How to "make" them miss you...

[MrLonely]

3 weeks ago, my gf of 1.5 years broke up with me. Reasons; she didn't love me anymore, loved me less then I her, and that there is a new guy she is interested in. Everything ended so suddenly.

 

She goes to a different college then I, and works in the next city (only 10 mins away).

 

I miss her so much, and i have told her this (2 weeks ago) but she wants nothing more to do with the relationship. I havn't spoke to her since.

 

Like all couples, we did so much together, so many memories and we went on a trip to disneyworld together 3 months ago.

 

What is the best way to have me "miss me". When we were together she always spoke of her love to me (and her friends) and now it's like we never were.

 

She did volunteer information to me like "I still have all your pics up" and that stuff, so what to do?

[Day_Walker]

why are you wanting to force this on her? Do you really feel that you have the capacity to make her miss you? There are certain emotions that you can provoke in people, making another person miss you is tricky, you would put in so much effort that it wouldnt be worth your time. What you are trying to do is a lost cause, if you were to provoke her into missing you then it would only be temporary, if she came to that conclusion herself then the effects might cause her to do something about her missing you. The best thing for you to is just move on and get over it.

[MrLonely]

I guess "make" was a bad word to use.

 

The way it ended is still hurting, it was so sudden.

 

I am guessing if I stay out of her life, there might be a chance that she will miss me, as opposed to begging, crying...all that?

[cassiana]

gee if i knew that then I wouldn't be here. However Ill tell you what I have done so far to make my ex miss me.

 

1. four months NC even though he sent me a card and some emails.

2. I started emailing him 3 moths ago, just jokes.

3. When he emailed me a letter with his travle plans etc (me not included), I replied in a bright and breezy manner. I inckuded no personal details of my own but alluded to my own holidays but didn;t say wh o wiyh.

4. I forwarded jokes to him and other men. I also forwarded jokes that other men had sent to me. This would be obvious on the emails.

5. Last week he wrote and thanked me for my personal emails he said I should be published.( this means he actually likes my emails and still likes me, at least platonically)

6. Since then I wrote him a piece about a weekend at a health spa. I made it funny but also subtly included pieces to remind him of what I look like and that other men also find me attrsctive.

7. He has no idea if i'm dating. (I am).

 

If I do get him back then adapt this to suit your situation. We can but try, Good luck to us both.

[hockeyboy]

best way is to..."disappear."

 

if you do this she wil naturally wonder about you, think more about you, miss you more. she may not..but if shes going to, this is your best shot.

 

think about it. when someone isn't there, thats when you wonder about them more. when they are not calling you..you think about them more.

 

when someone is always there for you..you dont have to think about them..cause your comfortable that they are there.

 

when my ex of 4 years left me i was constantly there and she just pushed me aside. however, after moving on..after "disappearing" she would call me crying all upset about me and what not. the colder i was, the more she cried. this happened a few times. i gave her another chance after the first incident..but the second time i told her where to go.

[Phoenix Down]

Try no contact. Let her miss you on her own. It's the best way, it also gives you time to work on yourself. Good luck PD

[lillady898]

Begging and crying doesn't do anything during a break up... If anything, it pushes the other person away.

 

My boyfriend broke up with me over the summer. Until I stopped begging him back into my life and gave him time to figure out what he wanted, he wanted nothing to do with the relationship. Then, after I stopped calling, he asked me to be his again. I didn't do it because I expected to get back together with him, but because I realized that it's the only thing I could do. When you move forward with your life, unexpected things happen. Whether you get back together or not, you will be in a better position in the end. But begging and crying is like committing relationship suicide.

[MrLonely]

Ok - sounds good.

 

I foolishly set my msn nickname to various memories that she could relate to, and after 4 days she changed hers to "F-OFF".

 

Well, that was a major blow, but i did bring it on myself. She has been making some snide comments about me, about missing me, to other people. I just dont get that - if she is done, there is no need for the sarcasim. That i dont understand. Check out this post on "attempting" to understand the way they act:

 

link removed

 

So i guess now i will disappear. I will block her on my instant messengers (since i am always on)...maybe she can wonder what i am doing??

 

Does forever mean forever??

