B/F's bad temper, pushed me

[pumpkinmoon]

I completely get that however some choose to rise above that.

 

I understand, but I am not sure how much of it is a choice. I think it has a lot to do with how the child handles the situation, what support they are offered to deal with what has happened to them....

[Seraphim]

I understand, but I am not sure how much of it is a choice. I think it has a lot to do with how the child handles the situation, what support they are offered to deal with what has happened to them....

 

Some of it is choice and yes some is the support you get.

[BrianH46]

Ok I see what you are both saying. It was plenty ok for him to shove her.

 

It was ok for her to get in his face and block him? It is ok to do what a frat boy does when he is about to get in a fight? It is ok to kick him in the groin? That somehow since she is a woman there is no way for her to be an abuser?

[pumpkinmoon]

When someone that gets that angry at you for a comment that you made, part of you is like what the hell? Why can't you just man up and stay here and talk to me about this instead of getting your feathers in a ruffle over something so stupid. I wasn't even trying to start an argument with him. I made a snide comment. And he couldn't handle that.

 

It can be very frustrating but it all depends on how people deal with things. Some people cannot handle confrontation or conflict and they reaction to it is to just get away from it. An ex of mine was exactly like this. He couldn't talk about anything like an adult. He would always accuse me of attacking him even just by trying to talk to him about certain issues. It was exhausting and really has had a negative effect on me and how I now deal with issues in relationships.

 

How has he handled disagreements in the past?

[LetsGetLost]

He pushed me first and I almost fell. Just clarifying that that occurred before I kicked him in the groin.

[Seraphim]

It was ok for her to get in his face and block him? It is ok to do what a frat boy does when he is about to get in a fight? It is ok to kick him in the groin? That somehow since she is a woman there is no way for her to be an abuser?

 

Of course she was wrong too. I never said she wasn't but he is no pristine angel. He went ape bat over something ridiculous.

[jordesse]

Ok I see what you are both saying. It was plenty ok for him to shove her.

 

You know what? In this instance I would say, yes. He had a right to leave, she was blocking his way. After repeatedly asking her to move, he tried to leave and pushed her out of the way.

 

Yes, he should have called the police and asked them to have her moved so he may have handled the situation better but I think it is the fact that he is male that is making you label him an abuser. If it was another female that pushed her out of the way, no one would think anything of it.

[BrianH46]

When someone that gets that angry at you for a comment that you made, part of you is like what the hell? Why can't you just man up and stay here and talk to me about this instead of getting your feathers in a ruffle over something so stupid. I wasn't even trying to start an argument with him. I made a snide comment. And he couldn't handle that.

 

When one is in a relationship one must take the others feeling into consideration, rash or unrash logical or illogical that does not matter at the time, it does not change what they feel. You have to take that into consideration and allow emotions to die down before anything even remotely constructive can take place. Please stop putting your BF down so much in your comments, he did "man up" and choose to walk away and not allow it to blow up.

[LetsGetLost]

It can be very frustrating but it all depends on how people deal with things. Some people cannot handle confrontation or conflict and they reaction to it is to just get away from it. An ex of mine was exactly like this. He couldn't talk about anything like an adult. He would always accuse me of attacking him even just by trying to talk to him about certain issues. It was exhausting and really has had a negative effect on me and how I now deal with issues in relationships.

 

How has he handled disagreements in the past?

 

I would say that he's a mixed bag. For the most part things like that don't bother him to that extent. And I usually don't make comments like that to him. But there have been occurrences in the past where I was like "oh my god he's completely overreacting." He will even admit it when he overreacts. He always realizes it after the fact.

[Seraphim]

You know what? In this instance I would say, yes. He had a right to leave, she was blocking his way. After repeatedly asking her to move, he tried to leave and pushed her out of the way.

 

Yes, he should have called the police and asked them to have her moved so he may have handled the situation better but I think it is the fact that he is male that is making you label him an abuser. If it was another female that pushed her out of the way, no one would think anything of it.

 

Ok so you think putting your hands on people is justified. Ok.

 

No it is not the fact that he is man. I do not have a vandetta against men sorry.

[BrianH46]

Of course she was wrong too. I never said she wasn't but he is no pristine angel. He went ape bat over something ridiculous.

 

There are often time I am badly hurt by a very snide comment, despite me realizing it is something very little I still cannot help feeling what I feel. Every person has their own reaction to a certain thing, it might be small to some, important to others that still does not change their right to feel what they feel. A person should be measured by how they respond, his choice was to break up and walk away what was hers?

[Seraphim]

I never said it was not his right to break up. That is fine.

 

I do not think they belong together at all.

