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Is It Possible to Date if You Can't Meet Women Through Traditional Means?


Bigdave117

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I ask this because 99% of the people I talk to always say they met their GF through social circle, work and school. What do you do if none of those are an option for you for various reasons? (For me, none of my friends know any girls, my job is male dominated etc...)

 

 

Is the cold approach really even a plausible option? I go out all the time and find the night scene to be impossibly difficult as far as approaching girls goes

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The night scene with girls is a rare , speaking as a girl I doubt if ever give my number out to someone if I was on a night out. If your looking for a bang you might get lucky once in a while lol but of our looking for something more meaningful id say go to a cafe, bookstore, music store or anything sort of interest you've got and look there for a singleton. At least if your going somewhere which interests you, you'll know that you've got something in common with females there. I'm more likely to give my number out in the light of day to a guy that can approach me without alcohol being involved! Just my opinion tho

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One way is to expand your social circles - look on meetup for some hobbies that might interest you and join those groups. Co-ed sports are fantastic for easily getting pulled into a friendly group and adding in new friends and possibly meeting someone that way. Just don't go into any of that trolling for a date. Do it because you like and if you meet someone, great.

 

Other than that, that's why online dating sites are so popular. There does come a time in life where meeting new singles becomes really hard. So dating sites are a perfect way to open up new possibilities. Of course, it's not really easy, can feel like a job, there will be a lot of rejection, you will meet all kinds of people who don't fit. So long as you treat it as an adventure and don't treat each date as "this is my one", it can be fun and effective.

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For me, none of my friends know any girls, my job is male dominated etc...

 

 

Then make new friends. Join a co-ed sports team. Volunteer. Take a class for fun. Get a hobby that meets up. Or join meetup. Online date.

 

There's a million other options than just going out at night to random places. I'm assuming you've been looking in bars, by what you wrote. Honestly, the only thing you have in common at that point is that you're all in the same place at the same time, and you like to drink. That's not much to base a relationship on. So find a passion and pursue it through any of the means mentioned above, and you'll meet like-minded individuals.

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The cold approach almost never works for guys, I've never worried about picking up in bars/clubs so when it happens it's happened.

 

You need some new friends who do know girls btw, expand your social circle and you will do better.

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One way is to expand your social circles - look on meetup for some hobbies that might interest you and join those groups. Co-ed sports are fantastic for easily getting pulled into a friendly group and adding in new friends and possibly meeting someone that way. Just don't go into any of that trolling for a date. Do it because you like and if you meet someone, great.

 

Only sport I really like playing is football though and the leagues I play tend to be very competitive and very intense, not really a place you'll ever find any women

 

 

 

Other than that, that's why online dating sites are so popular. There does come a time in life where meeting new singles becomes really hard. So dating sites are a perfect way to open up new possibilities. Of course, it's not really easy, can feel like a job, there will be a lot of rejection, you will meet all kinds of people who don't fit. So long as you treat it as an adventure and don't treat each date as "this is my one", it can be fun and effective.

 

 

Online dating was worthless to me when I tried it. I got zero responses out of the dozens and dozens and dozens of messages I sent even though I've always been a very strong writer and everybody (people I asked advice from) said I looked cute and handsome in my pics

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This is why online dating is so popular these days. More and more people are moving to cities by themselves where they don't have family or friends; people seem to be busy with work, sometimes working nights so they don't meet new people socially any more. Online dating is a challenge and it's a skill that takes a long time to master, sort of like learning a language. But I think it has tremendous potential.

 

[sorry Bigdave, I missed your last post while I was writing to you. But I think online dating is good to have on the back burner. Make an account on a free site like OKCupid, log in every day and log off immediately (so it will look to others like you're an active member) and once every few months you'll receive a message from a woman who wants to get to know you. Why not keep this option open.]

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Then make new friends. Join a co-ed sports team. Volunteer. Take a class for fun. Get a hobby that meets up. Or join meetup. Online date.

