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Wait for my friend or date other guys?


AllieM

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I like one of my friends and he likes me too. He doesn't know how I feel and he told me he liked me when he was drunk so he doesn't know I know that he likes me.

 

He has a girlfriend and that's the reason I haven't said anything to him about it. We live hours away from each other because of college and we both work too, so it's hard to see each other very often. Sometimes I think he's just with her because he told me once that he just likes having someone to take care of. But then again, I can't really know for sure.

 

I've actually been kind of hoping I wouldn't meet anyone else because in a way I'm holding out to be with him. We get along so well and he's the first guy I've been able to talk to about anything. I feel like it could last if we ever got together. I know he hinted a lot about liking me when he was single and I was too shy to do anything about it. And he may not have gotten with his girlfriend if I hadn't been such a chicken about being more than friends with him. I was just really shy and I still am.

 

Anyway, I started a new job recently and there's this really cute guy who comes in all the time. He flirts with me and told me I'm beautiful the other day. He just graduated from an ivy league school, so he's very smart which is nice. I have a feeling he might end up asking me out. But I don't know if I should say yes or not because a part of me just wants to stay single so if my friend and his girlfriend break up, I can be with him finally.

 

I know this sounds stupid and please don't judge me for it. But what should I do? If this guy asks me out, should I say yes?

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You should date men who are available, as opposed to waiting for a man based on your one side fantasy crush.

 

If your friend wanted to be with you, he would. He is making the decision to be in a relationship with someone else: enough said.

 

fantasy does not equal reality. Your imaginary scenario of what his relationship is like has nothing to do with reality. It is only in your head.

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There's no "waiting" in this situation. He is attracted to you apparently (who knows, he was drunk at the time) but he has chosen to be with someone else. I wouldn't speculate that he is with her because you weren't forward enough. Assume he is with her because he wants to be with her. And of course if you date him make sure you have a strong stomach because you'll wonder what he's telling some other woman every time he chooses to go out and get drunk (or maybe even other times).

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I know you are all right. I just don't want to have any regrets. A couple of my friends tell me that I need to tell him how I feel about him, but is that really a good idea? And we just got so close this summer. It really makes me sad to just let all that go. Again, I know it sounds stupid. I just don't want to always wonder what could've happened.

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May be you were close, but remember he made his decision : he is with another woman. He did not choose to be with you.

 

You are young, so I am going to tell you about a very dangerous path that women take: pursuing and chasing after unavailable men.

 

It becomes a habit and addiction. I see women who are always "in love" with men who have girlfriends, who are engaged or eventually married. I tell you there is nothing but heart break and embarrassment if you fall into pattern are chasing after unavailable men at a young age.

 

Date men around you who 1) are single, 2) take initiative.

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I know you are all right. I just don't want to have any regrets. A couple of my friends tell me that I need to tell him how I feel about him, but is that really a good idea? And we just got so close this summer. It really makes me sad to just let all that go. Again, I know it sounds stupid. I just don't want to always wonder what could've happened.

 

Please don't tell someone who has a girlfriend how you feel about them. That's selfish. You're not letting anything go because there is nothing there to let go. If he wants to be with you he will make that choice whether you tell him or not. Many of us wonder what could happen with respect to alternative choices. It's called life.

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I know you are all right. I just don't want to have any regrets. A couple of my friends tell me that I need to tell him how I feel about him, but is that really a good idea? And we just got so close this summer. It really makes me sad to just let all that go. Again, I know it sounds stupid. I just don't want to always wonder what could've happened.

 

I would never put someone in the position of feeling responsible for my feelings when they were both 1) taken and 2) a friend. That, IMO, is a recipe for disaster. You're not letting anything go. You're respecting your friendship by not putting him in a really awkward position. In the clear light of day minus the tequila bottle - how would you feel if you had to let someone down gently, and how awkward could it make the friendship? Move on - if, at some time in the future, you're both single and attracted, you can act on it then without tainting anything.

 

I would personally feel a lot less respectful toward anyone who made a move or gesture when I was in a relationship, and wonder just how they felt about cheating and approaching someone married, if they approached me when I was with someone else. And if would probably take any potential off the table.

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