[LilithCave22]

MrLonely,

 

I have been following your story because it is almost identical to the way my relationship ended. My ex told me that she thought of me as a friend and felt nothing when she kissed me. She was with someone else DAYS after our breakup. I know she still loves me as it seems your ex does too. Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do to bring back those feelings. We can only separate ourselves from ours exs and try to move on for own sake. I don't know if the feelings will ever come back and there isn't anything we can to do "fix" the problem. I know it's hard as I am living through the pain daily (it's only been 1 month since our breakup and 2 weeks of NC). I think the best thing to do is keep NC and get out and try to date other people when you think you can handle it. I try so hard to let go of any hope of getting my ex back because I don't want my heart broken again. The hardest part of all of it is knowing that your ex still loves you deeply but just doesn't have any romantic feelings for you anymore. There is absolutely nothing you can do to fix that or make those feelings return. It's difficult to let go when you know your ex still loves you and misses you, trust me, I know.

[Phoenix Down]

Forever means forever if things work out that way. One big lesson I had to learn was we have no control. Let things rest and stay out of site for a while.

[MrLonely]

I would love nothing more then to call her - but I am so afraid.

 

I do not understand why I can be so afraid to call somone I was so close with for so long. We shared a very close bond.

 

I know it's a bad idea.

 

(BTW if anyone wants to jump into my post above, please feel free - save me the cost of a therapist )

[Steve_uk]

What you need to do is realise its over, im in the same situation as yourself, there is nothing more id like than to get my ex back, but she wants space to do her own thing, I have to give it to her, give them time.....she will think of you in that time.

 

The first thing you need to do is start posting in 'Breaking up' rather than 'Getting back together', harsh but true......

[MrLonely]

Thats all I can do I guess.

 

Some days I feel good, others I'm just falling apart.

 

I'll need lots of time.

[Steve_uk]

I hear ya, its the same for me. Awful feeling, lonely, down, depressed, unloved, rejected, emotional, and most of all it feels like they dont feel like that at all, i know how you feel. But you have to see it from their point of view aswell, it was probably a hard thing for them to do, and they have their reasons, you have to respct their feelings and try to imagine it as if you were them.

[MrLonely]

Yeah - I do. Ultimatly, I love her and I want her to be happy, even if it means not being with me.

 

The way she is acting is the pecular thing, it's playing mind games with me.

 

And the whole acting as if If we never knew each other is the hardest to take.

[Luciana]

Mr. Lonely, as a woman, I know: the more you show interest the less she will want you now.

Let her come to you if it'd meant to be. If she comes back with a nice attitude be nice too. But don't jump on the bandwaggon too quick. If she calls wanting to talk, say maybe later, you're busy at that moment. If she calls wanting to meet, don't agree in seeing her right now, because she will see how desperate you are. Agree to see her a few days later.

Remember, she was the one who rejected you. So now you have to stand back to avoid being hurt again.

If she never looks for you again (but women have a tendency of looking for someone they trusted when things go bad in their lives), so be it and find someone who digs you. All this advice is common sense and applies to both sexes.

[Double J]

I can relate to the original poster's situation. I was with my ex about a year ago; everything seemed wonderful. Then one day after coming back from vacation, she tells me I should move on and find someone better. Although she didn't directly tell me that she wasn't feel it for me anymore, that's what she was trying to get accross. I was distraught for a while, but I found other girls to distract myself with and voila - I got over it. She entered my life a few months later, but at that time, I didn't have feelings anymore.

 

I know you're hurt man, cuz I've been through it. But keep meeting girls, they'll distract you. Everything happens for a reason. You have to believe that there's someone better out there (with better qualities) that will give you the love and attention you deserve. We have to ask ourselves this question - why have someone around that doesn't feel the same way for us? It's like limiting ourselves and missing out on someone better.

[ashik]

how about if we send them an email, lets say every 4-6 months, with jus a poem bout how nice it would have been if they were together, or how u r lonely, or jus a nice sweet poem or some songs lyrics which says UR story.

That would be after good NC of 4-6 months.

 

Would they realize wut they left behind by this?

 

U may even not have any feelings after a few months, but jus send it to make them feel who u actually r, or make them feel the "missin"..as he said make them miss u? is that rite?

 

Cuz when someone leaves u, u have that one desire, the desire for that person to realize his/her mistake, the desire for the other person to atleast KNW wut u went thru, the desire to atleast hear, that yea we were good and we werent jus meant to be?

 

Anybody with me on this!!!!!!!!!!!

