scrummers

Why are mornings the hardest part of the day for me? I wake up and the first thing I think of is you and it makes me feel empty, I don't hate you I just feel that you ran away from the relationship when things got hard. Yes we argued a lot but it was just a rough patch and yes we've had rough patches before but we always got through it. I never cheated on you, never abused you and despite what you might think I always supported you, care about you and respected you. I was talking to some friends last night about everything that happened and they asked me what made me like you in the first place, it was simple your beautiful, smart, funny, great personalty, caring, gentle, loving, sweet and I was just instantly attracted to you the first time i saw you. They say true love is accepting the person you're with for who they are flaws and all, well I accepted you for who you are and all your flaws you are perfect in my eye but no matter how many times I told you it seemed yo never believed me. You have issues and I know this but I accept that cause everyone does, I still love you cause I look past those issues. I had a moment of clarity last night thinking about if I can fix you or not and i realized I can't fix you the only person that can do that is you. You need to fix yourself you need to solve your problems, but what I can do is be there by your side while you do that so you aren't alone. IDK this might sound self asbored or something but it's going to be really hard for you to find a guy like me who is willing to put up with everything and fright for you and fight to keep you. Most guys would want nothing to do with all that drama but I do as crazy as that is I do. Maybe one day you will realize what you actually had in me even though we argued I still love you to death and that's not changing anytime soon. IDK how you feel about me anymore you never want to sit down and talk about what went wrong I just wish you would let me talk to you maybe it would open you eyes.

Mornings are the hardest for me I wake up and want to text you good morning and hope you slept well but I can, I wake up feeling empty and think about all the good times we had. IDK why i feel this way we didn't date for very long but we liked each for 4 years from a distance. Sometimes you meet someone and you just feel a instant connection that what i felt with you it was instant attraction explainable all i know is it made me so extremely happy. 4 years I admired you from a distance and you did the same I'd see you sometimes at my friends house with his sister and you'd walk by and my heart flutter and beat extremely fast and I'd get extremely giggly and couldn't help but smile. Got I wanted to make you mine for so long but I didn't have the guts to talk to you, we started hanging out more last winter, remember the first time we held hands? We would all watching a movie and we were sharing a blanket I felt you hand touch my leg weather on purpose or accident my heart jump our of my chest. That's when i decided I was going to hold your hand and I did and you took it and it just felt so right sure they were extremely sweaty but I didn't care I didn't want to let go I wanted time to stop and stay there forever. It's only been 2 days of No contact but it feels like it's been months and months, all i can think about is I wonder if you still think about me and miss me, you said you still have feelings for me more than a friend and still really care about me, it's not the romance that I miss right now it's the friend I use to have that I could talk to that would show me they care about me you don't understand how lonely I am. You are never alone you always have Nicole to talk to and be with me I have no one none of my friends have checked up on me to see how I am doing or just to talk. That's all I want right now is someone to talk to. Not about our break up just talk about stuff but no one ever does. I feel like the friend the people only come to when they want something or need something and I'm always there. But when I need something or ask something everyone is too busy to do anything or talk to me you don't know how that feels it hurts more then anything. Maybe the romance will come back maybe it won't I can hope it does. You say if things go back to how they were we can reassess and talk about it, then you say I can try but the damage has been done. What does that mean? Does it mean no chance or it's just going to be really hard? I saw how you looked at me at work the other day you are hurt I can tell but you still have feelings for me. So why fight them? You told me I was the best thing to happen to you in a long time, I'm not saying to take me back cause we both need time to heal from this but don't give up we've always talked about not giving up about how we wanted this to last and never break up. Let me show you I can be that man that you fell in love with I know what I did to make you leave now I truly do and I know what to do now to fix this, if only you can give me one final chance I swear I can make this last. I sometimes think maybe you will give me a chance, then I think no she probl won't I'm at a loss here IDK what to do. I don't want to let you go I've been hurt and had my heart broken to many times in the past. I always though I'd end up alone then I met you and I knew what I wanted. You made me want something I never thought I would want you made me want to have a family. No one has ever done that for me and we talked about it and you said you want to have kids. IDK how things went wrong so fast one day we are laying in bed talking about plans then 2 days later you we thinking about breaking up with me. We talked one night and you agreed to give it one last chance but you didn't I dropped off some flowers before work last Tuesday and that's when it all went down hill. You say you hate yourself and right now you are just trying to be happy again, I want to help make you happy cause I know I can if you just let me try. Let me back in and it will be different this time. I just wonder if you miss me as much as I miss you. I told you this one my last shot that if we didn't work out then I give up on finding someone and from the looks of it that might becoming a reality. I miss you more then you know I just want my friend back right now I just want to talk feel like someone cares about me again and see how things go from there because if this love is true it will comeback. My biggest fear is waking up one day and you telling me you have no feelings for me anymore at all I pray that doesn't happen. I've been through break ups before this is true but none of them have hurt as bad as this cause I believe you are my one true love and I'm letting it slip away.

I hope you accept this invitation from my heart. The last thing I want is for us to be apart. I know it’s my fault for the harm that’s been done. I’m asking for the chance to prove I am the one. I can’t take it back, that I do know. That wasn’t who I am I will prove it and show. I can say I was scared but it wasn’t of you. I was scared of my past and should have knew. Instead I hid my fear deep inside. While you left your heart open wide. I should have known there was no need to be scared. My life was with the perfect person for it to be shared. You have my heart and I don’t want it back. You are the one who got me back on track. If the time comes and you can find it in your heart I will be ready for a new start. I’m writing you this poem from my heart to yours. I just want you to know that I'm all yours.

IDK if you hate me or not, the look in your eyes when you look at me I can tell you still want me in your life IDK how you can just be friends with someone you fell in love with. It's not something I can do, you know we are good together even though we had quite a few arguments there was never any shouting or name calling we were mature about it. We both said we wanted to make this work but I guess I want to make this work more then you which pains me inside, we've both been through the same with alcoholic parents and being abandoned. We understand what it feels like and we can help each other heal those wounds, it hurts cause no matter how hard I try I can't see myself finding another girl like you. You have many flaws you can be highly emotional, you can over react, you feel like nothing you do is ever good enough, you are insecure about your body, you are extremely stubborn and you are a broken girl to name a few. But despite all of those flaws you are perfect in my eyes I look past them because I am so madly and deeply in love with you I can't help the way I feel. I have flaws to yes I know I'm not perfect I can be emotional, clingy, needy at times, feel unwanted at times to name a few but you. From the moment we met I felt instant attraction to you and you told me the same, we talked about a future and all that jazz said you saw your future with me. We use to be so close everything seemed so perfect. You told me you wanted this to be the best relationship I have been you wanted to make me happy everyday for the rest of my life. Unrealistic but I still liked the sound of it. Sure we argued and said we would work on it but I always felt like you never really tried hard enough. If it was true love you wouldn't want to lose this what we have/had that's why I tried so hard it's not that I'm desperate it's because I don't want to lose this because I am sure that we are meant to be together for better or worse I love you and I always will. My life had no path or clarity until we started talking you make me want to better myself for you and us. Before we met I was just living life in a daze just getting by, then I found you and the haze was lifted and I knew what I wanted in life and it was you. You know how they say there might be parallel universes out there with clones of us and each one has a different version of our life in some subtle way, well I believe that in every universe we are together in everyone cause we are meant to be together. IDK if we will get back together I just know if you give me one last chance we can make this last if we just try a little harder. You want space to heal and get better with yourself I will try and give that to you in hopes that you realize I truly did care. My heart may be broken but you're the girl with the glue gun that can fix my heart. I can only hope that it is true what that say that true love will find away back.