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Ated

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Everything posted by Ated

  1. Hey there! I don't have much to say as I don't know what to say... I think you're doing well. And you're trying you're best and you're with a great guy... But that doesnt make you feel better... Hang in there!~
  2. Your still young and you just havent been meeting the right people... Im assuming they are ur age too yeh? They are yet to mature Pls don't kill yourself. Believe me, U seem cool. I'd hang out with ya anytime and i really mean that. As for girls? You ned to have your heart a few times to really appriciate the person that will end up making you happy. Think of this as a game, look at the girls that didn't give u the time of day and analyse why THEY don't deserve YOUR time... Like others said, just focus on urself and love yourself. I know its hard because of how ur environments treated you so far... but hang in there! You can make this as a learning experience. Learn what YOU DONT WANT in a women or your friends...
  3. What makes you feel lonely? The message I'm getting is cos you don't have a gf? Im the same age as you are. And I'm going through a rough time at the moment. I dated this guy for 3 weeks and things just wnet down hill with our friendship and its been hell. I sometimes wish (well, more frequently now) that we should have never met! What I'm trying to say is, relationships are hard work. Being in a relationship is great, when both love each other. But i do knwo that a lonely heart is better than a broken one. Im glad that you want to focus on your studies and ur band though. Its a good distraction and an excellent way at making urself feel better!
  4. Ok I'm In! This would be my DAY 1 GARRRR ONLY ONE DAY !!! POO:splat:
  5. Pink elephant, Yes, i do think thats what i gotta do. He has always always rejected me. And yesterday I VOWED i'd never contact him again. Gosh it hurt so much! Making my 'lie' as ammo to shoot directly to my heart! ARGH!! But with me, i know that the only way ill ever get over him entirely is to be in another relationship... an official relationship, and being intimate with that guy. I dunno why i'm like that... but thats what ive learned about me from past rships. With that said, i also have another problem, i DO have a guy that can potentially save me. I think he is keen to me. I say this because he introduces me to his work makes as his 'gf', 'future wife' and says things like 'ur so beutiful' and one time he invited me for dinner and his friends know me but ive never met them before! He cooked for me and put food on my plate... anyways basically, whenever we're together evrything is GREAT. I feel so happy, he treats me well! I like him too, but i was held back because i had feelings for the chef. So whats the problem? The problem is when we arent together, its lik i don't exist! Like yesterday after i spoke to the the guy who broke my heart i was in pain and i tried to call this other guy and he wouldn't pick up. (maybe he's busy?) But i never got a call back... and This isn't the first time either! It seems to me whevenever i call he is unavail... i brought this up to him and he said 'i just got a lot of poblems that are occupying my mind' and im like 'well thats why i call u. To see how u doing, If u ever need to go out to just keep u distracted im in!" and he is like 'ill tell u all my problems later on... Its just im scared that if i talk about it ill cry. But you'll be really surprised, really". Because i try to not be pushy about it, i just let it go. SO we just move on. He did say that 'don't ever feel rejected when i dun call. I'm always there for u. Im just a phone call away'. ERHH WHAT?! BLEH! Another thing that bugs me is that he is a private person. I respect that. But sometiems i think a person who has nothing to hide, hide nothing. What does he have to hide? I mean im an open person, maybe thats why im feeling irritated that i give give give and he knows excatly who i am, but i dunno HIM! He says that he is the type of person with layers... opening a level of barrier depending on how the frienship is or sumthing like that... But i mean, man wthat is the deal! This guy knows my relationship about the otehr guy (chef). But he doesnt know about what happened yesterday. And yesterday is the day i LET the chef go (metaphorically). SO now what im ready to give him my attention, i started to notice the thigns mentioned above... I'm really feeling a great dislike of men right now lol
