Guys, tread carefully!

[Fudgie]

If I were fertile and there were a male BC pill along with female BC, my boyfriend and I would use both. No funny stuff, no one can change their minds without telling, no one can rationalize while meaning well, and it's extra, extra, extra protection that BOTH partners have control of and feel GOOD about. Win-win.

 

I wish the male BC pill would come sooner. I feel like the dating world would be a better place.

[Seraphim]

That is totally beside the point of this thread.

 

Well you said he was up for entrapment by some deceitful woman. It is hard to be entrapped when it is something you want.

[DN]

Well you said he was up for entrapment by some deceitful woman. It is hard to be entrapped when it is something you want.

OK, Victoria. I hope your son will be both lucky and happy.

[Fudgie]

Well you said he was up for entrapment by some deceitful woman. It is hard to be entrapped when it is something you want.

 

Your son may not want children with a particular woman, or may want to wait longer to have children. And then an "ooops" happens.

 

My bro is Aspy and he wants kids and I worry a lot for him. I hope the male BC pill comes out for his sake. I don't really trust his reading of "social cues" to be good enough to sniff out people, and even if he were "normal", I'd still be weary.

 

If he ever gets married, I'm going to pull him aside for an hour and give him some harsh reality that I think most people won't give.

[Saffron_]

Vic, your son one day could find himself in the situation that a lot of men find themselves in. He could have a long term commited partner who he trusts fully and who is otherwise good and genuine and kind. He could be at a point in his life where he's not ready for children, she could say she's on the pill when in fact she's skipping them. maybe to speed things along, who knows. And he could find himself becoming a father before he's ready. It's not just horrible women that do this. Tha actual failure rate for the pill is somewhere between 8-10%. Much higher than the

[Blue Spiral]

Still though this thread and some others have made me think. It really has. If I ever divorced and knowing how distrustful many men are I would just avoid all dating and sex because I would not want to go through distrustful people just to find a prince. To me it would not be worth it.

 

1. Find out about the possibility that a significant percentage of pregnancies could be misrepresented.

2. Blame men for it.

3. ???????

4. Profit!

[Blue Spiral]

And, just for the record: if I had a teenage daughter, I'd tell her to be extremely careful about boys, as any one of them could be a potential rapist. And if I had a teenage son, I'd tell him to never take a girl's word for it that she's on birth-control.

 

Between crime and the divorce rate, absolute trust should be given out with extreme reluctance.

[Seraphim]

I just see no point in wondering when your partner is going to screw you like it is inevitable.

[Firiel]

If there were a male birth control pill (and it had been sufficiently tested and was at least as effective as birth control), I wouldn't mind trusting my husband to take it. He's responsible. He has a much better memory than I do. I trust him to be consistent more than I trust myself (though I trust us equally to be honest and use back-up if we do forget). To me it seems like a no-brainer... I trust him with my money, not to cheat on me, to hold an equal share in the relationship, etc. Why not this too?

 

I know the men on this thread won't believe me because there's no proof, but it's the best I can do until the option is actually available.

 

Like I said, I understand not wanting to trust someone you barely know... or even someone you are still getting to know. But, in my own personal experience, I expect to be able to trust someone I am committing my life to or else why would I commit my life to them?

[Saffron_]

 

Like I said, I understand not wanting to trust someone you barely know... or even someone you are still getting to know. But, in my own personal experience, I expect to be able to trust someone I am committing my life to or else why would I commit my life to them?

 

And how many people out there who commit their lives to someone will end up divorced or being cheated on. Of course nobody wants to go into a relationship thinking that'll happen to them. And neither they should. They're aware of the risk but they go ahead based on trust. The difference is, if a person cheats, you can leave. You can divorce, you can walk away. You can give a marriage back. You can't give a child back. A child can't be undone.

[Seraphim]

That is how I feel. I feel if you have to question their every twitch, there is no point for me to be there.

[DN]

A baby isn't a twitch. It's a serious, life changing event for any responsible person and therefore everyone needs to take personal responsibility.

[Seraphim]

Of course it is, but so is being with a person in a long term relationship. But if people think long term relationships are expendable and inevitably people are not trustworthy I am still not sure why people are in them.

[DN]

I believe you are thinking in absolutes and that is rarely wise.

[Alezia]

I've had many women tell me about their 'plans' to get pregnant from a boyfriend in order to quit their job and stay home with the kids. There is also possibilities that there is this type of talk between men, but I would not assume as much. Guys seem more weary to commit and start a family nowadays in general, so I suppose these women sort of excuse themselves in that manner.

 

I would probably advise guys to take sexual protection in their hands, until they feel they are ready to marry and see themselves having kids with this person in the not so distant future. Even more so if they are having sex with strangers, one night stands, or friends with benefit.

