surfjon Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 Geez..... Anyone here familiar with the last 5 months of my life know the rollercoaster of my healing/not-healing..... I won't do the whole story but in early January this year, my ambivalent GF pulled the "not sure what I want", and needed a "break" (which most of us have learned is really a "breakup" I gave her space and distance, worked out, lost 20 lbs from basically not freaking having an appetite and punishing myself on my mountain bike. After 2 months, I bailed on it....the limbo and the waiting for her to make up her damn mind......I had enough and my poor heart knew she was only keeping me around till she found her a new dude, I wasn't having any of that delicious cake..... I started dating (arghhhh!!) again, and trying to leave her behind, accept her as gone and live my own COOL life again, the life I forgot I had and still have! She just had obscured that from me for a while there.... So anyway, I deleted her from my phone 2 months ago, blocked and deleted her and all her friends on FB........ I had not seen or heard from her in a month now, last saw her when I went and picked up a mattress she's borrowed. She asked me if I wanted a drink, and I declined, informed her wasn't a good choice for me, re-stated that if she wanted a dialog about us, to contact me.....otherwise to refrain form any contact, and let me be to heal..... Then I just left. So I was dismayed today to see her name pop up in my email inbox.....the name I used to love to see there was now like a load o' chiggers in my shorts with my business!! ARGHHH!!!! IT"S HER!! I'm like really, I finally get the ole "How are you" guilty email.... This is what she sent.... Hi Jon, I just wanted to drop you a line to see how you are doing. I hope things are going well for you, and it's still my hope that we can be friendly with each other. How's little panchy? Just why?? I'm ok with it, not bumming or anything, and I knew it wasn't an "I miss you and want you back", so I wasn't surprised. Just not sure what to do....my gut instinct is to just ignore it and block her on my email. Would just ignoring it be viewed by her that I'm angry and not over her? I just want to seem like I don't care without coming off as angry or still hurt..... Do I send a curt reply? I kinda just want to ignore her the way she ignored me and my feelings for 5 months as she just floated away from my life?? Just not sure what to do!! Thanks all! Jon Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 Send an "all good --- panchy is fine". Do not responded to the invite to be friendly, and this way you don't come off angry or hurt. Link to comment
DN Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 "Thanks for the e-mail, I am fine (as is panchy??) You will remember that I did ask you not to contact me unless you wanted to talk about getting back together, and I would really appreciate it if you would respect that request. Take care and best wishes, surfjon" Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 Well I know the situation quite well. I wouldnt even leave the caveat "unless its about getting back together". You dont need to go bang your head on the door just because the headache has gone away Link to comment
iam42 Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 If I were you, I would wait a few days to respond and then I would send: "Thanks for the e-mail. I am fine, as is Panchy. Take care, surfjon." this way there is absolutely NO emotional content to your reply, and no indication that you still consider reconciliation an option. Link to comment
Live-N-Learn Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 You already told her not to contact you unless she wanted to talk about reconciliation. I would not respond. I do not agree with telling her thanks for the email. She knows she has stepped over the line. Are you really thankful to get this lame email from her? Link to comment
RougeQueen Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 I like iam42's. It's polite and devoid of emotion. If I got that from an ex it would drive me absolutely crazy wondering lol. But really, the best thing would be to just not respond. Who knows what kind of can of worms you'd be cracking with reopening communication. Link to comment
sharky988 Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 You already told her not to contact you unless she wanted to talk about reconciliation. I would not respond. I do not agree with telling her thanks for the email. She knows she has stepped over the line. Are you really thankful to get this lame email from her? I agree. I wouldn't reply to that message. Link to comment
surfjon Posted June 3, 2013 Author Share Posted June 3, 2013 Thanks.... I'm gonna let it ride a few days, but I agree in that if I do respond, to keep it very simple, concise and totally void of any emotion or concern..... Just kinda a punch in the lip when I even saw her name in my in-box.... I know her well enough to feel like the best way for me to get my point accross, is no response at all...... Thanks all... Link to comment
kaylalynn Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 Dont reply. Honestly, reopening conversation is not a good thing in this situation. If you want to get over her, no contact is the best way to do it. Its definitely not easy to do. But as a girl I know how they operate, she just wants to see if you still care about her, even though she has no intention of acting upon it. When she broke up with you she was probably expecting you to mourn and be broken up over her and the minute that stops is the minute she will start to worry. Truth of it is, she will always want you to want her even if she doesn't want you. Don't reply Jon. I promies you, It will kill her and drive her crazy for days. Girls over analyze EVERYTHING, you not responding will make her question the reasoning. I promise. I have been that girl (not proud of that, but I learned from my mistake) Best of luck! (: Link to comment