  6. Ive done that many times. Evrytime we do talk its me who initiates contact. And i've really said all i can say... he just is too stubborn. repeatedly he has rejected me : "I dont want antyhign to do with u... We should just be friends" we become friends, then he gets moody... we're good agian then we become intimate... everything is fine then one day he says "i dun want anything to do with u, ur getting attached blah blah' anywyas, today is the last time ive spoken to him and basically he said "u been calling me and messaging me, i havent been replying or calling u back. Isnt that hin big enough? You threw the ball in my court, i nevr hit it back" I just feel so stupid... Like kellbell said, i shoulda known better. i knew i shouldnt have called. at the moment im feeling the way she felt several years ago. But at least i can take comfort int he fact that i know she did it and i KNOW, in time i can too. I'm glad to hear that she knows EXACTLY what im feeling and she is with an awesome guy now. It gives me hope... but still dun take the pain away at this present time
  7. Pink elephant... thanks for bring the self esteem part. mentioned earlier, i am a pretty self awarre person. In order for me to be that way, i do a lot of self-reflecting and self-evaluation. I also mentioned that im a student nurse. My last semster involved a study of mental health. I know that I DO have self esteem issues and thats what is killing me now. Because i do have a low self esteem, i try to overcompensate by being a good person, by studying to become more educated and u know just try my best to be respectable. I'm not offering this as an excuse, but this is what has come to mind (supported by literature ive read while stuyding)... My dad has never been around, met him for the first time when i was 6. Anwyays he is an alcoholic, a heavy smoker, abuser (to the family, mostly directed at my mother, but i was sexually and physically abused by him). I think the person that i am now is becasue of what i've been through. Analysing myself, i think that maybe i am use to drama? Maybe i just want the chase? Maybe, he reflects my dad and hence i am attracted to him because i think that maybe if i can get him to love me its like my dad loves me? I DUNNO! What i DO know is that i am vulnerable when it comes to love. Having no fatherly figure to look up to ruined my relationship with men (i think anywas) Like, if a guy sweet tallks me, im in... and being the person that i am... once im in, im in... Im no traitor! If i love you, i love you... Im a woman of my word... ARGHHH when im single i put on a facade that i dun need men. And i KNOW I DONT NEED THEM. Its just a preferance. I just comes down to me getting love and affection really. Just someone i can talk to... and cuddle up to... and be intimate with. The reason i cant let go of him (i think is): because we WERE good friends and we WERE intimate... and so yeh I like intimacy. And im not bragging but i can get sex anytime i want. Any woman can. I just DUN want to. I dun want to sleep around... But with him, i think a lot of my diffulty in letting go of him is that im gonna have no affection for a while...
  8. he knows i have strong feelings for him. I did say 'I love u" a few times... to make a point. Althought i dun need to say it as my actions speak for themselves. I just feel so vulnerable right now. I mean its like... I'm loving and giving, but UN-lovable. I realise that this feelings will pass. I just want to vent. I am puzzled at how ppl can let go of good things. I mean, I always see the good in ppl. If i were to find someone who was good to me, i would amke sure i do my best keeping them around. But i guess he just doenst see me that way... Why am i attracted to bad boys!
  9. Mighty pro. I appreciate your words. I have ALWYAS been honest. I AM A "rare" breed like u. Just OPEN and HONEST, say it how it is type of girl. But this is why I'm ging insane. I feel like Im the crazy one here. To put it in perspective here are the facts: Me: I liek to think of msyelf as a 'good' girl. Perfect gf id say. I am 19 too, still studying, non smoker, occasional drinker. I am loyal, responsible HONEST, intelligent, mature, caring, GENUINE and just really friendly, down to earth - will talk to anyone type of girl. I am passionate and quite self aware. Truth be said, the only thing i can critisise myself about is that i am too nice, can be neruotic at time (perfectionist, i guess) and that yeh i may appear 'needy' in r'ships. Him: Smokes, occasional pot smoker, ex drug polyabuser, has criminal records... IM NOT SAYING THIS TO MAKE HIM LOOK BAD> Im just saying taht I know what he is and i accept him for who he is and i know who i am... i am that mentioned above. Why dun u want me? I am just feeling liek I'm worthless That even thought i have these respectable qualities, that a guy like him can turn me down. quite easily. I recognise that these are a negative way to think, but at the moment this is how i am feeling. If i cant get a guy who is like him? WHO WOULD WANT ME?!
