you were all wrong... time didn't heal anything... 1 year later

[mesmerized]

I haven't been here for a long time... Last year I posted my story... Sorry to say that but those who said time would heal the wounds were wrong... I'm still in love with my EX GF... I can't even look at other women... It's all f... up. Just the way it was last year. Time doesn't heal anything. It's all BS.

[90_hour_sleep]

couldn't agree more. time doesn't fix a thing. it's what you do with that time that matters. and therein lies the confusion. it takes time to do the things necessary to let go and move on...but this is generally confused with time being the active ingredient in that equation. not so. time's a passive participant...a human creation to keep track of the past and reference the future. it doesn't do anything.

 

letting go...moving on...those things don't just happen. they happen because you decide to make them happen. are you ready to do that now?

[LookandLeap]

^^^Agreed.

 

If you've done nothing but pine, whine, and check facebook then I'm not surprised you still feel the same way.

[mesmerized]

I have been doing millions of things but the fact remains the same - nothing can make me move on. The reason why I'm still alive is because I keep hoping that I can win her back.

[solamente]

time just makes it less fresh. like anything. most painful experiences never truly heal 100%, imho. they just fade to a sort of numbness that is bearable, until so much time has passed there is literally no feelings of pain left unless you stir them up by thinking about that particular incident.

 

the less you dwell on it, the less painful it is. it is certainly difficult not to dwell on it when you don't have anything else going on in your life that demands your focus and attention.

[mesmerized]

^^^Agreed.

 

If you've done nothing but pine, whine, and check facebook then I'm not surprised you still feel the same way.

 

I'm in China now. Facebook is blocked here pal.

 

You guys have one solution for everything. Forget, move on, find someone else. That doesn't work. I've tried with other women. Nothing compares to her.

[Tanzi]

I'm in China now. Facebook is blocked here pal.

 

You guys have one solution for everything. Forget, move on, find someone else. That doesn't work. I've tried with other women. Nothing compares to her.

 

That is not true. Yes it does become about moving on ... but that doesn't mean anyone expexts you to just forget and find someone else. As has been said, you have to help be pro-active at yourself to. There is little point in lashing out at those who have and are trying to help you. Most of us have here have been in your shoes and are talking from experience.

[engraved2008]

That is not true. Yes it does become about moving on ... but that doesn't mean anyone expexts you to just forget and find someone else. As has been said, you have to help be pro-active at yourself to. There is little point in lashing out at those who have and are trying to help you. Most of us have here have been in your shoes and are talking from experience.

 

I can understand the situation.....it took me 3 years to get over a man i loved.An ex boyfriend....what i feell now ? Nothing.I wish him the best.There will be a day when u will feell the same as i do.Life does go on trust me.I do not say forget her.....dont push feellings.It will eventually happen.

[StayTrueToYou]

Dude... I just made a post this morning about how I went on a date last night with someone who is almost an exact replica of my ex. Now... who knows whether it will work out with her, but the point is that you shouldn't just make this huge assumption that "nothing compares to your ex." You never know what will happen... just stay positive and have faith that everything happens for a reason.

[cupcake22]

I think time may help, but we will always love our SO and want them back. We just have to live with that emptiness for the rest of our lives. Eventually it becomes routine, so it's bearable. It's almost my one year mark and although I do not cry anymore, I still think of him everyday and wonder what he's doing. If he called me up, I would drive the 8 hours to go see him faster in no time flat.

[Tanzi]

I can understand the situation.....it took me 3 years to get over a man i loved.An ex boyfriend....what i feell now ? Nothing.I wish him the best.There will be a day when u will feell the same as i do.Life does go on trust me.I do not say forget her.....dont push feellings.It will eventually happen.

 

I understand too. I had to move on from an ex-husband who cheated on me and left me and our 3 children for another woman. I feel absolutely nothing for him now.

[Realitynut]

ummm...it's been two years for me. I'm 58 and no one compared to my ex bf...before or after. Last person i 'made love' to was him last summer....when he came down for a funeral. He lives 4 hours away and left me for another woman..who he is still with. We have been in contact...but NEVER has he said he wanted to 'be with me'.....

 

I did meet someone that i became interested in...but after only 5 dates, i wanted it to become intimate...and he didn't...and i was friendzoned....BUT it sorta got me over the ex.....that was a year and a half later.

 

Now i can pine over the last one.....lol

 

But true...i don't know if ANYONE can compare to my ex. He was good-looking, fun, never was without a gf....and if i was honest....a user.

 

Comparing is NOT good. No one will be perfect. I'm not. Right now i'm talking to someone on a dating site that is 5'6". Dang. And a gamer...dang again. But i have to let go of that perception of 'perfect' and look deep inside the person.

 

You still have your ex on a pedestal. I know. My brother told me this past week...."Dan was not as perfect as you thought he was" ....i guess cheating on me while engaged SHOULD have knocked him off.

 

Have you talked to your ex??? Actually, that sort of helped me get over mine ....sorta. I realized he just wasn't

feeling it for me. He missed me....sure...after 3 years of being together! (and i am fun!

 

So i guess just keep looking. A year really isn't that long. Keep an open mind. When gf comes into your mind...think, well she must not be that perfect for me....she left me...

 

And quit comparing....quit looking for the 'perfect' woman....and quit hoping she'll come back. (unless she's hinting at it!)

And wait one more year.....lol

[Tanzi]

I think time may help, but we will always love our SO and want them back. We just have to live with that emptiness for the rest of our lives.

 

Not so. I don't love my ex-husband and I don't want him back. If you are still wanting them back then you haven't reached the point where you are over them. We do have the capacity to move forwards, eventually. We just have to stop putting obstacles in our way.

