bunghole99 Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 i thought i was doing quite well up to last week. I had been dumped by my ex girlfriend at the start of September, and since then i'd been doing all the recommended stuff (exercise, keeping busy, re-connecting with friends) and I'd even started dating again. i really felt quite good and positive about things. (i'd initated NC since the break up, and havent been in contact since) (we'd been together 2 years, living together for 1, and she left me, blaming me for everything, when in fact she'd been cheating on me for up to a year) but since last week every single day i get closer to xmas i seem to be going backwards. this time last year i had everything i had wanted, the girl of my dreams, a lovely little cottage, in a great little town, and i really looked forward to xmas and now i am back at home at my mums for a while, and dreading going through december Every single xmas advert, or even every mention of xmas feels like a small stab wound to my heart, and i fear this is only going to get bigger and bigger over the next month! anyone else going through this, or got any tips about surviving the festive season without going backwards in the healing process Link to comment
Eocsor Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 The first Christmas alone always sucks. Theres no majic cure for it. Just keep doing what you are doing and you'll get through it. Link to comment
mikhylabelle Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Bunghole, i completely feel the same! We broke up october of 2010, and i was dreading the holiday season, but... we found a way to get in touch again, and although we were not officially in a relationship, we spent christmas day together and exchanged gifts. Now, things are over between us and he has a new girl. I am dreading this holiday season too! I guess we just have to trudge on. Good luck, and i hope things get better for you. Link to comment
bunghole99 Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 Bunghole, i completely feel the same! We broke up october of 2010, and i was dreading the holiday season, but... we found a way to get in touch again, and although we were not officially in a relationship, we spent christmas day together and exchanged gifts. Now, things are over between us and he has a new girl. I am dreading this holiday season too! I guess we just have to trudge on. Good luck, and i hope things get better for you. i think xmas eve and day will be fine, as arranged to go round a mates house for xmas dinner where we're having a "singletons xmas day" as have a large group of mates, quite a few who are without partners. no doubt a few glasses of dry sherry will help the day speed past its just the build up to it all through december, not wandering around the shops buying little special things for someone, stuff like that! i'm doing all my xmas shopping online this year, to avoid going to the shops and seeing people all happy buying stuff for partners! i feel a bit "bah humbug" but i seriously dont want to be like that ps. if i see or hear one more of those cola "the holidays are coming adverts" then my TV might have to be permantly switched off, with my foot! Link to comment
winniethepooh Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Bleah. Not looking forward to Christmas day this year. Last year was with the ex, and it was quite special for a few reasons. Guess the ENA forums might be busy on Christmas day . Link to comment
AnnaN Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 I spent the last 4 Christmas with him. Last year, this time, I had everything I wanted, too. Now I have nothing... It's been a month since BU, the night before BU we were making plans about Christmas holidays, we were thinking about places to go, traveling... I know that I'll be thinking all these, where I would be, probably in a romantic city walking with him holding hands... And I know it will be difficult. At the moment I really try to avoid going downtown or to malls where everything is decorated and everyone seems to be happy shopping or whatever... Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 I recall the first ensuing Xmas after my marriage to my son's father ended many years ago. I'd been with my ex-husband for 17 years (he was my first real boyfriend). My son was 6 years old I think. I'd never slept a night away from my son apart from one evening he spent in the hospital). I was very, very depressed at the time. A wonderful old friend of mine insisted I go spend Xmas with her and her family in the country. It didn't feel like a great idea. I thought it would seem worse being around so many people having happy family time, and as well, many of them were big drinkers whereas I'm a tee-totaller. Another friend told me to stock up on my favourite chocolates, magazines and a good book. I ended up doing both of these things - went to the friends place and took the chocolates, books and magazines. I had one of the most memorable Xmases of my life! I was so glad I did this. I won't be alone this Xmas and I will also be working Xmas day. My son, who is now in his 20's and I are planning to spend some time together over Xmas but we have set some rules. Neither of us is to buy a present for the other costing more than $10. Neither of us is to go to any trouble. There will be no Xmas type food (which is okay by me anyway as I'm vegetarian). We may even have a few catch-ups - coffee and I may get hold of some exquisite French pastries from a local authentic French Patissiere. Our aim is to exclude the commercialism of Xmas and our real gift to each other for Xmas will be our selves. Even though you may not be with your ex on Xmas, maybe it is a time you can let your mother know that you appreciate that she has been there for you during this difficult time. Maybe there are other people in your life who are also important and who have been there for you. It might be a good time to put aside at least some of the thoughts of not being with your ex and focusing that energy towards the people who are there. Like the Doobie Brothers sang: "Love the One You're With". LOL, your mother probably knows that song! Even though you are sad now, I doubt very much you will always be. There will be more people along the way for you to love and they will love you too, and more places to live where you will be happy. Hugs, xxx Link to comment
bunghole99 Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 very wise words silverbirch, that actually made me cry then (in a nice way) i shall heed your good advice! Link to comment
starrysky Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 I am with you! I adore christmas, but literally feel sick to my stomach everytime i hear an xmas song, see adverts etc. I can't even be bothered with decorations this year, i just want it over with and perhaps next year will be easier. Like you I just can't face the fact that this time last year i had everything i could have ever wanted. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Certain holidays and event will cause hurt/grief after a break up which you did not want to happen. It's to be expected. Link to comment
lemonhaze Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Same situation here, not looking forward to Christmas at all. Link to comment