 

I've got a huge amount of friends though. I don't know if there is any value to continuing to try to find more friends when I don't really even have enough time to hang out with the friends I currently have. Also with my luck, I'm sure I could make another 100 friends and not one of them would know anybody for me to date

 

Volunteer - not interested

Take a class - I work 50 hours a week. I don't really want to make my brain work any more than it currently does

Online dating - absolutely worthless (I discussed it in my last post)

Meetup - a good idea that I've been considering for a little while now, I'm just not sure exactly how effective it is. I've seen very mixed reviews for it

 

 

There's a million other options than just going out at night to random places. I'm assuming you've been looking in bars, by what you wrote. Honestly, the only thing you have in common at that point is that you're all in the same place at the same time, and you like to drink. That's not much to base a relationship on. So find a passion and pursue it through any of the means mentioned above, and you'll meet like-minded individuals.

 

The common interests thing is not a concern at all. I can find a huge amount in common with nearly anybody I meet - I like every sport imaginable, I like every kind of music imaginable, I am pretty much open to anything, I workout, I'm a big foodie, I like nerdy things, I like fashion, I like cars, etc... etc... etc... I've never had trouble getting along with a big range of people. I've made plenty of male friends in bars

 

The difficult thing for me is just finding opportunities where a girl is open to talking to me and possibly going out on a date (if there's great chemistry there)

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Online dating is a great option for women who can write a profile on any site and get 50,000 hits a day. For men, it's not really much of an option - especially if you want to date somebody on the same level of attractiveness (or at least close to your level of attractiveness) as yourself. All the guys I've asked about online dating said they had to go way below their "league" to meet anybody online

 

 

I personally had really horrible experience with OLD and don't really want to go back to it. I'm not a guy with the thickest skin in the world (not that I can't handle rejection but still) and getting rejected 500 times is not particularly enjoyable to me

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Only sport I really like playing is football though and the leagues I play tend to be very competitive and very intense, not really a place you'll ever find any women

 

Well try something different. Not like you need to be totally invested in it. Try hiking - tons on women in hiking groups. In fact the male to female ration is really favorable to guys. Get out of your comfort zone. It doesn't have to be hard core involved. Remember that you are doing it to socialize, not really to compete.

 

 

Online dating was worthless to me when I tried it. I got zero responses out of the dozens and dozens and dozens of messages I sent even though I've always been a very strong writer and everybody (people I asked advice from) said I looked cute and handsome in my pics

 

You might want to get opinions from people who are not your friends. Also, if you were writing long, involved e-mails, you might have come accross as too much. Learn about the culture online - it's a little different and a lot more along the lines of brief and to the point. Your profile might be a bore too or too long or whatever. Play around with it, look at what other guys have. Humor always works. Maybe keep your initial e-mails totally brief, etc. You have to try different things. Also, yes, online is all about the numbers and volume. You might have to send out hundreds of e-mails/winks/etc. to get dates and go out on many dates to finally find one that actually clicks and goes somewhere. Like I said, it's like a dedicated job in some ways. You have to persevere....and don't write long detailed e-mails....keep it simple and brief and see if you can get a response. Make sure you ask a question she can easily respond to if she wants to respond at all.

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getting rejected 500 times is not particularly enjoyable to me

Neither is shaving or showering or doing laundry, but we do that all the time and we don't complain about it. Responding to profiles on dating sites is nothing more than a tedious routine that you have to keep doing until it works. And the more you can depersonalize it, the better. 500 no-responses is not that many.

