Why am I not attracting females?

[abitbroken]

Ah I was unaware - Didn't know there was a Dougie epic going on lol. I thought this was a fresh post

 

Well anyway, I hope he takes the constructive criticisms on board.

 

Yes. It is an epic. Dougie's parents are involved in country music (or is it gospel music?) agenting or producing. Dougie had the opportunity to work at that. But Dougie thinks the music is lame and the people are lame so is out in California and I forget if its house music or hip hop or alternative music he is into but he is trying to represent acts. He could be all set if he allowed himself to move up the ladder in his parents type of music and then once he has the skills of being an agent or promoter, he could start to take other types of acts, or have good will with people and go off on his own and pick who he wants. Instead, he wants to work from the bottom thinking that what he is doing is a different industry entirely. But he doesn't want to do anything that involves "paying your dues" type of jobs.

 

So, his parents are sending him money and paying for his lifestyle "until he takes off" which has been several years now and he is still in the same spot of maybe offering to promote or book a couple of groups but its sporadic. and he only works on commission. He hasn't figured out a way to charge for certain services to help him in the meantime. And he thinks getting any other type of job is menial and beneath him.

 

Dougie, looking online is one thing, but you need a different type of ambition that involves meeting people and door knocking. Do you have business cards? Also, you act differently when you have no safety net and HAVE to succeed. Also, do you have a written plan? EVERYONE wants a job in music it seems. you are not entitled to a job and have to show you are a cut above.

 

But also, I would say, give yourself a deadline to get out from the parents thumb. Go get a job. and it doesn't have to be at McDonald's. Give yourself six months to get out of taking a penny from mom and dad and another 6 months to 2 years to build up enough money to be able to do what you do on the side or eventually quit your job. - so that you have 6 months at least of living expenses or even more. Move into where you can get a cheaper place - get a roomie to cut costs, etc. and in the meantime you can start to figure out where people network, if you need to get a certification or whatever you need for people to take you more seriously and even hone what you can offer. If you don't have sources to print very professional looking promotional materials, a hired gun designer, connections with other promoters and local circuits and stations, what can you really offer a group?

 

I am veering off topic. this has nothing and everything to do with meeting women. I know you don't tell women mom and dad support you, but i will tell you there are things you pick up in conversation that aren't directly stating that and you eventually find out. Or its just your confidence level - you probably are doing everything you can so they DONT.

[guynextdoor]

Completely random and off topic but this is directed at Mr. Dougie_D.

 

I remember some of your other posts you were having problems finding a job.

 

It seems that every single one your threads you start seem to generate at least 5 pages of replies. I'm pointing out that you are good at captivating audiences. You should get into some free lance work with web design/blogging and write out all your ideas. I'm sure you could get a large following, sell ebooks, merchandise ie Tshirts that say Dougie_D in big letters or something. It could even help you get a girlfriend once you turn into an internet super star.

 

Just my 2 cents.

 

I support Dougie_D and buy his shirt. Seriously. If he could screen his avatar pic onto a shirt I'd be all over it.

[Coconut Twin]

Ok thatnks abitbroken, good synopsis you shed light on the situation well and I wholeheartedly agree that sometimes you have to do things you don't like to get to what you really want. Some of the coolest people in the industry started off in menial jobs they didn't really like. There are also A LOT of overinflated ego's in the music industry. Sometimes you have to put the pride aside and look at the bigger picture. If something hasn't changed after so long, then you need to try a different route.

 

My father has joined a new band lately, they're debut was a few weeks ago. One of those super groups where they have veteran musicans mixed with younger musicians. One of his long time friends - a keyboard player who is also in the band is proving to be very difficult; complains that he won't attend a radio interview and what's sad is that he admitted the reason for not attending is because he is "too good for that". The guy hasn't been gigging for a whole, since the 80s! Why play the unattainable, elusive musician when you haven't even been recognised for the past 20 years or so.

 

So this is how ego can stunt a person from excelling and obstruct clarity of the mind.

