Staying in bed is my escape from reality

[IAmFCA]

OK ENAers, can you relate to this? I have goals I truly want, such as taking a run before work. Rationally, I know this habit works for me. But I don't do it. Instead, I stay in bed. I have been banging my head against this problem for years. I think I figured it out. Can you relate? Do you have any wisdom to add? Suggestions to alter my outlook?

 

Morning is my escape from my reality. My reality feels harsh, and I am looking to take cover from it. So, I need to practice facing it head on. Reality: Yes, I am all I've got. Yes, I have an awesome responsibility in my girls, and yes, I am nearly all they've got. That's scary as hell. Am I likely to import a man into this scenario? No. (And it strikes me as I reread this, as if that would help?) So, this is it. Recognize that I am doing it. I am actually raising my girls really well, supporting a fantastic education for them, watching them blossom with excellent character and spirit. Maybe if I recognize my progress it will become less scary. Or maybe, I just learn to live with the fear that I will f it up. How am I going to hold it together for another 8 years? How do I let the anxiety go and just get out of bed into my beautiful reality instead of my scary one?

 

Eventually, I get up, I go to work etc. But it takes an hour, and I miss my moment of opportunity to exercise. Argh. I am holding myself back.

[Batya33]

On a purely practical level would it hope if your running clothes/shoes are right near your bed so you just have to put them on as soon as you get up?

[IAmFCA]

I will try that. So they staring at me.

[mhowe]

Give yourself incentive. Every time you do it, put $10 in a vase. When you get to whatever goal splurge on a mani-pedi or a new pair of shoes!

[Batya33]

I typically work out first thing in the morning and don't need motivation for it, but I do find that it helps to have my workout clothes right there to decrease the effort required to get out the door. Also if you spend the time getting them ready you might be more motivated so as not to waste the time you spent getting ready.

[mhowe]

Same with me. If I get up and put sneakers on right away...it somehow makes it easier than if I have to change at some point.

[itsallgrand]

This may sound stupid, but have you tried going for your run at a different time of day?

 

I am hopeless in the mornings as far as that block of time for exercise. If I had to rely on that, I wouldn't get regular exercise. However, if it's after work, or in the evening, it's harder not to do it than do it. My brain is fried, I want relief. lol.

 

Of course you can try all the 'tricks' (and they are tricks, but they work!) that help build your environment so it is easier to do it than not. Having your running shoes out, your clothes, and everything set for the morning is one.

 

But if you have been trying the same thing for years, and it isn't working, maybe you could give yourself that time in the morning for something else? Maybe ..get out of bed, relax with a drink, be lazy and have time to yourself? Something you enjoy more than laying in bed going over anxieties?

 

My point is you don't have to jump in the water head first as soon as you wake up in order to be ok, and to accomplish what you want. It's not a failure if you have a hard time in the mornings!

 

You are doing great.

[Seraphim]

I hear you about mornings mornings . Mornings are my bane in life . I do my exercises at night. I also do some in the afternoon. I take one walk in the afternoon and one walk in the evening. I have never been good with mornings. I generally feel really sick in the mornings.

 

As far as relieving anxiety I will direct you towards the thread that I wrote not that long ago.

 

[kitkat620]

I think everyone has those days when they want to stay in bed and shut off the world. Problem with that is, nothing gets solved and whatever problems you were avoiding or hiding from will still be there when you decide to face them, and might even have multiplied or grown worse in that time.

When you feel that angst at getting out of bed, take a minute or two and think of all the positive reasons why you should get out of bed and take that run. How do you feel afterwards? Great, right?! That is what I do. I relish the feeling I get after a good work out or yoga practice. That always does it for me. Even if I'm feeling sluggish or maybe down a bit, I dwell on the great feeling I get after revving up my system (and my brain) with all that physical energy and that gives me the boost, and kick in the ass, I need to get going.

[IAmFCA]

I hear you about mornings mornings . Mornings are my bane in life . I do my exercises at night. I also do some in the afternoon. I take one walk in the afternoon and one walk in the evening. I have never been good with mornings. I generally feel really sick in the mornings.

 

As far as relieving anxiety I will direct you towards the thread that I wrote not that long ago.

]

 

Very helpful, thank you.

