Bah's random musings / journal

[Seraphim]

That was very definitely rape I am sorry. If you are unconscious and cannot consent it is definitely rape. I am sorry that happened to you. And if you were drugged then obviously it is something that he planned to do. I was drugged and raped as well. Someone put LSD in my drink at a bar. I never considered it rape for years until I was in counseling the last couple years and I mentioned it to my therapist and she said 100% that is rape. I also never told my mother until last year. I kept it a secret from my mother for 26 years. And I too had normalized it and had no emotional attachment to it. But 100% that is rape and I am so sorry.

[oitnb]

Thank you, Vic. The scariest part to me is, when this happened, I was alone in a house full of guys. So, I have no idea what could've happened when I was blacked out. I know I shouldn't speculate and scare myself, but the mind does wonder.

[oitnb]

Ugh. It's storming here. In a few hours my boyfriend and I are taking about an hour drive to go see a car I might trade my vehicle for. I hate riding/driving in the rain. It scares the living day lights out of me. All I can picture the whole time is the truck spinning out of control.

[oitnb]

Realllllly like the car I saw today. Runs good, no major damage, good on gas. Will need to get new tires for it, though. He's willing to do a straight trade for my truck. Think I might do it! Goodbye truck days!

[oitnb]

Headache. Again. Fml

[oitnb]

The gas station has yet to call me in for an interview I called a few times, and the one time I finally got ahold of the manager, he sounded extremely irritated to be getting a call about a job application. So I figured id wait for him to call, since now he knows my name and all that. (And the friend who works there has been asking him about it for me every time he sees him)

 

But still nothing... Don't think they wanna hire me. Sigh.

 

On a positive note I'm going to tour a very nice, popular beauty school tomorrow.

[oitnb]

I really wanna mix up my hair. It's been blonde/ombré for forever now.

 

Debating on going a deep, brownish burgundy. Like almost dark dark purple.

 

The thing is, dark hair usually doesn't look good on me. I'm naturally pale, with lots of pink tones in my skin, and anything dark usually washes me out. But I think a darker color that's close to the redish side would maybe look good - because I have green eyes, and my natural hair color is brown with a hint of gingerish tones. But it'd be a big leap to go from blonde to that. I think it'd be either I LOVE IT or I HATE IT.

[oitnb]

Wow. Lots more people are using the journaling section now!

 

So I went to the beauty school today. LOVED IT! Very professional and upbeat. Lots of networking programs. Lots of diversity, one of the students had a bunch of tattoos and stretched ears like me and I was like "I'm in love!" (With the school, lol)

 

But. I took my mom, because she's always been good at school enrollment stuff and whatnot. I warned her two days ahead of time about this. And she was late to pick me up, and the kicker, she kept nodding off in front of the admissions counselor. Seriously. I was freaking mortified. Thank god the counselor was talking mostly to me, so I don't think she noticed.

 

I invited my mom along because usually she's good at this type of stuff, and she wanted to be involved. I can't believe she came either messed up on pills, or on no sleep. Or both. So upset with her.

[oitnb]

 

 

[blueidealist24]

Glad to hear you liked the school. Are you thinking of going there in the fall? I'm sorry about your Mom.. I wouldn't invite her again anytime soon, especially in light of the recent problems you've had with her.

 

I dyed my hair that colour you mentioned once, and it looked horrible on me, but judging from the picture you posted of yourself the other day, it might look fine on you. It's hard to tell with that sort of thing until you've actually done it.. unfortunately, in my case. Luckily, it was a wash-out dye, but it took much longer to wash out than the box said, so I basically had red hair for a little while after half of it was gone.

[oitnb]

Glad to hear you liked the school. Are you thinking of going there in the fall? I'm sorry about your Mom.. I wouldn't invite her again anytime soon, especially in light of the recent problems you've had with her.

 

I dyed my hair that colour you mentioned once, and it looked horrible on me, but judging from the picture you posted of yourself the other day, it might look fine on you. It's hard to tell with that sort of thing until you've actually done it.. unfortunately, in my case. Luckily, it was a wash-out dye, but it took much longer to wash out than the box said, so I basically had red hair for a little while after half of it was gone.

 

I've been distancing myself from my parents a lot lately. But, my mom seemed super pumped about the school, and wanted to come, so I thought why not. It was stupid of me... I always do this. But whatever. I'm def not inviting her to any more school related things. Hopefully if I get all the paperwork done in time, I can start in two weeks!!

 

I agree, the hair thing seems to be the type of look I won't be able to tell if I like it or not until I actually do it, so I'm going to! I'm dying for a change, anyways. If it's super bad on me I'll just get it fixed at school haha!

[jjkk]

Two weeks! That's exciting! I'm happy for you on your new adventure.

 

I'm sorry about your mom. I'm sure she wants to be supportive of you and truly is excited about you starting school. I obviously don't know your mother or what your relationship is like w/ her but I will say I spent 5 years as a mother messed up on pills but I always still cared about and wanted the best for my kids and did everything I could to make that happen for them. I'm sure your mom's intentions are good.

 

This actually really stung me to read because I wonder how many times I was nodding off or not attentive to things as I was trying to be supportive of my kids and their lives. Hugs to you!