 

I really hope Dougie you listen to abitbroken - a lot of sense said there.

[calichick007]

Again very sad posters on here, some who are going on all immature (you know who you are) yet if the shoe was put on the other foot and they ended up in a similar predicament (because let's face it, we don't know what the future brings) let's see how they'd handle it...

 

If I lost my job tomorrow, I'd go to Starbucks, Walmart, ANYWHERE - before I'd spend my adult life mooching off of my elderly mother. I have no respect for those who think certain jobs are "beneath" them, which is OP's refrain. $10 an hour is more than $0 an hour, period.

[Coconut Twin]

Good on you Calichick and I agree

[pippy longstocking]

this is fabulous dougie ..what a plan ...

 

here ya go, your own forum life coach going on here

[Dougie_D]

Dougie's parents are involved in country music (or is it gospel music?) agenting or producing

Haha! I wish! My mom doesn't even work. My dad is financial planner.

 

I "interned" at a gospel recording studio when I was 18 during a summer because the guy was one of my dad's clients at the the time. I learned a lot but I was really young and I had college to look forward to. Even if I went back, there wouldn't be anything for me to do. There were only about 4 people working there. I did inventory and swept floors basically. At the end of my final week, I did get to record my OWN music..and that was really cool!

 

So, please get the facts right.

[pippy longstocking]

ey but dougie darling

 

it was a good story ...I was engrossed in it , I didn't want her to stop ..got to give credit where it's due

[abitbroken]

Haha! I wish! My mom doesn't even work. My dad is financial planner.

 

I "interned" at a gospel recording studio when I was 18 during a summer because the guy was one of my dad's clients at the the time. I learned a lot but I was really young and I had college to look forward to. Even if I went back, there wouldn't be anything for me to do. There were only about 4 people working there. I did inventory and swept floors basically. At the end of my final week, I did get to record my OWN music..and that was really cool!

 

So, please get the facts right.

 

Okay, so I got that wrong...it was a friend of the family...but you are still living off your parents. That fact hasn't changed and that is the most important fact out there. If you went back there, maybe they could give you a legitimate, good reference from someone in the industry to get your foot in the door for an interview somewhere. In the entertainment industry, its who you know or at least knowing someone people think is trustworthy. Maybe that person knows someone bigger than them who would vouch for you on that other person's rep and recommendation.

 

But anyway - the main subject is - you neeed some independence.

[lalalollipops]

Are you really stiill at home living off your parents?

I think it's time to spread those wings .

 

Women love ambition and see a guy who's jobless (at around 30 and living with their parents) to be a huge huge huge turn off. Hell I went out with a guy who was 25 and living at home and I was like severly turned off. It's just about lack of independence really.

[Dougie_D]

Are you really stiill at home living off your parents?

I think it's time to spread those wings .

 

Women love ambition and see a guy who's jobless (at around 30 and living with their parents) to be a huge huge huge turrn off. Hell I went out with a guy who was 25 and living at home and I was like severly turned off. It's just about lack of independence really.

 

I don't live with my parents at all.

 

Basically my parents give me the same amount as if I was still working at Sam's Club. My parents were the ones that "offered" this opportunity and I took it! Who wouldn't?!

[camus154]

I don't live with my parents at all.

 

Basically my parents give me the same amount as if I was still working at Sam's Club. My parents were the ones that "offered" this opportunity and I took it! Who wouldn't?!

 

A grown man

[F63]

Dougie, I actually happened to stumble upon the questions you answered don page 4. Definitely keep working out hard and getting bodyfat down. If you can get a more defined look, especially in the jaw area, it can make a HUGE difference.

 

I mean, I'm not the best-looking guy myself, but I can assure you that I looked like a troll when I was fat and out of shape.

 

EDIT: And you don't seem like an ******* or anything, so if you need any tips for the gym or dieting or anything, just ask.

[jonny15]

My dad is financial planner.

