Should I be Mad, or Overreacting?

[Natasha24]

I see it slightly different. U said she doesn't use the camera with anyon else, even her mom who is far away but she did it for u. She was angry at u when she said that, and her statement was childish but perhaps in her mind, she's thinking I'm video calling with u when I don't like it, so now bcoz I'm angry, I'm going to take it away. I think u're making a big deal out of it. Its something trivial, there are way more important things to fight about that her deciding not to use the web cam.

 

I agree with this.

What she did was pretty childish and she should apologize, but I don't think you should be too mad about it. If she's not comfortable using the webcam, but she does it for you, I can see why she would resort to turning off the camera.

Like others have said, if you know she's exhausted, works long hours, etc., don't have "relationship discussions" at bed time when she's already half asleep. That just won't end well.

 

Next time you want to talk about this, do it in person.

[pl3asehelp]

This I am mad about, and she better apologize for it. The whole issue of expressiveness however, I know why it happens... and it's not entirely her fault. It is a difference in personalities.

 

That one statement though, out of everything is what pissed me off, and I deserve an apology for it. Plus it will result in me drawing back somewhat...

 

You also deserve for her to respond to the desire you expressed that she make more of an effort to surprise you with something nice once in a while

[DN]

This I am mad about, and she better apologize for it. The whole issue of expressiveness however, I know why it happens... and it's not entirely her fault. It is a difference in personalities.

 

That one statement though, out of everything is what pissed me off, and I deserve an apology for it. Plus it will result in me drawing back somewhat...Unless I misunderstood a previous thread, she is some seven years older than you. What she said is very much the sort of thing someone might say to a child - have you noticed a tendency for her to treat you that way? Dismissing your feelings etc? I am just trying to see what her motivation might be in saying such an arrogant thing (even if she is tired!!

[EQIQ]

Unless I misunderstood a previous thread, she is some seven years older than you. What she said is very much the sort of thing someone might say to a child - have you noticed a tendency for her to treat you that way? Dismissing your feelings etc? I am just trying to see what her motivation might be in saying such an arrogant thing (even if she is tired!!

 

Nope, she doesn't treat me as a child. We speak eye to eye. This really is a one off. I am a blunt guy and refuse to take crap, if there had been more of this I would remember. I would call her out on it, the same way I am pissed about it now, I would have been then. If she doesn't see me as a man, then I don't want nothing to do with her. But this has not been an issue this far.

[DN]

Nope' date=' she doesn't treat me as a child. We speak eye to eye. This really is a one off. I am a blunt guy and refuse to take crap, if there had been more of this I would remember. I would call her out on it, the same way I am pissed about it now, I would have been then. If she doesn't see me as a man, then I don't want nothing to do with her. But this has not been an issue this far.[/quote']OK, then in that case this is more a hurdle to get over than a dead-end, assuming she is willing to apologise and work with you.

 

When you do discuss this it might be an idea to ask her what she needs from you in order to help her give what you need from her.

[PetiteGirl]

Maybe I'm weird or something, but I think from her current lifestyle, 3 hours on the bus may be a little too much. However, I could understand that you see that as an expression of love if she takes the time and effort to come see you every once in a while. I think it's okay during holidays or long weekends, but I could also understand that it could take a lot out of her just by thinking about it (lack of sleep, 1.5 hour commute to work, etc). Well, I wouldn't know. Ask her!

 

This is what I really think...Something you expressed, she saw it as an attack and became defensive. In this case, the best thing to do is find out what caused her to feel angry; tell her that you had a concern and therefore you expressed your feeling, but didn't know that it offended her and you wanted to know what happened, you wanted to what was going through her head so that you can understand her better. Let her know that it's okay to feel angry,but you would like her to express her anger in a constructive way next time, so that you guys could work it out. You guys both love each other and are on the same team.

 

It's clear that you both have different expectations from each other and different relationship needs. Your relationship needs may be a mismatch with how your girlfriend expresses her love to you. Both of you will need to sit down and address this issue. Talk about individual needs from both sides and figure out ways to meet those needs to make each other happy. Understand and accept each others differences and come to a compromise. For example you like her to say more "I love you"s. Let her know that you understand that she doesn't say it often because she wanted to keep it special, but it would mean a lot to you if you could hear her say it more. At the same time, try to understand that she means no harm in saying it less and she expresses love in her own unique way.

[FairyGodmother]

From what you described, trying to have a serious conversation with her when she was so tired she was slurring her words is like trying to have a serious conversation with a drunk - it just doesn't work out very well. Whilst your point was valid, her state of mind wasn't very receptive to what you were saying because she was so tired. Obviously, her response was an inappropriate way to react whether she was tired or not, and she should apologize to you for that. I think you should reach out to her to let her know that you realize now that talking about the issue when she was that tired was poor timing on your part, but that the issue still stands and that you'd like to talk about it at some point in the near future. Also let her know how much her reply hurt you, and that you expect her to behave nicely towards you no matter what the situation.

[EQIQ]

Friday night we talked about some of this stuff, and it did not go super well. But I understood why she was mad... in truth I had some quite not so nice things, and she reacted impulsively. Some of the things I said to her (that I didn't mention here yet), were pretty much designed to send her on a guilt trip, and they quite insensitive. It also showed no appreciation for the things that she does for our relationship.. and yeah, I understand better why she reacted the way she did. It was not right, but I triggered it.

 

Well I went over to see her yesterday in the afternoon and when we saw each other we smiled, hugged/kissed. We talked more in the afternoon, both apologized. I brought her some of her fav ice-cream, she had bought and was wearing new pants just the way I like (looked rly nice/sexy ), and we discussed about things we learned and how to not repeat this incident again in the future. I also discussed my concerns, and feelings, and we talked about that as well. She was her understanding and caring self, and even said to me.. "Babe.. I don't want you to feel unfulfilled in our relationship.. if you feel I am not giving enough, that I am not going to give enough... it doesn't make sense to stay with someone like that I want you to be with me, but I want you to be happy... I am trying. I think sometimes you don't understand how hard it is for me..." Truth is, we express and do things differently, and in retrospective, she does do a lot, considering her circumstances/limitations (transportation/financial), I was just choosing to look at what I wanted and didn't have, instead of appreciating what I do have.

 

In the end, all is okay, not a pleasant time, but it all turned out okay I am glad I went see her. Thanks everyone. I had some fault in this as well...

[Seraphim]

Maybe look at your glass as half FULL rather than half empty?

[Ms Darcy]

The fact that you are both culpable in disagreements, the idea that is indeed expressive albeit in a different way than you, the fact that you need to make clear requests (and not passive (or passive aggressive hints)) have come up in this thread as well as another thread of yours.

 

I think the concern is that the same issue keeps bubbling up. I hope you can learn from this situation.