  10. Thanks for the reply. U are right I was too nice. I am unsure about him not respecting me. Signs point to yes (he disrespected me). The thing that really bothers me now is that he thinks that "I" am a negative in his life. When in my perspctive i've been nothing but a good friend. In fact, everyone who knows me and him (colleages and frinds) have mentioned that I'm too good for him and that i should move on. And in my heart i know this, but if i am 'good' why doesnt he want me. SOme ppl said because we aren't on the same 'wavelenght'. But somehow i know in my heart that i think its cos he is scared of a good thing. Like i said before he is a bit 'confused' for - lack of a better word - One time he says im the best thing that happened to him and that he loves me (as a friend only) and that i was a blessing to him and so on, then does a total flip. I mean I can move on, its easy... i just want closure i guess?? And SOLID communication. Not mixed messages. I mean, i know i dun want to be with him I cant see myself with him, i just want friendship, but he says no to that. WHAT? I'm not a camera that is disposable! I just feel... I DUNNO HOW I FEEL. But i know i feel icky! I mean, love just isnt enough!
  11. Zoe is absolutely correct. I am going through the same thing as you. Loneliness. We both know its for the best. But it is soooo tough. I hate this feeling. BUT good news! I have been broken hearted before, and i know that NC DOES WORK and we WILL get over this... in time. The roller coaster ride will be hell. One minute ur strong, another minute u just want to hurt urself, cut that section of ur brain so u wont have to think about them anymore... Man... if we can only fast forward in time... or rewind and not meet the person who caused us to feel this way. *sigh*
  12. I just feel like he just dumped me. Put an expiry date too our friendship. He said "We've had our time" "life is a progression". I agree about the second quote, but why end a friendship just because we dun work togteher anymore? I WANT TO MOVE ON TOO. That's all i want.
  13. This is long and complicated. Pls be patient. I have (or now HAD) a friend. I think we just 'broke up' today -- our friendship I mean. Well, for him I think the friendship was over about a month ago... Here's a quick summary about us and our relationship: We met through work. He was a chef and I was a waitress. When we first met, we hardly ever talked. I kinda thought he was shy. I also thought that he doens't have anything I want in a man (based purely on looks. Of course, it's cos I didn't know him as yet). Anyways as we worked together, I've gotten to know him better. We talked about stuff. Lots of stuff. Deep and meaningful stuff. He wasn't like other guys I've met who can only conversate about sex. So I wanted to get to know him better. We became great friends, always mocking around and laughing. About two months I've known him I liked his free spirit and who he is as a person. So my eyes have changed of course. Although, he ain't much to look at and he is a smoker and an occasional pot smoker; he had a wonderful personality and we get along so I started to like him. He started to like me too. I know this because I revealed to a colleage that I think he was cool and I'd consider dating him but it's just that he smokes. To get to the point, I had my standards and he did'nt cut it. But I decided to not be 'superficial' and give him ago bcause we did get along and he had a great personality. So we started to date (for 3 weeks) and then he decided it won't work out because he wants to focus in his career and such. I said, that's fine I don't want to get in the way but we can still see each other? He says no. A bit of background info on him: He broke up with his gf when he was 18 so he can become a chef etc etc and hasnt been with a woman since. He says he has loved that girl but his career was more important. He also told me that the 'love of his life' is gone and wouldn't even look at him because she is way of out his league. Man this is hard, so many thoughts going in my head at once I hope I haven't lost anyone. I'm trying my best to explain this (both sides, so its fair). So with that info I respected his wishes and said 'Ok let's just remain friends so u can focus with ur career. Afterall, I need to focus on my studies too. I'm a studnet nurse (one year left of uni!) So we remained friends but after breaking up things went downhill. He treated me like crap... he was moody. I had to always make an effort. Then he'd make jokes and it would hurt me and he would be like 'Don't take it so seriously Princess, I was only joking" and so (me being the sensitive person that i am, tried to work on that). He said just hit me back with a joke. And so i took that advice to make us get along. And then things are great again and then one day I think everything is great... but all of a sudden he'd be moody again and be have this nasty attitude