 

Sounds like possibly good money. Do you have access to some? Cause if you do, you could use some to by some nice things to attract some women. Tho it might not be the best types, but it would atleast be some.

 

It would be nice to have access to good money.

[vcygnus1]

i say this in all seriousness, it has been about one year since i looked at this website. My FIRST thought when i decided to come back was "i wonder if that dougie guy is still having all those problems" What does that say about you dude? no offense but people give you advice on here all the time and you dont do anything with it.

 

you ignore the posts with the best advice and ignore the ones that dont stroke your ego. its simple.

GET A REAL JOB. girls can smell a leech from a mile away. sayign you are "in the music business" and being vague is a major turnoff in a city such as LA with a huge dating scene

START WORKING OUT FOR REAL. i dont care if you said you felt the same and had the same success when you were ten pounds less. You are chubby. its not a bad thing and relistically, you will be the best type of body type to become buff. you need to start working out seriously 3-4 times a week and change your body.

and finally, STOP THINKING YOUR PROBLEMS ARE JUST MAGICALLY GONNA FIX THEMSELVES. its incredibly annoying to come on this site, see you post about how no "females" want you, then you do nothing to fix it and claim when you tried it didnt work.

 

Come on dude, you are a man. ACT LIKE ONE

[Blue Spiral]

A grown man

 

Without dragging us too far off-topic, Google tells me that 40% of non-students aged 18-39 either are living with their parents or lived with them recently, so let's not ostracize him for that. Of the people I know that are my age or younger, I'd say that the majority are living with their parents or other relatives, simply because they can't find jobs (or decently-paying jobs). And for some reason, the men get more grief for this than the women, but that's another subject...

[erzerum7]

Without dragging us too far off-topic, Google tells me that 40% of non-students aged 18-39 either are living with their parents or lived with them recently, so let's not ostracize him for that. Of the people I know that are my age or younger, I'd say that the majority are living with their parents or other relatives, simply because they can't find jobs (or decently-paying jobs). And for some reason, the men get more grief for this than the women, but that's another subject...

 

Some grief? All the grief. It's no secret that this economy is shot, so more and more people are moving in with family, whether it's retirees moving in with their middle aged children, or 20-somethings and 30-somethings staying on with their parents.

 

In this case, however, it may not be all that relevant. He's awfully casual and picky about his career choice, and he's not that young. I was already going through the options of what was a sensible career choice when I was 15, weighing the job stability vs. the income vs. the time/money outlay, etc. He needs to get realistic. My dream was to be a writer/zoologist/archeologist/architect/artist/musician. Tough. It's hell to make a career in those fields, so I chose to go into other things I was good at and enjoyed which offered better job prospects (science and health care). That's part of growing up: giving up certain dreams because other things (e.g. supporting yourself and family in a responsible and reliable fashion) are more important.

[erzerum7]

Also, all this "must have confidence" stuff is crap. You can't have confidence unless you have experience and competence. If you are not assured in at least a few aspects of your life (i.e. that you are successful in what you do, that you are financially stable and prudent, that you are (somewhat) intelligent, that you are physically attractive, that you are physically fit, that you are wise and reasonable, that you are well-read, that you are artistically talented, etc.)...what can you have confidence in?

 

Dougie is going to start being confident and start attracting girls when he feels that his looks have markedly improved and that they are competitive and when he feels that he is making an important and essential contribution to society/others. Until then, he will lack confidence, and I can't blame him.

[Generation]

If I were Dougie_D, and my loving and caring parents offered me some cash so I could get by, would I accept? HELL YEAH! I think you'd have to be stupid to refuse. Seriously. Put yourself in the shoes of the parent for a minute. Would you not do the same thing if your son wasn't doing so well? If your son refused to accept the assistance, how would you feel? I bet you'd worry about their ass on a consistent basis. At least helping them get by would give me some peace of mind as a parent. But let's look at what reasons some of you guys would suggest he should refuse. Cause he has to prove his "manhood"? I'd swallow my pride and take the help, I don't think that makes me any less of a man. They're my parents, I know they have my best interest at heart.