[gotexans12]

I guess what everyone mean by time heals everything is that during that "time" you have to work on yourself. Go out meet new people, spend more time with your friends, pick up a new hobby ( i started playing video games again and work out), go to work. Just do some stuff to take your mind off of it.

[jlewand]

I am in the same position. It's been 2 1/2 years. I've tried dating (3 diff. women) and have scoured dating websites but no one can provide what she provided me in spite of her being emotionally unavail/fearful-avoidant.

[LookandLeap]

You're obviously still pining(and whining), and the fact that you only live to win her back SCREAMS you haven't even tried to forget about her or move on..pal.

[surfjon]

Also really depends on how long with someone....

 

I have a loose theory, after talking to literally hundreds of people, that it will take you 20% of the time you were with someone to REALLY be over them and have accepted....

 

I was with my ex-wife nearly 24 years total.......Not REALLY over her for 4 years.

I was with now ex GF for 5 years, I'm about 5 months and feeling pretty good, miss her a bit still, but realize I was in an unhealthy relationship and a "one-down", and that I really am best out of it.

 

Ya really gotta want it bad man, yeah I wanted her back and all that, but she's gone and no amount of toturing myself will change that.

 

And at this point, if she did contact me to work on it, she's just too late......to many wrongs were done my that I see now very clearly, wrongs which she would simply repeat.....

 

 

Peace to you man, sorry ya feel we gave ya bum advice.....but it's worked for many!

[annie24]

IMHO - take her off the pedestal you've put her on. if she was so great, you guys would still be together. if she doesn't want to be with you, then she is not the right woman for you. you have to come to peace with that. honestly, it's just time to accept the past, you can't change her or make her fall in love with you again. there's no point in living life pining away for something, so get back out there!!

[Blue_Skirt]

Although 1 year may have gone by, I think you are still where you were 1 year ago. As Annie said, you have to accept that she does not want to be with you. So once you let go of that idea of you 2 being together, then you will start healing.

[betterthan]

If you really WANT to heal, and are determined to move on, then you will.

The only person that you are punishing by holding on to this anger and hurt is yourself.

 

I hope that you are able to move on in the very near future.

[Live-N-Learn]

No one in this entire world is so special that we should hand over or desire to live or die based on weather we are together with them or not. There is a lot more to life and I hope someday you figure that out. She is not your life. You came into the world without her and you will leave it without her.

[FreeFallFeelin]

I hear frustration talking, and I can understand that quite well. Healing after a breakup has no timeline, obviously, but it usually takes longer than we expect, and it ALWAYS takes longer than we want. But lashing out at people, Gawd, the Universe, whatever, will not fix it. You can't give the Universe the ultimatum "make me happy or else...!"

 

When I first got dumped (18 months ago) I never thought that I would still be bent over it even six months on. But when six months, eight months, a year, a year and a few months, all blew past and I was still hurting terribly, I felt incredible frustration and more than a little panic that I had truly lost the plot. And though I am doing much better these days, I still frequent ENA to help others, and to scour for posts by others who've gone on as long or longer than me, just to remind myself that this is indeed going to take much much longer to get over than I ever imagined. It has been a very long and difficult journey of acceptance, constantly trying to let go, and of surrendering to the long process of recovery. Constantly.

 

For many, a breakup like this will be one of life's "major" events, and many others may never have to experience a breakup in this way. And because it's not a ubiquitous experience for all people, it can make you feel like there's something wrong with you, or that your hunches that "I'll never get over it" are true. But you have to become aware of that self-talk, and realize that it's all BS generated by your subconscious mind, which operates at an animal level, or a six year old at best. Observe those thoughts, but do not latch onto them. As so many others who have tread this path before us have said "You will move on", and rest assured many of those wise people also lost the love of their lives too. Your story is not special, and it is not unique. But it IS very human and very normal, and so are the pain and frustration.

 

At this point, I am on constant vigilant effort to be positive and to NOT think about anything having to do with the ex. You have to go to war with the habits and patterns that your mind and emotions have created over the past year. GO TO WAR with it. Be a tyrant with your mind. When those thoughts of the ex come up, just say acknowledge that you do miss your ex, but that you WILL NOT allow it to take you over. It will be a fight, but fight you must.

[shessofly]

it took me about 3 years to get over an ex. the first two i spent pining over him (regretfully) also thinking there was no one greater than him. the third year i finally accepted it was over, and started mourning the relationship. now i am about five years out from the beginning of the end of that relationship and am STILL (frustratingly) healing from the aftermath of the emotional abuse I endured during that relationship. time works in combination with you in healing your heart. if i was still in the mindset i was in during years 1 and 2 i would still be stuck - i'm not sure how i got there finally, but it did happen. now that i have taken the blinders off, i can see that it was in my best interest that the relationship ended. may not be as extreme for you, as it was for me, but the point is he was not the "end all, be all" and neither is she. i am sorry you are still hurting. it sucks, i know. give yourself more time, as others have said. hang in there.

[kz91]

Nobody will compare to her because there's only one of her. Maybe you won't find nobody like her, you'll find better. If she was the one, you'd still be together. I know it sucks, but you will move on.

[rocknrolla]

Almost been a year for me, still hurts every day. I feel to as though I will never find anyone better than her, but then I ask myself if she was so great why am I not waking up beside her, if she was so great and loved me as she claimed she would not have left. I then realize it was her personality, her beauty, sense of humour and just all around the way she was and how she made me feel that will be hard to find in someone else. Her flaw was relationship maturity, being able to get through the hard times to once again enjoy the good times, and if she was so great she would not have treated me so cold when we broke up, she would have shown compasion and general care for my condition, which she did not. Funny thing is even through all that I'd still take her back.

 

Just keep doing what your doing, not sure if it'll work as I am in the same boat as you, but it's all we can do for now.