Do you think this is worth waiting for?

[calichick007]

ok at this point what are your expecting from us? so many responses have been provided already. is there anything else you want to know?

 

That question has been posed more than 10 times in this thread. She ignores it every single time.

[Justnotsure]

Wow. You sound awesome.

 

pleasehelp, I often disagree with you, but this is pretty much my thought.

[abitbroken]

Yes, he will always tell you to think about things for a few days and make it sound that you have this big problem because you have not accepted his offer of a lifetime to be his friend and you fall for it.

 

If you are dating someone new especially, you MUST forget about him and stop communicating. Its not fair to anyone else you may date. It sounds like you wanted to make sure there was someone new to fill the void rather than quitting him out of respect for yourself.

 

I don't think the details matter. Wouldn't make sense to anyone not in corporate world anyhow. But the basic idea is same

 

There are a couple people on here who have very high level jobs in the corporate world. don't be so dismissive of everyone. But no matter how "a list" you are, you are nothing if you don't have self respect.

[learning112]

I do have self respect I believe he genuinely loves me but never dreamed he'd find himself trapped between 2 worlds and is trying to figure it all out. When we run into each other you just watch 2 hearts melt. He was like trying to follow me around/tag along, & talking about "you'll be home again soon right?? So then we'll go out & catch up," & giving me this incredibly warm/affectionate hug even though we were in a public setting. I just melt!!!!!!

[penelope13]

I know that emotions and logic are often worlds apart, however you don't act much like a shrewd corporate/financial person. No matter how much you may want a deal, once you have done your due diligence you would never invest into a contract/company if there wasn't any supporting evidence that your hard earned investments would one day turn into a profit.

 

This guy (staying in the metaphor) doesn't sound like a promising investment whatsoever. He has proven again and again that he is not reliable, that one day he says one thing, the other day he says another things. The warmth of a hug is hardly sufficient 'evidence' to build on a lasting relationship or marriage.

 

We all believe that you both have a lot of chemistry and attraction for each other - however that is NOT enough. If you both wanted to make it work (even years down the line) you both would take the necessary steps to get there. Starting today. Not 'maybe in a few years'.

 

So you already gave up on the idea of 3 months going NC challenge?

 

I get it, you love him.

 

However, just because you are going NC doesn't even mean you have to try to force yourself to stop loving him.

 

But it would be a way to stand up and demonstrate that self respect.

 

3 months will not stop him to love you, if this is meant to be. Couples in long distance relationship, or military families all the time have extended periods of time that they have to deal with without being able to communicate. So it's not undoable. - However, if he stops loving you, or YOU stop loving him, wouldn't it be liberating for you to know and be able to move on to someone else?

 

Your reluctance to try only demonstrates a fear that if you don't stay in touch with him (with whatever conditions he comes up with at the time) he will drop you like a hot potato. that is NOT self respect. that is making yourself completely and utterly dependent on the whims of another person.

 

If 3 months seem too daunting at the moment, would you try for 1 month?

[learning112]

But I truly don't know what the point would be. Every time I go some length of time (say, 10 days) without communicating, as soon as we do again, it's right back to acting like (if you saw us!) 2 people completely in love.

[mhowe]

The point would be breaking the addiction to this drug that is going to keep you behind a closed door --- because once he is married to someone else -- he cannot offer you anything but friendship.

 

Break the addiction. Or suffer the addiction. It is your choice.

[learning112]

He's not going to marry someone else. I expressed time & again how deeply it would hurt me & also that I'd never talk to him again after that happened. From the way he acts every single time he's in my presence (no matter how Lon g either of us may have gone without talking at any point), it's clear he doesnt want that . also clear that he doesn't just feel platonically. If he had every intention of marrying someone else then he wouldn't keep behaving this way with me bc there would be no point

[mhowe]

Well --- I think anyone who has read your posts gets that.

 

But the reality of his background and family structure is that he will marry. And start a family. With someone who is not you.

 

In the meantime, you can be his play toy. No doubt that his feelings are true. Also, no doubt that he is spineless and will not introduce you to his family, nor marry you.

[learning112]

No. think of self preservation. you all tell me im crazy to get caught up w someone whos "guaranteed" to hurt me. well I told him point blank that I'm never gonna tolerate sitting around as a friend/2nd best woman in his life if he actually goes thru w marryin someone else : and he still moves closer to me and feelings seem even stronger on his end. He would not do that if the outcome would be that ill abandon him due to him marrying someone else.

[penelope13]

How do you call "not sleeping with you anymore and being wishy washy, not professing his feelings publicly" "moving closer to you"??????

[SilverFactory]

He's not going to marry someone else.

 

You are just deluded! after so many responses its shocking to see that you still believe he will not marry someone else.

 

Your other responses also sound odd. It sounds like this is the first time you are in a relationship ever. You are mistaking some very simple gestures to mean that he will stand up against his parents and say no to arranged marriage. My dear friend, if he was that type of a guy he would have at the very least told them about you. He has not even done that.

 

Another important thing is all the posts are from your side. We haven't heard anything from him. Nobody knows what is his side of the story. Who knows what he has to say about this whole thing.

[calichick007]

God, you are delusional. The LEAST you can do is avoid dating other people while you waste your life away waiting for this guy. It would be incredibly cruel to waste some other man's time when you know deep down you're just sitting around pining for someone else. Don't be that person.

[calichick007]

I'm also going to echo my prior recommendation for professional help. You are in so deep that all rational and reasoned thinking has gone out the window.

[learning112]

Irrational? It's not like he doesn't call me the love of his life or when he sees me, treats me like he is thrilled to see me and just never wants to let me go. I'm not imagining these things.

[Justnotsure]

You cannot reason with someone who is irrational, though it is quite tempting, as proven by all of the thoughtful and persistent posters on this thread. There really is no advice to offer or issue to resolve, though. The initial question has been answered by the OP, who is either choosing to be willfully blind to any dissenting opinions/information, or is truly in need of professional help.

[SilverFactory]

you should probably change your username from 'learning112' to 'loveofhislife'.

 

Of course he will be thrilled to see you and never want to let go of you because he is still not married to an Indian woman. Once his Indian wife is here you will be left out. Trust me on this. Indian women are conservative and they will not allow their men to even have a friendship with another woman.

 

I feel like lot of things in this story just don't make sense, at least to me. I can't imagine a young woman that has looks good enough to be a model and is considered to be a star at her workplace and has no problems getting dates to exhibit such low self-esteem and self-respect. Her description of herself just doesn't jive with her words here in this thread.

 

OP, like calichick has mentioned it is time for you to seek professional help because you are not considering any advice from any one of us. Please get some help as I believe you are in a real mess. I can't imagine the pain you will have to go through once this guy gets married to an Indian woman. Please don't do it to yourself. Walk away before that happens.

[penelope13]

No, don't waste time and money on professional help if you are not motivated for change and learning new insights! Once you reach the point that you don't want to continue to be in this situation anymore is the point to reach out for help (professional and otherwise).

 

At the moment everything is just falling on deaf ears because you are not open to hearing about other interpretations than your own.

[Justnotsure]

Are we sure that learning112 is not a troll? Her posts are so obtuse and unreasonable that I've been wondering for more than a dozen pages whether she's jerking everyone around for her own entertainment.

 

I hesitated to say it, but I thought the same.

 

It seems a bit odd that the brother out of the blue was disowned by the parents for the exact reason. Either that, or her "best friend" is lying about it. Also, the "wouldn't understand if you're not in the corporate world/model" stuff struck me as something from a 13 year old.

[agent1607307371]

Thread is going nowhere. Closed