is it ever too late?

[CLIMBK]

First off i should mention I have been doing really well recently, ( last 4 weeks or so), I am hitting new levels of fitness at the gym, I am working hard. though still commuting 4 hours a day I am biting the bullet and doing it with a smile on my face.

 

BUT today i had a day off from work, so i got up and busied my self with the gym and made plans to go out tonight.

 

then all of a sudden it hit me, and i broke down and am still feeling like camel arse. I remembered i dreamt of her last night, out of nowhere, she was perfect. (obviously)

 

and now i cant stop thinking about her, the worst part is.. it has been so god damn long. i havent seen or spoken to her in 2 months. I am pretty sure she has moved on. though that does not bother me too much. the thought of her with someone else doenst hold any level of hurt, i just accept it.

 

I have tried to be least selfish as possible, I have left her alone, i never contacted her with any soppy letters or apologies, or anger.. mainly because i felt i had no right to interfere in her life.. but now i regret it. I regret not fighting for her even just a little.

 

NOW what bothers me is the fact that i still have feelings for her. my god i miss her. so my question is this..

 

is it ever too late to re connect with and ex?

[camus154]

Yes. It was too late when you broke up.

 

Ditch these remnants of false hope and keep on keeping on.

[mhowe]

Healing isn't linear --- it comes in waves, it circles around. You are feeling lonely. Period.

 

Not time for a "second chance". And there is no such thing as fighting for a relationship --- that is Hollywood/romantic comedy. Remember the bad times, not just the good times.

[mbb1]

No, nothing is too late . how do you know what she is thinking ? I disagree with most people here.. you need to try for yourself if it is what you want, at least text her to see where her mindset is...

[mhowe]

If you have to contact an ex to find out how they feel about you ---- you are doing it wrong. They broke up w/ you because they weren't feeling! And they know where you are if they change their mind.

[maybelater]

I don't believe that there is no such thing as "fighting for a relationship"--- people are complex individuals in themselves, throw other people in the mix, add on life pressures/circumstances, and the "water" of the relationship can get pretty muddy from time to time. Nothing is perfect. No one is perfect. Sometimes relationships do take work and a fight to make them work- a shock of life put back in them so to speak to make you realize what you have after time has passed the honeymoon period has worn off and life becomes mundane. However, that fight has its limits. Going into "battle" or a "fight" requires an opponent- someone who is willing to work things out. If she doesn't see anything worth working on then yes, there is no point in fighting or trying. But if you have never even tried (which sounds like you haven't) then you will never know until you try. The question I always asked myself is: "if I don't try or do this, will I be able to lay myself down tonight, tomorrow, 6 mos from now, and HONESTLY say: I did my best, I tried, and that was all I could do." Because that way you know where things stand and you can be kinder/gentler on yourself for having tried. Hope that helps.

 

I thought of this line from a Taylor Swift song: "Life makes love look hard." I believe that to be true... it isn't just two people in a bubble. It is two people who come from two entirely different foundations, two different groups of friends/families/influences, and live in a world filled with chaos, change, and responsibility. All forces play a role in a relationship whether we choose to acknowledge it or not.

[dasilver]

In my opinion it would depend on what caused the break up and how I was treated during the course of the relationship.

 

The truth about life is that sometimes we do and will get hurt by the very people we love and expect to protect us and sometimes we do the same to them.

 

There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. We all make mistakes and we all screw up from time to time.

 

Personally I don’t want to jump from one man to another in the hopes of finding that one man that will never hurt me. That’s an unrealistic expectation in my opinion.

 

People stand differently on what they’re willing to forgive when it comes to relationships.

 

It's never too late to reconnect with an ex....(just my honest opinion)

[Liraele]

I think if your intentions are pure, and you want to reach out to see if there is still anything there for them - AND are going to be OK with either response (or none)... then you can, regardless of how much time has passed.

 

"Too late" isn't necessarily the right term... it's never really too late to reach out (well, I guess if they have passed on, that might be an exception... and if they are married and/or you know they are happy, it could be considered extremely rude)... but there comes a point where it is probably unreasonable to expect much from someone who hasn't been a part of your life for quite some time. As for what that time period IS... I'd say it differs from relationship to relationship, and that's going to have to be a judgment call on your part.

[NewHope]

"is it ever too late?" The answer is - yes.

