Time to start dating - In a great mood.

[doicare]

Hey Guys,

 

Here's a little positivity. Im two weeks broken up, 1 weeks since the official conversation where i willingly chose to move on, told her i loved her and wanted to be her bf but didnt want to be friends.

 

Not to sounds obnoxious, but i feel so good and free now. I love(d) my ex, but I feel soooo much better without the negativity and rejection constantly being thrown in my face! My positive attitude that she effectively tried to crush with her constant nagging and being constantly pissed at me for the most nonsense things has bounced back. Examples of the things she used to get pissed at me for was the way I dress (for ex she would insult the shoes i wore which were nice - others have complimented me on them), washing off my plate at my best friends house because it had dirt on it (apparently i made a fool of myself in front of people ive know for 10 years), her thinking i cant properly run a business even though i have ton of experience (15 years), an mba and am a professional accountant (ie thanks for believing in me), her being angry everytime we spoke because we would allegedly not talk about anything important (we were a LDR and were bonding and catching up every few days, i mean ??), me meeting all of her family and friends who said to her that they loved me at a wedding (but she still insisted i acted like a fool) - the list is actually endless. I actually went to apologize to a couple people what she said i made a fool of myself in front of, and they were totally confused - she stopped accussing me of these things after I called her bluff. And after all this when we broke up she said I was her best friend. If I was her Best Friend, I hate to see how she treats an aquaintance...

 

Kind of at a point where i just think it's time to go out and meet new people. I posted the idea a few days ago, and everyone suggested against it. Personally what else is there to think about? Should I feel bad? Should I dwell on my rejection? It all seems counter productive to me. She just wasn't very nice to me at all.

[Twidom]

Dating again it's not a bad idea. The point is that you're ok with the break up. Most people here are not. You were fed up with it. Some people, like myself, did not see the break up coming at all. It got us by surprise.

 

I guess that's why most people were against it? I am dating again. Been dumped 2 months ago or so. Still think about her everyday.

[jjkk]

It's only been 2 weeks, which normally isn't long enough to really get over the person. Personally, though, I've had relationships that I've been so done with by the time they ended I didn't even feel bad or miss them or anything, so I see how you feel, people assuming I have to have this grieving process when I was to the point there's nothing to grieve! Ultimately you have to go on how you feel. I definitely don't advise jumping into a relationship too soon.

 

I don't think you need to try and feel bad or dwell on the break up. Idk how long you were together but I'm assuming since it was LDR you aren't used to having her around a lot so it may not feel like a huge adjustment.

 

Maybe take a couple more weeks and see how you do and honestly evaluate yourself then? Anyway, best of luck!

[Twidom]

We dated for 3 years. Half-hour drive by car of each other. Like I said, most people here were not fed up/ can't move on as fast and simple as you do. While I do agree I have to move on and forget about her, for me at least it's just not that easy and simple as "Ok it's for the best".

[Scotty123]

My relationship ended 4 months ago. It was me who ended the relationship and my ex was surprised. But I had been asking her for over a year to get some help to recover from depression, but she didnt do anything. She constantly let me down so many many times. I was her cruch and to her my purpose in life was to support her and nothing else. After a 3 year relationship I was totally and completely drained. I had no strength left and could barely manage my own life never mind me having to carry all her problems too.

Basically I have been unhappy in the relationship for a long time. However unfortunately I have taken the opposite poit of view from yourself and am very much against dating again. I just couldn't cope if I ended up having to carry somebody elses problems again! In my mind I have associated dating with bad times that I don't want to repeat.

So personally I think 2 weeks is a bit short to fully recover but I'm at the opposite end of the scale, which isnt good either ! Some balance, somewhere in the middle would be good !

[Tanzi]

 

Kind of at a point where i just think it's time to go out and meet new people. I posted the idea a few days ago, and everyone suggested against it. Personally what else is there to think about? Should I feel bad? Should I dwell on my rejection? It all seems counter productive to me. She just wasn't very nice to me at all.

 

You are one week "officially" broken up. By your own admission you still love her and want to be her boyfriend .... it is way too soon to be thinking about dating again. You should at least give yourself time for the reality of the situation to sink in!

 

Also, you shouldn't start dating in order to help you get over someone. You should only start dating when you are emotionally available otherwise you will unwittingly hurt others and continue to hurt yourself. Emotional pain is horrible but we need to face it head on to get over it properly, not hiding behind innocent people who could become emotionally attached to you in a way you can't with them.

 

Secondly, NOT dating doesn't mean you have to dwell on your "rejection" - not to any abnormal extent anyway. It happened, those emotions HAVE to be dealt with but hanging onto others is not the way to do it, otherwise all you will be doing is dragging your emotional baggage from one possible relationship to another.

 

If you are 100% over her then go for it! But bearing in mind that you still love her and you are ONE WEEK officially broken up, I don't see how you can be ... and if you aren't then it isn't fair on the girls/women you would be dating.

[SooSad33]

Very good- I think you're moving along and a decent pace then... kinda.

With the fact that this is so 'recent', i'm sure you will come to 'miss her' somewhat and have some 'feelings' for a while.

 

Take it easy, keep working on you. But don't be surprised IF you start getting lost in those moments.

 

Good though, that you're 'away' from all of that negativity. Yes, it's most likely helps now with NO more of that! We don't need to be constantly belittled.

 

tc

[SooSad33]

I also second what Little-blue ^^ is saying... you should take some time out to recover from any damages & emotions first..

[doicare]

Good point.

 

For everyone else we were together almost 4 years. 4 years of my life vaporized.... To top it all off I had dreams about her yesterday, it was stressful. We were broken up and I was running around chasing her like an idiot, which is funny, because just last night my friend asked me if i would go out with her if she asked me back out. And I said not with the relationship as it was.... meanwhile a couple hours later im sleeping and dreaming about how i am chasing her (what's wrong the dream version of me??)

[Tanzi]

Four years together - two weeks broken up. I wouldn't say you were ready to date yet. If you are feeling "good and free" then continue staying on that path. If you start dating now, you could stop your healing dead in its tracks if certain aspect of it don't work out.

[doicare]

Four years together - two weeks broken up. I wouldn't say you were ready to date yet. If you are feeling "good and free" then continue staying on that path. If you start dating now, you could stop your healing dead in its tracks if certain aspect of it don't work out.

 

 

I dont know my ex was just not very nice to me, I just cant wait to feel how amazing it is to have someone be nice to me for once in a long time.

[firefly2613]

Ah, yes. I know how this roller coaster works.

 

It's only been two weeks. Trust me, you haven't made it to the end of the ride.

 

You are NOT ready to date.

[doicare]

yeah seems i hit a bit of a low tonight. Feeling pretty lonely, and I suddenly miss her. Im not all crying and stuff, I just feel a bit of a hole in me with nothing inside. bleh anyways NC NC NC, happiness is just around the corner....

[Tanzi]

yeah seems i hit a bit of a low tonight. Feeling pretty lonely, and I suddenly miss her. Im not all crying and stuff, I just feel a bit of a hole in me with nothing inside. bleh anyways NC NC NC, happiness is just around the corner....

 

Well after 4 years together that is more than expected. Yes NC .... but also time alone to get yourself emotionally together and to gain some strength so that when you do start dating (or even a new relationship) you are in a happy and healthy place.