How are YOU feeling right now?

[MajinGuu]

I'm feeling sleepy.

 

Stayed up late and it got me thinking... I still can't believe all of this happened, this is insane when I think about it. Obviously things like this happen every single day and there's unfortunately nothing special or uncommon about my situation but... It's still so crazy to me, you would have told me this in May I would have laughed in your face!

 

I'm not feeling particularly sad or anything of the sort, just annoyed actually. I realize that words are often cold and empty for a lot of people, just like their hearts. And well, that sucks. And now it's time for me to sleep or I'll start thinking too deep into this, I already have a headache so that's enough...

[mbee]

I'm so tired and not sure how to feel right now. I feel this strange indifference to my ex that I know is very temporary. I'll probably be missing him soon. Right now I just wish I knew how he felt or what he was thinking, what was on his mind, what he cares about. It's a weird feeling, like being in love with a stranger. He feels like a stranger to me now. I have no idea why he made the choices he did. I feel if we spoke again, he would never be that intelligent, loving and carefree guy again. I just have this desire to "know" the person I spent the last couple of years with. It's silly and stupid I know.

[Loz333]

Still devastated. Still reeling and very raw. I hate going to work because the shop is never busy. I'm just left alone with the music and my thoughts and no distractions.

I just wish I could fix this. I want so much to make it all better. I wish I could have one last chance to tell him and show him that I understand all that went wrong between us and the part I played in it. I wish I could show him that I love him, and that I want to be the one who stands by his side in life. I wish he could just know what he means to me. What an incredible impact he has had on my life. But I can't say anything. He won't hear. He is distracted by someone new. And I have faded into oblivion. At least it feels that way.

I won't contact him. But I must admit the thought of him never contacting me again is incredibly hard to grasp. I take comfort in the fact that I am saving my dignity by keeping quiet. And I'm doing it out of love and respect for him too. As much as it kills me to know that he is with someone else, I have to step back and leave him to it. Of course I hope that he may again look my way. But I won't fight for him. Not like this. I do wonder if he expected me to go quietly or not. Or if he even wondered about me at all.

Sigh..

[john45]

Its a month exactly since she moved out. I'm clearing up stuff in the house we shared before putting it on the market.

 

Kids are away with my sister for a week. Miss them loads, but at least they don't see me looking like a wreck and crying a lot.

 

thats about it really. better get going and do some more tidying/clearing. another trip to the dump. Fun fun fun.

[Natalie1986]

I feel upset I got an email from my little boys dad who I split up with about 2 months ago. He was telling me that his new "Missus" is a thousand times the woman I'll ever be Almost 6 yrs we were together but he hit me, cheated, it was a nightmare being with him so in that respect I'm glad I'm free of that cycle of abuse ... But still he continues to verbally abuse me. I told him that the only way I will allow him to see our son is if he takes me to court (I have enough reasons for this plus we've tried the mediation route till my feet were blistered) just doesn't work as he continually let's him down. The last time he was supposed to have contact with him he decided not to call or txt, I found out a few hours later that he was too busy taking his new gf and her 2 kids to the park. At least if we do it through the court then there will be rules and regulations ....tbh I hope he just drops off the radar but by the sounds of him and his threats I'm going to get 'battered' by his new gf. Wish I'd never met the

[mbee]

I feel so sad right now and just can't stop crying. It's all rushing over and hitting me again that he doesn't miss me and he prefers being with her over me. When will the intense pain end? I just wish life could go by faster, just a little faster.

[iam42]

i feel deeply broken-hearted and like a fool. I feel like I fell in love with a figment of my imagination. the process of making him up was sweet but exhausting, the process of letting him go even more exhausting and just pathetically sad.

 

I don't feel like I couldn't get him back. I think that with charm, heavy emotionalism, and subtle persistence I could. but I know it wouldn't be worth it. only his effort would make even a friendship worth it, and he is not willing to grant even a tiny bit of sincere effort or energy my way. so I feel sad, deeply, and stuck...

[iam42]

i am feeling torn. i have met someone new. he is gorgeous and calm. he has been on a world exploration -- india, japan, sweden. he emails me every day with the simple task of sharing pictures of what he sees. our next date is already set a few weeks in advance for when he gets back. i feel like a fraud and a f*ckup. i feel like i have no right building a lovely romance with the second man after the ex when my poor heart has shut down. i feel stuck.

[bwhite00]

i feel really well. i gave my ex of 3 days a very gratifying vituperative tongue lashing about her lying and disloyalty. been on bupropion (wellbutrin) for 3-4 days and it's helping my mood/mind-set tremendously though it did put me thru a freakin raging state of mind where i lost my !@%$!@) before the dopamine started kicking it. I'm in a good spot. If she doesn't want to be with me, I've clearly illuminated what that does or does not entail for her. I told her I will be happy with or without her and by God, I will.

