day. She's not gonna mess up my holidays calling to do the "nice" thing and reach out to me just so it'll make her feel better. Just wait it out you all. A week from now things will be totally different. Holiday season will be officially over and it'll be 2005. Be optimistic, have positive thoughts and goals, and look at ways to better yourselves. Yea it can get tough during this period but it's almost over. Just try to enjoy yourselves right now. It's only once a year. PEACE Link to comment
MrLonely Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 I dont find it feels much like christmas..... Any one else feel like this? Link to comment
shes2smart Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 All you guys wanting to get an e-mail from your exes and nothing...and here's me not wanting to hear from my ex and I get an e-mail. God's got a twisted sense of humor. I've just gone through a very strange 24 hours...we lost power at our house last night because of the ice storms. A few hours after the electricity died, we had what can only be called a stupid attack with some candles and nearly burnt the building down. We're ok, our cat's ok, our stuff's ok...with the exception of the top of one dresser, some towels we used to smother the fire and some damage to the carpet...guess we're not getting the security deposit back, eh? If another 30 seconds had gone by or if either of us had been slower on the uptake, there's a good chance I'd be in no condition to be making this post due to injury, death or loss of our stuff. The building is still standing, and we're both still here so it's a Merry Christmas. So, even though you may not have heard from your exes, it would appear you all are reasonably healthy, well off enough to get online and post, and have a few material comforts....I tell you, things could be a lot worse for all of us right now. Link to comment
Enn Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 Ugh - well I got a text message (surely the most cowardly form of communication) from my ex today - 'Hello DE, MERRY CHRISTMAS hope you are OK take care lots of love c xxxxxxxxxxx.' DE='Dearest Enn'. Oh and 'lots of love' is a subtle change from the usual 'ALL my LOVE.' I know that sounds like pedantry but it's exactly the sort of thing that these arseholes thrive on in these situations. It's made me so angry! It's the most pathetic thing he could have done! He was abusive towards me during a fifteen-month relationship, during which time my father died and he was totally unsupportive. We had an argument about seven weeks ago which he just walked out and drove off in the middle of. Nothing since. And that's the best he can do? No sorry or anything? Last week I heard he was 'all over' a young girl in a club. After initial devastation when he left I have experienced real highs - I have felt like I've emerged from a serious road accident! Yet a little evil voice is telling me to reply in some way. But I've got at least four very dear friends who have said they won't speak to me again if I do! It would be suicide to reply wouldn't it? And if he really wanted anything to do with me he'd be trying much harder than this, surely? Too little, too late. So - to the people who haven't heard from their exes - don't think you're missing out! I get the sense mine is just trying to make himself feel better, and you don't want to play any part in easing their consciences. Link to comment
LilithCave22 Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 My ex hasn't contacted me yet and, frankly, I'm confused on how to feel about it. On the one hand, it completely devastates me because I feel like she doesn't care enough to wish me a Happy Holidays. On the other hand, I'm in no state to reply or respond to her contact and if she did, I would probably just feel like she was doing it out of guilt and to make herself feel better... I'm not sure which is better but deep down, I wanted her to contact me Link to comment
ocean9 Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 surely the most cowardly form of communication I agree! I got one yesterday, and I didn't reply...and I'm glad I didn't. I think that replying sends the message that a simple email is 'good enough', when clearly, it is not a 'real' effort. Link to comment
ajk Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 you don't want to play any part in easing their consciences. we definitely need to remember this! if it just makes them feel better...us feel worse, why desire the phone call/text message/email/whatever.... Link to comment
ocean9 Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 On the other hand, I'm in no state to reply or respond to her contact and if she did If she contacts you, you do not have to respond. I'm learning that myself these days. How long have you been broken up for? Link to comment
LilithCave22 Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 If she contacts you, you do not have to respond. I'm learning that myself these days. How long have you been broken up for? I won't respond if she contacts me but it doesn't look like that is going to happen anyway. I mentioned in a few other posts that she sent me a text earlier this week and I didn't respond to that... she may feel guilty and think I don't want to hear from her. We haven't even been broken up for 2 months yet (and she is already with someone new) Link to comment
ocean9 Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 If she is already with someone new, why would you want her to contact you? Wouldn't that hurt more than anything? Link to comment
Ated Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 Hey you guys... Well my ex contacted me... I dunno if it was an excuse... He didnt call me on christmas. He called me today (boxing day)... he didnt wish me... all he said was "hi how are u... bla bla, how did u go at your exams, what was ur results..." then he tells me details that i don't really want/need to know such as "yeh i live with shan (a mutual friend who lives live 3 streets from my house)" I mean wat does he want? I told him clearly before tht i don't appriciate his calls. He called me twice this morning~ Fisrt he woke me up, then i was kinda rude (partly cos i was distrubed in my sleep). Anywyas, i couln't go back to sleep so i decided to just go here! enotalone. 10-15 minutes later he calls agian? omg~ what is the deal. Anywyas, im a 'nice' girl so i apologised and was polite to him. Just friednly. I still think about my ex EVERYday... I keep thinking, will he call again? Not that if he doesnt i get upset... but when he does, its like... "what do u want! U told me u dun want me now u keep calling?!" I told him so many times to stop calling but he still does! i dunno what to do. He calls my landline so i dunno who is calling cos it has no caller id! Maybe i should hang up?? what i want to know is: should i just treat him nice, be friendly? or just leave it? Link to comment
ocean9 Posted December 25, 2004 Share Posted December 25, 2004 Maybe you could tell him to only call if he wants to work things out, otherwise leave you alone. That way, he won't be wasting your time or misleading you with these constant phone calls. Link to comment
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