And especially if the parents had the means to do so, so why wouldn't I accept their help? I'd do everything I could to make sure my kids live comfortably especially if they're struggling, especially if I know they're working hard and trying.

I know Dougie_D is trying, and maybe he's trying the best he can with what he's got and that doesn't meet some of your standards of what trying is. Or maybe he's really having that hard of a time finding a job and making any progress.

[agent1607307371]

@Blue Spiral - Dougie doesn't live with his parents, he lives off his parents. That is a very different thing.

 

 

@Generation - From what I remember of Dougies parents they are not caring, his Dad in particular puts him down a lot. They lie about what he actually does to people they know and let him know that they think he is a waste of space. I'm not sure what they get out of paying for him but I think it probably ties into their thinking that he is a failure.

[bulletproof]

But let's look at what reasons some of you guys would suggest he should refuse. Cause he has to prove his "manhood"? I'd swallow my pride and take the help, I don't think that makes me any less of a man.

 

People are suggesting he start being responsible for his own financial situation because he is a thirty-year-old man who does not believe in himself in the slightest. And as another poster pointed out, it seems that Dougie's parents pay for him while putting him down- another reason he should start refusing the money.

 

Basically, it seems they are enabling him.

 

Also, if he was taking the money and using it for classes, or to pay for basic needs while he works for very little/free at his dream job sixty hours a week, then that might be understandable. But he's refusing to work as a volunteer or intern any longer, and in one thread he talked about how he was paying for everything for some woman who wasn't interested in dating him. Not to mention the numerous threads about drinking and going to shows, which can't be cheap.

[lostandhurt]

Dougie,

 

Thanks for answering my questions. The reason I asked those questions is that I have a friend very much like you and he actually looks like you a little.

 

He is waiting for his dream job as well, living at home with mom, quit his job at a store and is working for cash on the side (not much btw). He has put all his cards on this dream job that from what I know probably won't happen. He sleeps late, doesn't take responsability for his own life and talks a good game about how things should be going. The only difference is that he is in his late forties and has 2 children.

Is he a good guy? Yes he is. Is he a good dad? I don't agree with everything he does but yes he is a great father. Is he capable to do what it takes to make his life better? Absolutely!

 

You and he are very much a like and I have seen it before.

 

There are those here that want to encourage you to keep following your dreams which is nice but you need to be realistic as well. Having a real job (that means you get a pay check, pay taxes, punch a clock, have a schedule and security) is a means to your dream not a hindrance. You quit Sams Club because?

 

Artibroken has hit the nail on the head. Being self supportive, having pride and doing what ever it takes to get where you want to be carries with you when ever you speak to anyone. This goes for women or men.

 

You answered my questions honestly but I would say some are mistaken. You really don't have much to offer someone right now and I would say it wouldn't be fair to involve somone in your life until you are more stable. Once you are there I think you will see that your true confidence will attract people to you.

 

Short term help from your parents is fine but as a lifestyle choice at 30 years old? The fact that you don't see anything wrong with this troubles me and many others.

 

Good luck with your dreams and who know maybe you will discover the next big thing and show us all very soon.

 

Best wishes

Lost

[camus154]

There's also a plethora of material out there talking about how the baby boomers have coddled and enabled their children so they DON'T become independent adults--bad economy or not.

 

There was a bad economy in 1931. Instead of expecting hand outs from either the government or their families, people did anything and everything to find employment. I sense that's not the case here. Let's not start making excuses for laziness and an unrealistic sense of entitlement that says "I can afford to wade around until that one perfect gig that's meant for me falls in my lap". There is very much a sense of pride that comes from supporting yourself--whether you're an accountant or a dishwasher at the local restaurant.

 

At one point as a young man I was working 3 jobs to afford a crappy room in a boarding house. I walked or took the bus to work because my POS Ford Escort had a bum starter. I lived off Ramen noodles and Hamburger Helper. At one point I had to hock a ring given to me by an ex girlfriend and my Playstation (the original model, just to date me) just to make rent. The only handout I took was asking my parents to drive me to a job interview.

