What if a woman says rejects a marriage proposal?

[yeawutever]

This video caught my attention:

 

 

That guy proposed to his gf at a game stadium in front of thousands of fans and the girl shakes her head and leaves (then runs). Assuming that a couple have been together for long time, I guess that would hurt. If that was real, then I wonder if that man on the video will one day get over that. I think this must have been followed by an immediate break-up.

 

Though that proposal might have been a bit off, if that girl felt the same as he did towards her then the answer would have been a yes. Guys (to those that want marriage), if a woman said no a marriage proposal would you break it up or still stay?

[JeckyllNHyde]

I know my boyfriend has expressed to me (half jokingly, but I know there is truth to it) that if he where to propose and I said no, I'd pretty much never hear from him again.

[RedDress]

Not a guy... but in my opinion, I kind of think that the girl in the situation handled it the wrong way.

 

I've been with a guy who was hinting at marriage. I made it clear that I wasn't ready for that (with him). But... I still cared for him. Assuming this couple had been together a long time, if it's such a public proposal, why would you want to reject him in such a public way? I'd probably say "yes" in the moment in front of the crowd and simply have "the talk" later. All it really takes to "fake it" is a big hug and a kiss... and if you've been together that long, it shouldn't be that hard of a thing to do, yanno? It allows him to save face. Then, you can tell everyone later that "we" decided that now is not the right time...

 

I think rejecting him in that way would be a hard thing to overcome. But... I also think he should have been 1000% sure she was going to say "yes" (by maybe broaching the subject beforehand) before making such a bold and public move...

[lukeb]

The guy was wrong to put the girl in such an awkward position, to me its not the kind of question to ask in such a public way.

[Lockwood]

Well, yes. If my partner didn't see us being in a long-term, committed relationship - and I did - then yeah, I would break up. I wouldn't want to waste any more of my time - or hers for that matter.

 

Of course, if she was someone who simply never wanted to marry (for whatever reason), but still wanted our relationship to be long-term and committed, that would be different. I'd have no problem with that. But I'd hope I'd know that about her before proposing.

[lady00]

I don't personally know any man who has proposed to a woman without knowing that the answer would be yes. I did once meet a guy whose long-term gf found out he got a ring and told him that she didn't want to get married, but from his account of the story, he knew the relationship was on the rocks. I think generally speaking, this situation can easily be avoided through open and honest communication. You don't just go and propose to someone without first talking about it and figuring out whether that person actually wants to marry you.

[DieTeufelKatze]

I'm not a guy, and my comment is really more about such public proposals...

 

If my husband had proposed to me like that I would have run away too... It just seems so manipulative to put someone on the spot like that with the pressure of thousands of people watching. I'm going to take a guess that the guy in the video is completely clueless and didn't consider his GF's feelings about the situation, whether or not she would actually want to marry him, and even when he started to propose if he had any sense at all he could've seen that she wasn't reacting in a good way... what a doofus.

 

I just can't feel sorry for a guy who put so little thought into such a hugely public proposal. I'm going to guess that if this wasn't staged that was not only a rejected proposal but a breakup all wrapped in one. When a guy proposes marriage, he needs to think long and hard about how it should go down, and if he's going to take the enormous risk of a very public proposal, he needs to really consider what type of person his GF is and if she'd be wowed, or horrified, by having the pressure of so many people watching. Or if she even would say yes at all.

[Snny]

Well... let's look at the video.

 

This proposal set up is pressuring. She is being viewed by thousands of viewers and is pressured to say "yes." That is quite a scary pressure to place on someone. And yet when she says no... as honest as she was, people think that she is a total B with no heart.

 

I feel sorry for her more than for the guy; Especially when it's up on youtube to watch again and again.

 

I was proposed to a hockey game, but it was done after the game when our team won and when nearly everyone left. I would be mortified if my fiance placed me under such scrutiny for a matrimony promise. Such things are best done in privacy.

