Guys, tread carefully!

[Seraphim]

It equates to the same thing when people say no one is trustworthy or that 42% of women are not trustworthy. That is exactly what that says.

[OptomisticGirl]

What do you mean you can't teach trust? Of course you teach trust.

 

No, you can't Vic. You can teach your child what trust is and how it's suppose to go but your child's life is completely separate from your own. They may go through struggles you didn't or never will and while having been raised with trust, can't give that back to a partner or anyone. I was raised with trust from my mother but my ex completely shattered - I had to relearn what trust was in order to ever be with L. No one can TEACH you that. It isn't an inheriated trait.

[Fudgie]

Let's just look at it like this:

 

I'd rather have a kid who is SAFE and looks out for himself always and uses a condom with a LTR girlfriend always, only not wearing one when TTC, and then stops using condoms when he gets a "snip" or she goes through menopause.

 

I'd rather have THAT then a kid who trusts the wrong person and winds up with an unwanted/ill-planned child, maybe outside of wedlock, or within it. End up divorcing/unhappy..etc.

[Saffron_]

 

I'd rather have THAT then a kid who trusts the wrong person and winds up with an unwanted/ill-planned child, maybe outside of wedlock, or within it. End up divorcing/unhappy..etc.

 

I second that ^^

 

Anyways, I'm hopping off this train wreck now.....

[Seraphim]

Well yes your child will do it their own way when they grow up but yes you do teach trust, you just told me your mother taught it to you. You told me L taught it to you. You can't say it can't be taught and then tell me two people taught it to you.

 

But yes, you can teach trust. My son trusts me, he did not learn that from the family cat.

[OptomisticGirl]

Let's just look at it like this:

 

I'd rather have a kid who is SAFE and looks out for himself always and uses a condom with a LTR girlfriend always, only not wearing one when TTC, and then stops using condoms when he gets a "snip" or she goes through menopause.

 

I'd rather have THAT then a kid who trusts the wrong person and winds up with an unwanted/ill-planned child, maybe outside of wedlock, or within it. End up divorcing/unhappy..etc.

 

Exactly. I'd rather my child knew about what could happen and take what measures HE/SHE deem okay in order to prevent it. I see it no different than telling my kids, "Look both ways before you cross the road BECAUSE if you don't cars can hit you."

 

"When our with a woman and you don't want kids (and you are SURE of this) be cautious BECAUSE *SOME* women will try to intrap you with their desire to be a mother."

[OptomisticGirl]

Well yes your child will do it their own way when they grow up but yes you do teach trust, you just told me your mother taught it to you. You told me L taught it to you. You can't say it can't be taught and then tell me two people taught it to you.

 

But yes, you can teach trust. My son trusts me, he did not learn that from the family cat.

 

No, please reread my responses. I said my mother RAISED me with trust and *I* had to learn to retrust in order to be with L. L SHOWED me he could be trusted but the final deciding factor to trust him was MINE to make. I do not ever simply trust someone simply because their are family or a friend - they must earn my trust.

 

The fact is some men do not want to take the chance of being a father - and that's their right. Same as it is mine to prevent pregnancy right now.

[Seraphim]

No, please reread my responses. I said my mother RAISED me with trust and *I* had to learn to retrust in order to be with L. L SHOWED me he could be trusted but the final deciding factor to trust him was MINE to make. I do not ever simply trust someone simply because their are family or a friend - they must earn my trust.

 

The fact is some men do not want to take the chance of being a father - and that's their right. Same as it is mine to prevent pregnancy right now.

 

I am not saying they don't have a right to prevent pregnancy of course it is their right. What I am complaining about is people who trust no one but still want to have sex and tell me I should raise my kid that way.

[Seraphim]

I challenge all the men here who believe that statistics don't lie and that no partner can be trusted to tell their partner the REAL reason they wear condoms. My bet is they don't and they don't because very few women would be having sex with someone who was intensely distrustful.

[OptomisticGirl]

I am not saying they don't have a right to prevent pregnancy of course it is their right. What I am complaining about is people who trust no one but still want to have sex and tell me I should raise my kid that way.

 

Were in this thread did anyone say YOU had to raise your kid that way? Who CARES if someone ELSE doesn't trust someone and still has sex? Obviously they have a different definition than you or different criteria in order to have sex - it doesn't make them wrong. Odd, but it doesn't make them WRONG.

[Blue Spiral]

Or to put it more simply:

Men, how many of you suspect a partner has tried to trap you by neglecting to take birth control? I'm not asking that on this thread btw, I'm just suggesting if you're gonna do one poll, you should do another aimed at men to make it more balanced

 

No one else has answered this, so I will.

 

I knew a girl that was obsessed with getting married and having a baby. A very prim "good girl" type. I wasn't involved with her whatsoever, but she knew of my general evilness, and suggested--completely out of character--that we become FWB. In a rare moment of self-control, I declined. Not because I suspected anything, but because she was inexperienced and sort of naive, and I was afraid that she'd get emotionally attached. She seemed like the type that would easily get hurt.

 

A few months passed. Then, she "accidentally" got pregnant by a guy she'd just started to date. She had it in her mind that they were in love, whereas he was sort of wary of her, and trying to figure out if he wanted to keep dating her or not. She'd always told me that she'd only marry me if I made more money (mind you, I'd never even talked about relationships or sex with her, she just went around telling this to "candidates"), and this guy was coincidentally from a well-off family.

 

He believed the baby was his, but his parents' lawyer made him go through the motions for inheritance reasons. After the baby was born, they checked, and sure enough, it wasn't his. She freaked out and caused a scene at his job, baby in tow. Over the next month or so, she went through a variety of stories about who the baby's father was and how she'd been forced/tricked/seduced into having sex. This guy was lucky--sometimes, a judge will make a guy pay for a kid that isn't his, but not in this instance.

 

She still calls me, every once in a while, but I always let it go straight to voicemail.

 

Also, as for 42% of a gender being untrustworthy...I think that's a low percentage for men who have cheated. I'd place it well over fifty percent, myself.

[Saffron_]

Well she sounds like a total whack job but cheers for the story Blue Spiral. I actually asked the question on another thread (below) but so far I've only had responses from women. I'm not sure if it's because men aren't aware of what lengths some women will go to or if it happens less than I thought it did.

 

 

[Fudgie]

Judge can only make a guy pay for his non-bio kid if he actually began to raise the kid for a few years. Not when it's still in the womb. That's why it's important to get DNA tests done for paternity with sketchy girls, if you sleep with them.

 

Cheating seems to be about 50/50...both sides.

[Seraphim]

Were in this thread did anyone say YOU had to raise your kid that way? Who CARES if someone ELSE doesn't trust someone and still has sex? Obviously they have a different definition than you or different criteria in order to have sex - it doesn't make them wrong. Odd, but it doesn't make them WRONG.

 

I never said they were wrong. I said it is their life they have to live it not me. I just said I find it strange indeed.

 

I also don't pay much attention to advice that does not adhere to my own morals of how I want my child raised.