Isn't striking a child with a belt or hand in anger heading towards abuse?

[PhilliesFan001]

I personally don't believe in physical punishment - many people do it because that's how they were disciplined and they think it works just fine, but there is growing research being done which suggests that there are better, more effective methods of punishment. I hate to be blunt and judgmental but I see spanking/hitting as lazy parenting.

 

I've worked with children for ten years, including children who are severely developmentally diab led and emotionally unstable. They can cause all kinds of chaos - it's very difficult to get them to listen and respond, they have hit/screamed/tried to run into traffic/hurt other students on a number of occasions. In all 10 years I have never once felt the need to hit or spank any of them - there are much better alternatives, people just tend to ignore them because it requires a little more patience and work.

 

But, to each their own I guess.

[OptomisticGirl]

I was mentally, verbally, and physically abused as a child - for me tere is a district line between using spanking as discipline and using it as abuse. My parents never went to straight to spanking me. I was given three warnings - first was verbal, second was time out, third was a time out in te corner. If I still did it then I got a few pats on my butt. You can look anywhere and someone is going to see something of abuse. I went to school with a girl who believes patting a child's hand when they reach for something is abuse as well as even raising your vice to them.

[yeawutever]

Wow that's horrible... and sadly we can't do nothing to stop it. They have no idea that even if the child doesn't end up hating them, it still has that everlasting scar... that just doesn't go away even years later.

A child is a human being, not a slave. I bet if someone treated a dog like that.... that dog will one day snap and bite.

[yeawutever]

I couldn't find much on this topic using Google. This is the only telling piece I found on Peru in particular: link removed

 

Corporal Punishment

 

Physical and humiliating punishment is a common practice in Peru. This harmful practice is socially accepted and it is not prohibited by law. In the first three months of 2011, the Ministry of Women and Social Affairs registered more than 900 cases of violence and abuse against children.

 

And this: link removed

 

According to a recent survey published by El Comercio, 42% of Peruvians agree with using corporal punishment “ocassionally” to discipline children.

 

The survey was conducted in 15 Peruvian cities by the marketing research firm Ipsos Apoyo, and the results indicate that the majority of the people who approves of corporal punishment to children comes from the lower socioeconomic segments.

You did a nice research showing my country's opinions regarding this topic. 900 cases is a lot.... it's sad they will be scarred for life and end up doing the same thing by the time they become a parent themselves.... and so on.... the cycle never ends.

[OptomisticGirl]

I don't believe spanking in general leaves scars. Spanking in the situation you gave, yes. But I hold no deep rooted scars against my parents for spanking me when I did something wrong.

[camus154]

As with most things in life, common sense trumps all else.

 

Is beating a child and causing severe pain or damage abuse? Yes.

Is spanking a child with a couple of whacks of the hand because they've repeatedly ignored you abuse? No.

 

While I think it's good we as a collective whole have come a long way from how things used to be, we can also take such progress too far. There is indeed such a thing as catering to an over-indulgence in analyzing our every psychological woe.

[xiRoCb294]

Wow that's horrible... and sadly we can't do nothing to stop it. They have no idea that even if the child doesn't end up hating them, it still has that everlasting scar... that just doesn't go away even years later.

 

It's really not as bad as you think. In my culture, it's pretty normal for kids to get spanked with a belt or other things if you misbehave. I don't hold any grudges towards my parents and I'm pretty sure my friends don't either. Our parents just do it because they want the best for us and that's just how they teach us. It doesn't leave an everlasting scar and no, we don't end up hating our parents because of it. The only reason I would hate my parents for hitting me is if they repeatedly hit me for absolutely no reason, THEN i might consider that heading towards abuse.

[Seraphim]

The thing is hitting a kid with a belt from anger in the hopes you can teach him math or to make him do it faster is just RIDICULOUS. All that teaches someone is how to be aggressive,bad tempered and to learn that being a bully is ok.

[xiRoCb294]

It's really just a difference in culture. If you go to schools in Asia, the teachers will spank us if we misbehave as well, and no, it doesn't teach us to be aggressive/bad tempered. We understand the reasons why we are being punished and we are given warnings before we are actually struck. It makes us work harder and teaches us to listen. A LOT of Asian students are taught this way, and it hasn't taught us to become bullies.

 

Of course, there are those people who will abuse their power, but I'm speaking for the parents or teachers who use spanking as a form of discipline.. I think that is fine.

[OptomisticGirl]

It's really just a difference in culture. If you go to schools in Asia, the teachers will spank us if we misbehave as well, and no, it doesn't teach us to be aggressive/bad tempered. We understand the reasons why we are being punished and we are given warnings before we are actually struck. It makes us work harder and teaches us to listen. A LOT of Asian students are taught this way, and it hasn't taught us to become bullies.

 

Of course, there are those people who will abuse their power, but I'm speaking for the parents or teachers who use spanking as a form of discipline.. I think that is fine.

