oitnb Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 I've decided to start my own journal... How far I've came this past year. Lots of changes in one year. Parents split up. Found out I had two half siblings. Two of my uncles passed away. Left my abusive ex. Started dating a great guy I've had a crush on for years. My dad got a beautiful house in the country... My mom is living with a roommate who seems to be a good guy. My relationship is going pretty dang great. We've had one serious issue in the 9 months we've been dating and it was resolved. I'm the maid of honor in my best friends wedding next summer... I'm looking forward to helping her with the planning and being with her on her journey. I'm trying my very best to quit smoking... I've been two days completely cigarette free. Before that Two weeks of smoking 1-2 cigs a day and vaping in between. The only things in my life I'm still struggling with : starting school and getting a job. I have a lot of stuff I have yet to fill out for school that I really need to get started on. I've done a bunch of job apps but no one seems to be calling me for an interview.... I had an interview last week finally but I totally botched it. I don't even know why or how... Normally I'm a great interview-ee. Ever time I've had an interview I got hired on the spot. This one though... Maybe it was the pressure of my needing a job so bad but I was soooo nervous. Like lightheaded, on the verge of a panic attack nervous. The lady was also kinda brutal so it didn't help my nerves. soooo. Yeah. I might be able to get a job as a hotel concierge that my cousin manages. I sure hope so. I'll take anything at this point... I need money of my own! I'm even considering going back to work for this horrible cleaning job I had if I don't get a job soon. When I left that job they said they'd welcome me back any time if I changed my mind... That's because there company had a high turnover rate though. You were paid 10.50 an "hour" but they forgot to mention that the hours only count when you're in a house cleaning. Not for drive time. So id be out all day 6 AM to sometimes 10 PM and I'd barely make 350 every two weeks. So yeah I'm pretty desperate considering I am willing to go back to a job like that. Well I'll end it there for today. Link to comment
oitnb Posted June 10, 2014 Author Share Posted June 10, 2014 Feeling very down in the dumps today. I really need a job. Link to comment
oitnb Posted June 12, 2014 Author Share Posted June 12, 2014 The two houses accross the street from me got shot up a few days ago. One of my neighbors - a sort of Christian / hippy peace and love type of family is having a cookout for the whole neighborhood to come and talk about what happened, get there feelings out, pray if they want to ect. I thought that was really cool of them. There's still good people in the world! I can't make it unfortunately but I'm gonna make a dish of food for it for them. Link to comment
oitnb Posted June 17, 2014 Author Share Posted June 17, 2014 Going to two fast good places that are hiring tomorrow. I don't want to work fast food but it's getting to the point where I don't really have any other choice. I'm on my period and it's really rough. My cramps are terrible. When I sit down I can like feel my cervix being sore. It sucks. I've taken probably more ibuprofen today then a person my size should lol. I've decided to follow my dreams and get back into cosmetology school.... Gotta get on that soon too. Link to comment
oitnb Posted June 22, 2014 Author Share Posted June 22, 2014 Getting more and more depressed about the whole job thing.... No one is calling me for interviews. I hate having to depend in my dad like I have been lately. Not only do I need a job, I WANT one. I want things to do during the day. I want to make my OWN money and spend it. This is so frustrating. Link to comment
oitnb Posted July 1, 2014 Author Share Posted July 1, 2014 Just had my last straw with my ignorant ass neighbors. There two pitbulls got out and tried to attack a poor man walking his dogs in a wheelchair. A passerby stopped his car and he and I moved the dogs into the back yard, and propped a trash can against the gate. I called animal control. The lady I spoke to actually knows the guy who was attacked, so I think the situation will be handled promptly. I'm done letting these people think there crap don't stink. Link to comment
oitnb Posted July 1, 2014 Author Share Posted July 1, 2014 Animal control just came by there house, I'm sure they only dropped off a warning, since the pos's aren't home... Which they NEVER are. Those poor dogs are stuck outside all day everyday in the heat. I don't blame them for being aggressive. Like I say, there's no bad dogs. Just bad owners. However, my fence is getting worse day by day, and if they manage to break it down. I will not hesitate to kill those dogs to protect my own babies. Gonna go peek around the back yard to see if animal control actually took them or not. Link to comment
oitnb Posted July 1, 2014 Author Share Posted July 1, 2014 Yup. They just left a warning. Dogs are still in the backyard... Sigh Link to comment
oitnb Posted July 1, 2014 Author Share Posted July 1, 2014 Might be able to get a job at a gas station no longer than a two minute drive, 10 minute walk from my house. Boyfriends good friend works there. I think id love it. Trying to not get my hopes up though. Link to comment
oitnb Posted July 2, 2014 Author Share Posted July 2, 2014 So my dad just came by to borrow my truck for some work related stuff. He was playing with my pittie, Athena, and we were joking around and I was yelling "Athena help!" And he was pretending to try to grab me. And then he slapped my leg hard. So hard there's still a mark 10 minutes later. I yelled at him and told him to leave. He said sorry he didn't mean to slap my leg that hard, he was just trying to get a rise out of Athena. I'm pissed. That's not cool and he invaded my personal space by doing that. He's never done this before. I'm so angry. Link to comment
