Is It Possible to Date if You Can't Meet Women Through Traditional Means?

[Throwaway999]

How do u try to make something happen there without coming accross as the creep who is just there to meet women?

 

I'd love to see someone answer his last question, because that's something that I never figured out, either. If you aren't interested in something, and are just doing it to meet women, how can you hide it? And isn't that sort of dishonest, anyway?

 

Your attitude is cowardly and that's why you aren't successful. You'll notice that the successful guys don't try to "hide" the fact that they are talking to a woman because *gasp* they are interested in getting to know her beyond just as freinds. There's nothing to hide, it isn't like trying to meet women is some shameful thing. If you are straightforward about it, she'll either like you or she won't. Own it.

 

Your attitude is kind of manipulative, actually. With your mindset, isn't EVERY way you could possibly meet a woman "dishonest"? You couldn't talk to a woman in a grocery store, because after all, you REALLY just came there to get groceries! If you went to a meetup group centered around something that actually interested you, but you ALSO wanted to meet women, I mean, you couldn't talk to any of them because it wouldn't be specifically about the topic of the meetup! Yeesh.

[Blue Spiral]

Uh...I don't think what I said was that extreme. You call it "cowardly", I call it "cautious and logical". It basically boils down to two issues:

 

1. If you go to an activity that you don't enjoy, won't your lack of enjoyment repel women? (Full disclosure: I don't enjoy any social activities, unless sex counts.)

 

2. Some women are hypersensitive to danger/harassment, and if they sense that a guy is only there to get laid, I have to believe that they could get the group to turn against him pretty quickly. I doubt that all of the women are there looking for men; some probably enjoy the activity and don't want to be bothered by men. I'm sure that a Successful Guy like you isn't afraid of a woman loudly calling him a creep/perv/whatever, but that just doesn't sound like a safe plan, to me.

 

What you're saying is that, to be successful with women, you have to be less considerate/thoughtful towards them. I already knew that (from watching other men, not from doing it myself), but thanks anyway.

[itsallgrand]

Everything in this thread screams to me that you just aren't that interested in meeting women and getting into a relationship.

 

I don't know if you do have unrealistic expectations - example; that women should just fall in your lap and it will be easy. Or if this is all just talking in circles because on some level you feel like you SHOULD be looking for a woman, but huge chunks of you just doesn't want to.

 

But certainly, doesn't seem to me that you are all that interested.

 

Interest is action.

[Batya33]

"What you're saying is that, to be successful with women, you have to be less considerate/thoughtful towards them. I already knew that (from watching other men, not from doing it myself), but thanks anyway."

 

My husband impressed me with how considerate and thoughtful he was. And continues to be.

[NorthDallas40]

What you're saying is that, to be successful with women, you have to be less considerate/thoughtful towards them. I already knew that (from watching other men, not from doing it myself), but thanks anyway.

 

Wow, that's about as wrong a reading of what Hazlewood said that could possibly be made. Nice work!

[Throwaway999]

It is entirely possible to talk to a woman in a way that expresses the fact that you are interested in her, while still being considerate and thoughtful. The fact that you don't think this is possible says a lot about why you have problems with relationships!

 

I wouldn't even say that I'm a "successful guy" when it comes to relationships, but I've never had a woman call me a creep or a perv, or get a whole group of her friends to "turn against me" after I tried to talk to her. What would that even look like? Would they be chasing me with pitchforks and torches like the villagers chased Frankenstein's monster? "After him! He's a MAN that apparently likes WOMEN!"

[Blue Spiral]

Batya said:

 

"My husband impressed me with how considerate and thoughtful he was. And continues to be."

 

I'm glad to hear it. Unfortunately, my ex left me for someone that treats her much worse, and that's a pattern that I've seen far too often.

 

ND40 said:

 

"Wow, that's about as wrong a reading of what Hazlewood said that could possibly be made. Nice work!"

 

I thought he was implying it, personally. "It doesn't matter if they're just there to have platonic fun, you can feel free to hit on them!" My feeling is that, if someone wants to hit on women, they should go to a bar or club or a place like that. Going to a non-romantic activity for the express purpose of hitting on women...well, I could see how it would annoy women. But that makes me too sensitive, apparently.

 

Hazlewood said:

 

"It is entirely possible to talk to a woman in a way that expresses the fact that you are interested in her, while still being considerate and thoughtful. The fact that you don't think this is possible says a lot about why you have problems with relationships!"

 

I didn't say that I didn't think it was possible, I said that I didn't think that an activity/meetup/whatever they're calling them now is the best place for it. As for what it would look like: the guy goes to the activity, clearly isn't interested in whatever the activity is, hits on a girl, gets shot down, moves onto the next girl, and repeats ad infinitum. You're seriously telling me that the women in the group wouldn't notice the pattern, after a while? And that they wouldn't be annoyed by it?

 

If you're going to tell me that a guy wouldn't/shouldn't do it like that, please, by all means, tell me how they should do it. Be as basic and explanatory as possible. If one of the girls at the activity isn't interested, how long does the guy have to wait to approach another girl? The next time, or the time after that? How's he supposed to act interested in the activity during that time? Not all of us are good actors, unfortunately. (And none of this "You need to find an activity you're interested in!" stuff. If a guy was really interested in the activity, he'd have been doing it in the first place, as opposed to only doing it once he needed to meet women.)

[Throwaway999]

I guess I'm taking for granted that a guy wouldn't be hitting on every single woman in attendence in like it was an assembly line and each woman was an interchangeable, anonymous entity with no personality or distinguishing characteristics.

 

I was assuming a man talking to women in public would have some entry-level human social interaction skills. That they would be trying to establish a rapport with a particular woman, and treating her like a real person that they thought was actually interesting, and not just going down the line talking to each woman in attendance in an attempt to trick them into having sex, failing, and then moving onto the next woman.

 

Sorry, obviously making way too many assumptions, here.

[TwixSense]

OP have you taken any of the advice yet? Any results?

[Bigdave117]

It is entirely possible to talk to a woman in a way that expresses the fact that you are interested in her, while still being considerate and thoughtful. The fact that you don't think this is possible says a lot about why you have problems with relationships!

 

 

I totally agree with you. When did I say it was not possible?

[Throwaway999]

I totally agree with you. When did I say it was not possible?

 

That was a response to BlueSpiral's post right before that, sorry I didn't quote it in my reply.

[Bigdave117]

OP have you taken any of the advice yet? Any results?

 

 

No I haven't

 

 

I want to try online dating but I despised my previous experience with it so much that I'm so hesitant to do it again

 

 

I do social activities all the time as it is but I still don't meet any women in my social circle. I went out with an ex co worker yesterday and met like 5 new people including 1 girl but she was the FWB of one of the guys there so that was basically worthless.

 

 

I want to cold approach but it's just tough, you're trying to initiate something with random people at bars/gyms/clubs/stores. It's very difficult

[Nightvision]

Aaaand, we're going around in circles again

[Rosti87]

Aaaand, we're going around in circles again

 

Into infinity and beyond.

[Batya33]

My friend met her second husband in a kickboxing class -she is in her late 40s. She had given up smoking, lost weight and taken up various fitness activities. Another friend met her husband in her salsa/swing dancing class and another ,playing tennis -all in late 30s/40s. I met my husband originally at work . I met men at work, through work, at singles events, through set-ups, through dating sites, at religious retreats. I didn't make excuses as you are doing. You're getting in your own way. It's a shame.

[BellaDonna]

This thread has run its course.