Why am I not attracting females?

[Slimpee]

But if I'm interested in something or it comes easy to me I'll do a great job!!!

 

 

Dougie, each of your threads turn out EXACTLY the same.

 

My take: Something that I don't see brought up often...you want the easy way out. You want things to work out the way you want and you're not willing to TRULY put in work. You come to the forum and ask the same questions over and over and what you want is for someone to A. stroke your ego and tell you you're just fine the way you are and you're doing a great job and B. you want someone to give you easy answer. Well, buddy, there is no easy answer. But there is an answer, which has been spelled out a million times in a million ways:

 

You need to be happy with yourself. You're clearly not. When you are, your life will change. You will be happy. And you will get a woman. It's that simple...it's just not easy.

 

Having a woman will not make you truly happy...it's like putting a bandaid over a bullet wound. It may help a little but the problem won't go away.

[Dougie_D]

I just noticed something... I know a lot friends in debt and they still date or have a girlfriend. I would think, because I'm not in any DEBT, that girls would be attracted towards me.

Or seriously, what if I get a job, get a girlfriend, get income, and then get fired? Will this girl leave me?

That's the impression that I'm getting. Woman want men to have a job/money so they can take care of them.

Also, how many women date guys that have a bigger salary than their guy? I feel like there is no way for me to date a successful woman unless I'm successful? This is what I'm gathering?

I mean, is a 31 male working in retail making 9 dollars an hour worth it for woman?

You see my point? Even if I got a part time job, I really don't see woman suddenly going to appreciate what I do anyways. I mean, heck, my father made fun of me getting my first job.

Oh...and on a side note... I went THERAPY today. What a waste of 130 dollars!!! People suggested therapy and I finally did it. The session (1 hour) didn't help me solve anything. The guy just tried to give me ideas that I've already tried. I think it was more because he doesn't know the music business well. That sucked.

[bulletproof]

You're just not getting it. It isn't about income, debt, or taking care of a woman.

 

It's about creating a life. Preferably one that is well-rounded, that makes you happy, and gives you an inner contentment that in turn allows you to offer something to a potential girlfriend.

 

You said it yourself- you try things and when you don't get immediate results, you give up. You will never get anything that way. Your sense of entitlement is through the roof.

 

Btw, it takes more than one session with one therapist to conclude that therapy is a waste. Some people go to many therapists before finding the right one. And it's not a quick fix. Therapy is not for talking about the music business. It's to figure out why you are having a hard time with basic life skills, to get to know yourself, to grow as a person and address issues.

[Dougie_D]

It's about creating a life. Preferably one that is well-rounded, that makes you happy, and gives you an inner contentment that in turn allows you to offer something to a potential girlfriend.

 

Honestly, would you date a guy making 9 bucks an hour at a retail store who doesn't like his job? Because that's exactly what I feel would happen if I don't get a job in my industry.

 

Oh, if the therapist wasn't doing his job, then why was I paying him. I mean, seriously, if he isn't going to be able to help me, the therapist needs to not use me for cash flow.

 

I gave him a problem and he didn't really give me any help. But I still had to give him 130 dollars. Therapy is not a guarantee...it's a gamble.

[Miss Firecracker]

I hope you are being paid well for 3 months out of your life.

[bulletproof]

Honestly, would you date a guy making 9 bucks an hour at a retail store who doesn't like his job? Because that's exactly what I feel would happen if I don't get a job in my industry.

 

Oh, if the therapist wasn't doing his job, then why was I paying him. I mean, seriously, if he isn't going to be able to help me, the therapist needs to not use me for cash flow.

 

I gave him a problem and he didn't really give me any help. But I still had to give him 130 dollars. Therapy is not a guarantee...it's a gamble.

 

You went to one session with a therapist. Do you honestly think that one session was going to solve problems that have been thirty years in the making? That's like saying you ate healthy one day, then expected to be perfectly physically fit the next day. Some people go to therapy for a few months, some for years, some for their entire lives. It's a process, not a quick fix.

 

To answer your question... I wouldn't date a guy who was lacking perspective so severely that he doesn't even realize that he can be happy working a retail job as long as the rest of his time is spent pursuing his goals.

[F63]

Working out and lowering your bodyfat can really help with not only confidence, but attracting females. Go to link removed. It's full of trolls and assholes, but there are a lot of people who can give you great advice.