[MajinGuu]

I feel so sad right now and just can't stop crying. It's all rushing over and hitting me again that he doesn't miss me and he prefers being with her over me. When will the intense pain end? I just wish life could go by faster, just a little faster.

Wow mbee I'm so sorry, sending you a lot of virtual hugs. You're a great person, really wise and really strong, you don't deserve any of this. I know all about those goddamn waves of pain and sadness, I hope this one passed and you're feeling calmer now.

 

 

To reply once again to this thread's question:

I feel calm. I think my ex is done contacting me, I don't feel like counting the number of days that has passed ever since she last texted me because I just don't care and this is silly. I doubt she's done contacting me for life but I'm glad she's stopped this.

I don't need her to mess more with my head and I feel almost at peace when I don't hear from her, it's soothing and something I need.

 

Other than that I look at my sister's relationship with her boyfriend and I can't help thinking that she's so lucky, they've been together for what? 400 years? Her boyfriend is an incredible person, they get along so well and they're still so into each other after all these years... I hope I'll have something healthy like this someday.

[mbee]

Thanks MajinGuu, that makes me smile, seriously! Yesterday was a really hard day, and I have a feeling that this will be a tough week for me but it's okay, it's life I suppose. Also, I LOVE your story about your sister and her boyfriend. They sound adorable! I hope that all of us will have a chance to have a truly loving and enduring relationship with someone.

 

In terms of how I feel.... I woke up early just feeling sick to my stomach. I believe the married other woman is visiting his family right now. I could be wrong it's just hard since I was incredibly close with his family. It's hard to believe that 4 months ago they were visiting the home I lived at with my ex and we were all discussing the future, his parents invited us to go on the road trip with us a few days from now and it was a lot of fun. Now they are meeting some other woman and sigh... I wish I didn't care. I feel a bit better but just tired and still in lots of pain. I'm grateful I'm not like him and loved him enough to be willing to be alone and try to properly grieve the relationship rather than jumping into another relationship knowing I'm not giving myself fully.

[Svintus]

Feeling horrible today.

I know that recovery from a BPD relationship may take years.

I've been making good progress but the last 4 days have been painful.

Had a bad dream last night that is related to the past pain and today is the worst day in the last several months.

It'll get better soon, I know.

 

I wish everyone speedy recovery.

[bwhite00]

Feeling guilty about going off on the love of my life after she broke up with me not knowing the severity of her depression.

[MajinGuu]

Feel physically tired and very distracted, I've also felt nostalgic today... I miss the friendship we used to have. Miss that we used to be best friends until she decided to throw it all away.

I'm moving away soon and I have so many things to take care of before leaving... I've coincidentally met a few girls living where I'll be going, one of them wants me to come to her place but I'm not really feeling this/her, not even for a platonic friendship. We'll see though, who knows.

There's another girl that is pretty nice and we have a lot in common, same hobbies etc, she was born close to where I live too and she doesn't know the city, she's interested in playing video games with me lol and idk she's cool (though very young) I hope we can become good friends.

 

I've yet to reply to some messages people have sent me but I keep getting distracted and then it's time to go to bed. I think it's time to slap myself and wake up. :sorrow:

 

Other than that I just wonder if my ex is thinking of me, and what she's thinking of exactly, if she feels nostalgic too, things like this...

[Brokenheart99]

At the moment, i feel just okay i guess. that's the best way to describe it. idk if this is healthy or not, but whenever i get nostalgic, i try to just push it aside and stop thinking of our memories cuz it makes me too sad. i feel like dwelling on it for 4 weeks has been enough dwelling. so, i try to just not think or talk about it, because if i do, i think about all the things that i am bitter and mad and sad about and how much i miss it. and i just dont think thats healthy for me. im not sure if its healthy for me to push it out of my mind either, but doing that right now helps me throughout the day. a lot of days, i am trying to focus on how all his bad outweighed his good, so i dont harp on the good and get sad. i think the biggest thing i feel is that i want him to regret. i want him to regret walking out of my life, leaving a great girlfriend, someone who fought for him and the relationship like none other. i want him to miss me. i doubt it will happen, but wouldn't it be great if it would? i guess i wonder if he even misses me anymore. 5 weeks out and a new rebound relationship(or maybe a relationship that led to our break, idk), i doubt he even thinks of me anymore. i'd like to believe one day he will, but im not counting on it. i wish he could be the guy i wanted.