[zab]

Im feeling this situation Mr Lonely, im also relating to that akon track aswel ...my girl n i were together for 9 months, im only 17 but to be honest it was love at first site...shes 2 years older then me but that was never a problem. To be honest ive had a lot of drama in my life which id rather not go in to that and stick with this 1 emotional bit of drama lol. Basically my Mrs has done the exact same as yours, out of nowhere she just finished with me and said im not right for her, this has left me shocked and stunned etc, and being 17 i have a lot more hormones running round my body so im a total wreck, i wanna talk to her about our problems as she hasn't given me a reason why she finished with me but she just doesnt wanna know me but i feel that if i lose her i cant be bothered to find some 1 again n get that close to some 1 but i feel that if i leave her alone she wil never get back to me n 2 b honest that wud b a killer for me, all this space etc is crap for me at this point because we need to talk bout everything i think....if you 2 have spoken deeply about this and she loves u like mine claims to love me then she will come bak to you but mines thick headed n a very independent woman so im scared mine isnt gonna come back....thanx 4 your time people

[hockeyboy]

how about if we send them an email, lets say every 4-6 months, with jus a poem bout how nice it would have been if they were together, or how u r lonely, or jus a nice sweet poem or some songs lyrics which says UR story.

That would be after good NC of 4-6 months.

 

no no..that would make them pity you. you dont want that.

[MrLonely]

I agree and I dont want pity.

 

I just love the way we were together. It was not perfect all the time, but it was still great.

 

She is still a bit immature and has some growing to do. Somtimes it was like we were in high school, with the way she would act. Also, she is the type of person that breaks down when she is having emotional issues.

 

In all, I want it back the way it was. She is not interested.

 

The hardest thing i can do is accept that is it over - when it was so vibrant so short ago.

[gersanos]

Just disappear and try to move on. Time is the best asset that you have, and you will get there one of these days.

 

By disappearing from there life, they will miss you. Maybe to the point where they start calling, maybe not. Nothing you can do will change the way she thinks or feels at this point. She needs time for herself to be independent and to heal as well.

 

If she comes back, then it is on her own accord - not something that you did to cause that.

[MrLonely]

Interesting now how she is trying to "talk" to me through Instant messenger names...grr..

 

But i'm resisting and moving on. 8)

[angelkbfl]

My heart goes out to all of you! Hello, I'm a 22 year-old woman named Andrea, and after reading all these posts, like everyone else...i was looking for answers..a magical formula...goodness a miracle even!!! to bring back the love of my life. Although unfortunately there really is no magical spell, it finally dawned upon me one day of how to increase my chances by tenfold of how to get him to not only be back in my arms, but to reignite the "mental struggle" which is by so far, the most misconcepted idea involving relationships, and if not viewed at properly it can be the "end all" to any loving union. Now I would go into my little scenario of what happened, but if I do I'll end up writing a "guarranteed-to-cry-your-eyes-out" 4-star 500 page-long novel with a economy-sized box of kleenex to compliment the whole package...and please LOL Believe me... I'm REALLY sure that nobody cares to read about it!! (not that I blame you!..500 pages is a bit too long!) ok enough of that...Try and clear your mind of ANY emotional babble, for just one moment. Listen to what I'm gonna say cause believe me IF YOU BELIEVE, it's gonna work for you, If your skeptical, please do yourself a huge favor and quit wasting your time reading my post. (just a note. I'm not a therapist, a redeemer, or an advocate of any sort...I'm just a ordinary person JUST LIKE YOU...and I truly hope that my advice helps all those who read it..please if you have any questions my email address is email removed) Ok here it goes...how are we usually feeling when a relationship ends? An obvious here is HURT, confusion, gut- wrenching your heart-and-soul-out pain, the whole nine-yards right? How about this question? Was this whole unfortunate event brought about by your bad luck, all the happy-go-luckiness you "once had" just about ran out, or the common "people change" crap, or the even better "you two are just not meant to be"? If you answered yes to any of the second question answers oh how WRONG you truly are! and what little faith you have in yourself! (you need to get more secure here people!) Believe it or not, it is YOU who chooses your fate. Have you ever heard of the phrase" you're the master of your own destiny."? SO TRUE, but our deluded little mind that I'll refer to as the infamous EGO blinds us from being aware of the awesome god-given power within each and everyone of us to make our own paths for what we want and desire in our lives! The EGO thrives on negativity, It JUST ABSOLUTELY LOVES IT! Its the part of you that makes you give in to weakness, believe the worst is gonna happen to you, it wants to see things physically for itself before it believes...and just forces you to think that your never gonna be worth much so the other person's not gonna want to be with you either (UHH__UGLY!). It also

