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MajinGuu

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Apprentice

Apprentice (3/14)

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  1. I feel annoyed that I left you on such a pathetic note, sometimes I feel like sending you a text to make up for it. I don't want you to think that I want to die alone because I've lost my ~one tru luv~ or that I'm doing bad because I miss you or that you'll forever have a place in my heart, or anything of the sort. So much has changed, I fantasize about telling you to f*** off and how you're nothing but a terrible choice I've made in the past. But that'd make me look pathetic too and nobody ain't got time for that.
  2. Day: ? I've stopped counting after the 1 month mark, I don't need to keep track of this any longer. Whenever I feel like replying to her texts I remember what she's done to me and I realize she's not worth any of my time. We'll never be able to be friends and it sucks a bit because I miss our friendship sometimes, but then it's entirely her fault if everything is ruined so I'm not going to feel too bad about it. She freely decided to be gross to me so whatever, deal with the consequences. I know I'm not going to dwell on her bs forever.
  3. Day 29! Tomorrow it'll be 1 month since I've started NC. Yay! So how are things now? My ex texted me 9 times during this, repeated that she missed me, begged me to talk to her... I did not. Yesterday I felt a bit down because I reread a message she had sent me in May and it was just depressing... A message full of love, hope, and fake promises. I felt a pain in my heart. Other than that, whenever I think of her I think of the bad things, I think of all the bad things. Everything she's ever done to me, all the pain, all the tears, all the betrayals, all the lies... This entire relationship was a life lesson, a really harsh lesson. I don't ever want to make this mistake again, and I know this is not going to happen. I remember vividly every word, every tear, I remember the intensity of the pain, I will never forget any of this. I know I won't be caught dead with someone like my ex again because I will finally be able to read the signs, to see the red flags, I will know that rejecting something toxic won't be the end of me and that I will not lose anything by doing so. I know what to avoid and I know what I want.
  4. I just don't understand, what do you WANT? Also, I hope you're okay. I can't help being a bit worried about you regarding a few things.
  5. Day 18. Wow, today was weird. I got really sad because of some completely unrelated things and because of it I got REALLY close to replying to my ex. Thank god I did not, I also spent some time reading a few threads here and there and it helped me.
  6. 17 days! She texted me again last night, this is the fourth time in a row. I think she's in disbelief, I've never ever ignored her before and I would always run to her whenever she'd feel sad or whatever. And now I'm completely gone from her life... Welp, that's what she asked for.
  7. 14 days. I felt a little bit down today because of her texting me and because it was simply a quiet day so I had a lot of time to think about it/her. I'm feeling better now though and thank god this is the weekend... Gonna go out and enjoy my time. A part of me still feels worried about her because I know she's not ok and I would always be here to take care of her whenever she felt sad, or sick, or annoyed about anything. And now I'm not here for her anymore. But she chose this so... I hope she'll properly deal with the consequences.
  8. 1 week and 4 days. SHE FINALLY CONTACTED ME!!!!!! Even though I did ask her to delete my number and she told me she would! It's just a breadcrumb (asking me how I'm doing) that I'm easily going to ignore though. I'm just glad she cracked.
  9. 1 week and 3 days. Hitting rock bottom turned out to be... So good for me? I can only look up now and I feel so different, I just feel like myself again and I haven't felt this positive in forever. I felt so dead inside at first, completely empty, but slowly I've been raising from my own ashes. I obviously still have my down times because I had really intense feelings for my ex and I was convinced that we were meant to be, but overall, I'm okay. I'm eating normally, I'm sleeping normally, I go out a lot, I'm always active, I'm talking to good people... I'm okay. There are other difficult things in my life at the moment but I know none of this is the end and I'll keep doing what I've always been doing, I'll work everything out and it will be fine.
  10. I just took a pen and my notebook, sat outside and wrote down a list of things I hate about you. I was feeling angry but doing this made me feel a bit calmer, I have a lot of resentment for you but I still hope you're ok. You're at the gym right now, be careful with your rib.
  11. 1 week and 2 days (3 this evening.) I realized I was doing much more with my life than what I used to do when I was in a relationship, it's so... Weird. But I know it's a good thing and I'm not going to stop. I've been having objectively good days lately, I still think of her and sometimes I feel down but overall I think I'm definitely on the right path.
  12. It's been 1 week and 1 day. I've been out and busy all day, done a lot of things, went shopping, met and talked to a lot of people, even cooked and worked out a little bit while I was home for 1 hour or 2... Yet I'm still thinking of her, there are so many things I'd like to tell her but it would be such a waste of my time. I still can't properly describe what I'm feeling. I just want to feel indifferent already. But knowing myself I know it's going to be a really long journey and it's discouraging. I'm always busy yet my thoughts are always for her, no matter what I'm doing. Even looking at another girl's butt makes me think of her, that's how BAD it is.
  13. So funny that you wanted to marry me and you'd often use my last name, and kept doing it until the end.
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