 

And - to answer other questions - my schedule is prescribed by the fact that I work in a financial institution with regular office hours, in a more-than-40-hours per week job, and am a single parent. Very little down time, and once home from work its dinner and homework until 930, then whatever time I have for myself begins then. I am pursuing a job change just to get me out of the office rigidity. Its too bad, I love my job.

 

But I love myself more.

 

I asked a personal trainer how to make a workout schedule for me, and it took him two weeks. My calendar is just rigid. But the morning run time, that is reliable. If I can be reliable!

[mhowe]

What about lunch hour at.a.gym?

[journeynow]

Maybe to get into the exercise habit, you could sleep in your running clothes, at least in the beginning. That way, you'll wake up ready to go.

 

Also, try to find a running partner. I know it's probably tough with your schedule, but I doubt you're the only one needing motivation at that hour, and exercising with a friend is a great motivator.

 

Whatever your reality, it will be easier to face it being fit and healthy. Tell us how you do...

[IAmFCA]

ok my ex just offered me this as inspriation:

 

"Really?!?! You are smart, funny, sweet, recognized in your profession, and you have two beautiful girls.

Not to mention that you are gorgeous, healthy, and incredibly sexy.

And most likely the most beautiful creature I have ever seen without clothes on."

 

This is going up on somewhere next to my pillow to remind me to get the heck up and be that creature.

[mhowe]

Why is he your ex? He sounds very perceptive.

[IAmFCA]

Thank you.

 

It is a bit frustrating, or it used to be. Now, it just is and I feel freed of it.

 

He runs from intimacy. I think he has, in a way, fallen in love with me. But he doesn't feel safe in a relationship with someone. So we communicate only by fb message. It is rather sweet, or dysfunctional. This is the most constant thread I have ever had with him. In person, he withdraws every three weeks. Oh well.

[mhowe]

Okay. Wow - that's a new one!

[IAmFCA]

Okay. Wow - that's a new one!

 

yeah, totally annoying if I let myself dismiss his emotional noise. he lives 20 minutes away. shares similar interests and energy. I totally fell for him. but my friends don't like him, and I can see why. I just have to ride out our connection to its conclusion one day. argh.

 

meanwhile,I sometimes wonder if he secretly tells suitors to leave me alone. he is highly trained in military IT. I have no idea what those folks can and can't do. one reason not to like him: I believe he is capable of such a transgression. oddly, it doesn't bother me like it should.

[friendsoulmate]

I can relate to this problem. I think I have an anxiety/depression problem, which is not consistent. It comes and goes. My trouble sleeping, and aches and pains in my nerves, especially in the morning hours, are some of my physical symptoms. The problem is low-grade, during the day, but seems to worsen during the morning hours, when I'm in bed. Since I don't work mornings, I tend to sleep-in when the problem is there, but I am delighted when the problem isn't there, in the mornings, and I can get-up earlier and get more work done on my computer, or other paper work. I am single, never been married, no children, and currently underemployed, living in my hometown, which I don't like. These are some of the reasons for my anxiety and depression.

[Alone Now]

yeah, totally annoying if I let myself dismiss his emotional noise. he lives 20 minutes away. shares similar interests and energy. I totally fell for him. but my friends don't like him, and I can see why. I just have to ride out our connection to its conclusion one day. argh.

 

meanwhile,I sometimes wonder if he secretly tells suitors to leave me alone. he is highly trained in military IT. I have no idea what those folks can and can't do. one reason not to like him: I believe he is capable of such a transgression. oddly, it doesn't bother me like it should.

 

Are you holding onto a hope that isn't there? Staying in bed is a sure sign of depression. Exercise is a great remedy to combat depression along with medication and therapy! You said earlier that you had a personal trainer working with you. Ask them to research a program that is motivating and practical for getting up in the morning! Relying on a note from an ex is nice, but it could backfire. I suggest contacting the trainer and asking them to figure this type of schedule out. Afterall, isn't that what you are paying them for?