surfjon Posted June 3, 2013 Author Share Posted June 3, 2013 Kayla, Yeah, girls here on ena and girls I know as friends tell me just stay silent.... I have mutual friends and aquaintances who tell me she's not doing real well, put on a bit of weight when she really didn't need that, and I know she's been told by friends around town that they've seen me out, dating, up-beat and looking good....and let her know that! Some mutual guy friends still got my back, and know the hell she put me thru, and thought it wasn't right either so they DEF let her know when they see me with a new cutie I'm told she's kinda down, but so what.... I was too and had to get over it.... You're right, I just want her to wonder for a while, let her go a little crazy for a while then........ Next time she sees me around, she''ll be shocked...I guarantee. I'm a survivor!! Link to comment
kaylalynn Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 That is the best way to do it. Guarantee she didn't realize what she had till she lost it. She wasnt expecting you to move on and it is killing her. But hopefully she will learn from this and not treat another guy the way she treated you! That is awesome your friends have your back, and it is awesome you are staying strong! Once you are completely over her it will feel even more amazing and I promise she will always resent treating you the way she did and knowing you came out on top. (: Link to comment
DN Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 Playing games is never wise. Much better to be upfront about what you want, what you expect and to hold firm. Silence is a way of delivering a message that can easily go awry. Link to comment
Live-N-Learn Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 She asked me if I wanted a drink, and I declined, informed her wasn't a good choice for me, re-stated that if she wanted a dialog about us, to contact me.....otherwise to refrain form any contact, and let me be to heal..... Playing games is never wise. Much better to be upfront about what you want, what you expect and to hold firm. He already told her what he wanted. I don't think his silence is so much a game as it is holding his ground. Link to comment
surfjon Posted June 3, 2013 Author Share Posted June 3, 2013 Had she ended things in an adult, dignified manner, chances are I'd have respected that and after some time the "friends" thing may have been a real possibility......I just don't know.... But she chose to employ the "Fade-Away Method", turning me into the dumper, and breaking my heart. I just have ZERO respect for her now and want nothing more to do with her..... I'm inclined to stay silent, but never know where my rollercoaster takes me! Thanks folks! Link to comment
ChasingHope Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 He already told her what he wanted. I don't think his silence is so much a game as it is holding his ground. This^^^. Why open the wound? Link to comment
DN Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 I just have ZERO respect for her now and want nothing more to do with her.....If yo are sure you want nothing more to do with her then I agree ignoring her is best. But if you do want her back, then my advice stands. Link to comment
lorelaijones Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 Silence is the best answer in this case, but if you are like me, you'll be able to keep the silence for around one week - that's when your heart start screaming "you're letting it go"... that's when I don't resist and answer, lol! I just did, actually... and now I'm the one without any answer. That hurts like hell. Don't answer if you really don't believe in this relationship anymore. Link to comment
DarthVader Posted June 4, 2013 Share Posted June 4, 2013 I can't stand the "hey, how are you?" messages. There's no point to them, either tell me what I want to hear or leave me alone. You told her what you want, so she is wrong for messaging you that. Don't answer. Link to comment
surfjon Posted June 4, 2013 Author Share Posted June 4, 2013 I feel an odd sort of calmness today. I had made the last contact...a simple text 4 weeks ago saying that in January, she was the one who chose to get out and that I had tried and had finally accepted her as gone and had killed all hope and that I would never contact her again........I stuck to that, but felt a kind of emptiness because that was the last contact and no response or goodbye from her, so it felt "unfinished". I've read many posts about the dumpers final guilty "Hi, How are you doing" emails, essentially reaffirming their guilt and that the relationship is truly dead. I feel like what she sent yesterday released me, she will be the one to get no response this time.... The one left to wonder what I'm up to, why no need to respond, did I move on? I feel like my not answering her reaffirms that I took the control back and have the reins of my life back, and the control she had over me is gone. Link to comment
sharky988 Posted June 4, 2013 Share Posted June 4, 2013 I think you're on the right path with this. It's not game-playing to refuse to get pulled into contact after you've already set a boundary with her in a mature and respectful way. If standing strong just happens to leave her wondering.... well, that's just gravy! Link to comment
lorelaijones Posted June 4, 2013 Share Posted June 4, 2013 It's great that you feel like this, you really took the control of your decisions back. You certainly know what is best for you now. Congrats, that's really strong of you Link to comment
Live-N-Learn Posted June 4, 2013 Share Posted June 4, 2013 I can't stand the "hey, how are you?" messages. There's no point to them, either tell me what I want to hear or leave me alone. Yeah my ex was infamous at throwing out the "Hey" text after the BU. That's all she should would say and to be honest they drove my mind crazy at the time trying to decipher what that meant. I am so thankful to be way beyond that stage now. The last "Hey" text was over a year ago and I did not respond. I remember thinking...really!? that's the best you can do!? pffff...no thanks. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted June 4, 2013 Share Posted June 4, 2013 I think this is good reading for any poster here who asks "we broke up months ago...i really want to send them an email.." as far as seeing that the person on the other end will not necessarily welcome it and it will set them back in their healing. It mostly will not get the results wanted. BTW, if she had sent something more meaningful "i realize I made the biggest mistake of my life and will do anything to win you back" would you have responded or do you feel no matter what, you would be strong? Link to comment
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