 

Now, my sob story is hardly unique but all I'm trying to say is, it rankles me when people point to statistics and the bad economy and go "See? It's not our fault we're mooches. What are we supposed to do, support ourselves?" Hell yes you are. Because that's what adults do. That's where a true sense of pride comes from. And it's extremely problematic to me that an entire generation seemingly thinks this whole notion of accepting a less than ideal job (or 2, or 3) just to make ends meet is ludicrous.

 

Ok, end sermon

[tiredofvampires]

I'm not sure what they get out of paying for him but I think it probably ties into their thinking that he is a failure.

 

Dougie can clear this up if it's wrong, but my understanding from previous threads is that his dad (and parents) are very interested in appearances, and are too ashamed to tell their friends what Dougie's really doing. They say he's in the music business to glamorize it. And his life has just stagnated around this state of affairs.

 

I think the reigning problem here is that Dougie does not want to break free of this enabling. He doesn't really care -- there's an apathy here. He doesn't want to rebel, in order to attain the self-respect that comes with severing those clearly dysfunctional ties. He is perfectly content to take the money, and hitch himself to the fascade.

 

That fascade can't possibly allow any self-confidence to grow. They are mutually-exclusive, Dougie. This may sound dramatic, but you are as good as a man helping the hangman position the noose around your neck.

 

Nor will this fascade fly for more than one conversation with a woman. But Dougie seems to think that women would prefer a man who has title trappings to show off than have a real work ethic. Couldn't be more mistaken there, Dougie.

 

While ambition is important, work ethic is even more important. Without a work ethic, you will get nowhere. And I see lots of ambition in Dougie, but it is empty because he has zero work ethic.

 

Dougie gives up when he doesn't like all the conditions he works under, doesn't think the work befits his vision or station in life, isn't along the lines of his major interests.

 

Even in past threads about women (which always start about women and end up with what his career path/problems are, since it becomes readily apparent that without a foundation for confidence and self-sufficiency, most women will quickly disappear), he has been given suggestions about how and where to attract women. He has rejected ideas to meet women at volunteer activities, rather than at bar and clubs, saying that volunteer activities don't attract him in the least because they seem like "fake happiness" and don't pay anything for your time (if I remember correctly.)

 

So it's really very simple: you can have gobs of ambition but if you don't enjoy the idea of rolling up your sleeves because it gives you INNER SATISFACTION to do a good job (again, work ethic), you might as well be a 4-year-old. There are many 4-year-olds who have great ambitions to be astronauts and racecar drivers.

 

The difference between a 4-year-old and an adult is that an adult has to do many kinds of things, both that they like and they don't, to get there. Anyone can have ambition, it's not special. It's easy and cheap. What's special is how people persevere and what they do to achieve their ambitions.

 

It would only be healthy to take money from parents if it was a supplement to what you are already doing to achieve independent means, so long as you are in good health to try.

 

Until this very basic lack of desire to see a job well done is fixed, WHEREVER IT IS, WHATEVER IT IS IN, in order to establish one rung on the ladder, one step closer to breaking the family dysfunction, I see no progress will be made.

[Dougie_D]

Bravo!!! That does sound like me. I never said I have a good work ethic. I'll work and do my best, but yes, if after results come in and I don't like them or I get frustrated I can easily quit. I did change my major 5 times. A lot times was because I would get into a class I didn't like and I was saying to myself "Are the next classes going to be like these? Argh!!?"

 

But if I'm interested in something or it comes easy to me I'll do a great job!!!

 

Oh, I have to get the job first! I'm applying for jobs! Getting a job is not that easy for me either. Even getting a retail job wouldn't be easy. There was a time where I applied to grocery stores (maybe about 4-5 months ago) but no one was hiring.

 

But I leave on tour next week. Be gone for 3 months.