PrettyGood Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 He's 35+, living in his own apartment, working daily, have 2 beautiful dogs. I would say he's looking nice - he's tall, athletic and have cute face features. But I never thought that he can be so boring. I didn't think that people who are 35+ get old and passive. But here's what's going on. His daily life contains from sleeping, eating unhealthy food (he doesn't know how to make something delicious himself except from sandwiches and omelet), going to the gym (from time to time), walking his dogs out, smoking at home, watching TV, playing computer games, listening to metal music and going to meet people he know at the night club on weekends (he doesn't call them friends). He has an unexpected child from the previous relationship but has no contact with him because he's not wanted in that family. Apart from that he never invite his friends to visit him, better he goes to their parties at their home. His house is a real big mess, so he hired a house keeper. I've never seen her, but I heard from people that she's 30+ (maybe married). The Christmas is coming, we're going to celebrate it together for the first time and he doesn't bother to think about Christmas table, presents. He talk only that he doesn't have much money to spend on partying at that time. I think he will not even bother to get and decorate a Christmas tree. And today he began writing a blog about his dogs, which he calls his kids. I'm totally confused. I'm not sure if there can be someone more boring than him. He seems VERY interested in me, cause I'm active and I'm always trying to improve my life by learning new things and searching for opportunities for both of us. He was impressed when I cleaned his rooms for the first time (actually I couldn't stand that huge mess around me) and made him home made food. He says I would be a perfect wife for him, also he says that he's in love with me cause I have a perfect body and the s.x is perfect. But what do I get from him? He's talking about our future which must be "ideal and happy" but where's that happiness when he doesn't know what exactly he wants to achieve in his life apart from sitting at home and doing all that boring stuff? What do you think about such guy? Is that a good reason to become bored? Link to comment
asthesparrow Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 You lost me at, "And today he began writing a blog about his dogs." Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted December 6, 2011 Author Share Posted December 6, 2011 You lost me at, "And today he began writing a blog about his dogs." I'm sorry, I didn't understand. What do you want to say by that? Link to comment
OrangeMoon Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 LOL... We 35plus people have our own rhythm. But he does sound boring yes. But also very typical male to me in some aspects. I think I understand why he likes you..you obviously get him out of his routine. But it will most likely always be you who will initiate stuff. But the reasons why he loves you would make me run. Thats probably why he has many ex fiancees. In my mental picture i don't see a guy with a lot of ambition or adventure in his life. So if this is the kind of guy you want..you will either have to accept it or find yourself the guy you want. It can otherwise cause you to be dead unhappy. Boring people are slow killers..unless you are the boring kind yourself and than its just cosy, calm and structured. But at one point you will probably have to go down to his level of boredom..and that is the killer. The whole baby mama-thing is also very weird to me..also an indicator of his choice in women. I don't mean to say that you are not great, you most likely are, but he picked you for fairly superficial reasons to get married to..is that special? So the question to me should not be..why is he boring?..But why do you want him? Link to comment
SandyJ Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 If you find a guy boring, it's quite simple - you are not compatible. You, who presumably have a very full and exciting life, are into different stuff than he is. Move on to a person who you have stuff in common with. Oh and why are you cleaning his house? If you're not his live in GF or wife, I really don't get that... Link to comment
bulletproof Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 No "they are not all alike". I am over 35 and do not sit around my house smoking and eating crappy food. It sounds like you are very incompatible with this guy. I'm not sure why you are dating him at all. Link to comment
FathomFear Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 To be completely honest, he sounds more socially active than the vast majority of people I know. I'm not saying you should lower your standards per se, but at the same time I would be prepared for the fact that most people out there are very much in the routine of "eat/sleep/work/evening recreation--repeat". Link to comment
Huntress0527 Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 Actually he sounds fine to me. I play video games and stay home alot with my husband. We aren't overactive people. Your post is very judgmental calling him old just because he's a homebody. Find someone is who is more active to your taste. Link to comment
ToF Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 ... Why are you dating this guy? It doesn't sound as if you like him much at all. Link to comment