 

I can remember being in school and the teachers spanking us (not from an Asian culture but even here in the South about 15 years ago it was still done). i agree, I was spanked my whole life (and abused as well, so i know the distinction) and I'm not aggressive or a bully. As I said in an earlier post, I have seen parents not ever discipline their child because they believe any form of discipline is abuse.

[Seraphim]

I just think it is strange that people would be outraged if someone beat an animal with a belt but it is ok to do this to a human.

[OptomisticGirl]

I just think it is strange that people would be outraged if someone beat an animal with a belt but it is ok to do this to a human.

 

'Beat' is a strong word. I can't speak for everyone but I DO spray Jasper with water when he misbehaves or have even popped him with a newspaper - I def. wouldn't spray my child in the face with water to discipline them. Anyone can 'beat' an animal or a child but there's a huge difference in beating a child and spanking in a disciplined manner when not out of anger. I was spanked with every object you can think of - hand, belt, hickory, paddle - it's not made me jaded or evil. i know the difference between the two and plan on parenting the same way my parents parented me in that regard. Whether our kids chose to parent like we did will be up to them.

[Seraphim]

The thing is the OP said her dad beat him with a belt in anger. Doing this in anger is bad and dangerous. It proves that the adult can not control themselves. And for what?? He did not do homework fast enough? That is an offense really? Where is the sense of perspective? We do not even beat people for committing murder but we can beat a kid for not doing homework fast enough and this is ok?? We can not hit adults because that is assault but we can hit kids because adults some how mean more? That is ridiculous to me. We are ALL HUMAN.

 

I heard a story how this mother kicked her 10 year old daughter in the bum in anger because the kid did something. The mother actually broke vertebra in the child's spine! The kid cried for weeks and complained and mother thought she was being a "drama queen" because she "did not kick her THAT hard", according to her. So when she took the child to the hospital and it was looked into the kid had broken vertebra and the mother was shocked and sad. An adult can INJURE a child with physical punishment. So if we can't smack about adults that do bad things there should be no reason to do this to children. I DO believe in punishment but not physical punishment.

[OptomisticGirl]

i agree with you, the situation the OP gave IS abuse because it was done out of anger. I personally don't agree with that cultural mind set but most of the Asian culture has it - homework (or grades and school) are very important to them. We don't place that kind of emphasis on our kids' schooling, it's different priorities.

 

Again, that scenario is abuse becuase the mother did it out of anger. I can honestly say I never got spanked for something I didn't deserve to get spanked for - either back talking, telling my mother to shut up, misbehaving... I was always given 3 warnings before the spank and then talked to afterward about why I was spanked. I've even spanked Tyler a time or two over Jasper. He's gotten into this stage where he will grab his tail - not just grab but try to PULL his tail - or physically hit him and I will not have him treating animals like that. I give him 3 warnings (all a verbal no) and if he does it a 4th time I swat his diaper one time. Everyone has a differnet level of what they define as going too far - I define the OP's example as going too far but then you have parents who refuse to even discipline their child because THEY see that as abuse.

[appdev89]

Maybe I am not following this right. When I was a kid, I was hit with belts and sticks etc. Quite a lot actually... How come I don't have any issues? Me and my dad get along pretty well. How come people think parents hitting them is illegal? I think it borders on normal, suck it up and deal with it? Its not like its a life-threatening thing. They are your parents o.O

 

I know a lot of you will disagree. But I personally think you guys are complicated and overthink this. If you wont even get hit too much... you guys have high standards and expect too much loving from life. Just like there is love, there is hardship. If you dont face it all, others who do will eventually destroy you.

[appdev89]

i also think its outrageous to beat an animal. animal's cant understand even if you try to teach them. Humans can. Anyway... that point aside, I would not beat my kids. I think talking is good enough, but I was hit and I don't think that makes my dad a bad person. I think he's great.

[OptomisticGirl]

When we use words like 'beat' it gives that mental image of a parent holding their child down and just whipping them until they bleed - it happens, I'm sure, but that's not what happens in EVERY case of a child who grew up with spanking as a discipline for the right reasons.

[Unknown1607307972]

I don't believe spanking in general leaves scars. Spanking in the situation you gave, yes. But I hold no deep rooted scars against my parents for spanking me when I did something wrong.

 

This goes for me too. I actually find it really offensive when people imply that my family are child abusers because I got smacked on the occasion that I misbehaved after multiple warnings. All that happened is that I sulked for a while afterwards. I was not abused at all, I was smacked when I genuinely had done something wrong and my family and I have a great relationship. My boyfriend had it exactly the same as me and he's also very close with his family.

 

The thing is hitting a kid with a belt from anger in the hopes you can teach him math or to make him do it faster is just RIDICULOUS. All that teaches someone is how to be aggressive,bad tempered and to learn that being a bully is ok.

 

I agree, this scenario in particular is wrong.

