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Should we be together?


cheerfuldaisy

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Hi,

 

I have been dating a guy for one year. We met online and his profile is still active. He has never deleted his account. We only meet once a week and only on every Saturdays. Sunday we don't meet because he said he has to go to church and go grocery shopping with his parents. Also, he likes making excuses a lot. Recently, I found out he is constantly going online on same dating site we met. Do you think I should continue dating him even though he goes online while seeing me and seeing me less often? Should I just give up on him just because he goes online frequently? The other things that confused me is that in all special occasions and holidays he would still invite me to see his parents or have dinner/lunch with them. He even said he is serious in starting a relationship and wants to have a family soon.

 

Also, do you think a non catholic can marry a catholic? Do they each have to be converted to be the same religion in order to get marry with one another?

 

So what does it mean? I am just confused.

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After a year, you should probably have a good idea if this is the kind of relationship/guy you're looking for. Are you reallllllly into him? Do you love him? Do you look forward to seeing him? Do you feel loved, valued, cared about and respected? Is he your best friend? Can you see yourself with him in 5, 10, 30 years?

The one year mark is a good time to evaluate these things although at my age I tend to do it sooner...haha.

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Yes, if they still have their profile up and are active on the website then after a year of dating you can safely assume he is still looking for someone else and/or dating others as well as you. I'm not sure though if you both ever had the talk about exclusivity, so now would be a good time to bring it up. And yes own up to the fact you know that he's on the dating website and you were looking, honesty for both parties. If he gets defensive or lies about it or comes up with the ever popular and highly unlikely "I just use that dating website to keep in touch with/make friends" you can then decide to either end things or tell him it's not an exclusive relationship, so you will be seeing other men too. Then go put your own profile up and proceed to keep looking too since it's obvious he doesn't want the same things you do and your time is better spent finding someone who does.

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He even said he is serious in starting a relationship and wants to have a family soon.

Hi cheerful,

If you were in a serious relationship, would you be happy to only see him once a week? I think that is a key issue here. Whether or not he's dating anyone else, if you feel like he doesn't spend enough time with you then it's not a good relationship and I think you should leave it.

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I can see where Sunday is for church and maybe spending the day with the folks, but after dating him a year, you think you would be invited to church with the family, right? I think that you should ask him about the dating profile - BUT he can easily also ask how do you know that his dating profile is up unless you were on the dating site, right? If you do go to all the family events - he does consider you his girlfriend. Whether he is dating others behind his family's back other than you - who knows. I think you should try to make plans more than once a week with him and that you should address why you don't.

 

I think also if he is the type to only want to see you when he has a large block of time to focus on you, you should suggest meeting for an ice cream after work and class or whatever he does once in awhile or meeting for a quick coffe before work, etc.

 

This does seem fishy - but it doesn't fit the typical because you are actually going to the family events, etc.

 

Also, yes non-catholics can marry catholics. If you want to get married in a church, you have to convert or be a faith that is close enough and agree to raise the children catholic at the priest's discretion. usually if you are lutheran, for example, they would marry you, but if it was something wildly different they would suggest counseling as they want to make sure you are aware of incompatibilties for the long haul and really review if you want to mve forwrd before you do. If you don't get married in a catholic church it doesn't matter. the main thing is if you are compatible on your faith values where it would not pose a conflict in child raising, etc.

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Thank you very much for all of your advices.

 

AE9876: I don't think age really matters but our age gap is about three years apart. I think what really matters is whether I should spend time with this guy.

 

On my birthday last year he doesn't celebrate with me or give me any gift. I am not sure if it is reasonable for someone who is Dating to not celebrate birthday with their beloved. We just go out and go Dutch all the time

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Thank you very much for all of your advices.

 

AE9876: I don't think age really matters but our age gap is about three years apart. I think what really matters is whether I should spend time with this guy.

 

On my birthday last year he doesn't celebrate with me or give me any gift. I am not sure if it is reasonable for someone who is Dating to not celebrate birthday with their beloved. We just go out and go Dutch all the time

 

Again, he probably isn't doing these things for you because he is doing them for someone else.

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Please read your own post out loud and tell us if anyone in their right mind should date this guy.

I cringed just reading the first paragraph. It is littered with excuses/lies on his part and blindness or naiveness on yours.

This has very little to do with your religions. The big problem is he is not invested nor committed and is on the lookout for something else.

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Thank you very much for all of your advices.

 

AE9876: I don't think age really matters but our age gap is about three years apart. I think what really matters is whether I should spend time with this guy.

 

On my birthday last year he doesn't celebrate with me or give me any gift. I am not sure if it is reasonable for someone who is Dating to not celebrate birthday with their beloved. We just go out and go Dutch all the time

 

Hi cheerfuldaisy

 

Sorry to ask about your age. It is just that I thought you sounded quite young (and being a mother of teenage daughters) I try to tailor my posts accordingly.

 

If he doesn't celebrate your birthday and never treats you in any way it almost seems like he sees you as a 'friend' who he is happy to hang out with from time to time and nothing more. It really does sound like he is not pursuing you very much at all in the normal bf/gf way and happy to keep you in the background of his life. The fact that he is still on the dating sites and doing very little in the way of making you feel special I think should tell you all you need to know.

 

Every girl deserves to know the feeling of being seen as a special someone and enjoying all the nice gestures that a man in love will bestow. You could ask him directly how he sees you and what you mean to him but personally I think you should call it off and start dating others till you find someone who will give you the love that you deserve. And when you get it - you will know and you won't need to ask anyone about it.

 

Best wishes.

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i read two lines and honestly huge red flag that he does not want anything serious with you. When I dated my girl I did not keep searching for others. After 3 months you usually go exclusive if that is what you want! And if I found out my girlfriend was dating others while we were exclusive I would feel cheated because from the start I said I wanted something serious and focused on one person at a time. I also wanted someone that did not hesitate to get into a relationship with me.

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