[abitbroken]

For therapy to work, you have to want to get help. I have a cousin that went into a program to quit smoking with the attitude "this won't work at all. In fact, I am going to be difficult on purpose so I can prove it doesn't work." He did NOT go with an open mind You have to legitimately want help. Not a one word answer - but you want to dig deep into the issues. A therapist is not a doctor who will diagnose you and send you out the door.

 

Maybe you need a career counselor too.

 

You went to one session with a therapist. Do you honestly think that one session was going to solve problems that have been thirty years in the making? That's like saying you ate healthy one day, then expected to be perfectly physically fit the next day. Some people go to therapy for a few months, some for years, some for their entire lives. It's a process, not a quick fix.

 

To answer your question... I wouldn't date a guy who was lacking perspective so severely that he doesn't even realize that he can be happy working a retail job as long as the rest of his time is spent pursuing his goals.

 

I agree. I would date a guy any day of the week that bussed tables or flipping burgers because the schedule is flexible or topay his rent or get health insurance, etc, so that he could write his novel and not have a mentally demanding job while doing it, or going through an internship, went back to school, gets paid part time as a karate instructor which is his true passion and is working on learning how to open a business at it etc. all while working that basic job. That guy looks at the job as a means to an end and is pleasant towards people there because he doesn't care about the drama because he has a bigger goal.

 

I wouldn't date a guy who has a minimum wage job and complains and moans and whines about it everyday (nor would I date a man who had a six figure job and all he does is whine and cry about it). I would not date a guy who is getting his income from his parents so he doesn't have to work.

[Fudgie]

Honestly, would you date a guy making 9 bucks an hour at a retail store who doesn't like his job? Because that's exactly what I feel would happen if I don't get a job in my industry.

 

Oh, if the therapist wasn't doing his job, then why was I paying him. I mean, seriously, if he isn't going to be able to help me, the therapist needs to not use me for cash flow.

 

I gave him a problem and he didn't really give me any help. But I still had to give him 130 dollars. Therapy is not a guarantee...it's a gamble.

 

I would date a guy who makes that kind of money, as long as he's working toward getting a more stable job in the future, and as long as he doesn't complain.

 

My boyfriend works a crappy job as a baker and he doesn't make much, and he works crappy graveyard hours. I've only heard him complain ONCE and it was when he got a good-sized burn on his hand from the oven.

 

It's all about attitude. You are much more likely to find someone to date if you're making minimum wage and trying to make it on your own than your current situation: being supported by your parents.

[Dougie_D]

I would date a guy who makes that kind of money, as long as he's working toward getting a more stable job in the future, and as long as he doesn't complain.

 

What's considered a more "stable job"?

 

Let's be honest. A woman close to my age is not going to date a 31 year old male with 2 college degrees working part-time at a retail store. Most woman will want a man with a career by then, right?

 

Why was I not attracting woman when I did have a job? What's the difference?

[pippy longstocking]

What's considered a more "stable job"?

 

Let's be honest. A woman close to my age is not going to date a 31 year old male with 2 college degrees working part-time at a retail store. Most woman will want a man with a career by then, right?

 

Why was I not attracting woman when I did have a job? What's the difference?

 

my daughters father is 36 , and never worked ..has 4 children to 4 women and this is why he doesnt work ..he is married now to the mother of child number 4 ..

 

my point ...no it is not even slightly right how he has lived his life , but it clearly hasnt put the women off dougie !

[Pineapplejuice]

I don't care about the status of others, the guys I choose, because why can I expect something from them if I don't do the same. That's unfair.

[Fudgie]

What's considered a more "stable job"?

 

Let's be honest. A woman close to my age is not going to date a 31 year old male with 2 college degrees working part-time at a retail store. Most woman will want a man with a career by then, right?

 

Why was I not attracting woman when I did have a job? What's the difference?

 

A job that is steady and that if he keeps on working hard, he's not in danger from being fired from. A job that would allow him to contribute enough to a future household and stand on his own. I would not want to date a guy who has to rely on me. I can support myself, I want a guy who can also support himself.

 

On the job front now and in terms of being self-sufficient, women aren't going to date a guy who is supported by his parents.

In the past, you likely didn't find a woman either because of your attitude about work. You said you were miserable and hated that job. Well, even just TALKING to someone who is that miserable and listen to them complain about work is tiring. I woudln't want to be with someone like that.

[calichick007]

Honestly, would you date a guy making 9 bucks an hour at a retail store who doesn't like his job? Because that's exactly what I feel would happen if I don't get a job in my industry.