[tadpole3]

Second day NC and I feel okay. Been keeping busy and that helps, but I am afraid that maybe it being so easy now means I will crash later? I hope not. A couple of good things have happened since the break-up; you know, little things in your life that make you feel good. Somebody contacted me out of the blue for example--nice to know others are thinking of you. Unfortunately I still wonder if he is regretting his actions; but I doubt it because he never feels like he does anything wrong. So in his mind he has spun it that it is all my fault and I'll come crawling back. Surprise, surprise, though I won't be.

[Rjones91]

Starting NC again for the hundredth time. But this time I am following thru. Feeling ok about my decision. I have to keep telling myself I am doing this for me and for my heart, mind and emotions. Set her number to silent but thinking about deleting it and adding it to my lock list. Feel used and like a fool because she keeps lying to me about things i know are true. So here is to Day 1 of NC....

[stubbs35]

Finally got him on the phone last night after 5 weeks of him ignoring my contact attempts. He answered my questions about the sudden breakup, seemed emotionless. I miss him a lot, I don't understand his reasoning for doing this, beyond that he is not ready for a relationship. I feel a weight is lifted off my shoulders, but I don't know how long it will take me to stop having hope. He's not contacting my so NC should be easy.

[Loz333]

He contacted me last night after 2 months of nothing. I wish he didn't. I only want to hear from him if he wants us to get to know each other again. Instead, he sent me a message asking how I was, asking after my family and then proceeded to ask if I wanted him to send any of my stuff back to me. I do have quite a few things at his place, so I guess the new girlfriend wants to make room for her things.

 

But how am I supposed to respond? I don't want my stuff! Maybe a couple of things, but a lot of it is things that he gave me and I can't have any more reminders of him. I wish I could just say: 'Hi ****. No I don't want my stuff thanks. I wanted YOU. That 'stuff' is meaningless to me now. Take care.'

 

I know I hurt him. We hurt each other. And I have what I feel like is an advantage (although horrible) in that I have been put in the position to see more clearly how things played out between us, and how things would have needed to change in order to grow back together. I have gained more understanding and perspective on his feelings and his position as well as my own. Yet he has not had these 'benefits'. He's been too busy with another that he 'hardly knows'.

 

I just wish I could tell him what I feel and what I've realised. But more than that, I wish that he would hear it. His heart is closed towards me.

 

So yeah, right now, I am feeling a whole bunch of stuff! Sad, hurt, lost, angry, confused, broken, rejected...

 

I just want to make it all better again. This wasn't supposed to happen

[Marcy2011]

I have had confirmation today and I feel pretty good about it. So, although today is almost gone, it was a day of 1sts...and it was GOOD. =)

[Miss Firecracker]

I feel very nervous about a test I had Thursday.

 

And very sad after seeing a woman's personal ad on craigslist. Just too much. She was 59 and looked 100. That isn't right.

[bwhite00]

not real good, 17 days post-break-up, functioning better but just real sad... all the time

[fifregister]

Feeling very crappy. Two weeks since break up, two weeks of absolute NC. I feel disappointed. I put my trust and love in someone who could just treat the relationship as disposable, someone who would like to take a "break" instead of sticking around to try to treat me better and work on the relationship.

 

For the last couple of months he was being cold and said things like "I can't move forward with you." I did nothing wrong and he was cruel and nasty with his constant jealousy, insecurity, and OCD issues.

 

Yet I am the one feeling like crap, like I was discarded, like my efforts and gestures were worth nothing because I am nothing. About five guys have asked me out in a matter of two weeks and I cannot move on, I don't look forward to the weekends. I feel like I could not trust someone again to be around to have a fruitfull relationship. My days feel wasted because I walk around like an empty shell of myself.

[Jimbly]

I was trying to decide whether confused or annoyed....but definitely annoyed. 6 months post-BU. Very little contact since, all initiated by me. I went full NC over 2 months ago after she backed out of a meetup she suggested since she was "stressed out in general". I started dating somebody new just after that. I like the new girl a lot, but I'm not 100% sure where it is going long-term.

 

Anyway...we used to work together and I just got a text. She is having a graduation party and is inviting the work crowd including me. She wanted to let me know that I am definitely welcome. And if I can't make it we should catch up sometime in the next few weeks.

 

Too funny. I've been doing so well then this weekend I started thinking about her mainly because I know she is graduating from school this week. Then this....

 

I'm annoyed that everything is on her terms. I'm not going and I'm not responding

[scrummers]

I feel empty, numb, lonely, hurt, dazed, confused, depressed, lost. I'm not angry or hateful.