A guy approached me on the street?

[dark angel9]

Today I was walking to work and listening to the music when an attractive guy walked up beside me and asked me what I am listening to.

 

So he made some small talk and I realized that I am being "cold approached". He asked me to have coffee with him somewhere and I didn't have time.

 

Then he asked if I am free Friday night, I said yes - I found him physically attractive. Then he said to meet him at 10:30pm on Friday to watch a band with him. He also gave me his number. I am leaning towards a NO. I mean, 10:30pm is a bit late and I am not looking for casual sex. And approach on the street is just weird.

 

I just want to double check. Am I jumping to conclusions?

[irishapple]

Do what your gut tells you to do. I would have no problem and have been that guy who has approached random strangers as I find it dead easy but others dont! You could throw caution to the wind, tell him you are out with a friend but you might bring a friend with you!

[greta96]

I would not go. You don't know anything about this person, and him asking you to meet him for the first time that late at night is a bit suspicious.

If you liked him and would like to give him a chance, just text him (so he has your number) and tell him you are not comfortable with meeting a stranger that late at night, but you would like to meet some other day for a coffee, to chat and get to know each other. If he is really interested, he will understand and be happy to meet you under safer circumstances. If not...you have your answer.

[Throwaway999]

10:30pm is a bit late

 

Really? For a Friday night? In my city, that's when the first band usually starts.

 

And approach on the street is just weird.

 

Guys can't win. Women complain if we don't have the confidence to approach them, but then if we do confidently approach them it is "weird."

[SpottiOtti]

I think you should go, and bring a friend with you.

[surfjon]

I'm with Hazelwood and true, many venues bands start late.....

 

Do as others say, take a friend and have fun...

[annie24]

Well, he did ask for coffee first....

 

i think you should listen to your gut. If you don't want to go but still want to meet him, suggest coffee on another day.

[RedDress]

I agree that if you like him, you should go - but I would definitely bring a friend.

[regular joe]

Guys can't win. Women complain if we don't have the confidence to approach them, but then if we do confidently approach them it is "weird."

 

I know I shy away from certain situations just for this reason.

[annie24]

I hope you guys can appreciate that women are subject to a lot of violence from men - rape, kidnapping, murder, etc. a woman has to put her personal safety above the feelings of a stranger.

[hodgeheg]

If you feel uncomfortable meeting him on a night time then ask him if you can meet during a daytime instead. You could either honestly tell him that you're uncomfortable with the idea or just lie and say you're busy Friday night. Personally I wouldn't take a friend cos that could just make the whole situation awkward, I'd suggest coffee or lunch at the weekend.

[lostandhurt]

You have his number so contact him and let him know you would like to meet for lunch/coffee before Friday. If that doesn't sound like a good idea tell him you would rather meet for dinner so you two could have a chance to talk and get to know each other better instead of trying to talk over a band playing.

 

 

Basically take some control back of the situation and arrange something you will feel comfortable with. How about you tell him you would like to meet for dinner before going over to see the band and if dinner doesn't go well you can say your good byes and head home safe and sound.

 

He took a chance, maybe you should too.

 

Lost

[Throwaway999]

I hope you guys can appreciate that women are subject to a lot of violence from men - rape, kidnapping, murder, etc. a woman has to put her personal safety above the feelings of a stranger.

 

It's not like he's asking her to meet him in a dark alley or help him lift a couch into his windowless van.

 

I can see this guy's logic - he is going to this show anyway, so if she shows up, great. If not, he didn't have to waste time and money on dinner with a woman who isn't that interested.

 

Personally, I think the OP and some of these posts come accross as rigid and inflexible. I mean, this guy took the initiative to ask, yet she is being encouraged to demur unless it can be rescheduled to her exact specifications.

 

And on what planet is 10:30 "too late"? Have fun at the retirement home, bingo starts at 4:30, right after dinner.

[annie24]

Hazel wood, I take it you aren't a woman. Imagine you had a daughter - would you tell her to go off with some guy she never met to a late night concert? Yeah sure....

 

Of course I'm not saying this guy is sketchy. I think if she wants to get to know him, it's better to meet over coffee because its too hard to talk over a rock band.

 

I think if men lived one day of their lives as an attractive woman, they would understand why women feel unsafe with strangers.

[Batya33]

You have his number so contact him and let him know you would like to meet for lunch/coffee before Friday. If that doesn't sound like a good idea tell him you would rather meet for dinner so you two could have a chance to talk and get to know each other better instead of trying to talk over a band playing.

 

 

Basically take some control back of the situation and arrange something you will feel comfortable with. How about you tell him you would like to meet for dinner before going over to see the band and if dinner doesn't go well you can say your good byes and head home safe and sound.

 

He took a chance, maybe you should too.

 

Lost

 

I would do exactly that. If his intentions are genuine he will want to get to know you where you feel comfortable.