winniethepooh Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 He's 35+, living in his own apartment, working daily, have 2 beautiful dogs. I would say he's looking nice - he's tall, athletic and have cute face features. These sound like positive qualities. But I never thought that he can be so boring. So why do you want to be with him? I'm not sure if there can be someone more boring than him. Oh, I'm sure you can find someone who is. But what do I get from him? Good question. Anything? He's talking about our future which must be "ideal and happy" but where's that happiness when he doesn't know what exactly he wants to achieve in his life apart from sitting at home and doing all that boring stuff? Have you asked him what he wants to achieve? What do you think about such guy? It doesn't matter. I'm not in a relationship with him. You are Have you told him you think he's boring? That might be an interesting conversation, one way or another . You sound rather judgemental. If you focus on finding someone's negative qualities, you will find them. We all have positive and negative qualities. Making a relationship work is about finding balance and figuring out ways to deal with each others differences, if you can. Link to comment
TheVP Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 Is this the foreign guy or the blackmailing guy? Link to comment
april15 Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 Is this a dealbreaker? If you think it will be too much work to encourage him to break some of these habits, get out of your comfort zone and find someone more compatible socially. If you think you like all his positive traits enough to make some effort to see if he is willing to grow, then talk to the guy. Let him know you are interested in being more active and would like him to be your partner, equal partner where he participates in initiating some activities and a more active healthy lifestyle. See what he says. Maybe he just needs a little nudge to become more active. Also see if you can get more involved with his "kids". He obviously loves his dogs. There are lots of activities involving dogs that are both healthy and social. Give a little, get a little, it is a two way street. I would definitely not just sit still and wait for him to change. He needs to know you think that as is, he is not your ideal match. Let him know you want to continue to grow, to be healthy and active. I was a bit of a couch potato before I met my wife. She inspired me to get to the gym, to be more active. I now go to the gym 2 or 3 times a week and have become the cook of the family, usually cooking healthy food and I was in my 40's when we met. Examine your relationship, decide if you can work with him, choose a direction and get to moving forward and growing as a person. Do not tell him he is boring. It will only hurt his feelings and make him defensive. There are better ways to let him know you want more out of the relationship. Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 What is boring to you is entertaining to him. The lifestyle he has seems like a bachelor lifestyle. What is that you like for him to change? Would it benefit you by making this change or will it benefit the relationship? Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted December 6, 2011 Author Share Posted December 6, 2011 But guys, in his opinion, woman must be the landlord of his house - she needs to clean his mess (not complaining that there's messy), to make home-made food for him (or at least to invest in her food, not to eat only his food), she needs to be a good lover (where can she get that energy after working and cleaning after him 24/7?), she can't be jealous and she shouldn't depend on him. That's the high standards of him. I'm a family woman, I like to go out (I mean for a walk, to spend some quality time emotionally) but he talks only about his "home-stuff" which repeats from day to day and then promising a nice future. When I asked him what is a nice future, he said - money, career, car, happiness. What is happiness? "Well, you know when I'm happy with you". Hello? What about me? I'm not that complaining I just want to share my experience, which is surprising me a little bit, because he calls himself a "big child" and he behaves like this. I'm the only one who teaches him that he needs to ask me more how my day was and such things, to be interested in my life too. So who am I? A toy? Only? And one more question, what should I give him as a Christmas present if he's doesn't understand Christmas traditions and what I like - a new dog collar and a new video game? Link to comment
rocio Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 You're the one who is dating him. What do you want us to tell you? Link to comment
Huntress0527 Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 You really only have negative things to say about this guy so why are you with him? That's the bigger question. And you're asking what to get him for Christmas...I think you need to break up with this guy since you aren't compatible let alone worry about what to buy him for Christmas. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 You have to define for yourself what you want from a relationship and a partner. Then you look if the potential candidate can give you these things because that is the kind of person he is. If not - find someone more suitable. But you can't get stuck with someone and then hope/expect he changes completely who he is in order to suite your idea of a partner. Link to comment
