lorelaijones Posted June 4, 2013 Share Posted June 4, 2013 Abitbroken, I would say it for myself, if you really feel like this about someone, if you really MEAN it that you would do anything to win that person back, you should say it. That's the one and only thing I would accept coming from my ex. It requires a lot of guts to assume a mistake and be willing to fix it. Actually that's the only thing I wanted my ex to say. Whenever he comes with "hi" and "miss you" I feel like I made the right decision by not talking to him anymore. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted June 4, 2013 Share Posted June 4, 2013 Abitbroken, I would say it for myself, if you really feel like this about someone, if you really MEAN it that you would do anything to win that person back, you should say it. That's the one and only thing I would accept coming from my ex. It requires a lot of guts to assume a mistake and be willing to fix it. Actually that's the only thing I wanted my ex to say. Whenever he comes with "hi" and "miss you" I feel like I made the right decision by not talking to him anymore. Oh i agree. I just was curious if the OP was going to ignore her until she said something meaningful or he was waiting for the right words. I don't blame him for not answering. I would not either. Link to comment
Live-N-Learn Posted June 4, 2013 Share Posted June 4, 2013 Yes but sometimes the damage they have caused is unrepairable. I waited for a long time hoping for a text saying she was sorry and wanted to talk about us again. If I was to get that today I would not even respond. Link to comment
surfjon Posted June 4, 2013 Author Share Posted June 4, 2013 Hey Abit.... Great question that I do struggle with.... If she sent me a text along the lines of what you said, that she made a mistake and would do anything, I cannot say what I would do.....I really hope it never comes to that actually, at least for a few more months, I'm still kinda weak, she's like my Kryptonite... The last 2 years with her were horrible, I see that clearly now....But the first three were lovely, sweet years with her being this dynamite, fun, and sexy girl! I was crazy about her, and she for me, and if she was that girl again, I think I'd give her another chance, but taking things very slow and being super vigilant about my boundaries and red-flag observations. But she isn't that girl, and that girl is gone....If she were to send that at this point, I think I'd tell her "Ok, so win me back! Whatch gonna do baby?? Show me why I should let you back in my life!" Let her do the work for a while if she REALLY wanted me back..... Ah love! Confusing at best, horribly painful at it's worst...... Link to comment
surfjon Posted June 6, 2013 Author Share Posted June 6, 2013 Thanks all..... I did send her a response earlier.......I simply said "Hi. Thx, we're fine" No emotion at all.... I felt like I wanted to because even though the last thing I sent her said " had killed all hope and wouldn't contact her ever again" the emails and texts I'd sent over the last couple months always had some emotional tone as I'd always state "I'm still here" or "you can turn this around baby"..... I wanted to send a message that I was now cold, and those options are off the table...... like Edmund Exley told me, the table is now folded up and in the garage......I like that! Link to comment
Aqua066 Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 Good response! I also like that you abbreviated 'thanks'... as if you didn't even want to waste your time with the few extra letters Stay strong no matter what! I've been where you have been and this is far from being over... You'll hear from her again, trust me. Link to comment
iam42 Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 i think that you did the right thing here. we can't coerce or manipulate people into coming back to us by holding ourselves (as indicated by communication) completely hostage from them. this just nurses negative emotions on both sides. i think that real index of whether or not to initiate or respond to an ex is simply if we want to and whether it is emotionally safe to do so... Link to comment
nfperception Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 Thanks all..... I did send her a response earlier.......I simply said "Hi. Thx, we're fine" No emotion at all.... Did she respond? Link to comment
surfjon Posted June 6, 2013 Author Share Posted June 6, 2013 nfp.... No, and I don't expect to hear from her anymore, from what I understand these dumpers like her do it out of guilt.... She's done her litte "feel good" thing by feigning concern.... Now she'll bugger off to do whatever it is she dumped me to do.... Crocodile-concern say I!!! How dare she, have the nerve to ask me "how am I" after she must know to well how she left me and how bad I hurt for months, where was her concern then?? Link to comment
nfperception Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 nfp.... No, and I don't expect to hear from her anymore, from what I understand these dumpers like her do it out of guilt.... She's done her litte "feel good" thing by feigning concern.... Now she'll bugger off to do whatever it is she dumped me to do.... Crocodile-concern say I!!! How dare she, have the nerve to ask me "how am I" after she must know to well how she left me and how bad I hurt for months, where was her concern then?? I... I completely agree with what you said. Link to comment
Live-N-Learn Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 I understand the temptation to respond. I think responding shows a certain level of acceptance of her that I am not sure she deserves. But that really is your call. My ex would never get anything from me becasue she has not earned the right to be part of my life. Even acting emotionless would show her I still value her enough to respond. For me silence is the best message. Wish you the best Surfjon. Link to comment
lorelaijones Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 I bet you will hear from her again. That's exactly how my ex started... I ended up going back to him and being cheated on day 4 after we got back together. So stay strong Link to comment
iam42 Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 I understand the temptation to respond. I think responding shows a certain level of acceptance of her that I am not sure she deserves. But that really is your call. My ex would never get anything from me becasue she has not earned the right to be part of my life. Even acting emotionless would show her I still value her enough to respond. For me silence is the best message. Wish you the best Surfjon. hmmm - i think silence means different things to different people. for some, silence means "i'm done and over it." for others, silence means "i'm angry and hurt and NOT over it." either way, silence almost always means "go away." and communication indicates a willingness to be in touch, despite what feelings or lack thereof underlie it... Link to comment
