Why won't this girl talk to me?

[nastrow]

My lab partner for school doesn't seem to want to talk to me. She's polite and everything, just doesn't say much. It's depressing to watch everyone else having conversations while she's texting or whatever and I'm trying to think of something to say. Even when I think of something she usually just has a short response. I'm not very good at talking to people but I'm trying to be friendly. I mean I guess she could just be an introvert but I think she has way more friends than I do. It's just, she's so apathetic towards me it's mind boggling. I hate it. I just want her to enjoy the 2 hour session, but nothing is working. What the hell am I even doing here if I can't make a 2 hour lab session at least slightly enjoyable for my lab partner? We worked together on a project outside of class for like 3 hours yesterday and the only time she got really engaged was when I asked her about her landscape photography, and even then I had to prod her. Today in class it was back to square one. I can't stand it. Am I trying too hard? If I didn't say anything I don't think we would talk at all, if she could help it. It's really frustrating. I know if I wanted to I could just forget about her and play with my phone the whole time too, but that would be lame.

[Capricorn3]

Going by what you describe above, it seems to me that - putting it very delicately - she just doesn't seem to like you very much. (Sorry, no other way to say it). There's no interest at all, either friendly or otherwise. I know it must be hard working together in a situation like that, but you have no choice but to focus on your work and "block her" out of your mind. Not easy, but not much more you can do about it.

[nastrow]

It's okay if she doesn't like me I guess... I don't want her to be miserable the whole time though, that would suck.

[Capricorn3]

I don't think she is feeling miserable at all. She just sounds self-absorbed and in her own world and doesn't care very much about you. I know it must make things very awkward and that really sucks, but it is best you focus on your own work and doing the best you can for yourself.

[nutbrownhare]

It's okay if she doesn't like me I guess... I don't want her to be miserable the whole time though, that would suck.

I'd concentrate on the fact that YOU'RE unhappy and uncomfortable in this situation, and work out if there's anything you can do to make it easier for yourself. If she's miserable the whole time, that's her responsibility - not yours!

[nastrow]

Thanks man, but you don't get it. It's okay if she doesn't care about me or if she's self absorbed. She's my lab partner for 3 more months though. I don't want to be a bad lab partner.

[itsallgrand]

I think it's actually more respectful and kind, honestly, to let someone be if they show clear disinterest in engaging with you.

 

I agree with nutbrownhare.

[Kamisaur]

Be polite with her but you are not responsible for her having a good time.

[MikNomis]

A good lab partner is simply someone that does their part and does it right. Entertaining her has absolutely nothing to do with that. Yes, I do think you're caring too much about this situation. Some people - a lot actually - just don't really care to interact with a person. They'd simply rather do their own thing and that's all. They're content that way.

[pinkelephant]

Why are you tying "being a good lab partner" with "being a good conversation/company"? I agree with nut. You should be focused on you and how to make it better for you. Why do you want her to like talking to you? She just doesn't. You can't control people. It's not your responsibility to be good company. Ignore it and focus on you.

 

Are there a lot of free time during this lab that you have time to chat? If so, why don't you just start talking to other people?

[nastrow]

We work 2 to a table and the tables are spaced pretty far apart. You dont work a whole lot with the other people. Anyways, if she just wants to be left alone thats fine. Its hard to tell because im not very good at socializing. Thanks for the opinions.

[annie24]

I think for the purposes for this class, just focus on the topic at hand. as long as she is talking to you while you are doing the experiment, that's the most important thing. if she doesn't want to chat about her life or whatever, that's fine. some people just prefer to be like that. I actually prefer her style to lab partners who won't shut up when you need a moment of quiet.

 

I would bring a book or some other homework to work on if you have time to just sit and wait during the experiment.

[bulletproof]

Bring a book or magazine then for the down time. Personally, I think she's being a bit rude, but that's her choice and her right. Or she may have a lot going on (personal issues) or be depressed or something, so best to let it be and just continue to be polite.

[annie24]

I'd actually suggest bringing the text book or homework or work on the lab report. The TA is there and you can ask him/her questions about the homework. Afterall, it's class, not social hour.

[nastrow]

I get what you guys are saying, but i do feel like theres a good chance its me being socially inept. Idk ill see how it goes just letting her be. Its just, i could use the practice, you know?

[bulletproof]

I get what you guys are saying, but i do feel like theres a good chance its me being socially inept. Idk ill see how it goes just letting her be. Its just, i could use the practice, you know?

 

I see what you are saying. But a nice/non-distracted person, when coming into contact with someone socially inept, makes an effort. It doesn't sound like she is doing that. You will find plenty of people to practice with that are a bit less distracted by their own business.