 

Oh, if the therapist wasn't doing his job, then why was I paying him. I mean, seriously, if he isn't going to be able to help me, the therapist needs to not use me for cash flow.

 

I gave him a problem and he didn't really give me any help. But I still had to give him 130 dollars. Therapy is not a guarantee...it's a gamble.

 

Did he advise you to get a real job while you work on your music?

 

And yes, in my younger years (early 20s), I'd have dated a guy making $10 an hour if he was intelligent, ambitious, and had a plan for advancement. It's not about how MUCH money you have. It's about wanting a real man. Most women will not view a guy your age who doesn't have any desire to care for himself and is content to live off of his parents as a man. Men protect, men provide, men should be stable and independent by your age. Most women will not perceive you as masculine because you can do none of those things and don't even want to - that's the biggest problem, IMO. Nobody wants a lazy man, debt-free or not.

[calichick007]

Let's be honest. A woman close to my age is not going to date a 31 year old male with 2 college degrees working part-time at a retail store.

 

But no woman is going to date an able-bodied 31 year old male living off his elderly parents because he thinks "regular" jobs are beneath him.

[Fudgie]

My boyfriend has told me "I am too smart for this job but I am NOT too good for it. It's what is right for me now and I'm happy to have a job."

 

He is grateful for his job and I honestly find that very attractive. He feels he is too smart for it, which is why he wants to work on getting certification and/or going back to school, but he's not too good for it where he'll refuse to do it or worry that he's "less" of a man for doing it.

 

Seriously, for many people, the entitlement attitude and feeling like "I am better than THOSE jobs" is a major, major, major turn-off. I know it is for me.

[abitbroken]

But no woman is going to date an able-bodied 31 year old male living off his elderly parents because he thinks "regular" jobs are beneath him.

 

Amen, sister!

 

 

What's considered a more "stable job"?

 

Let's be honest. A woman close to my age is not going to date a 31 year old male with 2 college degrees working part-time at a retail store. Most woman will want a man with a career by then, right?

 

Why was I not attracting woman when I did have a job? What's the difference?

 

Yes they would if they

 

1) were unemployed for awhile and they figured "bird in the hand" to get this job while they pursued their dreams

2) Were using the job for health insurance to pursue their dream job when they were off - 30-40 hours at the store, 20-30 hours on their dream, etc.

 

So Dougie, if a woman close to your age won't date you now as you are, what's there to lose in getting a job while you pursue your dreams?

[bulletproof]

 

Why was I not attracting woman when I did have a job? What's the difference?

 

Because a job is only one part of your issue. You're not going to go out and get a job and find women falling at your feet. That's why people are recommending therapy (potentially long-term, not just one appointment) so that you can get at the core issues that cause all the other problems you're experiencing.

[tiredofvampires]

Bravo!!! That does sound like me. I never said I have a good work ethic.

 

So, do you think that's a problem?

[tiredofvampires]

duplicate (bad internet connection caused multiple posts of the same)

[tiredofvampires]

duplicate......

[blueidealist24]

I honestly don't think his problem has anything to do with his job. I know a lot of unemployed, broke, in debt dudes who have girls falling all over in front of them and I know a lot of guys with lots of money/great careers who can't get a date. But, the 'loser' dudes are good looking and the rich dudes are unattractive (physically).

 

Dougie: I think you should lose like 20 lbs and see where that takes you. You might have more energy to put toward pursuing your career goals too. I actually think you look okay in your new profile picture, but you could look way better 20 pounds down. Personally, I would think you should get rid of the beard, as I'm quite turned off by guys with beards, but that might just be me. I remember you saying your face looked worse without it, but if you lost 20 lbs it might not look like that. Since these women you're approaching are almost total strangers, it's the looks thing that really counts, I think.

[erzerum7]

I'm curious as to how all the women screaming "be a real man, a provider, etc." would feel if some guy posting here said "I want a real woman, a thin woman with big breasts and a wide pelvis, who can cook, clean, wash, sew, knit, and grow her own garden fruits and vegetables." Oh wait...

 

Dougie needs to get a real job, but some of the chicks here need to take a long hard look in the mirror before denigrating someone's lack of maturity.

[erzerum7]

This is probably true. It doesn't change the fact that Dougie needs to get a new/real job, but it seems that looks - as always - are paramount.

[F63]

OP, lifting and getting aesthetic will help your work ethic...trust me.