onelittleladybug Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 I have felt this way for a long time, on and off for 8 years. I learnt to.cope with it before but things just got worse and worse over the last year, until I finally gave up trying around 4 months ago and I just started going downhill, I feel the worst I have ever felt, I have felt bad before, I have attempted suicide the past, but this time feels different, I feel like its right, but I don't want it to be. I feel so guilty for the way I feel, my children deserve a happy mum, but I feel like I can't be the mum they need. You are their mum, they need you. Not someone else. I dont think its helpful for neither yourself nor them to waste time and energy on feeling like a failure. If you had a broken bone, you would go to the ER. If you felt like you were choking or having a heart attack, you would go to the ER. This is no different, depression is just like any other disease and it needs to be treated. You know how they say on airplanes that you should always put the oxygen mask on yourself first. This situation is the same. Have you gotten help in the past? You say you learned to cope, coping isnt the same as thriving so that makes me think you havent had much support. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 But you can be the mum they need, you ARE the mum they need. They love you, they really really do. Agreed. No one, no mother is perfect. You don't have to be. I know everything looks bad right now but I promise you if you seek help you will find life gets so, so, much better. Link to comment
rosasnyder811 Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 Have you called the number yet? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 I have felt this way for a long time, on and off for 8 years. I learnt to.cope with it before but things just got worse and worse over the last year, until I finally gave up trying around 4 months ago and I just started going downhill, I feel the worst I have ever felt, I have felt bad before, I have attempted suicide the past, but this time feels different, I feel like its right, but I don't want it to be. I feel so guilty for the way I feel, my children deserve a happy mum, but I feel like I can't be the mum they need. Darling think of who you will be abandoning your children to? You will be abandoning them to an abusive parent. Please don't do that. Your children are so vulnerable. You are the person they need. You can get out of the situation and you can get the care that you need. Link to comment
quirky Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 They don't want a happy mum or another mum, they want you. My friend here in the UK went to the hospital one night after another depressive episode and suicidal thoughts. He had reached absolute bottom. I cannot describe to you just how much his life has improved since that day. He was on benefits, smoking, drinking and crying a lot, he had a painful breakup. Now? He is on medication, he is working, having therapy and he wants to date again. He actually inspired me to seek help myself because I saw how his life improved..just by reaching out. Go to the hospital, I think they are called Crisis Team, they are so supportive. You don't need to worry any the answers or the future, they will help you. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 They don't want a happy mum or another mum, they want you. My friend here in the UK went to the hospital one night after another depressive episode and suicidal thoughts. He had reached absolute bottom. I cannot describe to you just how much his life has improved since that day. He was on benefits, smoking, drinking and crying a lot, he had a painful breakup. Now? He is on medication, he is working, having therapy and he wants to date again. He actually inspired me to seek help myself because I saw how his life improved..just by reaching out. Go to the hospital, I think they are called Crisis Team, they are so supportive. You don't need to worry about the answers or the future, they will help you. I agree. There IS help. Reach out for it. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 Darling think of who you will be abandoning your children to? You will be abandoning them to an abusive parent. Please don't do that. Your children are so vulnerable. You are the person they need. You can get out of the situation and you can get the care that you need. This!! You say that his abusive ways make it difficult for you, can you imagine how difficult it would be for your babies? They would grow up with the fact their their mother abandoned them by suicide and they will be stuck with a father their own mother didn't want. They need you, probably now more than ever. Your job is to protect them. You wouldn't allow a stranger to harm them would you? Would you allow a family member to harm them? I bet you wouldn't, I bet your maternal instinct would be to ambush whoever harms your babies. That maternal instinct is there because you love them and I know you don't want to leave them. I know you don't. Link to comment
rosasnyder811 Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 Have you called the number? Link to comment
Moontiger Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 Happydoodle, isn't this thread evidence that life can get better? You have found a place to vent and get advice from a wide range of people with different life experiences. You have found the start of a support system for yourself. Link to comment
Hennie Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 Don't do it. Get some help. Right now I'm having a tough moment and would like to just shoot myself, but I can't. I don't want to hurt the ones I love. I don't want them to feel how I feel right now. Anyway, if I can't kill myself, neither can you. We can't give up. Link to comment
happydoodle Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 No I haven't phoned the number, and very likely won't. I'm bad with phones. I am in the house alone with my children now, so I don't plan to do anything right now. I wouldn't do that too them. I have been in touch with mental health teams in the past, until I was 18 when they dropped me life a rock because I was too old for their services. Its not long after that that I became pregnant and I HAD to learn to cope for the sake of my daughter. I am on anti depressants now and have been for about a month, they got increased about a week ago because the feelings were getting write, but they have just got worse since then. I havebeen referred to mental health services again, I get assesed thisweek but I still can't help but think it won't work, it will be pointless and week after week I'll leave frustrated and more angry because I can't help myself Link to comment
Moontiger Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 Please check out the website I posted a link for. And please don't give up. Link to comment