Formula Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Like alot of you i was living with my ex and was really happy this time last year. We had been together almost 3 and a half years when she broke up with me 7 months ago. Well a few weeks ago i booked a holiday to Tenerife leaving on Xmas eve and coming home just after midnight Newyears eve/day. Can't bear the thought of spending Xmas alone. My friend is going on the holiday aswell. 7 months on and it isnt getting any easier. Link to comment
lemsip Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 2011 has sucked utter balls. 2012 will not suck utter balls. That's what I'm telling myself, anyway. Just got to get over the last hurdle of Christmas, and then we can all say hello to new beginnings. Link to comment
KYRiverGrl Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Alot of us here are going to spend Christmas as a single person for the first time in a while. It sucks, but next year will be better Link to comment
deeplongbreath Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Well, I originally don't enjoy Christmas as much as others do due to the fact that it's my birthday as well (call me Jesus, lol) and many people are too busy stuffing themselves and celebrating to give me a call. And this year is going to be even more creepy because my ex is totally out of the picture for the first time since 2008. I remember last year when we were decorating the tree, he said "next Christmas we'll be in our new home with all the kids". Turns out we won't. Link to comment
BlueRose66 Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Gosh, Christmas with my ex was so special! We both admitted that we had the best Christmas's of our lives together. I know she will be remembering. I keep thinking of sending a card since the BU was really started by me, but I just dont know. I am still pretty angry too. I have plans made so I wont be alone, but its going to be hard. I know she works so she will be busy. I dont look forward to it at all. This whole thing has been the most painful experience emotionally I have ever been through. I just keep wondering when and how it is ever going to be over. Link to comment
penfield Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 My emotions are always heightened during the holidays. When you're with someone special, it's one of the absolute best times of the year and everything is awesome - parties, dinners, movies, hell - even shopping. But when you're alone... the complete opposite. All of the jewelry commercials, etc. make me want to puke. Holidays for me always bring back memories of several relationships I've had. Still hard to deal with. Link to comment
TheLovelyOne Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 Well I am going through the same thing again this year as I have for the past two years and it is not any better for me, as this year my ex is with a new girl and from what I know, it is quite serious. I am alone still and what I dread is both Christmas and New Years Eve. He is having the time of his life when I am having no happiness. It does sting and really pulls at your heart strings. The only way you can come through it is by remembering all the Christmases you had before you met her. The ones that involved family and friends. It is going to be tough, so best avoid the telly as much as possible, try watching a channel with no ads on or a DVD. Listen/watch things that you enjoy and not stuff that you enjoyed together. Also remember what it was like to be a kid at Christmas, well take that spirit and go out and have a laugh with your friends. But one thing is, be patient with yourself. Take as long as you want. People can tell you to be over things in like two months but only you will know when time is right for you and you will have moved on by then. Take care Link to comment
motley802 Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 Hows your dating going on? Have you met someone interesting? If you've moved on but fear that torrent of memories will set you back during xmas time, then try to date someone and make a connection. I know its easier said than done but that way it will keep your mind occupied. Link to comment
mines Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 My 2011 Christmas is a bit better (I hope) than my 2010 Christmas. I'm past the breakup, remain good friends with my ex, (he is the dumper) I've moved on in a way....but let's face facts. I'm 48, single, (I'm ok with being single....) but....the world's view of Christmas, and New Year's, is not for the single person. If you're not in a couple, you're forgotten. I am in charge of my own life, sure, but I have teenage daughters, and they still want and need Christmas the way they remember it. I do the best I can, along with their dad (different than my 2010 breakup guy) to make sure that happens. But the truth is I'm not invited to Christmas parties, all my friends my age are married, my younger friends are all coupled, I'm the only person I know, who is alone. I try to focus on my running, which is my true passion.....and my races that are on the calendar, my training, and not on this once-lovely holiday that has sadly become both a commercial nightmare and a single person's hell. Better days, will come eventually. I won't let this present state - break me. Link to comment
dobbin Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 i spent last 6 christmas with him. our holiday tradition was to go to a tropical place for the holidays, every year. this year we wanted to do it a little different so we moved up the tropical vacation to start of november to do our christmas and new year's eve at NYC (our favourite city in the whole world). needless to say i left him a day before we were to leave for our tropical vacation and i will not be flying down to visit him in nyc nor do i have any plans to contact him for christmas/nye. will spend this holiday season with my family. i dont even want to think about it. taking it one day at a time. i am sure i will be fine. Link to comment
bunghole99 Posted December 5, 2011 Author Share Posted December 5, 2011 5 days into december, and i can see why the suicide rate goes up this time of year. (not that i would ever think of it) i cant escape this nightmare. thank god for other single friends Link to comment
The Man Who Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 I thought in a way I might struggle with the festive period this year but I remembered one thing - I'm going to spend it with family that love me and vice versa and share nights out with my friends who enjoy my company etc. I'm thankful for having such great friends/family in my life Link to comment
Nugs Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 Yep, it's starting to get to me now. My ex and I used to take it in turns at each other's parents. This year - and not very long ago either - she suggested we went somewhere else for a change...... a change is what she's getting anyway - with her new love. Delighted for her. I'm going to my folks for a bit of TLC but it will be hard as she will be the elephant (not) in the room. Sigh, bl00dy hell.....what's on telly? Link to comment
In the Dark Posted December 5, 2011 Share Posted December 5, 2011 5 days into december, and i can see why the suicide rate goes up this time of year. (not that i would ever think of it) i cant escape this nightmare. thank god for other single friends I guess the whole Christmas spirit being around is a mocking reminder for those who have life tough which is too much for some. I guess some people look at Christmas and the new year as a dead line (no pun intended) If things do not get better by some miracle or emotionally, they decide to give up on life. Link to comment
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