Live-N-Learn Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 hmmm - i think silence means different things to different people. for some, silence means "i'm done and over it." for others, silence means "i'm angry and hurt and NOT over it." either way, silence almost always means "go away." and communication indicates a willingness to be in touch, despite what feelings or lack thereof underlie it... I 100% agree and that is why for me I would never respond to my ex. I am unsure if Surfjon wants to be in touch with her or not. I think we were making the same point. If he did not want to leave the door open then silence would have been the better option. Link to comment
lorelaijones Posted June 6, 2013 Share Posted June 6, 2013 I agree silence means different things to different people. I really don't think silence closes any door. The person can always find a way to contact you. The best way to close the door, I think, is not caring. Is when you just don't care if you responded, how you responded or if you ever will... Comes from inside. (hope we all get there!) Link to comment
surfjon Posted June 7, 2013 Author Share Posted June 7, 2013 I have to be civil with her, we live in a small city, frequent the same places, and do still have mutual friends...so it's unavoidable.... I'll be fine when I see her around, no biggie.....I'm always with friends (guys and girls), and some of my female friends are damn hot, so let her wonder! I'm very laid back and like to be above the fray, I'm glad I sent the simple, emotionless response.....she knows me very well, and knows I have the capability to move on quickly.....she was my first relationship after my marriage failed, so I'm sure she knows I've survived worse than what she threw at me! I'm ok having occasional contact with her, but the friendship thing ain't ever happening..........civility yes, buddys....er, no thanks! Link to comment
sharky988 Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 How are you doing today, surfjon? Link to comment
mbee Posted June 7, 2013 Share Posted June 7, 2013 I agree silence means different things to different people. I really don't think silence closes any door. The person can always find a way to contact you. The best way to close the door, I think, is not caring. Is when you just don't care if you responded, how you responded or if you ever will... Comes from inside. (hope we all get there!) Silence doesn't close doors and I think from someone who is broken-hearted it's easy to misinterpret what silence means. I had an unrequited love thing with my first love. He eventually said we can't be friends, and we went NC. I reached out to him a couple of times, purely friendly, just to see how you are and he has never responded. I don't interpret that as him not caring or not wanting to talk to me. He could have blocked me. I figure he has reasons such as not wanting to get sucked into the same cycle, but likely cares in his own way. I also have friends where we did the silent thing, and some ignored me, others reached out but it was clear they didn't care. Time changes everything too. One of my best friends for close to a decade, we had a huge falling out about 3 years ago. After my breakup with my ex, I reached out and asked to hang out and they responded with "Definitely, you were always one of my favorite movie buddies." I think think it's really about the emotional space you are currently in and if you feel safe reaching out. Link to comment
surfjon Posted June 7, 2013 Author Share Posted June 7, 2013 Sharkey....Hi! Hope you're doing well! Thanks for asking.....Ha, was pretty hungover today.....but thats kinda normal anymore. , when I'm really over this BS, I'll stop again, kinda how I operate.... I just got the short novel "On Love", by Alan de Bottain.....I read some quotes here on ena some folks were throwing around and it interested me....I'm only a few pages into it, but it's really good......I'm sure were I not just out of a breakup, I may find it somewhat humorous, but I mist up often reading it.......truly a bittersweet and wonderfully written story of love from the infatuation at the beginning, thru the beginning of one falling out, and the ultimate painful breakup...... It's rainy and crappy here, so I'm getting my favorite libation, curling up on the couch later and reading with my cats and dogs, and reading.......yeah, I don't mid saying, there will be tears....not about my ex, just for everyone in general who goes thru this hell..... Link to comment
surfjon Posted June 11, 2013 Author Share Posted June 11, 2013 ARGHHHH!!!!!! I'm feeling really good today, then I come back from lunch and there is an email from her.... My last response was curt and simple, she had asked how I was, can we be friends, blah...blah... I emailed her "Hi. Thx, we're fine".....I hoped it would be done.... She emails me today "Good, Can I see you guys sometime".... Do I tell her to leave me alone? Do I try to be the bigger person and see her? I don't really want to, I feel like I do better when I don't see her....I've been avoiding the places we used to go so I don't bump into her. I don't want her back, but she does still affect me...... Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 Just text back ---"kinda busy these days....let me get back to you on that". And don't. Link to comment
DN Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 "you guys"? Who else does she mean? Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 "you guys"? Who else does she mean? The dog he has "custody" of -- or the cat...I forget. Link to comment
surfjon Posted June 11, 2013 Author Share Posted June 11, 2013 Yeah.....It's the little dog....I fostered and then adopted him while we were dating and she loves him..... I kinda like the "I'm busy, will get back with you"...... Lets her know I still have a life, while not coming off as angry or still hurt... I feel like I don't want to ignore and be rude...... Link to comment
sharky988 Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 Okay, how about: "No." Or "Thanks, but no -- I don't think that's a good idea. " JUST REMEMBER: wanting to play it cool and not be rude last time? Left the door open for this bit of mess. Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.