 

If he has military IT training I would be willing to bet that he is otherwise threatening possible suitors. My MW is ex-military and also has extensive IT training in the field. I know that he has sent threatening letters to J and to the old new guy. Additionally, he was capable and did ruin the credit of one suitor in particular. In my mind it was a very convenient way for me to keep him front and center. He was the stability in my life even though he was living in the shadows. He is able to keep a hold on me and dictate who I see and when and where. He keeps tabs on everything from my personal and professional email to my bank account to when my car is due for warranty work. I am not being paranoid because he has admitted that he is following me via the internet. If your ex is doing this then you should be very very afraid.

 

At this point I would be really afraid of what this guy is capable of and would run as far away as possible regardless of his value in other aspects of your life! Do you have evidence of his transgressions regarding computer usage? Has he ever lied to you regarding making threats on possible suitors that you found out about? Does he mention things that you have written in confidence? Does he seem to know where you are and what you are doing? Maintaining a relationship on facebook for example is a backdoor to getting all the other information about you in all the other actions you take whether it is on a cell phone, home computer or even a work computer. Encrypt writing is no challenge to someone with military IT experience. If the answer is yes to any of these questions, you need to report him and go complete NC on this guy. He sounds like nothing but trouble.

[IAmFCA]

Journeynow -- you are right, a morning running partner must exist here.... I live in a densely developed area. I will post an inquiry. Good idea!

 

friendsoulmate -- I hear you. In my case, I have been studied and found to be hormonally sensitive, which contributes to the cyclical nature of my energy / motivation / working out / eating / mood pattern. Your reality sounds overwhelming to you in the way you describe it, just as mine feels endless to me. I appreciate what I have and, ironically, I fought to have the responsibilities I have. Now, I am bending under their weight. I think we both need to remember that if we stay the same, our reality will stay the same. Change has to start with us. Indeed, seeing someone else's description of me reflected back to me was a helpful way to wake up this morning. It helped me find something beautiful inside me, which is what I want to find when I wake up.

 

AloneNow -- One man's transgressions does not a pattern make accross all similarly talented men! But I did wonder, because my ex has managed security for significant international events. It is within his capacity. The only time he interfered, and it was wrong, was when I told him of a man in whom I had no interest. He admitted it, it was soon after we had been together. I do not worry now. I am not naive, he has transgressed my boundaries, but nothing like what you describe. For example, he has stayed away from close man friends analogous to your J. He is not hiding a wife, we do not see each other, we do not expect to see each other. It was helpful to read of your MW, because it reminded me what the ex could be doing but isn't. I will continue to hold my information close so as not to tempt him. I will continue to enjoy our connection, contained as it is to the narrow channel of fb messages. (We do not have access to each other's pages, except for public info.)

 

And yes, his reflection back to me of what he sees in me is very useful. The trainer can tell me when and how. But I am looking for that internal key to turn me on in the morning. Knowing that someone who knows me well sees that reminds me that I can be that.

 

For the suggestions re schedule -- morning is the right fit; my work often involves llunch meetings and such. But the real issue is inside, getting at that internal roadblock. Thank you everyone for your ideas. I think I am breaking through this one with your help.

 

ENA is the best! I will commit to reporting out. Because I have to be held accountable for searching for a morning partner, for believing in myself, for putting water next to my bed -- I did that! It did help a bit actually.

[IAmFCA]

Journeynow

 

YOU ARE SO RIGHT!

[IAmFCA]

I tried everything, well except for sleeping in tomorrow's gym clothes.

 

Here is what I am doing now... a meet up group that meets outside. Been twice, trying again tomorrow, my first week-day test of will. Its people, people break my trance.

 

 

[blueidealist24]

I tried everything, well except for sleeping in tomorrow's gym clothes.

 

Here is what I am doing now... a meet up group that meets outside. Been twice, trying again tomorrow, my first week-day test of will. Its people, people break my trance.

 

 

 

Wow, that's great. Meeting other people will definitely keep you more motivated. I, for one, hardly ever exercise in the mornings. I don't think I have in years. I only do it at night.

[pl3asehelp]

I agree. I can't exercise before 9 and even that's hard, but any time after I'm fine.

[IAmFCA]

re time of day, I am a full time office worker and a single mom. so my choices are, before 8 or after 930. lunch is tough, alone, no group, no regular schedule.

 

as I write I realize that I will lose my new Tuesday Thursday morning opportunity when school starts. but I will do it till then. went this morning. yay!