[oitnb]

Two weeks! That's exciting! I'm happy for you on your new adventure.

 

I'm sorry about your mom. I'm sure she wants to be supportive of you and truly is excited about you starting school. I obviously don't know your mother or what your relationship is like w/ her but I will say I spent 5 years as a mother messed up on pills but I always still cared about and wanted the best for my kids and did everything I could to make that happen for them. I'm sure your mom's intentions are good.

 

This actually really stung me to read because I wonder how many times I was nodding off or not attentive to things as I was trying to be supportive of my kids and their lives. Hugs to you!

 

Thank you jk!

 

Honestly, I expected her to be on pills when she came. But the type of pills that hype her up and make her happy (I'm sure you know what I mean) not the type that make her nod off, usually she saves those for night time. My moms been on pills so long you can't even tell she's high unless she's on one of the drowsy side effect ones. I was shocked she was on those that early in the morning.

 

Congrats on your sobriety!! how long have you been clean?

[jjkk]

I've been clean for a little over 2 years! Thanks!

[oitnb]

That's awesome jk

 

I hope one day I can hear those words from my mom.

[jjkk]

I hope you do, too.

[oitnb]

My baby broke out in a rash all over her belly anyone know what type of rash it is? If it doesn't clear up soon I'm making a vet app. She's very pale (sometimes even gets a bit sunburnt around her face!) and has pretty sensitive skin, but it's never been this bad.

[oitnb]

RANT!

 

I'm so sick and tired of the over kill of political correctness in this country. Yes, we should respect all races, yes we should respect all genders (male female and trans) and yes we should respect all sexualties (gay bi and straight) but seriously?! The titles some of these people use to describe themselves is ridiculous.

 

"I'm bigender and pansexual." Uh what? Bigender definition : gender, bi-gender or bi+gender describes a tendency to move between feminine and masculine gender-typed behavior depending on contex.

 

So basically what everyone is? I'm female, and sometimes I'll dress more masculine and feel kinda "manly" I guess. Sometimes I'm in a frilly cupcake woman mood and girl out. Like seriously? They NEED a name for that?!

 

Pansexual : pansexuality, or omnisexuality,[1] is sexual attraction, sexual desire, romantic love, or emotional attraction toward people of any sex or gender identity.

 

So you're bisexual. Tada, that's it. You're attracted to men and women (wether there trans or natural). No need to give another fancy name to it.

 

I swear all these young kids want to feel special so they slap all these crazy terms and names on themselves so they can feel like they're a special little flower in the field. It's seriously getting out of control and annoying. See it all the time in my tumblr and Facebook feed. Like, stop. Calm down.

[oitnb]

Like I'm all for feminism (of course, I'm a woman!) but they are taking it to a level that's out of control.

 

We love all women! - of course, unless you're a white woman, then you're privileged and have no right to speak on any injustices you face. Oh, but if you're a fat white woman, speak all you want! We accept those.

 

We want freedom of religion. - unless you're Christian, because since some Christians are jerks, of course that means ALL of them are. So, nope, Christianity isn't included.

 

Were all for appreciating other cultures. - but don't you dare, ever, wear anything at all that isn't directly from your culture. I see you have a dreamcatcher neclace?! How dare you! You have a tribal print dress, do you even know what the tribes go through?!

 

Like seriously. Women's issues matter, but they take it way to far. It's like they want to find something to complain about.

[blueidealist24]

I agree with you there.. especially about pansexuality. I guess the difference between using pansexual and bisexual is that pansexuals would be attracted to transgender people too, and bisexuals would only be attracted to males and females who accept their gender status, but then, I'd still consider pansexuality bisexuality.

[oitnb]

I agree with you there.. especially about pansexuality. I guess the difference between using pansexual and bisexual is that pansexuals would be attracted to transgender people too, and bisexuals would only be attracted to males and females who accept their gender status, but then, I'd still consider pansexuality bisexuality.

 

Yeah. I hate to sound so blunt, but I seriously think they just make up these terms so they can feel like they're special.

[oitnb]

Woke up to pee all up in my pitties cage. Great.

[oitnb]

I have a sore inside my right nostril that hurts really bad... My whole right side of my nose is red and sore. Wth?

[oitnb]

Got everything filled out for my student loans! Woohoo! Debt! Lmao

[oitnb]

So a few weeks back my ex gave me my cat back. I was checking my old email, just to make double sure in case any potential jobs emailed me there. (It was my email for years) and he sent me an email titled : KITTY! PLEASE READ!

 

So I read it and basically, his step mom is "super allergic" (it took ten months to figure that out? Ok...) to the cat and no one wants her. I missed my cat, so I said yes I will take her but I'm sending my bf to get her. So my boyfriend went to get her and I've had her since then

 

But, my friend called me last night in a panic. She found a kitten, and can't find anyone to take it. Her vet said he would take her in a few days, once he had room, so I'm fostering her in the meantime. She's such a sweetly, but her and my kitty aren't getting along to well. I think it's cause they're both females.

 

I've been messaging everyone I know trying to find a home but all my friends are animal lovers and already have a bunch of pets dang me and my big heart. I feel so bad.