[LetsGetLost]

No Brian he was just pissed off with me because I was right. I called him out on his BS, which I rarely do. He even admitted later on that he is controlling and that he contradicts himself.

 

and yes I do say that he should have manned up. If I ever reacted in the way that he did... The roles were reversed.... Forget it lol

[bulletproof]

I agree with those saying that you are both unhealthy for each other. The fact that he does not want you to have male friends is not okay, and the way that you deal with it (passive-aggressive snarky comments when he mentions a female friend) is also dysfunctional.

 

While he absolutely should not have pushed you, your tone regarding this is concerning- you seem to be minimizing your part in it.

[jordesse]

I would never advocate violence or people putting their hands on each other, but in this instance, I believe the boyfriend had a right to leave. You could look at it this way and say the op was being violent by blocking his exit. He didn't hit her, he moved her out of the way after repeatedly asking her to move and let him leave. I think the only choice he had was to call the police or push past her.

[SlapHappy]

Let's not argue. Both were in the wrong. He pushed her and she kicked him in the groin. BOTH in the wrong. No one should put their hands (or feet) on someone else in a violent way. Your past doesn't say what you will be like in the future. But your past is your past and it will follow you. KUDOS to anyone who can overcome their past and become a better person because of it. I've seen that in others. People can get better with age! =)

[BrianH46]

No Brian he was just pissed off with me because I was right. I called him out on his BS, which I rarely do. He even admitted later on that he is controlling and that he contradicts himself.

 

and yes I do say that he should have manned up. If I ever reacted in the way that he did... The roles were reversed.... Forget it lol

 

Then be the bigger person and allow him to throw his temper tantrum, cool off then talk. If he was an abusive person your response unnecessarily put your life in danger, if you believe the person you are dating is capable of physical harm please do not play with fire and do everything possible to set them off.

 

Learn more conducive habits in responding to conflicts not only for this relationship but also for any other later on, stop thinking in terms of who is right and who is wrong but rather how can we understand each other and how can we work this out.

[Seraphim]

Yes he had every right to leave I agree, and he should have called the police when he was not allowed to leave.

 

They both played a part here.

[LetsGetLost]

I would never advocate violence or people putting their hands on each other, but in this instance, I believe the boyfriend had a right to leave. You could look at it this way and say the op was being violent by blocking his exit. He didn't hit her, he moved her out of the way after repeatedly asking her to move and let him leave. I think the only choice he had was to call the police or push past her.

 

If he wanted to simply, "move me out of the way," he could have picked me up and placed me in another location. I'm 110 lbs so that would not have been a problem.

[jordesse]

Letsgetlost, this is the last post I'm going to make because, quite frankly, your failure to take ownership of the part you played in this situation is appalling.

 

Either stay with your boyfriend or leave him. I would advocate doing him a favour and leaving him but the choice is yours. I'd also get some councelling and work out your issues with control.

 

Good luck.

[LetsGetLost]

Then be the bigger person and allow him to throw his temper tantrum, cool off then talk. If he was an abusive person your response unnecessarily put your life in danger, if you believe the person you are dating is capable of physical harm please do not play with fire and do everything possible to set them off.

 

Learn more conducive habits in responding to conflicts not only for this relationship but also for any other later on, stop thinking in terms of who is right and who is wrong but rather how can we understand each other and how can we work this out.

 

You know Brian, I guess I am getting tired of letting things go when he unnecessarily blows things out of proportion. He has never been physical with me before. According to him he used to be in the past, so I never thought that he would touch me the wrong way. maybe I made things worse by blocking him. But I never thought he would push me. And the whole reason for my post is that I'm worried that this is just the beginning. that one stupid remark I made to him led to such anger and him pushing me. It made me wonder that if something really bad ever does happen that makes him angrier will he take it to the next level? I am not saying that I am innocent by the way. I know I shouldn't have kicked him. Not just because it's wrong in general but because I could've put myself at greater risk of getting hurt.

[LetsGetLost]

Like I said I think I need to take a step back and reevaluate things with him.

 

Thank you everyone for your comments.

[annie24]

Break up ASAP!

[SlapHappy]

LetsGetLost, I love this site because you get unbiased opinions! You get opinions from both men and women who of course have different opinions. I love that! I do agree with some that you need to take responsibility for your part, but certainly not all of it. You BOTH were in the wrong in this situation. If he wanted to leave, you should have let him. But that doesn't give him the right to push you. Nor you the right to kick him in the groin. I stand by my earlier post and say to take a step back and see if this relationship is really what you want. And if you guys can talk about it, ask him to do the same and reevaluate what he wants as well. Good luck!

[BrianH46]

Wow yeah I'm going to have to bow out of this one as well, good luck to ya.