 

I thought otherwise and it backfired. After my ex broke up with me i started working on myself, fighting my flaws, got a new job, got fit etc (all that because i wanted to be a better person for when we reconcile). During that time i kept NC for the most part with few breaks from both side. She would send me confusing messages, and because i believed that "it's never too late", i would overanalize them to find something that would keep my hope for reconciliation up. Eventually i felt strong enough to try to reconnect. I thought i was ready for the round two of the fight for the relationship (the frist round was before the break up, when she told me to fight for us). But she knocked me out with one "punch": she was with another guy already... and it was not even 2 months after BU. Needless to say, it put me back to square 1. Well even worse. It made me doubt if she ever really loved me, if she could forget about me so fast. It was a very painful experience, it still is.

 

My advice would be - keep NC. You say you still have feelings for her so, even tho you say otherwise, finding out that she is with someone else WOULD affect you and probably set you back in your healing process.

[CLIMBK]

thanks for all the advice people. i can see both sides of the argument.

 

and while i agree that i should just stay NC and not say a word as the time has well and truly passed, i cant help but feel the need to do it. and id rather regret this stupid stuff i do rather than the stuff i did NOT do. Im not saying im gonna try to get her back.. that is near impossible, she checked out a long time ago.

 

i just want to talk to her as a friend, find out whats happening in her life etc, but i fear that she wont allow me to do that either..

 

funnily enough she contacted me yesterday with a "hey how are you" and after about 2 or 3 replies.. she has gone silent again. she laughed at my jokes like friends.. then suddenly as quick as a flash she just stopped responding.. even through all i said was.. 'any plans for the sunny weekend?'.

 

OH BTW its national "URGH.....WOMEN" day! its just a joke.. so the wonderful women of this world dont be offended.

[dasilver]

OH BTW its national "URGH.....WOMEN" day! its just a joke.. so the wonderful women of this world dont be offended.

 

Not to worry CLIMBK,

 

My exex does the same thing. Contacts me every 3 weeks and after 2-3 resplies, he goes silent. He wants to keep the line of communication open with the hopes of coming back should he not find anyone "better" than me.

 

I'm no longer interested and will never be... but i reply because i still want to be civil.

 

So men do it too....lol.....

[secondchance67]

Asking if its too late implies that you are keeping "hope alive" in your heart and in your mind.

 

Hope is the anchor to the pain.

Hope is the killer of progress.

 

You need to completely give up hopes of any type of reconcilliation,contact or second chances.

 

Once you give up on hope, and start living your life, everything that is meant to happen will happen.

 

She is keeping the "door open" for her own selfish reasons - please remember her contact is in no way shape or form meant to help you, only herself......her need for validatin, ego boost or knowledge that you are still there if she should need you.

 

You sound like you have handled this well; continue to stay the course and remain silent, using NC to help you move on and past this heartache.

[Mellie]

I think hope is a good thing. Hope is what gets you out of bed in the morning (yes, I am still sitting here in my dressing gown ).

 

I think recovery after a breakup starts with "I'll show him what he's missing." By the time you've reached the point where you can say that's really true, what you've actually done is shown yourself. You've rebuilt your self-esteem, you are no longer at the mercy of the ex's whim, and you've come to see that there are other, equally or more attractive alternatives out there.

 

No one can really answer the question "Is it ever too late?", apart from your ex. And not even she could know for sure. Maybe 10 years from now, your paths will cross again and you will reconnect. Maybe you won't. But the first scenario is the exception, not the rule. It's much safter to go by the rule. Exceptions are the stuff that movies are made from. We all love a good movie. Mostly because real life, 99% of the time, isn't like that. Real life, at times, can suck. Big time.

 

Now, if you bumped into her 10 years down the line and she came back to your place and saw a little shrine to her in your sitting room? I think that's a different kind of movie.

 

I've waited for an ex for 6 months, miserable as hell. He came back. I ended up ditching him because I never got over the fact he dumped me in the first place. There was too much resentment there. That's what comes from wasting 6 months of your life you'll never get back.

 

If you want to reach out to her, by all means reach out. In all honesty, I've just done the same. But there comes a point where you have to take that as their final answer and let it go, for the sake of your own sanity and future.

[JayLove]

Let me tell you something real quick.. it's never too late, if its not too late for both of you.

Few years ago I had a big crush on a boy, we were really good friends. But he wasnt interested in more. So I was heartbroken but later I found out why it just wasnt right for him.

Because a few years prior he had this girlfriend. I think they were meant to be. But they broke up and each had different relationships after that. But a few years later, around the time I realized I had no chance, the two became a couple again. And guess what, theyre still together, almost 5 years.

So keep in mind.. everythings that meant to be eventually happens. If not, it was never meant to be.

I dont say these things to raise your hopes. I just wanna say that if you keep these thoughts in your head you will one day realize that everything takes its natural ways. I know its hard because im struggling with it too. Its painful to let go, i know that too. But its their turn now, not ours.