towards me. It kept happening and one day i just decided to ignore him. Then he would say things like "what's ur problem" and im like "excuse me?!" and he'd make it sound like I'm an evil person or sumthing. This became a pattern. Up and down. One day we are inseperable, then one day he will be like "this isn't gonna work out". He says it isn't going to work out because we became "f" buddies and he thinks that whenever we get intimate I act all 'couple-y' and he said that we tested the waters and it didnt owrk out, and he doesn't want that again. To get into a tangent, out of the blue he will say that "NOTHING happened" we never dated we just tested the waters, then another day he will say "Ur my ex blah blah we can't be friends". So at this point I've realised he doesnt knwo what he wants. He also chages his mind about his career. He has convinced me and i've trusted that his reasons for breaking up with me was true. He had a passion for cooking. That's why i respected his wishes and said ok... lets just be friends. Come into the picture a girl. I dun mean to sound judgemental cos i'm not. But i'm just trying to show u my point of view and facts. This girl is less educated than i am, she is one year older, she smokes, unlike me. This led me to believe that maybe he likes this girl because of familiarity and hey, similar interests too... But i got kind of angry and jealous bcause he told me he was career orientated and assured me that he isnt looking for a relatinshp for a while! Then that happened. Before the girl came into picture he mentioned to me on the phone that he wondered why i 'bothered' with him. He stated that he didnt have a low self esteem but he knows 'wat i am' and that i was way out of his league. And that the only reason he touched me was cos i touched him first. He said that he wouldnt otherwise dare trying to get anywhere with me. I felt good in him saying that and I kinda felt like "HEy thanks for thinking I'm great. I think ur great too'... But then why did he want the other girl and not me?! He firmly believes that he has been 'true' to himself. He saif that he NEVER had feelings for me. On the contrary, I had feelings for him but I was confused about how i felt because i never thought i would be involved with a guy like him but now that i am i can't help the way i feel and i do like him -- i would even use the word love, i feel that strongly about him. Because he said he didnt have feelings for me, i tried to keep my feelings to myself, hoping that i would wake up and in time that we get to know each otehr better, i'd be able to clarify my feelings abour him -- whther i do 'love' or just have 'lust' for him. fast forward... the pattern remained (friendship was up and down, his love for cooking was up and down) until one day my boss and he had a fight. my boss hit him because he was in one of his moods. My boss even said to me: "One day he wants to save me, one day he hates me", to which i replied "I KNOW EXCATLY WHAT U MEAN". Again, this taught me that he is unsure about things in his life. It also convinced me that he has this issue. So after that incident we havent spoken much... He told me he doesnt want to cook anymore (reason for the break up) and that he just wants to move on and he wants nothing to do with me and that the reason we cant be friends is that im 'draining' to him and i am a 'negative' person in his life. He said that I lied to him. I lied to him about my feelings and i admit to that. I told him i don't have feelings for him because i knew he didnt feel the same way (verbal words only). But he did give me mixed messages! One day he would be like lets stop being intimate and im like 'ok' then we'd be hanging out and hed try and get m into bed with him. Im ok with that cos i wanted it too. But why back out on ur word? ANywyas there is a lot more involved and id really like to talk about it. But i just dunno where to start... I want to move on too. But i just feel unrested knowhing that he has convinced that im 'bad' for him because i 'lied'? i lied about my feelings in order to salvage our friendship whcih was more important to me?! ARHGHH
  14. Rose2summer: I have done EVERYTHING. Like i mentioned before, i have done that. Avoided him like the plague. But like i said he is just hot and cold. And sometime he owuld 'trap' me... like "hey erica... how are u" blah blah and i would answer him and politely walk away to do my work and then he would be like "oh hey erica" and i mean, i cant be rude you know? I know ur all right.. i know it myself, i guess hearing it it from others just validates my feelings. Its so tough. I'll give u a background... My previous ex and i had sex like crazy.... and then after we broke up i was so hurt i decided to abstain ffrom sex for 2 years and now that i did it agian i can't stop again...! Its been so long for me... Im just trying so hard to think about WHAT i did to control myself... and i cant recall...