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Online dating is a great option for women who can write a profile on any site and get 50,000 hits a day. For men, it's not really much of an option - especially if you want to date somebody on the same level of attractiveness (or at least close to your level of attractiveness) as yourself. All the guys I've asked about online dating said they had to go way below their "league" to meet anybody online

 

 

I personally had really horrible experience with OLD and don't really want to go back to it. I'm not a guy with the thickest skin in the world (not that I can't handle rejection but still) and getting rejected 500 times is not particularly enjoyable to me

 

I'm a man and had a great online dating experience, but only used eHarmony where the system matches you with people so it's balanced and the women aren't all spammed by 50000 guys who only care about how they look. I had dates non stop with women who were all attractive and more importantly who I got along with. Online dating can certainly be great for a guy.

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Honestly? Not really. If you're good-looking (or at the very least, if you're good at writing about yourself to make yourself sound very appealing), you could possibly see some success via online dating, but you probably won't find anything special on there. Some men that desire a mate simply have to settle for taking whatever they can get, and remaining together with whoever they can tolerate the most. So, if you can find any girl at all that's even willing to date you, that's your lady.

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Well try something different. Not like you need to be totally invested in it. Try hiking - tons on women in hiking groups. In fact the male to female ration is really favorable to guys. Get out of your comfort zone. It doesn't have to be hard core involved. Remember that you are doing it to socialize, not really to compete.

 

 

I live in the midwest. Nobody is hiking right now

 

I would consider a co op softball league but I've looked for that with no success

 

 

You might want to get opinions from people who are not your friends. Also, if you were writing long, involved e-mails, you might have come accross as too much. Learn about the culture online - it's a little different and a lot more along the lines of brief and to the point. Your profile might be a bore too or too long or whatever. Play around with it, look at what other guys have. Humor always works. Maybe keep your initial e-mails totally brief, etc. You have to try different things. Also, yes, online is all about the numbers and volume. You might have to send out hundreds of e-mails/winks/etc. to get dates and go out on many dates to finally find one that actually clicks and goes somewhere. Like I said, it's like a dedicated job in some ways. You have to persevere....and don't write long detailed e-mails....keep it simple and brief and see if you can get a response. Make sure you ask a question she can easily respond to if she wants to respond at all.

 

 

I kept my emails brief, light, friendly and about their profile. Also I asked strangers about my pictures (strangers on various dating forums like this) and they all said I looked very good

 

 

I dunno. It was just all very frustrating to me. I see women who are not college educated, in mediocre jobs, with terrible half grammatically incorrect profiles getting tons of responses. Online dating is a strange world to me

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I'm a man and had a great online dating experience, but only used eHarmony where the system matches you with people so it's balanced and the women aren't all spammed by 50000 guys who only care about how they look. I had dates non stop with women who were all attractive and more importantly who I got along with. Online dating can certainly be great for a guy.

 

Interesting, I will have to try this cause that does sound great

 

Do you do a profile on there or is it all about that personality test?

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No offense but that's a horrible analogy. I don't mind shaving or showering at all. 500 rejections are very annoying

 

Wait, you're kidding right?

 

Dude, I messaged over 600 women on OKC in the past year.

 

But I only went out with 38 of them.

 

Was this process annoying? Of course it was.

 

But was it worth the trouble? For me, yes.

 

I met lots of really bright, interesting, talented and lovely women and had very fun evenings with most of them.

 

I even had sex with five of them, which is a record for me.

 

I've been off the site for a month, but am dating a girl from OKC who I'm really hoping turns out to be "the one."

 

So what mfan said is totally on the money. Nothing worth having in your life is going to come easily or without some work.

 

If you don't want to put in the work, then don't complain.

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I live in the midwest. Nobody is hiking right now

 

I would consider a co op softball league but I've looked for that with no success

 

Seriously, are you even interested in advice or do you just want to whine about how life is hard and unfair? You are full of excuses, but not even attempting solutions. Fine, it's the wrong season - spring is around the corner, there are indoor things to do. Go volunteer at a pet shelter if you are not allergic or hate animals - tons of women. The point is think about what works instead of focusing on all the roadblocks of "whaaa...I don't like this and it's the wrong season for that and I don't want to do that... and I can't find that...." So find what you can. You can't keep doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.