 

I just think it is strange that people would be outraged if someone beat an animal with a belt but it is ok to do this to a human.

 

The child has been warned that they will be smacked if they continue misbehaving, they know this is a punishment that results from defying their parents several times. An animal is not capable of understanding this so they would just think they are being attacked. I simply scold my cats straight after they've done something wrong so they can tell by my tone I am displeased with what they've just done. Also "beat" to me means something different to "smack" or "spank".

[yeawutever]

Maybe I am not following this right. When I was a kid, I was hit with belts and sticks etc. Quite a lot actually... How come I don't have any issues? Me and my dad get along pretty well. How come people think parents hitting them is illegal? I think it borders on normal, suck it up and deal with it? Its not like its a life-threatening thing. They are your parents o.O

You don't have issues because you're different and as humans we all vary in reactions. What might not affect others, to some it is kinda traumatic. Some people just can't ''suck it up'' no matter how many years later it has passed.

 

In my mind, I always associate spanking with anger.... a person that hits just to hit and get over with. That's what I see and can't get over it. Even if I'm trying, some trigger always sticks in my mind. When it happens I get kinda upset again and just feel like crying in anger. Since it's happening to my brother sometimes, it becomes impossible to overlook it.

 

I know..... I must be traumatic but I'm a human being with feeling. I'm not a robot that can just get over it just because my father thinks he did right when in my mind it was wrong. If I hypothetically had kids (I don't want them, but if), I will do the same thing my father did. If I know how it feels it, that's the point of making a human being go through that again?

[Batya33]

When we use words like 'beat' it gives that mental image of a parent holding their child down and just whipping them until they bleed - it happens, I'm sure, but that's not what happens in EVERY case of a child who grew up with spanking as a discipline for the right reasons.

 

Of course people have their own, subjective definitions of the "right reasons" and for others what is "right" can change by the hour depending on the person's mood especially if the person's values justify physical punishment as a reaction to misbehavior. Obviously there are extremes on either end but for many people it's asking a lot to have a set understanding of "right reasons" for physical punishment.

 

It's hard enough from day to day to be consistent with what the "rules" are because of changing situations/environments/changes in the child or routine - so to rely on "right reasons" when it comes to physical punishment can get a little dicey - there's less risk in being inconsistent and telling a child "today you can't play with your truck in the bathroom even though yesterday I said you could" than in spanking a child because that day the typical three chances to comply didn't work with a splitting headache or with being in a mad rush so the spanking happened after two chances. Again that's my subjective opinion -others might feel that a spanking isn't as bad as "today I changed my mind and you can't play with your truck in the bathroom".

[OptomisticGirl]

Yes, parents are human and deal with all the triggers of anger that every other person deal with (only it's with a child they must watch out for) but I never have a memory of my mother or father striking me without 3 chances when I deserved it (unlike my father who was physically abusive and would slap me on my face for no reason, which is why I know that distinctive line to cross). If we truly made my mother mad she would walk out of the room and calm down before even talking to us about what we did wrong. Spanking isn't for every parent and that's okay, that's what makes parenting great, but simply because someone values spanking as a form of misbehavior doesn't mean they lose all control and will revert to just spanking with no chances when those triggers comes up. Again, i'm sure some do, but some parents who don't use spanking it can also be easily said could just as easily scream in their child's faces with a headache or the mad rush.

[Batya33]

"Spanking isn't for every parent and that's okay, that's what makes parenting great, but simply because someone values spanking as a form of misbehavior doesn't mean they lose all control and will revert to just spanking with no chances when those triggers comes up. Again, i'm sure some do, but some parents who don't use spanking it can also be easily said could just as easily scream in their child's faces with a headache or the mad rush."

 

I think screaming is just as bad as physically striking out in most cases. My point was that if you react to anger by spanking or screaming where what is the "right reasons" is a moving target, the effect on the child is worse than inconsistency with "well yesterday I said you could have ice cream if you cleaned your room but even though you cleaned your room I'm not going to give you ice cream because I changed my mind -deal with it" -that's obnoxious too but I think personally it's worse if the action is spanking or hitting or screaming. You interpreted my post to a degree that I definitely didn't mean - just to clarify - I never said anything about "all parents" or "all parents who spank" -that would be silly.

[OptomisticGirl]

I agree, to me emotional damage is far more reaching than physical to a child (in my personal experience with it, anyway). I as someone who will use spanking to discipline their children agree that spanking in anger is never, ever, in a million years right. You walk away until your calm and can present it with a calm voice.

[Seraphim]

To some child spanking does cause emotional damage though so don't assume a quick smack on the fanny will be nothing to all children and that they won't resent it.

[OptomisticGirl]

To some child spanking does cause emotional damage though so don't assume a quick smack on the fanny will be nothing to all children and that they won't resent it.

 

Agreed, same way a quick smack on the fanny isn't going to emotionally scar all children either. You have the extreme on both ends and then you have middle.