LOVES to argue with other EGOS, It seems to never be able to agree on anything the other person's ego wants, loves to have its way, ALWAYS has to be right and the other person's EGO slightly right to an extent but your EGO will see itself as MORE right, because it feels that it can never be wrong. Oh my! If we don't watch it, this EGO can REALLY GET OUT OF HAND..which usually ends in, like this case, the end of happy love and a loving relationship! Just visualize it as a little annoying ankle-biter with the IQ and temper of a two-year-old that has chronic tantrums that REALLY needs to be locked into a cage, tamed or one of the two. LOL Negative things are what the EGO survives on, are things such as suspicion, JEALOUSY, exaggeration of the importance of having someone in your life in order to live, insecurity, overreactting, FEAR of trying something different from usual, MISTRUST of your partner, (Oh it just LOVES to think the worst I tell ya! and blowing things completely out of proportion are a favorite past-time of the ruthless EGO) being unreasonable, "imagining things", becoming predictable to your partner (BIG BIG NO-NO!!), disagreeing with what your partner wants...and of course a number of other things. What needs to be valued here is how to control your EGO, just how to stop it from from attacking at it's own will, because after all, YOU ARE THE COMPLETE MASTER OF IT. ..Almost like owning a pitbull, if you fear the beast, it'll sense it and try to control you using your fear of it. but quess what? As with everything in life, you can give it as much power over you as you can make it instantly POWERLESS. (for instance, your intimation of a girl/guy who your partner may "like", if you act threated, you turn a 4 into an 11 just like if you did the opposite, and you don't act threated, all the sudden the "threat" does'nt look so hot any more. She/ he went down to well.. NOTHING..and you keep your EGO happy by keeping your pride.) Just like All the sudden, your not intimidated by the pitbull and he obeys you and turns into a cuddly puppy dog. POOF! There's magic for you. LOL so amazing but its simplicity makes it understated, thats why it may be hard to believe at first. BUT If you believe that your not afraid...you will not be afraid, and you will see that you truly have that power over YOUR LIFE. IN EVERY SINGLE ASPECT OF YOUR LIFE!! May it be love, money, and even happiness. Remember, Life happens THROUGH you not to you. It all just takes a strong will, and knowing that yup, YOU ARE IN CONTROL...ALWAYS. You control your situation, you choose to feel pain, just as you choose to feel happiness. Subconsiously, we naturally let our EGOs do this for us, because we don't believe that we have such a power over our lives. Your REALLY THAT POWERFUL! It's about learning to manipulate your own EGO, just not in a "natural" way. So please stop blaming other people for what happens to you and stop playing the victim, your only letting that nasty little EGO get its way once again! Now remember, as much control as you have over your life and your situation YOU CANNOT decide for others of what they want. The thing is, is that when you are aware of the ego consept, you become MUCH SMARTER in INFLUENCING what their EGO wants, its all about tapping into your own power and learning how to manipulate it to YOUR ADVANTAGE to get whatever you want FROM ANYONE. (the ego isn't all that bad after all- IT JUST NEEDS TO BE TAMED to your complete satisfication.) To do this is actually quite simple.....RELAX, and don't exaggerate the situation, instead just defuse it completely before it even has a chance to set fuse. for example, say your lover is breaking up and wants to leave you ( this is when mental-struggle comes in) The more you try and stop it the more YOUR LOVER WANTS IT and the more REBELLIOUS HE/SHE FEELS towards you. (sound familiar? sounds like that person's EGO is talking to you huh, yup you got that right!) but don't jump the gun yet ok? so they want to leave you blah, blah, ok remember whenever you feel negative vibes trying to get at you, STOP thinking that way immeadiately, and switch to acting positive AT THAT INSTANT, its so much more effortless to do so, becuase your not depleting yourself with negative thoughts which will only get you back in a BIG emotional mess. The more you use pressure, the more he/she doesn't see you in all the wonderful glory that you are! Big mistake to do is reason. why? because (here comes the EGO again!) you're telling him/her how much you love them which translation to them means "but I want something different from what you want honey", (blah, blah, blah) "I'm trying to change you..you'll see I'm totally right on what we should have CAUSE I KNOW BETTER THAN YOU" yup thats what they are REALLY hearing from you. so what do you do..YOU ROCK THE BOAT. Remember, when your lover wants to break up with you, he/she seems very happy, but the reality is that they are in love with their negative feelings and not the practical ones. When you feel hurt and mad , your EGO behaves in ways to increase the hurt feelings and the angry feelings. Feeling hurt causes you to attack the other person's pride , causing