oitnb Posted July 2, 2014 Author Share Posted July 2, 2014 I had a very scary dream last night that I can't stop thinking about. It was so vivid and I remember every detail. It was storming and the end of the world, apparently. I was at some large store similar to a walmart, and I grabbed my phone and call my boyfriend. We make plans to meet up outside of town and wait for everything to settle. I find a older looking couple and ask them if they can give me a ride to my boyfriends and I meet up place. They agree, but only if they can "team up" with me and him. we're riding along and suddenly I get a feeling of dread. I look at them and they both nod with menacing faces and I know, somehow, that they are going to rape me. I start digging in my purse looking for my knife. I can't find it but I find two pairs of scissors. I start kind of stabbing the wife, who was driving, and telling her to pull off and let me out of the car. I didn't have the guts to really "stab" her, it was more like a poking motion I was doing. They pull off into these woods behind another walmart like store and I jump out. The husband chases me and says "nobody will save you, see!" And grabs me and starts choking me. People are running around in a panic and no one will help. I remember actually feeling him choke me, it really felt real. I slowly lose consciousness and that's when I woke up. Such a horrible nightmare. I haven't had one like that in awhile, yet alone being able to remember every detail. Link to comment
oitnb Posted July 3, 2014 Author Share Posted July 3, 2014 Gave the job app to the gas station today. *fingers crossed* If anyone is religious or whatever, id appreciate all the prayers/good thoughts/positive vibes you could send. I really think id love this job. Link to comment
oitnb Posted July 3, 2014 Author Share Posted July 3, 2014 Will say a prayer for you. Thank you Link to comment
oitnb Posted July 3, 2014 Author Share Posted July 3, 2014 I really wonder what rape dreams signify... I've never ever ever had a dream with rape/the possibility of being raped. Link to comment
oitnb Posted July 3, 2014 Author Share Posted July 3, 2014 "To dream of rape represents negative life experiences that you are powerless to stop or control. Someone or something is effecting your self-esteem, well-being, or ability to do as you please. Feelings of victimization. Sex in a dream represents the merging of different aspects of yourself to create life experiences. Rape is then a negative experience that you are unable to stop that's filled with fear, stress, desire for things you can't have, or other negative emotions. Rape dreams may occur when are experiencing situations that are very frustrating, humiliating, scary, or leave you feeling powerless. Examples of real life situations that may encourage dreams of rape may be a loss of a promotion to a less qualified person, an unsupportive spouse, or a problem that never seems to improve. People may also dream of rape if they experience unwanted attention from the opposite sex. If you see someone raping another person it represents one aspect of your personality forcing itself on another to control your life experience. For example, if a killer raped your mother in a dream it may represent a powerful fear controlling your intuition so that you will never make choices that will help you to face you fear." Makes a lot of sense actually. Link to comment
oitnb Posted July 3, 2014 Author Share Posted July 3, 2014 3 weeks cigarette free this Friday Link to comment
blueidealist24 Posted July 3, 2014 Share Posted July 3, 2014 Maybe the dream has something to do with the fact that you were/are worried about having a stalker.. Good luck with the job application, and congrats on quitting smoking. Link to comment
oitnb Posted July 3, 2014 Author Share Posted July 3, 2014 Maybe the dream has something to do with the fact that you were/are worried about having a stalker.. Good luck with the job application, and congrats on quitting smoking. It could be that... I also think it might have to do with my mom. The whole schpeel that it has to do with feeling out of control over a situation - and I can't control my moms drug use no matter how hard I try. It actually makes sense for a lot of things going on right now, possible stalker included. And thank you Link to comment
blueidealist24 Posted July 3, 2014 Share Posted July 3, 2014 It could be that... I also think it might have to do with my mom. The whole schpeel that it has to do with feeling out of control over a situation - and I can't control my moms drug use no matter how hard I try. It actually makes sense for a lot of things going on right now, possible stalker included. And thank you Yeah, that makes sense. I did see that thread about your Mom and her drug issues. Link to comment
oitnb Posted July 4, 2014 Author Share Posted July 4, 2014 Three weeks since I've touched a cigarette! I'm so proud of myself. Using an electronic cigarette really helps. I plan to wean myself off of them eventually. Having a big cookout for Independence Day. Link to comment
oitnb Posted July 4, 2014 Author Share Posted July 4, 2014 Seriously..... Gotta love the 4th of July in my neighborhood. Gun shots every few minutes. Don't these people realize a stray bullet could easily hit someone? *stays away from windows* Link to comment
blueidealist24 Posted July 5, 2014 Share Posted July 5, 2014 Wow.. I can see why you were worried about the potential stalker.. sounds like you don't live in the safest neighbourhood. Link to comment
oitnb Posted July 5, 2014 Author Share Posted July 5, 2014 Wow.. I can see why you were worried about the potential stalker.. sounds like you don't live in the safest neighbourhood. Not at all. But I'm used to it. *sigh* Link to comment
oitnb Posted July 5, 2014 Author Share Posted July 5, 2014 Tonight has been horrible. Link to comment
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