  15. Yes, i know i WILL get attached becasue i still have feelings for him... it sucks but i mean i just want sex too u know... LOL i don't think he 'lost' respect for me because we have been friend for 4 motnhs and so i felt it was 'ok' to sleep with him u know? Ok so you both think to NOT even go there right? Like i am telling myself that too, but it is just SO damn hard. To make matters worse, 2 other guys from work are asking me to hook up with them. Im like? What?! AS if! But u get me? Like it just makes me want it even more... erghhhh And what you you suggest i do to control myself, considering we work together? Just totally avoid him yeh?
  16. Ok im going to make this short. Basically, I was VERY good friends with a guy at work. I work as a waitress but stuyding to be a nurse. He is a chef. We were friends for about 4 months and we would talk about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. It was great. One of our co-worker kinda got us together. we started to date VERY briefly (it only lasted 3 weeks cos he is 'career-orientated' and he loves cooking etc etc and he can't commit himself to a girl') i was sad about it, but i respect him and his decisions so i let go. He is so career orientated that he hasnt been with a woman for 7 years and when we were together we slept with each other and it was just great... I havent been in a rship for 2 years because i don't want to just go out with 'anybody' I want to go out with someone i know i could go long-term with. And finally after 2 years, i found 'M' but it was just bad timing. The problem is, after we broke up things have been awkward at work. He would treat me hot and cold. I cant even look him in the eye sometimes. I mean im happy with just being friends, i wish to be more... but i won't force it. HOWEVER, i want to have sex with him. And i mentioned it just after we broke up... what he thinks about us being FWB. And he said hes cool with it, but he thinks its not a good idea cos i might get hurt... And i was like "ur right" and i KNOW he is right But the thing is... we are both travelling at the dame time. Same 'path' if you like where we both dun want commitments. but both want sex. So i want to know whether i should mention wanting to sleep with him again or not. I mean i KNOW it will happen if i just come over his place... but i just dun want to look 'cheap'. Like the reason i want to do it with him is cos im comfortable with him. I know i can get it elsewhere... btu i dont want that. i dun wanna open my legs to just 'anyone'... U knwo what i mean erghhh this is really bothering me... Pls help
  17. hahahha YEh he winks at me too!! and this smirk on his face... OH! its melting!.... YEh thats the only solution i see, ME getting over it. I think i will... but yeh, i just do find it diffucult to control. Its funny cos he turns me on when he winks and smirks at me. I mean, he knows hes hot, but hes not up-himself aboiut it. I love it! I think its such a turn on... man oh man...
  18. Djedix: I KNOW how bad it would be. Thats y i feel guilty and all that. I would NEVER make him cheat or whatver. I wouldnt pursue him. I told u i feel guilty just flirting... *sigh* u know i wish i would get over it to be honest. but yeh... this guys got a hold of me. so strange! 0X
  19. Yeah, its weird. The thing is, i just miss the affection. I mean, i am happy with or without someone. I just wish that if i do have someone it would be like him. The thing is, he has almost everything i lookfor. The guys that i do actually wanna date are all taken (of course lol)... argh,...
  20. YEh and thats the thing... i dunno why... DAMMnit... I wish i didnt find him attractive i mean, why him in particualr? maybe its cos my other girlfriends think hes hot as well. MAN, i want a guy like that...
