B/F's bad temper, pushed me

[LetsGetLost]

Yeah SlapHappy. I really do appreciate the differences in opinions. I probably seem to be very closed minded Since I am apparently not taking enough ownership for this, lol, but I am glad that everyone is being very real with me.

[annie24]

I haven't read through this entire thread, but he was wrong to push you, as you were wrong to hit him. Since this man has a temper problem and has "accidentally" pushed his mom down the stairs, I think you should leave, NOW, break up, FOR GOOD, before you wind up taking a trip down the stairs yourself and breaking your neck.

[LetsGetLost]

Wow yeah I'm going to have to bow out of this one as well, good luck to ya.

 

Thanks so much for all your feedback!

[SapphireNoir10]

This guy pushed his mum down the stairs. She could have died. Even if it happened when he was 18 the fact he admits to still having anger issues is a red flag.

 

He should be able to control his temper enough NOT to shove her out the way. He laid his hands on her first. She reacted defensivley. They are both in the wrong.

 

He sounds controlling, insecure and has anger issues.

 

I recommend leaving him OP because it will only get worse.

[becomingkate]

I haven't finished reading the entire thread, but can tell you that the OP acted/reacted in the exact same way as my husband's ex-wife. Except that he actually called the police and reported her for blocking his exit and punching him in the face.

 

The police responded by charging her.

 

She tried to say that he had also punched her, and the police asked when. She said that when she had him down on the floor and he was trying to escape, he'd punched her to get her off so he could leave. The police felt that my husband was trying to defend himself and she was still charged. He was able to get a restraining order against her and two years later, won full physical custody of his daughter.

 

OP, I believe that you should get some help. I know your bf has a history of violence, but so do you.

[CaliforniaGirl2222]

First, I don't understand how you could be so upset a friend of the family wants to meet you. That is a huge issue on it's own. Did he overreact by leaving? Possibly. Sometimes though, when people are mad, they need to cool off. You shouldn't have chased him.

 

I don't think by you following him and blocking the door makes him an abuser in any way shape or form. He wanted to leave. You wouldn't let him. He didn't punch you or throw you on the ground. He pushed you out of the way. If I was him, I'd push you out of my way too. If you fell on the ground-oh well. Don't block the door so I can't leave. You were being very immature, and controlling. You kicking him in the nuts is more abusive than him pushing you out of the way.

 

You say your relationship has been perfect before this. I think you need to take a HUGE step back and look at YOUR actions. You are in your 30s. He was excited about introducing you to a family friend. God forbid she is female. You chased him down like a high school girl not letting him leave. You kicked him where it hurts, and somehow because he wanted to get away from you and pushed you out of the way, he is an abuser? I think you have it all wrong.

 

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. There will be disagreements and fights from time to time. For this relationship to work, you both need to sit down and come up with a plan. You need to work on your jealously. If he is mad, let him cool off then talk about it when your both ready.

[Seraphim]

People are losing sight of the fact the OP said HE is jealous and allows her NO male friends, but HE is allowed female friends and he is jealous because an ex EIGHT years ago cheated on him. Maybe HE needs help too. Not just her.

 

And he has a history of violence including shoving his mother down a flight of stairs. I am not saying she is a shinning star and no culpability here but he is no star citizen either.

[camus154]

Some tips:

 

1. No one is "allowing" you to have or not have male friends. You're not 12 and your boyfriend is not your father. If you want male friends and your boyfriend doesn't like it, then don't be with him. That's a choice. So far, you've chosen to give up male friendships in order to be with your boyfriend. That's on you, not him.

 

2. If you block your boyfriend's exit, chase him down the stairs and outside, and then hop into his truck and refuse to get out when he tells you to, you're not really scared of his temper or whether he'll harm you. What you're doing is trying to physically control him and the situation and push your boundaries as far as you can.

 

3. If you do the above, don't come wanting to talk about his temper or how you can't believe he pushed you out of the way. There's no mystery here. What he did when he was 18 isn't relevant--because if you truly believed he was so out of control that he purposefully shoved his own mother down a flight of stairs, then I'd question why on earth you were with such a man to begin with.

 

4. Kicking him in the groin was assault. You should have had the police called on you and you should have had charges pressed against you. But because of the double standards behind such incidents, you weren't. That doesn't make you any less of an abuser, it just makes you lucky.

[fieryred]

I now know why the divorce rate is so high. You both behaved badly. My suggestion is to see a couples therapist no relationship is perfect and there is always going to be something to work on. Being that you both got violent tells me you both have things to work on and just think you can support each other during the process.

[Not a rookie]

You have a very unhealthy relationship with your boyfriend.

[agent1607307371]

This thread has run its course. Closed.