[OptomisticGirl]

I told my husband that if he ever proposed and I didn't feel like WE were ready (never would have happened as we were always on top of the subject!) I would say no. What is worst? Propose and your GF say 'not right now' or propose, she accepts, you get married, and then in 2.5 years she comes to you and says she made a mistake and felt pressured into saying yes?

 

However I am not a fan of public proposing like that unless you are DAMN sure you are going to get a yes because no one knows the whole story. Is he proposing to try to keep her? Is he doing it when she has already voiced she isn't ready?

[petite]

I am not a man but the way I see it, doesn't matter where the proposal happens, it comes down to wanting to be married to that person. If the female is confused, I think it's time to move on. Why be with someone that needs to think about getting married to her partner? I'd leave the relationship and the woman in question immediately.

[Mercurial Girl]

I donno, I have a problem with the whole "reject his proposal and get dumped", but when a woman is ready to marry, she needs to wait, wait, wait until he's ready to propose. SURE she can propose, technically, but I've yet to talk to a man who would be comfortable with their girlfriend taking over on that front.

 

So the moment a man proposes, she has to be sure and say yes or else her relationship is over. If she is ready first she just needs to sit there and be patient and wait until he is ready.

 

Now, if a rejection of a proposal is an outright rejection of any future together as in, "no I don't ever want to marry you" then there is a serious compatibility issue. But if a woman is just not sure or not ready, I don't think it's fair that it's the inevitable end of the whole relationship. Imagine if women dumped their partner every time she was ready for marriage and he wasn't?

[Lockwood]

I donno, I have a problem with the whole "reject his proposal and get dumped", but when a woman is ready to marry, she needs to wait, wait, wait until he's ready to propose. SURE she can propose, technically, but I've yet to talk to a man who would be comfortable with their girlfriend taking over on that front.

 

Well you know of one now - my fiancee was the one who took that step. I was thrilled.

 

But I take your point, and I can see how it might seem like a threat or some such. Keep in mind, from my point of view at least, I would only ever have proposed knowing that we were as ready as we'd ever be anyway. A rejection at that point would seem to me to be a rejection at every point; and in my case, it really didn't take long for us to know it was what we wanted in any case.

[camus154]

Feeling like you're ready to be married and the actual act of proposing are two entirely different things.

 

I'm a bit shocked at how many people are lambasting the public proposal as manipulative or too pressuring. It's all well and good to say "he better be sure she'll say yes", but if this video is real, do you honestly think he didn't feel pretty confident of what her answer would be in order to do it in front of so many people? The forums here are enough evidence that far too often, people aren't anywhere near being on the same page in a relationship when they think they are.

 

Regardless, I imagine a rejected proposal is a bitter pill to swallow. It's much more than simply saying "I'm ready to get married any time now, but I'm just waiting on you." A proposal isn't a discussion, it's not a pow wow about feelings. It's asking someone to marry you. It's one of the most decisive actions a man can take in a relationship. Of course that doesn't mean you can't still continue on in the relationship if a serious discussion about timing or what have you ensues, but I don't think you can underestimate the impact of this type of rejection.

[lady00]

I don't think he was necessarily trying to be manipulative. He may have thought that he needed to make a grand romantic gesture in order to increase the likelihood that she would say yes. I think it's unlikely that they discussed marriage openly and she agreed that she wanted to get married and then, unbeknownst to him, changed her mind. Although it's possible, I think it's pretty unlikely. What probably happened is that he wasn't sure she would say yes, but hoped she would, and believed that this gesture would inspire her to say yes.

[dgmail]

I've seen several of these videos on youtube. I'd wager that in many of these cases, this is a desperate attempt by some guy to convince some girl to marry him that is:

1. Just a friend of his that has already spurned his attempts at dating that he's in love with and she isn't.

2. An ex that he makes a desperate attempt to get back with by proposing and thinking that this will somehow 'convince' her of his love.

3. A guy with inept social skills that the girl stays friends with cause maybe they were neighbors growing up or something and she has zero romantic interest in.