winniethepooh Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 But guys, in his opinion, woman must be the landlord of his house - she needs to clean his mess (not complaining that there's messy), to make home-made food for him (or at least to invest in her food, not to eat only his food), she needs to be a good lover (where can she get that energy after working and cleaning after him 24/7?), she can't be jealous and she shouldn't depend on him. That's the high standards of him. I'm a family woman, I like to go out (I mean for a walk, to spend some quality time emotionally) but he talks only about his "home-stuff" which repeats from day to day and then promising a nice future. When I asked him what is a nice future, he said - money, career, car, happiness. What is happiness? "Well, you know when I'm happy with you". Hello? What about me? Well, this is all good stuff to try and figure out before you fall in love with someone. Some men want a lover, cook, maid, baby factory all rolled into one, but without having a proper relationship with them. Some women seem to be content or happy in that role. Sounds like that's what he wants. But if it's not what you want, I can see a very imbalanced relationship developing. So either he has to change what he wants, or you do, or both of you do. If you want to continue to have a happy relationship with him. I'm not that complaining It sounds like you are. because he calls himself a "big child" and he behaves like this. Oh goody. Do you want to be his mother? I'm the only one who teaches him that he needs to ask me more how my day was and such things, to be interested in my life too. I think that taking an interest in each other is an important part of a balanced relationship. So how's that going for you. Is he asking more? So who am I? A toy? Only? Maybe. Some relationships seem to work like that. And one more question, what should I give him as a Christmas present if he's doesn't understand Christmas traditions and what I like - a new dog collar and a new video game? Maybe a cookbook and a mop ? Link to comment
Blue Spiral Posted December 6, 2011 Share Posted December 6, 2011 It sounds like the problem is less "he's old and boring" and more "he's too traditional." But, as for his quiet lifestyle and introverted personality...some of us are just like that. I have to remind myself to ask people questions about how they're doing, as it's not something I'd naturally think of. I agree with FF, though: given that he's clubbing and dog-blogging, he's more active than most. That said, it doesn't sound like you're compatible. For someone "old and boring," he seems immature. Take it from someone who's also old, boring, and immature--we aren't going to change anytime soon. Link to comment
WockaWocka Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 I agree with everyone else - if you don't like him, don't date him. But the part that is most sad to me is that he treats his dogs like children and his child ... Ahem, well, he seems to ignore his child completely just because it was an unexpected pregnancy. Is that what you want?? Someone who is comfortable ignoring his own flesh and blood? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 I agree with everyone else - if you don't like him, don't date him. But the part that is most sad to me is that he treats his dogs like children and his child ... Ahem, well, he seems to ignore his child completely just because it was an unexpected pregnancy. Is that what you want?? Someone who is comfortable ignoring his own flesh and blood? I agree with this and am baffled that you think his lifestyle or what you think of as "boring" has anything to do with his age. Link to comment
lovetomuch Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 Winniethepooh- You are the best!:strawberry: Link to comment
Brightest Dark Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 I'm not sure if there can be someone more boring than him. He seems VERY interested in me, cause I'm active and I'm always trying to improve my life by learning new things and searching for opportunities for both of us. How long have you been with this guy and what sort of things have you asked him to do that are 'not boring'? Did you suggest places to go or different things to do and what did he say? Some people ARE more chilled out homebodies, while others like to go out and party, that happens at any age though. However, you mention he goes to the nightclub at weekends so he can't be that boring. What is it exactly that you want him to do? Cleaning his room and making home cooked food for him doesn't really sound like the most exciting things. Have you done or suggested anything more exciting for him than that? Link to comment
sandrawg Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 Are you sure he's over 35? He sounds like the guys I typically date (I tend to date a lot younger).. I mean, doesn't clean his house..is unorganized..plays videogames..sounds very immature to me. Sure, he wants to marry you. You give him great sex, AND you clean up after him? Do you want a boy or a man? You might as well date someone your own age, honey. Link to comment
Juha Posted December 31, 2011 Share Posted December 31, 2011 Your guy sounds very set in his ways and yes boring... 45 here and I am nothing like the typical 45 year old... Don't look, act or think like one so I have been told... I don't even care how old I am, it's just a number... Like to go out and have fun and do many things... Your only as old as you think you are... Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.