the hurt to feel worse. So what should we do (but doesn't feel natural) when we are in these situations is ROCK the boat. (this like I said eariler, is an example of giving the mental challenge..a rare kept secret I quess cause no one really knows how to use it.) You turn left, when they think that your going right. If your can figure that out, your a genius. No? Ok, I'll explain. When you stop the "changing" and "I Love you" approach it'll make the relationship BETTER because no pressuring is involved. Just allow and accept 110% of what your mate wants, does, thinks and feels and ACCEPT it all as perfectly ok! (I told you it would feel unnatural, but really how easy is that? Only as easy as you want it to be because YOU CONTROL the intensity of the situation you are in, get it?) Remember it's predictable to them that you're going to fight them tooth and nail instead you don't. Your behavior becomes UNPREDICTABLE which equals FASCINATION. Their no longer bored and they like the mental challenge!! Really just sit back and watch your lover DRAMATICALLY improve themself! Why? Well If you remember how to understand the EGO you will see that that person's negative feelings towards you would be weakening IMMENSELY and very quickly, because their negative feelings need something in you to FIGHT WITH ... with out you as his/her "negative base" that same person will turn to someone else to fight against. YUP manipulated their EGO and kept the peace and still kept them in the process. Talk about EFFORTLESS multitasking that works like a charm, EVERYTIME. I tried it, of course being skeptical at first, BUT I decided to be brave and do something different for a change and boy I'm so glad I did that, my man and I decided to go out to eat that night after months of not talking! When you sincerely see what is on their side, you'll sincerely agree with them, So if they want to blame you for everything wrong in their lives let them, if they want to be cold to you, let them. "yes baby, we moved too fast even though its been 3 years...and oh yeah I totally agree with you on us just to move on with our lives and date other people..." just AGREE AGREE and guess what you just did by saying that, YOU THREW A MONKEY WRENCH INTO THEIR LOCKDOWN PROGRAM, and instantly they'll want committment. AGREE with that negative crap coming from them and DO NOT RESIST IT and all the sudden they'll get that mental struggle they were craving from you becuase you gave it to them. There's more magic for ya! AMAZING huh? Another reason to "not be natural" during breakup is because his/her negative feelings will have absolutely nothing to feed upon and build upon from YOU! You have surrendered your defenses to them..in doing so, you will cause them to do the same (since you have no "gun", you can't defend yourself and he/she won't be able to shoot you since you are not "armed". Instead when you're not defending yourself, he/ she will want to defend you!! (weird, but VERY TRUE!) Very healthy strategy although not natural ...but natural is not the case here since you want to be a mystery to the other person, their EGO will be wondering why you're not defending yourself against them! Now naturally the idea of defending yourself seems like a great idea since you'll keep your dignity, poise, and come out on top (just what your EGO wants) BUT the reason why it doesn't work in this case with your lover is because, defending yourself against them makes them feel pressured SINCE you are basically telling them that you are right and THEY ARE WRONG (remember- agree with everything and put a good name on it that they say 110%!)When they are pressured by your opposing opinion (not agreeing with them) then in turn they become more aggressive and more hostile towards you! Actually now to think of it, defending yourself naturally isn't really defense SINCE YOU ARE BASICALLY GIVING THEM A STICK TO WACK YOU WITH! in other words, you're getting more pain when defending yourself AGAINST them...not good.) agreeing with them in this case give you TREMENDOUS advantage over the situation and it's actually the smartest thing to do! USE your head and NOT your feelings! Feelings make you feel that not defending yourself is losing, and want to choose everything ...feelings are wrong to use for this situation and WILL NOT WORK! Use your head, and you will outsmart the bastard at their own game! Warmly let your lover be whoever they are, and watch them dramatically improve themselves! While their off on their negative rampage, you remain totally positive, because BELIEVE me, their nasty little EGO will try hard to make you feel just as bad as them. Brush it off and focus all that love you have on yourself, when the time comes that you truly feel happiness coming from within, you may doubt that you want this person in your life still, or want to put up with their negativity any longer...PLEASE EMAIL ME AND LET ME KNOW HOW THIS GOES FOR YOU, I LOVE FEEDBACK.

[MrLonely]

In doing the NC thing, is it advisable to tell her friends that I am doing "wonderful" if they ask? Or fully breakdown???

 

As for "speaking" with her last night (and if anyone can explain that!!) - it gave so much hope