onelittleladybug Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 I am not a health care professional, but my two oldest and closest friends are a clinical psychologist and a therapist. As you can imagine we talk a lot about mental health. I dont know about antidepressants but through them (my friends) and others I have heard that if a person is given the wrong kind of antidepressants the depression can get worse. If your session with a counselor is pointless you need to find someone else immediately. Link to comment
Hennie Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 Don't give up on the antidepressants. I've been on my current one for about a year now and things never really got better. So, I made an appt with a psychiatrist to get my medicine adjusted (I'm going tmrw). You just have to accept that in order to get better, it's gonna be trial and error with the medication. Just don't give up. Link to comment
Looptd Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 There's many options out there. Try something else. Different medication, meditation, keep talking it out. Find something you like doing. Spent time with your kids and just try and be a kid. Something will work, you just have to keep trying. You've made it this far. You never know what's around the corner, and all the things you'll experience with your family. Link to comment
shaynah Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Part of depression is not seeing a a way out. Part of depression is negative mind set, where you feel doomed and overwhelmed. If there is one part of your brain that can believe that you will get better, please hold on to that. Its very rare to find the right medication on the first try. They warn you that if you feel worse or have thoughts of suicide when on medication to go to your doctor immediately. It's powerful stuff that medication, so please take it seriously. You are not reacting well with this medication. Please let us know how you are doing. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 The children will never have happiness if you do this. They will live a nightmare each day if you are gone. Take charge of your life. You can do it! Always tell the doctor about side effects. There are too many other drugs you can try. Link to comment
rosasnyder811 Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 You need to stop just thinking about yourself and think about your children. Phone the number. And the assessments won't work if you aren't being brutally honest about how you are feeling. If the meds are not working, they aren't right and need to be adjusted. They are the only ones that can do that. If you aren't going to call the number, you need to get in and talk to someone about your next step. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Taking medication and finding the right dosage is trial and error. There are so many different meds on the market, not every med will work the same for everyone. Sounds like the doctors haven't found the right med or dose for you yet. That doesn't mean all is lost, it means you need to be patient and keep working toward the goal of getting better for your children. Link to comment
happydoodle Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 You need to stop just thinking about yourself and think about your children. Phone the number. And the assessments won't work if you aren't being brutally honest about how you are feeling. If the meds are not working, they aren't right and need to be adjusted. They are the only ones that can do that. I have been to the GP today and they sent me into the crisis team. I was honest, as honest as I could be, I told them I had a plan, I told them I had everything ready, I have been sent home, with nothing more than a leaflet and a Dr appointment for tomorrow, so back where I started this morning. The crisis team didn't think I needed their services. I can't do anymore than that. Help has gone as far as it will. They won't be willing to give me proper help, until their helping me into a body bag. I have tried and I have persisted help time and time again. I can't keep doing it! Link to comment
rosasnyder811 Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 You have an appointment for tomorrow, so obviously they think that you are in need of assistance. Tell your doctor these things tomorrow. Call the number I gave you and ask them questions. I have been to the GP today and they sent me into the crisis team. I was honest, as honest as I could be, I told them I had a plan, I told them I had everything ready, I have been sent home, with nothing more than a leaflet and a Dr appointment for tomorrow, so back where I started this morning. The crisis team didn't think I needed their services. I can't do anymore than that. Help has gone as far as it will. They won't be willing to give me proper help, until their helping me into a body bag. I have tried and I have persisted help time and time again. I can't keep doing it! Link to comment
happydoodle Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 You have an appointment for tomorrow, so obviously they think that you are in need of assistance. Tell your doctor these things tomorrow. Call the number I gave you and ask them questions. I told the doctor today. Hence getting sent on to crisis team, crisis team don't think there is enough of a problem, was basically, it would be a shame if you do do it cos you are so young. I know you think i'm selfish, but that is my problem, I have tried asking for help, time and time again, for help to basically say you go do what you want. I have not picked to feel the way I do, I have not picked to have suicide thoughts, I have not picked to want to die, and I won't be picking whether I do it or not. I am trying and have tried, for 8 years on and off. If I did give in, its not something I can control. Link to comment
onelittleladybug Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 The doctor you saw today was a GP right? And you are seeing a psychiatrist tomorrow I assume? Would you have preferred to see the psychiatrist today? Link to comment
metrogirl Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 I'm assume tomorrow you will see the psyschatrist, he/she will be the one that adjusts your meds. GP's don't generally do the anti-depressants so I think they are doing the best they can do for at this moment. You have been given an appointment for tomorrow which is good, I know some people would have to wait a period of days or even weeks. Make sure you emphasize tomorrow, exactly how bad you are feeling so that they can properly help you. Link to comment
rosasnyder811 Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 And maybe even TELL them that you are having trouble coping with life and you would like them to consider having you in the hospital for a couple weeks. I'm assume tomorrow you will see the psyschatrist, he/she will be the one that adjusts your meds. GP's don't generally do the anti-depressants so I think they are doing the best they can do for at this moment. You have been given an appointment for tomorrow which is good, I know some people would have to wait a period of days or even weeks. Make sure you emphasize tomorrow, exactly how bad you are feeling so that they can properly help you. Link to comment
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