 

The thing that irks me about this thread, is that it is done in a way which has absolutely no tact. It's making it about the women, where it should be about the man himself. Something along the lines of "I am more comfortable when I wear a condom, this way we can have better sex together." That'd be taking a lot better than "I don't trust you."

[Fudgie]

The thing that irks me about this thread, is that it is done in a way which has absolutely no tact. It's making it about the women, where it should be about the man himself. Something along the lines of "I am more comfortable when I wear a condom, this way we can have better sex together." That'd be taking a lot better than "I don't trust you."

 

The issue is that some women may hear the tactful request and still get offended.

 

"I am on the Pill! Why do you need a condom? Do you think I'm cheating? The Pill is 99% effective when taken correctly! Do you not trust me to be good about taking it? Do you feel I WON'T take it?!"

 

You can't just tell many women in a relationship that you'd just "feel more comfortable using a condom" without them questioning you why.

[Seraphim]

I believe you are thinking in absolutes and that is rarely wise.

 

But I am not comfortable with people being distrustful. I would never be with someone who had the view that they are inevitably going to be messed over. That is not a comfortable relationship to me. If that limits me from 99% of men should I ever be divorced or God forbid my husband dies I am ok with that. I would probably never have a relationship again anyway.

[quantumst8]

The more I ponder it, the more I think a vasectomy is a good idea.

[Seraphim]

^ Those are not 100% either. A workmate of mine her daughter's husband got the ole snip and a year later him and his wife were given a 4th daughter. My brother had the ole snip about 3 years ago now and he still has some live ones accord to what my sister in law says about his dr's report.

[Fudgie]

But I am not comfortable with people being distrustful. I would never be with someone who had the view that they are inevitably going to be messed over. That is not a comfortable relationship to me. If that limits me from 99% of men should I ever be divorced or God forbid my husband dies I am ok with that. I would probably never have a relationship again anyway.

 

I think it's more about caution than anything. I think you can love well and be well with someone in a loving, committed relationship while still being careful. I do not believe in giving up everything and anything in the name of love and maybe you do, and that's okay, but just know that it IS riskier.

 

And I do hope your husband stays well and healthy because losing a spouse is one of the hardest things that someone has to go through. I doubt I would marry again and may not have another relationship, but it's possible that I might.

 

The more I ponder it, the more I think a vasectomy is a good idea.

 

I would love it if early in a marriage/late engagement, my future husband/fiance will drive me to the doctor's and I'll be like "Why are we here?" And he'll be like "Dear, we're getting that vasectomy that we've always talked about. Now you don't have to worry anymore when you go off the Pill in your 30s and we will be safe and happy!"

 

*sniffle* I'd cry.

[Fudgie]

^ Those are not 100% either. A workmate of mine her daughter's husband got the ole snip and a year later him and his wife were given a 4th daughter. My brother had the ole snip about 3 years ago now and he still has some live ones accord to what my sister in law says about his dr's report.

 

That's mostly because people don't follow the guidelines carefully. You're not supposed to have unprotected sex for a long while after it and some people just don't do that!

 

Doctors are being more careful about really making sure it's cut completely because if not, and someone gets pregnant, they can sue. I know I would for sure, if I followed proper medical procedure. Doctors need to be careful to make sure they cut/burn ALL of it.

[Alezia]

I don't know, but in my case I would assume that the women is self fish and self-centered if I expressed something about myself and couldn't even give it any consideration. If she turns around and makes it all about herself, in a way, I would feel she probably wouldn't be long-term material. She may have an initial burst of emotions, which is okay, but if she would be really persistent, I would probably end that relationship. It's one thing to have a mature discussion, but if she burts out like that without having being accused like in the first instance, then that's her problem I'd say.

[Seraphim]

I am probably more willing to risk more than most people. I do have a personality that implies I am a risk taker. I am comfortable with that though.

[Seraphim]

That's mostly because people don't follow the guidelines carefully. You're not supposed to have unprotected sex for a long while after it and some people just don't do that!

 

Doctors are being more careful about really making sure it's cut completely because if not, and someone gets pregnant, they can sue. I know I would for sure, if I followed proper medical procedure. Doctors need to be careful to make sure they cut/burn ALL of it.

 

That is probably it in the case of my workmate's daughter. But according to my sister-in-law she still uses protection because she is not sure that his ole snip is 100% secure and they already have 3 kids.

[Alezia]

I am probably more willing to risk more than most people. I do have a personality that implies I am a risk taker. I am comfortable with that though.

 

I am a risk taker too, but to me, it's about the impact of the risk (very high in this case) x probability (from what I observed this seems rather high too, a good 40% from personal experience). You love children and the such, so I feel that is way different than someone who doesn't want any.