  21. I really like this guy. But he has a gf. A long term one too. 2.5 years... I mean, i REALLY like him... and i think that he flirts with me, but it might be just me thinking that he is flirting because i like him that much. I mean, OF COURSE i won't do anything to make him cheat or whatevr. In fact, the reason i like him a lot is he has a lot of qualities i like in a man. HE is sporty, smart, good-looking and on top of that, LOYAL. Unlucky for me, im not the girl in his life... I just dunno what to do. I admit that i do flirt with him consiously. I actually feel guilty about it. BUt i cant help it. I'm at uni now. His gf is his highschool love. I DUnno... i mean... erh! i just feel bummed. He is a VERY rare gem... HARD TO FIND in deed. SOmeitmes i ven think maybe i should just wait for him. But that is silly. I mean, I should let him go u know? Hes happy... why should i interfere. I just cant get him outta my head is all. I feel like im in highschool again. You know? butterflies in the stomach? heheh *sigh*
  22. I swear they should create a 'pick-meup-after-a-break-up' convention where we learn to deal with all the post break up feelings, how to get back ont he horse, how to cope with 'widrawals'... GEE, i just feel so dumb. But as they say.. "wat doesn't kill you only makes u stronger!" Im actually reading ur posts with buba... Im on page 5... hehe a lot fo posts!! hehe I really think its great that there are people who give their personal time to help antoher. It gives me a sense of satisfaction that even though there are evil creatures in the world (exes! lol) There are mature people too. like us... And the good thing is, we are the winner of it all. We get out of an abusive relationship, we increase our self-worth, we attain skills (r'ship skills), along with other skills that you took up in order in order to prevent thinking about them... *sigh* we rule! hehe
  23. Hi michele, thanks for the reply. It was really encouraging. Its so funny, yesterday, i ran into a mutual friend... and i found out that the girl he dumped me for is now dumped... and the girl who i thought was a mutual friend, he is now dating. When we were together, i was paranoid and i brought her up, constantly asking, why do u always go clubbing with her... and he would say they are just friends and it was with a group bla bla... but now... it just confirms that i was right. Its amazing, cos another mutual friend said that actually... she didnt really like the rebound girl, he was ACTUALLY really after that girl who i thought was a mutual friend. Talk about soap.... Anyways, i just give up man. U ARE RIGHT! Move forward ! WHy waste time in him. Immature, no direction... *meh* It is really disgusting how he was intimate with me for a year, break up, a month later he is intimate with a new gril... and then now, he is dating his so called 'friend'. Now only did he use me, he used the girl he dumped me for? OMG. Its just nasty. And the third victim now is just dumb cos i thought she was a mutual friend. She KNEW how he treated me. She told me herself we are just friends, he is immature bla bla... and now? they are dating. And worse, after me, she KNEW he had sex with the recent ex girl... and she is STILL banging him... some poeple man... oh well, they will reap what they sow... my first suspicion of him cheating with me (which caused him to break up with me) is
  24. Hi all. I havent been posting for a while, but i still regularly read posts... Anywyas, im back cos i am curious about something. Me ex dumped me because i was 'needy', 'too controlling' or whatever... When we were still togehter, he went out clubbing, drinking and smoking... la la la...anwyays, because i was 'controlling' i told him that i really don't like the fact that he even started to smoke when he knew that i really hate it when guys smoke. It became a big issue, leading into other problems. One time i even got him to admit that he was smoking marijuana! Anwyays, i told him ok thats it. Just stop. If u want to be with me, quit this! quit smoking, spend more time with me instead of ur "gang" friends who smoke and enjoy being intoxicated every night. I dunno if he just wanted to spite me but he kept on doing it and tellig his 'gang' that i was so contorling and stuff and so he dumped me. During the period when our relationship was rocky, he claims he met this girl... A mutual friend told me that this girl was keen on dating him... which leads me to believe that maybe he dumped me so easily because he knew that someone else liked him... So he dumped me... and i was devastated, but now moving on... Anwyays, my point is... lol after a month of NC i found out from another mutual friend that they are dating.... That sort of cemnted my theory that maybe he dumped me because he knew this girl liked him and thereforeeee would say yes if he asked her out. Im wondering if she is a rebound girl or not. I think she is cos it was straight after the break up, but then maybe she isnt cos apparently (the last time my ex cotnacted me, they were togtehr gor about 5 motnsh already) *4 motnhs after our breakup... hat makes me think that she isnt a rebound... I dunno. Again, i think that she is a rebound because straight after we broke up, they got togtehr and already being intimate...which was the turning point for me. Evrybody, i dunno what my point is... i dunno why i wrote this... why do i still think about him. It drives me crazy.... i think im moving on, but i dunno.... am i!? Its been over a year since the break up and ive achieved so mcuh. Got into UNI... got my driver's licence... argh.... *sigh*
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