[Throwaway999]

Hazel wood, I take it you aren't a woman. Imagine you had a daughter - would you tell her to go off with some guy she never met to a late night concert? Yeah sure....

 

Of course I'm not saying this guy is sketchy. I think if she wants to get to know him, it's better to meet over coffee because its too hard to talk over a rock band.

 

I think if men lived one day of their lives as an attractive woman, they would understand why women feel unsafe with strangers.

 

Again, 10:30 isn't particularly late for a weekend, and he asking to meet her in a public place. How is meeting at a crowded nightclub any less safe than a coffee shop (I am assuming the OP already knows the place and it isn't super-sketchy or in a dangerous neighbourhood)?

 

And it depends on the club, but most places have some sort of area away from the stage where you can talk without watching the bands. As a frequent show attendee I can tell you that much to my annoyance, nobody seems to have much trouble talking during and over the performers.

 

Look, I don't know this guy any more than the rest of you, but if a guy can't strike up a conversation with a girl and ask her to go see a band, I might as well hang it up now because my whole dating strategy is out the window!

[Ms Darcy]

I hope you guys can appreciate that women are subject to a lot of violence from men - rape, kidnapping, murder, etc. a woman has to put her personal safety above the feelings of a stranger.

 

Thank you!!!

 

Just ask him to meet you at a public place for coffee.

[Thorshammer]

What do you expect, to be hooked up by friends and family only? This does happen and its pretty typical, and its no surprise he connected a meeting with you with a music event, since thats how he approached you with. Just see it as meeting a friend, hes not asking you to meet him at a hotel. If you want to change it up and ask to meet somewhere else, then do it. Tell him you are busy, and maybe a small shop by you would be best on another day.

[annie24]

i think that there are many favtors in play here - from the neighborhood, the reputation of the club, to leaving the club at 1 AM, to her maybe having Saturday morning plans. And of course, her own gut feeling about the situation. Asking a girl out to a show is not a bad idea but a man has to understand why a woman can feel uncomfortable with this. I do think leaving a club at 1 AM is different than getting coffee at Starbucks.

 

I don't think dinner with a stranger is a great idea either. If there's no chemistry, you're stuck there for the entire meal, ugh!!!

[Throwaway999]

Thank you!!!

 

Just ask him to meet you at a public place for coffee.

 

How is a club with a band playing not a public place?

[Ms Darcy]

I think if men lived one day of their lives as an attractive woman, they would understand why women feel unsafe with strangers.

 

I would also point out that if one had that awareness, they would at least understand why any woman would hesitate to meet them late at night. They might understand that this means late night travel for the woman, which is a potentially unsafe prospect.

[Ms Darcy]

How is a club with a band playing not a public place?

 

No one said it wasn't a public place. She can ask him to meet her for coffee during the day.

[Throwaway999]

Y'all are making it sound like you never leave the house after dark. Last I checked, most adult activities in the big city take place at night. Women are going out at night all the time, alone, either to meet up with their friends or to meet men or whatever. The real question is, if this guy hadn't asked her, would the OP be afraid to go to this particular club by herself? C'mon. Not everybody wants to hang out in a coffee shop. You can't tell me you never go out to shows alone, ever.

[darkheart85]

Having been in law enforcement I'd say they are more then justified in worrying about meeting a stranger in what will most likely be a dark and crowded place. Add to the fact that more then likely alcohol will be available and yeah I'd probably be a bit afraid as well. If your interested in the guy and he shares the same interest he won't think twice about you switching to a day time coffee, lunch, or dinner. If it were me, I wouldn't be opposed to your bringing a friend if you decided to come to see the band. But I also agree with others that it is odd to invite someone out to a loud place on a date. The OP said 10:30 seemed late to her so I'd imagine she doesn't go out late randomly all the time.

 

I shy away from the cold approach unless I'm in a setting that warrants it. At a bar? Makes perfect sense as it's expected. At a regular type place and somehow a conversation kicks up, makes sense. We don't live in a world where you can trust every person on the street and there's nothing wrong with having your guard up. So offer an alternative and if he doesn't like it or doesn't respond he wasn't that interested anyway. I suspect after the no to coffee, he was attempting to gauge your interest with the next selection.

[Throwaway999]

I shy away from it, too. This thread reminds me of another recent thread where a woman was complaining about how she was out and about but never met any men, and was wondering where they all were. They are out there, but obviously it is hard to go up and talk to a woman you don't know if it is going to be perceived as "weird" when you do so.

 

Just the fact that the OP put "cold approach" in scare quotes shows ya, as a guy, what you are up against. And your delivery has to be impeccable, because if you are nervous then you are an unconfident chump, but if you are too smooth then you might have done it before, and then you might be a pick up artist and therefore not to be trusted.