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Interesting, I will have to try this cause that does sound great

 

Do you do a profile on there or is it all about that personality test?

 

It's all about knowing yourself and then putting a lot of time and effort into answering all of their questions as if they are each very important, which they are. I found that I was matched with women who I could completely be myself around and the dates I had all responded really well to that. I basically had my pick.

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Dude, I messaged over 600 women on OKC in the past year.

 

But I only went out with 38 of them.

 

Was this process annoying? Of course it was.

 

But was it worth the trouble? For me, yes.

 

I met lots of really bright, interesting, talented and lovely women and had very fun evenings with most of them.

 

I even had sex with five of them, which is a record for me.

 

I've been off the site for a month, but am dating a girl from OKC who I'm really hoping turns out to be "the one."

 

So what mfan said is totally on the money. Nothing worth having in your life is going to come easily or without some work.

 

If you don't want to put in the work, then don't complain.

 

 

38/600. That means you went on dates with about 6% of the women you messaged - I'm assuming about 15-20% responded to your messages

 

 

Those are the kind of numbers I'm perfectly fine with. For me, I messaged dozens and dozens and dozens of women (I'm not sure of the exact number) without a single response. It was incredibly frustrating

 

 

I was doing what everybody was telling me (people who gave me advice on dating forums) with pictures and profile that they all said lookrf hoof

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I would never ever ever go out with a guy who approached me cold. Anywhere. Ever.

 

I have too much regard for my personal safety. That isn't to say that all men are out to hurt me, but if a guy approaches me on the street and I don't have an escape route, then it makes me very nervous. I worry if I say 'no thanks' will he get angry? Can I get away? I have been attacked before by someone much larger than me, and I have a lot of residual fear from that.

 

Most women will not respond to the cold approach for similar reasons.

 

As others have said, your best bet is finding more social opportunities (different sports, meet ups, etc.) and/or online dating. It is tough, but you CAN find success by going down these routes.

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It's all about knowing yourself and then putting a lot of time and effort into answering all of their questions as if they are each very important, which they are. I found that I was matched with women who I could completely be myself around and the dates I had all responded really well to that. I basically had my pick.

 

 

I'm very intrigued. How does that work though?

 

 

You put in the answers and you get matched with women? Do those ladies then decide if they want to go out with you based on your pictures and profile or what?

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I would never ever ever go out with a guy who approached me cold. Anywhere. Ever.

 

I have too much regard for my personal safety. That isn't to say that all men are out to hurt me, but if a guy approaches me on the street and I don't have an escape route, then it makes me very nervous. I worry if I say 'no thanks' will he get angry? Can I get away? I have been attacked before by someone much larger than me, and I have a lot of residual fear from that.

 

Most women will not respond to the cold approach for similar reasons.

 

 

Cold approach I'm talking about gym/store/club/bar - IE somewhere public. I'm not approaching women in a dark alley somewhere

 

You wouldn't be open to a guy talking to you at a gym?

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I messaged dozens and dozens and dozens of women (I'm not sure of the exact number) without a single response.

 

I DID TOO.

 

But I didn't throw up my hands and give up.

 

Granted, I live in a big city so my options are more numerous. Online dating isn't so great for people in smaller towns.

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Seriously, are you even interested in advice or do you just want to whine about how life is hard and unfair? You are full of excuses, but not even attempting solutions. Fine, it's the wrong season - spring is around the corner, there are indoor things to do. Go volunteer at a pet shelter if you are not allergic or hate animals - tons of women. The point is think about what works instead of focusing on all the roadblocks of "whaaa...I don't like this and it's the wrong season for that and I don't want to do that... and I can't find that...." So find what you can. You can't keep doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.

 

 

These suggestions like volunteering somewhere to meet women are insane. You're doing something that you really have no interest in hopes of meeting a mate - that's incredibly disingenuous

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